


Path to Acceptance

by cadkitten, SakuraAme



Series: Give Yourself Over Universe [5]
Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Exhibitionism, Homophobia, Humiliation, M/M, Marijuana, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Porn, Sex Toys, Unlikely Bottom, Video, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 08:51:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 112,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakuraAme/pseuds/SakuraAme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru’s had a very hard time accepting who he is and what he really wants. He’s gone from homophobic to attempting to accept that he’s gay and that it’s perfectly okay to be. But it’s not an easy road. And the first relationship into such a path is never simple. Side fic to “Give Yourself Over”, involving Kaoru and Toshiya’s relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: To fully understand the dynamic, read at least the first 12 chapters of Give Yourself Over, but it’s not entirely necessary. This will be following in flow with things from Give Yourself Over and will likely reference Die and Kyo’s relationship as well.  
> Beta Readers: cadkitten and sakura_ame

The tour was putting its strain on Kaoru and he honestly was starting to feel it more than he'd like to have been. The whole concept of not being able to speak with the fans was driving him up the wall, but languages just didn't stick with him for whatever reason. He could learn the real repetitive bits, but not much more than that. And then there was the fact that somewhere along the way, they'd misplaced a few things and he somehow ended up taking the brunt of the yelling from management for it.

So, for once, he was sitting alone and trying to just... relax. Which was far more difficult than it sounded. He sat on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, iPad in one hand, his other holding the little stylus as he read over a document. Not exactly relaxing, but... closer than usual, at least.

Toshiya was trying to enjoy himself and the rare free day they had by walking around the city they were currently parked it. He had taken his time and gone shopping at a few places though he hadn't bought anything. His mind was preoccupied and he couldn't focus on the scenery in the least. After another hour, he gave up and headed back to the bus, deciding to just sit and stew in his own, self-induced misery. As he stepped onto the bus, he realized that it was not empty and his heart did a flip as he spotted Kaoru on the couch. 

He cleared his throat and tried to sound normal as he greeted him. "Hey... I... I thought you'd be off somewhere like the others." Yeah, real smooth. 

Kaoru glanced up when Toshiya spoke, recognizing the voice before he looked up at the owner. He shrugged a little. "Wanted away from it all, I guess." He waved the iPad a little. "And ended up with work instead. Go figure." He laughed softly and put it aside.

Toshiya stood there a bit awkwardly, reaching up to tuck his hair behind his ear. He licked his lips then laughed a little. "Well, don't let me disturb you. I'll just go... to my bunk or something." 

Kaoru studied him for a long moment before he shrugged. "Like I want to be doing work anyway." He scooted over from the center of the couch to allow the other room if he wanted, giving him a pointed look.

Toshiya watched Kaoru scoot over, then shrugged a little, moving to sit next to him though more on the edge than anything. He mentally berated himself for acting so stupid, pretty sure Kaoru would notice that he was behaving more like a schoolgirl with a crush. "I never know with you, Kao. It seems you're always working." 

Kaoru sighed, reaching to take his glasses off and pinch the bridge of his nose. "Yeah... well... it's only the truth. I _am_ always working. I don't think I have time off any longer, you know."

Toshiya frowned and shook his head. "You should take more time for yourself. Get a massage or something. I worry about your health." 

"The last time I had a massage was years ago when we all used to get one before a show." He slipped back and rubbed his head a little before putting his glasses back on and looking at the other. "You look like you're about to run off like a scared rabbit, what's up?"

Toshiya's eyes widened a bit then he shrugged, forcing himself to lean back against the couch. "N-nothing. I mean, something but, nothing... never mind." He huffed slightly, scratching his head. Why couldn't he just... spit it out? 

He knew why, of course. He was afraid; afraid of the rejection. He glanced at Kaoru from the corner of his eye, trying desperately to read him. He halfway thought of just leaning over and kissing him and if the guitarist reacted badly, he'd say he'd been drinking or something. 

Kaoru eyed the bassist and then tilted his head slightly. He leaned back, closing his eyes. "You know, if you're nervous because I've been being an asshole... Kyo talked to me and I'm trying not to be."

Toshiya blinked then shook his head before pulling one knee up and wrapping his arms around it. "Ah, no, that's not it... I mean, I know Kyo talked to you about... some things." He sniffed a bit and looked over at Kaoru.

"Like the fact that I was being a jerk to them? Yeah... it's... my own issues on that one and I'm working on it." The guitarist sighed and then leaned up again, peering at the bassist. "But if it's not that, then what is it? I'm all ears."

Toshiya looked away then dropped his knee back down, his foot hitting the floor as he shrugged. He spent a few moments fidgeting with his pants before finally taking a deep breath and lifting his eyes to Kaoru's again. "Well, it's... uhm... I'm bi." There, there was part of it. 

Kaoru watched him with interest, wondering what on earth had their usually completely together bassist all freaked out. He blinked a little when he finally spilled it out and then shrugged. "Okay. Well... good?" He didn't really know how to respond to that, though the information made him feel a little strange on the inside, but mostly because he was still battling with his own issues.

Toshiya sighed. "Well, you know that night.... when you, uh, forgot headphones and... stuff?" 

Kaoru winced a little and shifted, now obviously uncomfortable. He had to sit up and hunch over, arms on his thighs and hair hanging a bit in his face. "Yeah... why?"

Toshiya ran his hand through his hair, shifting a bit. "I... I knew what you were doing and..." he glanced over at Kaoru then continued, his voice quiet. "wanted to help." He winced as soon as he said it, realizing just how damn creepy that sounded. "I mean... well, that is... I have for a while."

Kaoru's face contorted into something between confusion and amusement. Toshiya was somehow both adorable and slightly creepy. He clasped his hands between his knees and finally replied, "For a while?"

Toshiya was blushing something awful, looking down at the floor, and generally feeling more like an idiot than he did before and he simply nodded, finding himself shifting towards the edge of the couch, ready to bolt. 

Kaoru glanced up at him when he didn't reply before looking away again. "Uh... okay... I... think I understand?" he wasn't entirely sure he did. Maybe he was taking it all wrong to start with. After a moment, he murmured, "You helped by giving me headphones and I thank you for that. I can't believe I was so stupid."

At Kaoru's mention of the headphones, Toshiya's heart sank and he suddenly felt like crying out of frustration as well as disappointment. He took it as a dismissal and moved to get up. "You're welcome. It happens." He stood, feeling sick to his stomach. This had gone all wrong and it was his fault. He should've just left it instead of half-ass confessing. 

Kaoru looked back up at him, a confused sort of look on his face at the other's tone and actions. He reached out, grasping his wrist. Maybe it was a bit more bold than he usually was, entering someone else’s personal space, but with the other about to rush off, he had to act. "Toshiya... why don't you try telling me what's really wrong? It's obvious it's eating at you."

Toshiya jumped when Kaoru grabbed him, the feeling like an electric shock. He had to force himself not to jerk away as he looked down at Kaoru, his face screwed up in a pained expression. He swallowed thickly then looked at the ground, letting out a sigh. "I... Oh, God, this is so high school...." He shifted a bit and finally blurted out, "I like you, okay? I mean, it's not okay. It's... it's stupid because you're... you're _you_ and the band and just... yeah." 

Kaoru stared at the other, slowly blinking as he registered what the other was saying. After a moment, he opened his mouth, trying to figure out what to say. "I... you... really?"

Toshiya pulled his hand away and ran both of them over his face. "Really..." His heart was thudding so hard, he felt like it would come out of his chest and he was sure Kaoru could hear it at this point. That the other didn't run away immediately gave him a fraction of hope and he chanced looking at his face before glancing away again. "For... a while."

Kaoru studied him for a few moments and then pursed his lips a little. After a moment, he sighed and gestured at the seat. "Please sit. You're making me nervous."

Toshiya blinked then sat down again, hanging his head. He gripped the edge of the seat until his knuckles turned white, waiting on Kaoru to say something. 

"So... you like me... in a uh... more than coworkers and friends fashion?" He reached to rub his beard a little, smoothing his mustache out before he dropped his hand back to his lap.

Toshiya let out a nervous laugh and sighed. "Yeah, pretty much." He glanced over at Kaoru then back to the floor. "As I said, for a while... I realized it that one week that I was sick and you risked getting it too to come over and make sure I didn't die of starvation." 

Kaoru wasn't quite sure how to respond to all of the new information. But he knew for certain that getting annoyed wasn't the answer at all. He shifted slightly in his seat and then took a deep breath. "I'm... flattered." He knew he needed to say more, but he didn't know exactly how to do it delicately. After a moment, he murmured, "I'm sort of trying to deal with a uh... self-revelation... about my sexuality. I wish I could be more... forthcoming... on a response, but I'm sort of really fucking lost in my own headspace right now, too, so..." he shrugged a little.

Toshiya tried not to look disappointed or hurt. It wasn't like he expected Kaoru to jump up and go, _"Yes! That's what I've been waiting for!"_ but still, it did hurt, and he felt all the more foolish for it. Smoothing his hands over his thighs, he nodded. "I understand. It can be... challenging to accept... that about yourself."

Kaoru tried to judge the other's reaction to him and then sighed, leaning back again. "I'm sorry I sound like a cold-hearted asshole. I'm honestly not trying to be, but... I don't even know what I'm doing right now. I mean... my first foray into... you know... was that stupid video the other night."

Toshiya shook his head. "It's okay, I know you're confused. I'm just being stupid." He sniffed. "I seem to be doing a lot of that lately, so... just... you know, forget it." He sat there a moment then spoke again, trying to make his voice steady. "If you, uhm, want any other... material. I have some fairly vanilla things." 

Kaoru actually managed to feel a bit stressed out over the whole episode. He sighed and then murmured, "You know, this isn't rejection. I just... I need time."

Toshiya let out a breath and looked over at Kaoru. "I know..." He still felt faintly ill over it, but was also feeling some amount of relief at having just gotten it off his chest, as much as he'd butchered his well thought out plan on that front. 

Kaoru worried his lip a little and then murmured, "I'd offer to let you be my test, but I think that'd be really fucking cruel. I think it's better if I see if I can even be okay with it first and then if I am, let you know... or something."

Toshiya glanced up and let out a little laugh, shaking his head. "I don't think they make gay crash test dummies, but okay, I understand and I appreciate it." He gave Kaoru a small smile.

Kaoru winced a bit. "Er... not quite what I meant, but... yeah." He rubbed his hands together in his own little nervous gesture. After a moment, he huffed out a laugh. "Well this is awkward and that's mostly my fault. So I'm sorry."

The bassist chuckled and shook his head. "No, I think I started the awkward thing...so, _I'm_ sorry for bringing it up suddenly like that." He blushed and wrinkled his nose. "I'm never any good at that kind of thing." 

Kaoru shrugged a little. "Better off your chest I'd think." He pushed a hand through his hair. "Um... you said something about... other videos?" He was sort of curious what Toshiya had in comparison to Die.

Toshiya grinned a little and nodded. At least when it came to porn, he had a handle on things. "Yeah, I have some that are a little... wild but I have just straight up... er... romantic-ish things, too." 

Kaoru shifted slightly and then quietly admitted, "I like blowjob ones... not sure about anything else yet."

Toshiya cleared his throat and nodded a little. "I like those, too. Er, here, I have a couple on my phone." He pulled the device from his pocket and pulled up a video of two guys on a bed, one of them going down on the other. It was a fairly basic scene, but one of the guys was still wearing his pants and he found that appealing. 

Kaoru hesitantly scooted a bit closer and peered over, finding that watching porn with someone else was actually both exciting and humiliating. The moment his body started responding, he found himself looking at anything but the screen, picking invisible lint off his shirt, staring at the floor, anything to not draw attention to his state.

Having watched the scene before, Toshiya wasn't immediately aroused, though his pulse did pick up at Kaoru's closeness. When the scene ended, he stopped the video and glanced over, realizing that it had had an effect on Kaoru. He blushed and shifted slightly. "Oh, oh, sorry... I, er, I should've just let you watch it in private." 

Kaoru flushed slightly and then shrugged. "It's okay... I’m just... not used to seeing things... any porn... with... people around. You know?" He felt like his brain was completely melting, his sentences starting to make less and less sense as time went on.

Toshiya laughed softly and nodded. "I... have a thing for watching... other people, I mean." 

Kaoru bit his lip a little and then ducked his head. "Explains why you knew I was watching and were willing to give me the headphones. Anyone else would have probably been mad."

Toshiya flushed slightly then nodded. "It's an unmistakable sound... but yeah, that's why." 

"You know... I was really sort of humiliated after knowing someone caught me watching gay porn for the first time ever." Kaoru still had his head ducked down, shifting a bit uncomfortably.

Toshiya bit his lip and flicked his eyes over as Kaoru shifted. "Ah, yeah, sorry. I wouldn't have said anything, but I was afraid someone else might walk in or something." 

The guitiarst wet his lips a little, noting how very dry they were and making a mental note to buy some Chapstick at some point. "Yeah... saved me on that one, admittedly." He glanced at the other's phone and then away again, the ending scene still frozen on it. He opened his mouth and suddenly blurted out, "I've seen Kyo and Die do it.”

Toshiya choked a bit then looked away, nodding. "I, er, I know... they told me." He fidgeted a bit then spoke again. "They... let me watch them not too long ago... so, I guess we both have seen them at it." He laughed a little. 

Kaoru's cheeks flamed up brightly and he squirmed a little. He wanted so badly to make a comment about Toshiya having watched, but he didn't. He huffed a little and then decided on another tactic. "I assume they told you I was a fucking jerk?”

Toshiya glanced over at Kaoru then nodded slightly. "They did, but they also explained why and I understand why you were, so it's okay." 

"It... was not my best moment." Kaoru sighed and then finally stood up and gestured toward the outside of the bus. "Come on. I want to smoke."

The bassist shrugged. "We all have those moments..." he stood as well, moving towards the front of the bus and exiting it. He pulled his pack of cigarettes out and offered one to Kaoru. "Shit happens." 

Kaoru exited the bus and then glanced at Toshiya, a little concerned frown on his face. "You've started again?" He took one though, fishing out his lighter, and quickly lighting the cigarette.

Toshiya winced a little, looking guilty. "Just recently from, er, stress." He lit his own and took a drag, shrugging a little. "I'll drop it again after this tour." 

Kaoru reached out and gently rubbed the other's arm, not even thinking about the action or the proximity. "Promise? It's a dirty habit and only my lungs should be rotting out, not all of you guys' as well."

Toshiya ignored the little jolt he got from Kaoru's touch and nodded. "I promise but... quit with me?" 

Kaoru made a little face and then quietly huffed, dropping his hand from Toshiya's arm. "That's like asking for dinosaurs to exist again, you know. I take more of the stress than you guys know."

Toshiya nudged Kaoru a bit, slowly relaxing as the nicotine flooded his system. "I know and I hate it." 

"Someone has to and I'm leader, so it's my job." The guitarist took in a long drag and then shifted a little, pushing one hand into his pocket and fiddling with his lighter out of pure habit.

Toshiya huffed and flicked his ashes, shaking his head. "Still though, you have to remember to take a break and relax sometimes." He took a drag and blew out the smoke slowly, watching it get caught and carried away by the breeze. "Besides, you'll go gray if you don't watch out..."

"Unlikely, no one in my family has," Kaoru countered, his hand slowly shifting his lighter back in his pocket and then fingers extending to rub lightly at the side of his semi-hard cock, sort of enjoying the dirtiness of doing this where he could be caught.

"Seriously?" Toshiya pouted at Kaoru, reaching up to run a hand through his own hair. "Most of my family has eventually... I'm paranoid."

Kaoru got a little more daring, working himself into almost full hardness with his fingertips, teasing as he smoked. He eventually stopped when his heart was racing and he felt like he wanted to take it out and frantically jerk off to completion. He'd just have to live for a little while and find a reason to excuse himself for a quick wank. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and flicked his cigarette butt on the ground, putting out with a boot. "Don't worry about it, some people look hot with it."

Toshiya's eyes were drawn to the movement of Kaoru's hand, finally noticing that the other was bulging in his pants. He fought not to gape at it, knowing that pointing it out would probably freak Kaoru out, but he found himself squirming a bit, forgetting to smoke the rest of his cigarette. He blinked when the other spoke and flushed slightly. "Eh, I'll just end up dying it..." he threw his wasted smoke on the ground, stepping on it then stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

Kaoru shifted uncomfortably, the pressure of his dick on the inside of his jeans quite significant. He huffed out a bit of a sigh and headed back to the bus, opening the door and heading up the steps, taking care on how he moved.

Toshiya stood there a moment then followed, shutting the door behind him and moving to sit on the couch again, watching Kaoru. He wanted so badly to just blurt out that he'd gladly take care of his _issue_ , but he didn’t. 

Kaoru paused by the couch and then shoved his hands in his pockets, pushing them out in the front a bit so it was less obvious he was hard. "I uh... need to piss." He gave Toshiya a funny look and then made for the bathroom, feeling like a dick.

The bassist just nodded and picked up a magazine he'd left on the table, flipping to an article and trying to forget that fact that Kaoru was most likely going to jerk off. 

Kaoru ended up in the bathroom where he quickly freed his cock from the confines of his jeans. He let out a grunt of satisfaction as the pressure was relieved. He wanted so badly to just jerk off, but he knew Toshiya would figure it out, and he didn't really want that torture to be added to the whole thing. Instead, he moved to the urinal on the wall and pushed his dick down and pushed hard enough that he started to piss, his boner slowly easing up. Once he was done, he used the water bottle they kept to sort of 'flush' the urinal and then zipped up and washed his hands, coming back out with a slight tent in his pants, but not nearly as bad as before.

Toshiya glanced up when Kaoru came out relatively quickly, then realized what he must've done. He wanted to tell him to just go on with it, but didn't say anything, just going back to his magazine. 

Kaoru sat down on the couch and tugged a little at his pants, picking up his iPad again and finding his stylus and starting to scroll through the document again, doing so this time with vague discomfort.

Toshiya attempted to read the magazine for a bit longer before huffing and tossing it aside, pulling his phone and looking at it, almost groaning when he saw the video image still sitting there. Yeah, that was not going to help the tent in his pants. 

Kaoru glanced over at Toshiya, arching his eyebrow a little, but not saying anything, just moving on to fixing the wording on a few things.

Toshiya squirmed uncomfortably, exiting the video and going to his email instead, staring at it blindly as he tried to weigh his options on giving in and going to jerk off like he'd thought Kaoru would've done. 

It took a few minutes, but Kaoru finished up the document and emailed it back to its proper owner, going to check his inbox just after, staring at an email from Die suspiciously. It had attachments and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Hesitantly, he opened it and then announced, "Holy fuck, Die goddamn it!" Right on his screen was a giant picture of a penis in mid-ejaculation with the words _HAVE FUN_ under it.

Toshiya damn near jumped out of his skin at Kaoru's exclamation, jerking his head around to look at the other. "What on earth?" He glanced at Kaoru's iPad screen, his eyebrows shooting up at the image. "Holy shit..." 

Kaoru flushed brightly and closed his email. "So glad it wasn't anyone else sitting next to me," he muttered out. "Fucking dude, I swear."

Toshiya laughed a little. "I guess you shouldn't open Die's emails around others... he clearly meant for that to be fodder for, er, private times." 

"Apparently so." He clicked it and then pressed delete, worried about having it anywhere near the inbox after how large the image was and what reaction it gave him. "I swear to god, he's not discrete at all!"

Toshiya nodded, shifting slightly. The image _had_ been rather hot and he was already worked up so it was affecting him more than he wanted to admit. "No, not quite... there should've been a warning at least." 

"One would think." Kaoru swallowed. "I swear. Everything is leading back to porn right now."

The bassist huffed and sat back, rubbing his palm over his thigh. "Yeah, I know. There was mention of porn in the article I was reading. The article is about technology." He snorted slightly and muttered, "I thought it was safe enough."

Kaoru huffed a little and reached down, blatantly grabbing himself through his pants. "Fucking hard all over again, great." He readjusted a bit and eyed the bunks for a moment before dismissing the idea. Later... he could do this later.

Toshiya gritted his teeth and clenched his hand into a fist. "Yeah, tell me about it..." He looked over at Kaoru then bit his lip, hard. No, Kaoru said he needed time and he would **not** push him, but damned if his body wasn't trying to make him. 

Kaoru squirmed a little, watching Toshiya and then finally got up, looking a bit ashamed. "I need to take care of this... I'm sorry to be so blunt about it, but it's starting to fucking hurt." He headed off toward the bunks, intent on using the porn on his phone again, _with_ headphones this time.

Toshiya swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, okay, it's fine. I'm just gonna go... in the bathroom." He grabbed his own phone and stood, walking past Kaoru on his way to the bathroom, brushing against him accidentally, causing a small groan to escape him before he could stop it. "S-sorry!" He practically ran into the toilet, shutting the door then leaning against it with a sigh. This was ridiculous! 

Kaoru glanced toward the other when he sort of freaked out and flushed slightly. He ended up in his bunk in no time flat, damn near ripping his pants open to get to his dick. On a whim, he grabbed his phone and turned on the record function and the light in his bunk. In a low, sexy voice, he whispered into the phone that he was so horny he was going to jizz himself embarrassingly fast. He pushed his shirt out of the way and aimed the camera at his dick as he grasped it and started jerking off, keeping the phone close enough to his hear breathing picking up and his little tiny sounds of pleasure as he jerked off fast and hard.

Toshiya eventually moved to stand near the toilet, unzipping his pants and freeing himself with a groan, giving his dick a few strokes before pulling out his phone and opening up the porn that had turned them both on in the first place. With one hand, he held the phone and watched the video, stroking his cock with the other, letting out a soft moan. He was not going to last long, maybe not even to the end of the video. 

Kaoru was right about not lasting very long. With how long it was in between for him getting to jerk off, he tended to end up jizzing himself rather quickly. This time was no exception, his hand furiously moving over his cock until he let out a relatively loud groan, spurting his load all over his abdomen. He lay there, basking in the glory of it for a moment before he turned off the recording and quickly snagged some of his tissues to clean up the mess. After, he just laid there, cock out of his pants, slowly stroking his dick just because it felt sort of nice.

Toshiya ended up setting his phone on the small counter and bracing himself against the wall with one hand as he frantically jerked off, a soft whine escaping him as he neared his peak. Through blessing or curse, he heard Kaoru moan and at that moment he flew over the edge, shooting his load into the toilet bowl with a not so quiet cry, shuddering as he emptied himself out. 

Kaoru didn't bother to move after he was done, just lying there for quite a long time, playing with himself just for the sheer hell of it. He didn't see the point in stopping what felt so amazing when it was a well-reasoned escape from having to do more work right at that moment.

After a bit of standing there, Toshiya finally grabbed some tissue and wiped the head of his dick off before tucking it away and flushing the toilet. He went about washing his hands, then his face, before stepping out of the bathroom and glancing towards Kaoru's bunk, wondering if the other had dozed off or something. 

Kaoru finally decided he was actually done, putting his dick away and doing his pants up. But he was far from ready to face Toshiya again, knowing he'd just jerked off really loudly, and instead lay there, closing his eyes and just basking in the soft glow of post-orgasm, enjoying it while it lasted.

**To Be Continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

Kaoru had been feeling really out of sorts all day. Even the show had kept him on edge and lurking near the very edge of the stage so he could bolt off at the first given second. Finally, they were off stage and he found himself on the bus, Die, Toshiya, and Shinya nowhere to be found, only Kyo held up within the depths. He pushed his hands into his pockets and ducked his head, shuffling past him and toward the bunks.

Kyo, usually aware of the shifting moods of his band mates, had noticed the gray cloud that seemed to follow their leader around today. When the show was done and the others were off hanging at the bar - something he'd declined to partake in despite Die's pouting - he found himself alone with the gloomy guitarist. 

As Kaoru moved past him, he slid out a foot to stop his progress towards the bunks, peering up at him. "What's up?" 

Kaoru stared at the foot in his path and sighed, looking up at the owner of said foot. "Mmm..." he shrugged and then sighed, drooping a little more, "I... did something I'm not sure I'm okay with or not. Mind if we talk?"

Kyo frowned a bit and shifted on the couch, sitting up and making room for Kaoru to join him. "Not at all... what did you do? Did you do something with Toshiya?" 

Kaoru shook his head a little. "No... we talked and I decided I'd like to know more about myself before we... er... do anything." He shifted to settle down on the couch next to Kyo, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees.

Kyo hummed in response, watching Kaoru sit down. "Okay... so what then?" 

Kaoru pursed his lips a little and then sighed, hanging his head so his hair covered his face and he wouldn't have to see Kyo's reaction. "I went to the bathroom in the club and you know those 1-800 sex lines? I called one for gay sex..."

Kyo blinked then had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. Kaoru's shame was evident and while he didn't want to hurt his feelings, Kyo couldn't help but be amused. Clearing his throat some, he licking his lips then shrugged slightly. "And...?"

Kaoru groaned. "I got like two minutes in before some guy walked into my stall, I guess it didn't lock well... and he... he just stood there, Kyo, stood there and stared at me with my fucking dick in my hand."

Kyo was starting to see where this was going and another frown made its way to his face. "Okay, I take it he didn't walk out either... did he?"

Kaoru shook his head a little. "Long story short, I pretty much asked him if he would leave and he told me to just shut up and watch... and he took his dick out and started jerking off right in front of me."

Kyo tilted his head a little. It was bit odd, but nothing too strange, hell he'd gotten off to strangers in the toilet getting off. "Bold of him..."

"Yeah... I'd say so... it was... awkward." He sighed and pushed his hands to his face, shaking his head a little. "I couldn't help but watch... I just went with it."

Kyo nodded, reaching up to stroke his chin. "So... did you finish off together... or?" 

Kaoru's voice was tiny when he replied, "Yeah..."

Kyo finally reached out to pat Kaoru's back, letting out a soft chuckle. "It's okay... really. Was that it or did it go further?" 

Kaoru sort of winced at the question. "He... he touched me," Kaoru's voice wavered a little and he licked his lips, "and I liked it."

Kyo nodded a little, letting his hand drop back into his lap. "Well, that's... good, right? I mean, it means your body and brain are on the same page." 

Kaoru nodded a little again. "Yeah... it just... is that even okay that my first real experience was with a guy I don't even know his name? I couldn't point him out if I had to... I mean, I was fucking wasted."

Kyo sighed softly. "There's your answer there. You were wasted. It almost doesn't even count, you know?"

Kaoru pursed his lips a little and looked up at Kyo. "Would you..." he stopped and shook his head, "never mind."

Kyo raised an eyebrow. "Would I what, Kaoru?" 

"I couldn't ask it of you, just never mind." He pushed himself up from the couch and squared his shoulders. "Thank you for listening."

Kyo growled slightly and reached out, catching Kaoru by the wrist, holding tightly. "Spit it out Kaoru..." 

Kaoru looked over at him and swallowed thickly. "It was a stupid thought and Die doesn't deserve me even remotely thinking to ask you that."

Kyo sighed and released Kaoru's wrist shrugging slightly. "You don't know what Die would allow. We have a very...open sex life."

"I just wanted to know if you'd kiss me... to see if I still like it when I'm sober."

The vocalist looked up at Kaoru, considering it for a moment before shaking his head. "I can't do that.To be honest, I feel like that's something you owe Totchi." He gave him a half smile then shrugged. "Not that I would mind, of course...."

Kaoru looked away, wetting his lips a little. "It's sort of ironic... that you'd let me in your sex life and won't kiss me." He gave a little dry chuckle. "And I can't... I can't give him hope like that if it isn't the truth. That'd be cruel, like smacking a puppy for no reason."

Kyo shook his head. "Don't mistake me there, Kaoru. The reasoning was more of a romantic notion that Toshiya would get your first gay kiss, but I admire your holding back, sparing Toshiya's feelings and all." 

"I don't know... I feel like I'm learning things all over again, like I'm a stupid teenage boy." Kaoru huffed out a laugh. "It's sort of pathetic."

Kyo chuckled and shrugged slightly. "I guess I could understand that." He thought for a moment then held up a finger, pulling out his phone and texting Die. _"Hey babe, Kao's needing someone to help him with his gay. D'you mind?"_

Die pulled out his phone when it started vibrating, already well into his night of drinking. He arched his eyebrow at the text, but shot one back real fast. _If by help with the gay, you mean anything before sucking his dick and fucking, then go for it. And details._

Kyo read the return text and smirked a little then replied to Die really quick. _"Details later, baby."_ He put his phone away then stood up, peering at Kaoru. "Close your eyes." 

Kaoru looked a bit shocked when Kyo told him to close his eyes. But bewilderment aside, he did as he was told and closed his eyes.

Kyo chuckled softly at Kaoru's shock. He really had meant what he said about Toshiya being Kaoru's first, but perhaps it would be better this way. If Kaoru freaked out, he would only slightly bruise Kyo's ego instead of crushing him like it would Toshiya. 

Pushing his thoughts aside, he licked his lips then placed his hand on Kaoru's chest, leaning up to press his mouth to the other's. 

Kaoru stiffened at first, a little shocked. After a moment, he started to respond, kissing him back, his hands coming up to hold onto the other's shirt. He groaned a little as he found himself thrilled by the entire experience. He deepened the kiss, slipping a little tongue into it, his heart pounding in his chest.

Kyo smirked against Kaoru's mouth, loving the way the he responded. He tilted his head slightly, parting his lips to allow Kaoru's tongue into his mouth, sliding his own against it. 

Kaoru could feel himself getting more and more into it as it went. He groaned softly, shifting toward Kyo and finding that he was trying to engage even more with him. After a moment, he pulled back and stared at him, his eyes radiant with pleasure. "I... wow."

Kyo found himself aroused by the whole thing, his hand slipping to Kaoru's hip, nails digging into the material of his jeans. When the other pulled away, he let out a breathless chuckle, licking his kiss-swollen lips. "I'll take that as a good sign." 

The guitarist nodded and then pressed the back of his hand against his lips. "Oh yeah... so... very... much of a good sign." He glanced down at the front of his pants and the significant tent there.

Kyo smirked and reached down, boldly running his hand over the bulge in Kaoru's pants. "I'd say so." He gave Kaoru a squeeze then pulled his hand back, not wanting to push him too far. "So then, has that settled your mind?"

Kaoru's body jerked a little when Kyo touched him, a jolt of pure desire rushing through him. Obviously he did enjoy a man's touch, even when sober. He licked his lips a little and nodded. "Thank you. You know... if you ever need... something strange-" he trailed off, unsure of how to express the rest.

Kyo chuckled lowly, shifting a bit, undeniably aroused himself. "Well, Die's a bit of an exhibitionist, so maybe we'll need an audience sometimes." He bit his lip, glancing out towards the club. 

Kaoru chuckled. "If that's your definition of strange, you already know I'm okay with that." 

Kyo laughed softly. "No, that isn't my definition of strange, but I really don't think you want to be involved in what I consider strange in the bedroom."

Kaoru put one hand on Kyo's shoulder. "And, on that note, I think... I may give that 1-800 number a try where only you can hear and see me."

"Only if you don't care that I'll probably jerk it while you do." 

Kaoru's tongue pushed into the corner of his cheek and he made a little clicking sound before he just cocked his hip a little and tilted his head. "Oh yeah? Why don't you define strange for me then?"

Kyo looked at Kaoru for a moment, wondering just how much he should reveal. He knew the biggest _strangeness_ in his and Die's sex life was Die's piss fetish, but he really didn't think it was up to him to tell Kaoru such a thing, so instead, he focused on his own odd desires. "Well, I, perhaps obviously, get off on pain and I don't mean light scratches and soft nibbles either. I mean full on cut me open and rub salt in the wound _pain_."

"Mmm. Yeah, that is a bit... obvious if one bothers to think about it." Kaoru licked his lips and then settled back down on the sofa, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "So... shall we share a phone call to a more kinky gay line then?"

Kyo grinned and made himself comfortable on the sofa once agian, rubbing his hand over his thigh. "Go for it." He took the opportunity to text Die again while Kaoru was dialing, snapping a pic of the tent in his pants then sending it along with a message. _"I'm so fucking hard right now baby...wish you were in here sucking my dick. Instead, we're calling a 1-800 number to jerk off to."_

Die had already been dinking around on his phone when he got the message. He gaped at it and then groaned, quickly texting him back. _Call that number and I'll be there to suck you off in like... five minutes._

Kyo chuckled at Die's response then showed it Kaoru, smirking. "Looks like we'll have a little company."

Kaoru started researching numbers for them, but glanced up when the other man spoke. "Die coming back?" He showed Kyo the ads for two different places, one advertising specialty in S&M talk and photos and the other just a simple gay chat line.

Kyo hummed and pointed to the S&M one before nodding. "Yeah, if that's okay with you?" He didn't want to overwhelm Kaoru, but damn if the idea of Kaoru watching Die suck him off didn't turn him on. 

Kaoru shrugged. "Something tells me I'll have some... additional stimulation as well." He found the number and then dialed it, putting it on speaker phone and listening while the message went through the listing of available men and their little taglines.

Kyo just smirked a bit then listened to the options, not catching everything they were saying, but liking what he heard. "Mm, number 5, with the sexy voice..."

Kaoru pressed number 5 and agreed to the charges to be billed to his phone bill. Shortly, they were connected with the man on the other end and he found himself being asked for something to call him. "K... and K... two of us," he managed, and then after in Japanese, "Do you know Japanese?"

The boy on the phone laughed and switched over to Japanese, informing them that they had chosen quite well as he was the only one who spoke Japanese even in the slightest.

Kyo was impressed and murmured, "Good," keeping his voice quiet, just in case. He shifted and leaned a bit closer to Kaoru so he could hear a bit better. 

The boy let out a lovely chuckle and then asked them what their pleasure was. Without any hesitation, Kaoru replied, "Photos, it said your company specialized in... ah... pain play sort of stuff. And dirty talk about blowjobs." There, his and Kyo's pleasures at once.

Kyo bit back a groan. The boy over the phone sounded damn cute and part of him wanted to dominate the hell out of him. The thought had him groping himself a bit. "And what can we call you?" 

There was the sound of the boy licking his lips and then he murmured softly, "I'll be anything you want me to be... Master."

Kaoru smirked, thinking it keen the other had guessed so quickly who was who in this game.

Kyo gave the phone an appreciative look then purred out, "Such a good pet..." 

Kaoru's phone vibrated and the screen lit up with a photo of a blonde American boy kneeling down, black shorts on and his eyes submissive. Kaoru smirked. "Tell us how you'd take us both on, suck us both off."

Kyo peered over at the photo, smirking as well. "Mm, yes, you have such a pretty mouth. I'd love to see it around my cock." 

"You first, Master, I'll take your cock in my mouth and flick my tongue over the head. Take you in so deeply that you almost choke me." A little chuckle, "He is big, isn't he? I know he is."

Kaoru glanced at Kyo and then bit his lip a little before answering. "He is." He shifted around and then as quietly as he could, he unzipped his pants, knowing this stuff was expensive and not feeling like taking forever.

Kyo let out a low chuckle, his cock throbbing a bit. "Mmhm, that's right... but you could handle it like a good little pet couldn't you?" 

The door to the bus slid open and then shut again and Die appeared up the steps, his face flushed and his breathing a bit erratic. He didn't speak, just came to Kyo and knelt down in front of him, quickly opening his pants and instantly engulfing his dick with his mouth.

Kaoru looked a little startled as Die came in, looking up and then gaping at him as he started to suck Kyo off. He cleared his throat a little and didn't bother not staring, taking his dick out and starting to stroke himself off.

Kyo jumped slightly when Die showed up, not expecting him so soon. He would've laughed at the look on his face if he wasn't busy biting his lip to hold back a groan as his lover's lips wrapped around his cock.

The boy purred out, "I would, I'd take it like a fucking champ." Another picture came in, the boy sucking on a dildo that was extraordinarily large.

Kyo glanced over at Kaoru then back down to Die, reaching out to thread his fingers in his hair, yanking a little. He looked over at the picture and did let out a groan then. "Mm, fuck yes..." 

Die let out a little groan, starting to bob over Kyo's cock, sucking diligently, taking him in all the way each and every single time.

Kaoru murmured, "Tell me what you'd do with my cock if he had another... pet... sucking him off already." He arched into his hand as he started to pump himself faster.

Kyo yanked Die's hair again, bending down to murmur lowly in Die's ear. "You hear that? You're my _pet_ , my little plaything..." He chuckled and jerked his hips a bit, forcing his cock into Die's throat a bit roughly. 

Die grunted, his eyes flicking up to meet Kyo's. He whimpered a little and pawed at Kyo's thighs, looking a bit desperate.

The boy started to go into great detail on how he'd suck Kaoru off and then he'd make sure the other pet was doing a good job with his Master, not just leaving him to someone else's hands completely.

Kaoru hissed out quietly, "Show me your hard cock."

Kyo listened to the boy talking, smirking down at Die then glancing at Kaoru. He reached down and grabbed one of Die's hands, tugging it up to rest on Kaoru's thigh then looking down at his lover again, whispering softly. "Are you hard, too, baby?" 

Die's long fingers stroked the material they came into contact with and he pulled up long enough to murmur, "Yes," and then went right back to work on Kyo's cock.

Kaoru's phone vibrated, a new, delightful photo of the boy popping up, his hard uncut cock straining out from his body. Kaoru grunted a little, reaching down to put his hand on Die's for a moment before going back to stroking frantically at his cock.

Kyo groaned and hissed out to Die, "Then stroke yourself for me..." He bucked his hips a little as he glanced over at the new photo. "Fuck you have a gorgeous cock, pet. K is jerking himself hard and fast over here looking at it. I bet he's gonna cum soon." 

Die immediately did what he was told, pulling his cock out and starting to stroke himself a bit frantically. He licked his lips a little and then went back down on Kyo's dick, bobbing his head and sucking, slurping a bit lewdly.

Kaoru kept looking between the photo on the screen and what Kyo and Die were doing, jerking himself off with a vigor that told just how horny he was.

The boy chuckled and murmured, "Is it okay I'm touching myself, Master?"

Kyo let out another loud moan, watching Die and then flicking his eyes to Kaoru, hesitating for a brief moment before slipping his free hand under the other's shirt, finding and tweaking a nipple a little harshly. "Mmm, only if you show me..." His voice was steady, but he was quickly falling off the edge, Die's mouth definitely doing its job. 

The boy let out a groan, the sound of his fapping coming over the phone not a moment later. There was a brief moment of nothing but that before Kaoru's phone vibrated with a photo of the boy, a tie around his neck, his hand pulling it, and his hand wrapped around his dick, a look of pleasure on his face.

"Oh god," Kaoru hissed out, pursing his lips and closing his eyes, trying to pull himself together enough to not jizz himself until he'd seen the boy cum as well. "Cum for us."

Die let out a whine and paused to get his pants undone a bit more, pushing them down his narrow hips and settling again, jerking off a bit faster.

Kyo was in sensory overload at this point, Die on his dick, the boy on the phone, and Kaoru's frantic motions were all proving too much for him. He grunted out between pants, "Cum, now!" 

There were some breathy cries from the other side of the phone and more fapping sounds, then the sound of someone being strangled. The phone vibrated again and this time it was a photo of the boy, his face red with lack of oxygen, and his cock spilling cum out over his fingers and abdomen.

Kaoru let out a shocked little sound when the photo came through, staring at the cum and jerking off frantically, his hips bucking up into his hand, all regard for other's being around completely gone, his entire body on fire with the need to get off.

Die stopped jerking himself off, deep-throating Kyo with the abandon he was certain the other needed to get off, moaning around his cock.

Kyo spared one more glance at the phone and Kaoru before finally letting go, a loud cry escaping his lips as he thrust into Die's throat one last time before cumming hard. " _Fuck >!"_

_Die swallowed everything he was given, moaning around him again before popping off his dick and starting to jerk himself off again, leaning back and watching Kaoru._

_Kaoru wasn't far behind, the sound of Kyo cumming and the photo of the boy tossing him right over the edge. He stroked himself until he came, a deep, guttural moan leaving his throat, his head lolling back, the phone falling on the seat beside him as he got off._

_Kyo reached out and stroked Die's hair, gazing down at him, flushed with pleasure. He leaned forward and ran his hand down Die's chest, scraping a little as he whispered, "Cum for me, baby..."_

_Die didn't even hesitate, reaching to grope at his balls with the other hand. It didn't take him long before he was rather vocally cumming, leaning forward to get it all over the floor and the couch. He shifted a little bit more forward and got the very last of it on the tip of Kyo's boot, a tiny smirk on his face._

_Kyo watched Die come undone, growling lowly when he saw the mess on his boot. He reached out and tugged Die to him, growling out softly. "You're going to pay for that later..." His lips were curved in a smirk when he pulled back. He slumped against the couch and finally looked over at Kaoru again, chuckling softly._

_Die's lips curved up even more. "Counting on it, baby."_

_Kaoru quietly thanked the boy and hung up the phone, running a hand over his slightly sweaty face. "Fuck... I think that was worth the money."_

_Kyo just smirked, going about tucking his dick away and zipping his pants. "Yeah, I'd say so...thank God he knew Japanese..." He grinned then reached into his wallet, pulling out a $20 and offering it to Kaoru. "Here, I don't feel right making you pay all of it."_

_Kaoru blinked a little and then shrugged, accepting it. "I'll get beer with it and then Die can at least benefit from it." He chuckled and then stared down at his hand and dick. "Er... pass the tissues?"_

_Die was already mopping up his own mess and he passed the box up to the couch area, cleaning off Kyo's shoe and then standing up, going to the bathroom to toss the tissues._

_Kyo passed the tissues to Kaoru, lifting his shoe to inspect its cleanliness. He grinned a bit then let out a huff of breath. "Damn, I never really thought calling those numbers could be fun."_

_Although the atmosphere on the bus was relaxed and bathed in sexual afterglow, just outside the door stood one very crushed bassist. Toshiya had seen most of what went on until Die had approached the bus and he'd ducked behind a trailer instead._

_Now, he sat on the ground, nearly sobbing into his beer bottle. So Kaoru had rejected him _and_ lied to him. So he just wasn't good enough. Everyone always just wanted Kyo or Die. These thoughts tormented him as he finished off his beer, finally tossing it at the bus. _

_Kaoru jumped a little at the sound of something smashing into the side of the bus and he looked around, a bit alarmed. Finishing up cleaning himself up, he zipped up and cursed under his breath. "Oh god I hope that's not a fan that saw us or something."_

_Kyo frowned a little and stood to peer out of the tinted windows, not seeing anyone close to the bus. "I don't see anyone around... I doubt it was a fan though. Security has everything blocked off."_

_Kaoru looked a little worried. "I still have to see what's going on." He picked up his jacket and shrugged it on before heading down the aisle, out the door, and around the bus, trying to see where the sound had come from._

_Toshiya heard the bus door open and panicked, not having thought anyone would've heard the bottle. He struggled to get to his feet, legs wobbly from the alcohol in his system as well as having sat in the same position for so long. He wiped at his face, knowing that his eyes had to be red and puffy now and he hated himself for behaving like a teenaged girl. He let out a sigh and started for the other side of the trailer he'd taken refuge against, stumbling a bit and nearly falling. He didn't care though, as long as he got out of sight of whoever was coming off the bus._

_Kaoru was much faster than Toshiya, not being drunk in the least, and certainly more than curious about what the hell had happened. He saw the bottle on the ground and frowned a little, continuing around the bus. He came to a stop as he stared at the back of Toshiya's frame, wobbling off. Shame and guilt flooded him instantly and he quickly rushed after the bassist, neatly catching him as he stumbled and almost fell over. He pulled him into an upright position and against the side of the bus, glancing around to see if anyone else was there. Seeing no one, he murmured, "Hey... are you okay?"_

_Toshiya froze as hands seized him, catching him from falling. Another wave of tears threatened as he heard Kaoru's voice behind him and he just wanted to sink into the ground. He tensed and swallowed, forcing his voice to come out steady. "I-I'm fine... just uh... had too many. Y'know?" He let out pathetic excuse for a chuckle, and then tried to move away._

_Kaoru kept firm hold of the bassist, a frown forming on his face at the strain he heard in the other's voice. "It's more than that... I know it is. I can hear it."_

_Toshiya turned to look at Kaoru then dropped his eyes to the ground, squirming in the other's hold. "It's nothing. Please let go...." He didn't want to have this conversation now and maybe even never._

_Kaoru almost felt insulted by how Toshiya wanted away from him so quickly. He wasn't at all sure what was going on, but he had a growing suspicion that it was what he'd just done with Kyo and Die. He swallowed a little and then let him go. "You're mad at me."_

_Toshiya wobbled a bit then looked up at Kaoru again, his bottom lip quivering a bit. "Mad? No... not mad... just-" he took a breath and let it out, trying to gather himself. "Why? Why th-them? It’s always... someone else. Always! The last chick I slept with left me for Die! The last guy I wanted, wanted someone else instead! And now... now you... even after I basically handed you my heart."_

_Kaoru's jaw fell open at the response he got from the other. "Oh god, Toshiya... you don't understand!" He shook his head. "I... oh Lord." One hand lifted to run over his face. He sighed softly. "Look, I know this sounds stupid, but I didn't want the first experience to be you because I didn't want to hurt you if I freaked out." He glanced around and then made a little face. "Can we please move somewhere more private before I uh... reveal everything about my entire sex life?"_

_Toshiya just stared at Kaoru then snorted. "I've heard bullshit before, Kaoru...the least you could do is be honest with me." He waved his hand, indicating that he would follow Kaoru wherever._

_Kaoru gritted his teeth. "I'll let that slide on the basis that you're drunker than shit, but I'm not bullshitting you." He turned and headed back to the bus, getting inside and glancing at Kyo, murmuring, "Can we uh... have the bus alone for a few minutes? Please?"_

_Kyo peered around Kaoru to look at Toshiya, his eyebrows shooting up at the state their bassist seemed to be in. Frowning, he simply nodded and stood, gesturing Die to follow him, both of them exiting the bus quickly._

_Toshiya had followed Kaoru to the bus, still wobbly, but anger sobering him up some. He glowered at Die and Kyo as they walked past then moved to sit on the opposite couch, arms crossed._

_Kaoru closed the door and went to sit next to Toshiya, but not too close least the bassist lash out at him. He took a deep breath and then started in. "I promise you, I'm not lying. I have no reason to lie to you. I did something the other night when I was drunk that sort of freaked me out and I wanted to see if I still liked things sober before I engaged you in anything. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. Please believe me on that. Kyo and Die are just friends, period. Neither one of them touched my dick." He sighed and looked up at Toshiya. "I know you'll have a hard time believing me on this now, but I honestly was going to talk to you tomorrow and tell you that I know I really do like men and we could give everything a shot if you still wanted to."_

_Toshiya listened to Kaoru's story with a frown on his face. He was having a hard time believing Kaoru, but the story was crazy enough to be true. Beside, hadn't he toyed around with Die and Kyo, too? Of course there was one thing he hadn't done with either of them. "I... saw you kiss Kyo."_

_Kaoru winced a little and looked down at the ground. "Yeah... well... you couldn't hear what the point was. It actually wasn't supposed to go further than that, I just wanted to know I could stand being that close to another man and it seemed like the most innocuous way to find out."_

_Toshiya let out a sigh, the alcohol and emotions taking their toll as his body began to feel heavy. He felt foolish now, having gotten so upset over something so, well, not innocent, but meaningless. "Makes sense, I guess...," he mumbled, scrubbing his hand over his flushed face._

_The guitarist shifted a little closer to him. He held out his arms. "Come here... and seriously, think about what I said. Tell me if you want to try _us_ out."_

_Toshiya looked over at Kaoru, staring at his outstretched arms for a moment before slowly scooting closer and letting the other wrap him in them. It felt good to be close to Kaoru like this, something he'd wanted for a long while now, but he was still scared. "You... you're sure?"_

_"I am... trust me. If I weren't, I wouldn't even be saying this yet." He tugged the other close and rested his chin on the other's shoulder._

_Toshiya honestly felt like he was going to cry again and he bit his lip hard to stop himself. Instead, he buried his face against Kaoru's chest, bringing his hands up to cling to the guitarist's shoulders._

_Kaoru held him close and gently patted his back. "I'd offer to kiss you, but I somehow doubt you want Kyo germs on your first ... real... kiss with me."_

_Toshiya wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "It would feel forced right now anyway. If that makes any sense."_

_Kaoru nodded a little. "It does... and for what it's worth, I'm really sorry things got mixed up the way they did."_

_Toshiya shook his head a little frantically. "N-no... you know I get really, stupidly emotional when I drink sometimes. I just took everything way too seriously."_

_Kaoru nodded a little and sighed, settling back. "I'm still sorry."_

_Toshiya shifted a bit and slipped his arms around Kaoru's waist, nuzzling against his shoulder. "Thank you..."_

_He stroked over the other's hair, letting out a sigh of relief. "Trust me when I tell you I'd never intentionally hurt you."_

_The bassist smiled even as his eyes started leaking. He sniffled a little, feeling silly. "Ah, I do... really. Just, maybe don’t let me drink, huh?" He let out a watery laugh then sniffled again, reaching up with one hand to wipe his face off._

_"Just at least not without me I suppose." He patted his shoulder gently._

_Toshiya nodded and pulled back, holding up a finger and reaching over to grab a tissue, blowing his nose then tossing it in the trash before letting out a sigh. "Good idea."_

_Kaoru winced a little as he glanced over and noticed Die hadn't quite got all his jizz off the floor. Now wasn't the time to point it out, but he also didn't know what to do. He sighed softly and got up, getting a bottle of water and handing it to the other._

_Toshiya smiled gratefully up at Kaoru, taking the water and opening it, downing a good part of it. "Probably gonna be hungover in the morning. Hold my hair for me?" He just grinned then leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a moment._

_Kaoru nodded, "Yeah, I will, for sure. Consider it making up for this shit." He gave the other a weak smile._

_The bassist shrugged then stood up, only wavering a bit. "Gonna go take care of mother nature and change out of these jeans. Pretty sure I sat in mud outside." He wrinkled his nose and moved towards Kaoru, hugging him briefly before heading down the hall to the bathroom to piss and wash his face._

_Kaoru hugged him back and chuckled. "Just hope it was mud..." once the other was gone, he quickly wiped up Die's mishap on the floor and then went to wash his own hands in the wet bar area._

_Toshiya came back a few minutes later dressed in flannel PJ pants and an old t-shirt, his hair pulled back in a short ponytail. "It was just mud, thankfully." He flopped on the couch and started rummaging through their stash of snacks, grumbling. "Who ate all of the Doritos?"_

_Kaoru gave him a guilty look and went to his bunk, pulling out one half-eaten bag and handing it over. "Me."_

_Toshiya mock-pouted up at Kaoru then snagged the bag, peering inside it. "Awe, no fair. We'll just have to hit up the next Wal-Mart we see." He grinned then dug into the bag with gusto._

_Kaoru laughed, settling back on the couch again, glad the other wasn't angry anymore._

_Toshiya smiled and held out the bag to Kaoru. "So... us, huh?"_

_Kaoru looked up at him and then nodded. "Yeah, definitely us."_

_Toshiya smiled again, softer this time. "I hope that... I make you happy."_

_"Toshiya, you've made me happy as a friend, I have no idea how you'd not make me happy as a boyfriend as well." He smiled happily at him._

_Toshiya grinned then leaned over to peck Kaoru's cheek, looking shy as he pulled away._

_Kaoru blushed a little, feeling stupid to feel that way, but knowing he was starting at teenager again with all this and it would be usual for at least a while._

_Toshiya giggled a little then went back to the Doritios, focusing on them instead of the fact that his face was probably bright red._

_"We're like a couple of teenagers with this shit," Kaoru commented before getting up and grabbing himself a beer, feeling like leveling himself out just a little._

_Toshiya laughed and shook his head. "I know... I mean, I've felt like a school girl with a crush for a while now. All heart fluttery and blushy. It's stupid!"_

_"We are both on equally stupid ground here, so... we're fine." Kaoru laughed and shook his head a little._

_Toshiya turned to look at Kaoru and giggled a bit. "Yeah, I guess so. I'll try to help you over any stumbling blocks and you can always ask me no matter how stupid you think it is."_

_Kaoru nodded and took a large swig from his beer. "Trust me, I'll have some stupid questions."_

_Toshiya stood and put the chips on the counter, reaching into the mini-fridge for another water before settling back down on the couch, closer to Kaoru, sort of leaning into his side. "That's okay though, we all do."_

_Kaoru watched the other move around and then nodded a little, glad the other was calm and seemed okay with the current conversation. "Yeah... I suppose so."_

_Toshiya hummed and focused on drinking his water, starting to get sleepy as he leaned comfortable against his... boyfriend? Was that the right term for them? Boyfriends? They weren't lovers yet and that seemed almost scandalous, but boyfriends sounded like high school. Suddenly, his head was hurting and he let out a huff._

_Kaoru patted the other's arm. "Please don't freak out... I know you're dwelling on semantics... I know that sound."_

_Toshiya blinked and looked up at Kaoru. "What are you? Some kinda mind reader?"_

_"Always have been. It's my job as leader, remember?" He nudged him a little. "Not gonna change just cause we're together now."_

_The bassist laughed the cocked his head. "Hey, if I'm... whatever... with the Great Leader-sama, do I get perks?_

_"Don't get your hopes up for less practice time... but you could get the honor of de-stressing the leader." He smirked a little._

_Toshiya let out a whine then grinned, rubbing his hand over Kaoru's arm. "Well, I _suppose_ that could be a perk." _

_He smirked. "I might yell at you less... does that help?"_

_The bassist laughed and nodded. "I think it might... of course, I could have you yelling for a different reason." He winked dramatically then flopped more against Kaoru, getting comfortable and stretching his legs out on the couch._

_Kaoru gave him a little look and then nodded. "That would be the downside of a relationship."_

_Toshiya blinked and frowned a little. "What do you mean?_

_"That we will inevitably fight over something. I mean, realistically, even as friends we've had fights, so we can't expect to have none."_

_"Oh, well, yeah. It's unavoidable, but if you go around worrying about fights and stuff... you won't enjoy the relationship, the happy parts."_

_"True enough, but I have a responsibility to look at it from all sides." He licked his lips a little and patted Toshiya's thigh. "Don't get me wrong, I don't dwell on the bad, but I have to acknowledge it."_

_Toshiya hummed softly and nodded a bit. "Fair enough, just don't get all gloomy on me."_

_"I promise I won't over us... but you know as well as I do that I do when I'm working on the final edits." He shrugged a little._

_The bassist pursed his lips and let out a little sigh. "I know, it's okay. I've been... well, let's just say, I went over all of that in my head these past few months." He blushed a little then shrugged._

_Kaoru gave him a small smile and sighed, patting the other's shoulder. "I'm glad you're not just jumping into it."_

_Toshiya sat up and peered at Kaoru, shaking his head. "Well, it isn't exactly like you're the kind of person one can jump into things with... plus... I was afraid of my own feelings."_

_He nodded a little, understanding the feeling completely. "Yeah... I understand. I know I thought on it a lot faster, but I don't make snap decisions."_

_Toshiya chuckled softly and nodded. "I know." He hesitated for a moment then leaned in to kiss Kaoru's cheek again, lingering a little longer this time._

_Kaoru was tempted to turn and give Toshiya a full kiss, but he also knew his own reaction to such things and didn't want to push his luck right then after what he'd done earlier. He just put his hand on the other man's back and rubbed over it in a soothing manner._

_The bassist smiled at Kaoru's touch, nuzzling him a bit with his nose before pulling back just as the bus door opened and people started climbing on board. He tried not to show his disappointment at the end of their alone time, but he suddenly wished they were off tour and at one of their homes._

_Kaoru looked up and smiled a little, glad that Kyo and Die had obviously sensed that it was okay to come on board now._

_Kyo waved to them both, hiding a smile as he headed towards the bunk area to change into his sleep pants. He was happy to see them practically cuddling on the couch together._

_Shinya walked past, shooting them both a curious look before making himself comfortable on the opposite couch, yawning and stretching._

_Kaoru wasn't sure if it should be public or not and he just left that up to Toshiya to decide, giving Kyo a little smile._

_Die trailed along after Kyo, humming softly under his breath._

_Toshiya just smiled, deciding to keep it to himself for the time being. He waved as Nora made her way onto the bus, then got comfortable again._

_Kaoru glanced up at Shinya and asked, "Have fun drinking?" He felt that the drummer had been suspiciously quiet lately._

_Shinya blinked then shrugged, a small smile on his face. "I suppose so. I didn't really have that much. You know I don't like to get too drunk on tour."_

_Die walked past them in the opposite direction, bright red pants on. "He lies, he was drink-for-drink with me for a while."_

_Kaoru chuckled a little and licked his lips. "Is that so?"_

_Shinya huffed a bit then waved his hand. "Yes, yes... but then you ran off so I had to find something else to do. Drinking by yourself is lonely and I wasn't going to drink with the Americans. They always try to get me to do keg-stands."_

_Toshiya smirked a bit. "It's because you're so tiny... if Kyo were out there, he'd be the target instead."_

_"I think it's just because he beat the shit out of me with the beer bong back in the day," Die informed as he came back and plopped down next to Shinya, his DS in hand._

_Kaoru snorted a little and shook his head at the bantering._

_Shinya tried not to look smug and instead lightly elbowed Die in the ribs. "You're just jealous I beat you and could still walk. I told you it was all about how much water I drink regularly."_

_Toshiya chuckled softly and reached to pick up a magazine, settling on the couch, just slightly leaning against Kaoru's shoulder. It wasn't obvious, but it made him smile anyway._

_Kyo wandered out in a tank top and black sleep pants, making his way to the couch to sit on the other side of Die, not being shy about propping his feet in his lover's lap. He had his laptop and promptly went to work on it, checking his email and such._

_Die peered over at Kyo and patted his feet a little before going back to his DS._

_Shinya looked around at Die and Kyo and then to Toshiya and Kaoru then shook his head, picking up his iPad. He muttered something about everyone being ‘twitterpated’ as he disappeared behind it._

_Kaoru, on the other hand, was just watching everyone, a very highly amused smirk on his face. Ah... the brilliance of this band in one place._

_Kyo wiggled his feet and glanced up at Die, smiling a little then ducking when Nora said for everyone to say, "Cheese!" as she snapped a few photos of them. "Gah! Some warning next time!"_

_Kaoru grunted. "Somehow don't think warning was the point. More... natural habitat sort of thing."_

_Nora grinned at Kaoru and snapped a few more before putting her camera away, not wanting to annoy them all._

_Kyo grumbled a little but his lips were still upturned in a half smile._

_Toshiya just laughed softly, feeling a great sense of togetherness with his band at that moment._

_Die looked up for the last photo, cracking a little grin and then looking away again._

_Things on the bus were, simply put, happy. At least for the time being._

_**To Be Continued...** _


	3. Chapter 3

Die found himself having a fitful night of sleep, not the best in the world, but not the worst because he'd gotten at least gotten some. At long last, he dragged himself out of bed, went about his morning routine and then came back to bed, kneeling down and leaning over Kyo. He pressed one finger to Kyo's lips and then gently shook him, seeing if he'd wake up for him.

Kyo had been plagued with nightmares throughout the night, but then had finally just sort of passed out from exhaustion. When Die started shaking him, he opened one bleary and went to speak before realizing there was a finger over his lips and he wasn't supposed to talk anyway. "...."

"Good morning, my sweet." Die gave him a soft smile and removed his finger. "Scale of one to five, how much does it hurt?" he murmured softly. "Hold up your fingers."

Kyo offered Die a small smile, reaching out to pat his arm lightly. At the question, he hesitated and swallowed a bit, wincing as the pain was still there, though it had abated some thanks to the medication. He sighed softly and held up three fingers then crooked one to indicate two and a half.

Die nodded a little. "Better than last night at least." He brushed some of Kyo's hair back from his face and then held out his phone. "What do you want to eat for breakfast?"

Kyo nodded and just leaned in, pecking Die's lips with his own slightly chapped ones. When he pulled back, he took Die's phone, opened the notes application, and typed in one word. "Miso".

Die took it and read it, smiling slightly from the kiss he'd just received. "Mmm... that I can do without leaving the bus." He slid backward a bit. "Get ready and come sit out here and I'll make us miso." He pulled out of the bunk entirely and went to his bag, rooting and then coming up with a green bag of instant miso fixings. He went to the sink area and started filling the bowls with water, adding the miso paste. He peered around the bus, seeing if anyone else was awake, he could hear Kaoru still snoring in his bunk at the very least.

Kyo nodded and scooted out of the bunk, stretching and grunting as his back popped. He stood and wandered into the bathroom to relieve himself and rinse his hands and face before heading back out to where Die was, rubbing his hand over the other's back as he moved to sit at the table.

Die didn't see anyone else milling around and so he only made two bowls. He moved to sit next to Kyo with his bag of supplies and held up the little foil packets. "Tofu, green onion, or uh... whatever this unlabeled one is?"

Kyo wrinkled his nose the pointed to the green onion one, not wanting to risk the unlabeled one as being something horrid.

Die opened the packet and dumped it in Kyo's soup. He added the tofu one to his own and put the unlabeled one back in for another day. He pulled out two disposable spoons and passed one to Kyo, mixing his soup with his own, waiting on the tofu to hydrate for him.

Kyo had to smile as Die fixed his soup for him, despite his being perfectly capable of doing it himself. He took the spoon and stirred it around, letting everything incorporate as he yawned and leaned into Die.

It almost felt like one of their lazy mornings at home when he and Die would fix breakfast and just lounge around with mussed hair and pajamas, not bothering to get dressed until late in the day if at all.

Die leaned toward Kyo almost involuntarily, finally getting his soup how he wanted it and just picking up the bowl, sipping at it that way given that they were still on the road and he didn't like slopping soup all over himself.

Kyo poked at his soup a bit more then followed Die's example, picking his bowl up and sipping at it, the warm liquid soothing his still raw throat. He took his time, slowly sipping as he gazed out the window at the passing scenery before finally setting his bowl down and looking up at Die. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth, attempting to speak. "Thanks..." He winced as it came out hoarse and scratchy, a frustrated look passing over his face.

Die instantly looked over at Kyo when he spoke and shook his head. "Don't. No talking, only singing at the show. I don't think you should do sound check either. Kuroo will do it, he knows how to make most of your practice sounds to see if things are set right. But, baby, please, please don't talk." He put his soup down and reached over to gently touch Kyo's cheek. "Please." He still felt partially at fault for this and he didn't want to let the other do more damage if at all possible.

Kyo bit his lip as Die begged him not to talk anymore or do the sound check. He sighed and nodded, leaning into Die's touch some. He could tell the other was blaming himself and he hated it. He hated the whole thing. He didn't want to rely on others to do his talking for him or his sound checks or anything else for that matter. He waved his hand in an agitated gesture and just nodded again for lack of any other way to communicate.

Die leaned in and kissed Kyo's cheek, remaining there for a long moment, his eyes closed as he wrestled his emotions back into check. Pulling back, he gave Kyo a pathetic hint of a smile and then picked up his soup, silently drinking it.

Kyo let out another sigh and reached up to pet Die's hair then turned to take the last sip of his own soup before standing and putting the bowl in the sink. He went to get his notebook then came back out to sit next to Die again, scribbling on it. "This sucks."

Die finished up his soup and sat there, watching Kyo move around. He turned the notebook so he could see it better and then nodded. "I know... it does, baby."

Kyo huffed a little and put his head in his hands. He wanted to throw a tantrum, kick things, break something. It was really starting to get to him and being cooped up in this tour bus wasn't helping. He grabbed the notebook again and wrote, "I wanna get out, go shopping, whatever."

Die let out a soft sound and then pulled out his phone, doing a quick search of the area. It seemed they were in butt-fuck nowhere and the only thing was about ten miles ahead, a place called 66 Joe's which he could only assume from the store sign next to it was something seedy. He arched an eyebrow. "There's what is likely a porn shop. You up for it?" He chuckled.

Kyo considered it for a moment then gave a shrug, figuring it'd at least get him out of the bus for a few minutes. He scribbled, "That'll work." and then leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes.

Die got up and wandered to the front, telling the driver to pull off at the shop if it looked open. He went back to the bunk area and quickly put on some clothing, pulling on a hoodie. He went to the bathroom and washed his hands and face, quickly brushing his teeth. When he came back out, he smelled of mint, but still had some stubble.

Kyo waited until Die was finished dressing to get up and do the same, pulling on his hoodie over his track pants, not really caring right then about his appearance. He went and brushed his teeth then looked in the mirror, snorting at his reflection. He looked tired, worn, and scruffy. He turned and moved more towards the front of the bus to peer out of the bigger windows, seeing the store sign up ahead.

Die came along behind Kyo and made sure he had his wallet and cell phone. He nudged Kyo. "Do you have your ID? I bet they'll check us since it's friggin broad daylight."

Kyo stuck his hands in his pockets and realized he didn't have any such ID so he held up a finger and moved to the back, digging in his bag for his wallet and stuffing it into his pocket before rejoining Die.

Die smiled as the bus turned into the parking lot and bumped along to a stop, gravel crunching under the bus' tires. He heaved out a soft sigh and stepped down, opening the bus door and slipping out, pushing his sunglasses on as he stepped down onto the ground. He waited on Kyo and then shut the door, heading straight for the shop.

Kyo tugged his hood over his head and followed along with Die, his feet crunching in the gravel as they walked towards the shop. He noted that it wasn't too awful even if it was a bit run down.

Die opened the door and slipped inside, fishing out his ID as the man at the desk lazily asked to see it. He handed his over and the man looked puzzled. Die sighed and pointed at the date area, reading off, "20 December, and year." He tapped the year a few times and took his glasses off to show it was him. The man nodded and held his hand out for Kyo.

Kyo held out his own ID, following suit and pointing at his birth date. The man shrugged and handed it back after a second. Kyo took it, put it away, then turned to Die, nodding towards the toy section.

Die smirked a bit and headed down the first aisle, turning out to be magazines on one side, books on the other. His eyes raked over the various covers, feeling his heartbeat speed up a bit in his chest as he caught sight of some rather raunchy guy/guy magazines.

Kyo wandered off to look at the various offerings of novelty toys, snorting when he found some pretty horrid looking blow up dolls. He opened his mouth to say something to Die then remembered and pulled out his phone, shooting off a text instead. "Should get one of these male blow ups for Kao, put it in his bunk or something."

Die felt his phone vibrate and he pulled it out just as he'd been about to reach for a book on exotic sexual situations. He smirked a little and shot a text back off. "Go for it if you dare. I bet he'll have a heart attack." He gave the book another look and then abandoned it. The last thing he needed as more fetishes right then. He moved on to the various lubes, trying a few on his fingers.

Kyo just laughed silently then moved on to the vibes and plugs, huffing when none seemed to strike him. Instead, he wandered on over to where Die was, pointing to an exotic looking bottle of lube. He picked it up and sniffed it, raising an eyebrow when he found it to be cherry blossom scented. He held it to Die for inspection, smirking a little.

Die gave Kyo a small smile when he came over to view the lubes with him. He sniffed it and let out a little groan. "Buying that," he murmured. He moved on toward the toys section, seeing a very lovely red prostate massager that he eyeballed for a moment before flushing slightly and moving on down the row.

Kyo grinned and picked up a bottle that wasn't used as a tester and moved down the aisle with Die, seeing the look on his lover's face at the prostate massager and just picked it up as well.

After looking at a few more things, Kyo left Die to his own devices and went to pay for his items. He had some difficulty understanding the cashier but finally managed to get it all paid for then just went and stood near the door to wait for Die. He was glad the others hadn't decided to join them, figuring it might be a bit awkward if they had.

Die ended up in the DVD aisle and he found himself staring at a few of the more raunchy ones that portrayed women with dicks fucking men, the title proclaiming TREMENDOUS TRANNIES! He moved away from those as well and finally went back to the magazine aisle, picking up a good gay one with lots of blowjobs and a box of condoms along with a small tube of lube. He paid for his items and got them put into a bag. He gave Kyo a little smile and then headed out the door.

Kyo followed Die out, taking a moment to reach out and grasp the other's hand. He was feeling a little better after getting out of the bus, albeit a bit horny now, given the nature of the store they'd just visited.

Die gave Kyo a soft smile and squeezed his hand. After a moment, they arrived at the bus and he opened it, holding up his hand to allow Kyo to get in in front of him.

Kyo walked onto the bus and offered Kaoru a little wave as he headed back to his bunk to store his purchases, not in the mood for any sort of ribbing and such. He stashed everything under his pillow then moved back out to make some tea while the bus was stopped.

Die let Kyo get into the bus, following him in, securing the door behind them. He glanced up, seeing Kaoru waving back to Kyo and he sat down next to him quickly, pushing the black bag over to him on the seat. "For you. Thought you might find it... useful."

Kaoru gave Die a confused sort of look and opened the bag, pulling out the lube and examining it, then seeing the condoms, and finally the porno mag. He shoved the bag shut and gasped. "Die... uh... wow...."

Toshiya, having inconvenient timing, wandered out then, looking bedraggled from sleep. He plopped down beside Kaoru and rubbed his eyes. "What's up? Why're we stopped?"

Kaoru flapped his mouth a little bit, not having any idea what to tell the other.

Die cleared his throat. "Kyo and I went to see the porno store." He pulled the bag back toward him, deciding it'd be his until Toshiya was none the wiser.

Toshiya blinked at Kaoru's reaction then glanced out the window before laughing a little. "Nice! Did they have anything good?"

Kyo came to sit down next to Die with his tea and shrugged in response to Toshiya's question, waving his hand a little.

Die scooted closer to Kyo and looked between the other pair. "Yeah, they did... but just got basics really... lube."

Kaoru shifted slightly in his seat, glancing at the bag.

Toshiya looked out at the store again then shrugged, not really interested in it because so far, he and Kaoru hadn't done anything remotely sexual save for that one heated kiss. He gave a small sigh at that and then turned back around, a smile back on his face. "How's your throat Kyo? Feeling any better?"

Kyo peered at Toshiya then Kaoru, frowning slightly then looking at the bassist. He waved his hand to indicate he was a little better then shrugged and shifted, leaning against Die's shoulder some.

Die glanced between them and then abruptly made a decision that he might regret. He picked up the bag and plucked out the magazine. He tossed it on the table, it falling open to a slim white man blowing a rather muscled black man. He pointed between them. "For the love of god, the sexual tension is going to strangle me. At least show your cocks to one another." He nudged Kyo a bit. "C'mon, baby."

Kaoru stared at Die with a look of something like horror on his face. He half reached for the magazine and then put his hand back down in his lap, making a rather good fish face again.

Kyo raised an eyebrow then nodded in agreement with Die, standing up and heading into the back of the bus, a smirk on his face. Hopefully, his lover had made the right move because it was definitely ridiculous for Toshiya and Kaoru to be acting like virginal teens.

Toshiya just gaped at the magazine and then Die before looking at Kaoru and blushing a bit, licking his lips as he used one finger to nudge the magazine. "Er...."

Er was certainly right. Kaoru shifted slightly in his seat, feeling the burning of his desire starting to boil in his veins. He stared down at the scene displayed and reached into the bag Die had left, pulling out the lube and putting it on the table, pursing his lips a little. After a moment, he murmured, "Nothing we haven't done in the bus before... right?"

Toshiya glanced at the lube then the magazine, finding himself squirming a bit as arousal welled up in him, making his pants uncomfortably tight. He looked at Kaoru then reached out almost hesitantly to rest his hand on the other's thigh. "Yeah...."

Kaoru's thigh jerked a little at the other's touch, making him realize he honestly did want him exactly like this. He abruptly changed his mind, sliding closer to Toshiya and reaching to touch his cheek. "Not everything yet... but, at least want to do this," he murmured softly. Leaning in, he started to kiss the other, just a gentle touch for the time being.

Toshiya felt Kaoru's thigh jerk and it sent a little spark through him. Die had been right, the sexual tension between them was nearly suffocating. When Kaoru touched his cheek, he swallowed and leaned into his hand slightly then let out a soft sound as the other started kissing him, the feeling making his toes curl. He raised his own hand to thread through Kaoru's hair, lightly cupping the back of his head as he tilted his own to deepen the kiss.

Kaoru shifted slightly, moving to try and get himself closer to Toshiya's body. He felt stupid and like a teenager, but he shoved the table back slightly and settled over the other's lap, both hands sliding up into Toshiya's hair, holding on as he deepened the kiss slightly.

Toshiya couldn't help the groan the escaped him as Kaoru slid into his lap. He reached out to hold onto him, letting his hands run up and down his back as he pushed his tongue into the other's mouth. Part of him was impatient and wanted to push Kaoru down onto the bench, take him in any way he could but another part loved the teen-like awkwardness between them. The newness gave him a thrill he couldn't explain.

Kaoru could feel himself becoming more and more aroused. He pulled back and licked his lips a little, studying Toshiya. He ran his hands over the other's shoulders and chest. He took in a shuddering breath and glanced toward the back of the bus. No one was visible and they were separated from the driver with a partition. He reached for Toshiya's hand and placed it back on his thigh.

Toshiya shivered a little at Kaoru's touches then peered at him as his hand was placed on the other's thigh. He licked his lips and squeezed a bit before sliding it upward, glancing down to see that Kaoru's pants were rather tented. He let out the softest groan and moved his hand to brush his palm over the front of the guitarist's pants. "Kao..."

Kaoru instantly responded, all his pent up frustrations coming out the moment the other started to touch him like that. He took a fistful of Toshiya's shirt and leaned in to kiss him again, this time less with curiosity and more with undeniable hunger.

Toshiya couldn't stop the moan that slid out against Kaoru's lips as the other kissed him that way. He found himself rolling his hips up some as he pressed harder against the bulge in Kaoru's pants, shifting to dip his hand inside them, thankful the other wasn't wearing jeans at the moment. He wrapped his fingers around the hardened length inside, stroking him as they kissed, a feeling of near desperation coming over him.

Kaoru pulled back from the kiss and groaned, reaching for Toshiya's wrist and holding it tight for a moment. After a moment, he flexed his cock and pushed up into the other's hand. "It's been so long," he whispered, looking at least a little ashamed.

Toshiya bit his lip as Kaoru held onto his wrist then tightened his fingers around Kaoru's cock, rubbing his thumb over the tip. "How long...?"

Kaoru's eyelids fluttered slightly and he pursed his lips a little. "Too long," he replied softly, thinking of just how long it really had been since he'd felt another person's touch and not just ended up watching Die and Kyo. He smiled softly and let go of his hand, looking down at Toshiya's crotch. He shifted back enough to reach down and gently rub over the other's cock.

Toshiya tsked a little then started stroking again, taking it slow for the moment despite the heated mood between them. When Kaoru brushed over his own aching length, he let out a soft cry, his body jerking slightly. "Oh... Kao... please...." He'd admittedly fantasized about such moments, spending many a night soiling his sheets as he imagined Kaoru's hand on him instead of his own.

Toshiya's reactions all meant so much to Karou. He licked his lips a little, moving the waistband of the other man's pajama pants down and revealing his cock. He stared at it for a long moment, arousal mounting higher inside him, before he finally allowed himself to take the other in hand, slowly starting to explore his body.

Toshiya shivered as he was exposed to Kaoru's gaze then had to bite his lip to keep from moaning out too loudly as he started touching him. It felt too good and his cock was already twitching in the other's hand, his hips pushing upward a bit. "O-oh..."

Kaoru let out a soft groan, hips bucking slightly into the other's touches. He wet his lips and then leaned in to start kissing the other again, his free hand grabbing the lube and popping it open, moving to put some on both of their hands. He knew it meant they'd both be faster at getting off, but all worth it in his opinion.

Toshiya kissed Kaoru back passionately as he moved his hand faster, aided by the lube Kaoru poured onto it. The feeling of the other's slick hand on his own cock was proving to be almost too much and he found himself clinging to Kaoru's arm with his free hand. No, they wouldn't last long at all, but he didn't care at that point.

Kaoru grew more and more aroused as he started to thrust into the other's hand, kissing him desperately. Honestly, he was glad they were kissing because he was starting to feel like he was going to go off like a rocket at any moment. His balls were drawing up tight and his thigh was starting to jerk from his nearness to orgasm.

Toshiya was beyond control by now, whimpering against Kaoru's lips as he thrust into his hand. He was having trouble focusing on his own task of stroking Kaoru off, but managed to keep up the pace. As he shifted some, he could feel Kaoru's thigh trembling and it only served to fuel him on more.

Kaoru didn't last even a few more moments after that. He let out a rather lewd groan and thrust up into the other's hand as he started to cum, thick rivulets of it spurting out over the other's hand.

Toshiya gasped as Kaoru practically exploded all over his hand and even some on his arm. He didn't slow his actions until Kaoru had stopped spurting, using his hand to milk the rest from him. "God, Kaoru..."

Kaoru redoubled his efforts on Toshiya's cock, determined to give the other equal satisfaction. He let out a soft sound and bit down on the other's lower lip, groaning softly.

Toshiya wasn't far behind Kaoru. He moaned and jerked his hips up, starting to cum seconds later, his body trembling from the effort.

Kaoru gasped, feeling the other's hot cum landing on his hand. It felt good knowing it wasn't his own and he bit his lip a little, swallowing slightly as he stared down at it.

Toshiya shuddered and gazed down at his own cum splattered on tattoo covered skin, a soft moan escaping him as he pushed his hips up a bit more then settled. 

Kaoru lifted his hand from the other's cock, examining the cum on his hand and then smirking a little before leaning in to kiss Toshiya really quickly. He pulled back and reached for the tissues, starting to wipe up his hand. "I think... we can officially say I'm definitely into men."

Toshiya let out a little laugh as he grabbed a few tissues himself, wiping his own hand and dick then tucking it away. "I think I have agree and..." he bit his lip and blushed a little, "...thank you for it being... me."

Kaoru studied the other for a long few moments before he shifted enough to put his own pants back into order. He shifted and plopped down on the couch next to him again, dragging the magazine back over and flipping through a few pages. "How the hell is Die so good at choosing magazines?"

Toshiya blinked a little then bit his lip as Kaoru basically ignored his statement. He took in a breath, feeling stupid for even thinking anything of it then looked over at the magazine. "Er... lots of practice... or something?"

Kaoru reached out and gently touched Toshiya's cheek when he saw the way the other was looking. "I just don't know what to say," he murmured softly. "I'm not good at this sort of thing... I'm sorry."

Toshiya flushed a little, glancing at Kaoru then at the floor, shrugging his shoulders a bit. "No, it's okay... I'm just," he took another slightly shaky breath then continued, "I've just had those sorts of feelings for you... for a while... I guess."

Kaoru nodded a little. "Got that impression... I've always considered you to be a close friend and like I said, I do think you're rather attractive. I think things could work out quite well between us if we let it."

Toshiya just nodded in response, now being the one to not know what to say. He didn't want to ruin this chance and scare Kaoru off. After another moment, he reached out and patted Kaoru's leg lightly.

Kaoru gave the other a soft smile and put his hand on top of Toshiya's, just sitting there, idly flipping the pages of the magazine.

From the other end of the bus, Die had peered out to see if it was safe to at least come back out and grab a beer. Once he saw they were both settled, he headed back out and went to the fridge, getting one beer, and then heading back toward where Kyo was waiting.

Toshiya shifted closer to peer at the magazine, raising an eyebrow every now and again. When Die walked out, he offered the other a quick wave, then leaned back.


	4. Chapter 4

Kaoru hadn't found himself too shocked over Die and Kyo's engagement, but he was sort of surprised at the amount of people they'd chosen to tell. But fortunately, even after the pair had left the room, no one had anything nasty to say about it. He and Boss had taken a short leave on the porch, his friend breaking out a single joint for them to split. Admittedly, he liked to enjoy a little mary-jane every now and then, despite it being illegal as hell. He had about half of it and then they covered it up with the scent of cigarettes afterward, trying to hide their actions from the other guests, though when he came back in, Gara gave him a knowing look.

Toshiya had had several drinks and was in a very happy mood. Upon Kaoru's return from the porch, he glued himself to his side, smirking at Boss. "You know..." he lowered his voice, "I can still smell it on you..."

Kaoru cleared his throat a little, pushing his hands into his pockets. He didn't really know what to say, not having really thought about the fact that Toshiya might actually notice. In the past, he'd kept it real low-key and had only done it around anyone other than Boss not more than a couple of times. Die had tried it with him once in the past, but declined any further offers, not having enjoyed the high.  
But as far as he knew, no one else in the band had known... until now. He wet his lips a little and sighed softly. "Mmm..." he shrugged slightly, ducking his head. "Tried to cover it."

Toshiya just giggled and shrugged. "It's only because I know what _you_ smell like with it on your breath." He winked and slipped his hand down discretely to give Kaoru's butt a squeeze. 

Kaoru stared at him for a long moment and then shrugged it off completely. He gasped a little at the grab to his ass, biting his lower lip and then chuckling. "You'd think you were the one who smoked with that," he hissed out softly before making a beeline for the bar, picking up two beers and opening them, passing one to Toshiya.

Toshiya followed Kaoru with eyes and sighed a little, feeling oddly like he'd done something wrong. He glanced at Boss then blew out a breath. When Kaoru handed him the beer, he took it but only sipped at it. "So... nice party, eh? I mean, can you believe they got Cipher and Kyo to come?"

Kaoru stood there next to him, sipping his beer slowly. He nodded, gazing over at them. "It really is cool they came. Die's probably pissing himself over it." He pushed his hand back through his hair, letting the loose curls fall back into place once he moved his hand. He glanced over at Toshiya, his eyes slowly sliding over his body, taking it all in before he looked away again, a faint hint of arousal slipping over his features.

Toshiya laughed softly and nodded. "I saw more than one idolizing look cross his face throughout the evening when he thought Kyo wasn't looking." He shifted then almost shivered as he felt Kaoru looking at him _that_ way. He took another sip of his beer then set it down, letting his hand lightly brush over Kaoru's in the process, testing the waters so to speak.   
Kaoru's eyes immediately went to the other's hand on his own. He slowly raised his beer to his lips, tongue flicking out over the lip of it in a sensual sort of way before he tilted the bottle and took a swallow from it. He turned his hand over to let it link with Toshiya's own, curling his fingers with his lover's.

Kaoru's actions with the bottle were not lost on Toshiya and he nearly had to bite his tongue to keep from groaning. He felt a bit giddy as Kaoru openly held his hand, his thumb rubbing over the back of the other's inked skin. 

"Looks like the party's winding down..." He nodded towards the door where a few of their staff were departing. 

Kaoru finished off his beer rather quickly and tossed the empty bottle in the trash, pulling away from Toshiya to get rid of a few other beer bottles and plates in the proper containers so there'd be less of a clean-up for Die and Kyo. 

With that done, he turned back to Toshiya. "Let's go."

Toshiya helped Kaoru do a bit of clean up and then nodded, heading for the door as he said his goodbyes. 

After a few minutes, they were out the door and on their way home in the back seat of a taxi. Kaoru shifted a little uncomfortably, finally murmuring softly, "Sometimes I wonder if he puts other shit in the uh... you know." He shifted a little and tugged his pants slightly, revealing the rather obvious tent in them with a little chuckle.

Toshiya glanced over at Kaoru and then down, a look of desire sliding over his face. "Maybe... or maybe it just affects you that way." He looked up at their driver, noticing he was minding his own business then slipped his hand over to stroke up Kaoru's thigh, squeezing a bit. 

Kaoru let out a soft grunt at Toshiya's touch, pushing his hips up a little before settling down once again. He swallowed a little and then reached to hold Toshiya's hand again. Ever since his and Die's little chat, he'd been truly nervous about being with Toshiya again. The problem was that he had no idea what to actually do with him to get to the point of where he actually needed to be.

Toshiya chuckled lowly as Kaoru reached out to hold his hand, shifting in his seat and leaning in to nuzzle against his neck before catching his earlobe between his teeth. "I want you so damn bad right now..."

A shiver slipped through Kaoru's body and he groaned faintly, his worries slipping away with the combination of alcohol and weed in his system. He huffed out a little laugh and licked his lips, noticing they were less than a block from Toshiya's place, his own further away. He started to tell the guy to change their destination, but then didn't because he didn't need to be even more nervous being in someplace other than his own bed for this.

Toshiya smirked and continued nibbling and licking at Kaoru's neck, finally giving in and sliding his hand into his curly hair to pull him in for a deep kiss, forgetting about the driver and anything else.

Kaoru gasped softly. Normally he would have freaked out, pushed Toshiya away because they weren't even remotely in private. But his libido was on overdrive and his mind was fogged in so many ways that right then... this sounded like an amazing idea. He gently pulled him closer, his tongue slipping out to push into his mouth.

Toshiya was more than thrilled that Kaoru was letting him do this in such a public place, the noticeable tent in his pants making that very obvious. He sucked at Kaoru's tongue, his hand moving to slide over his chest. 

Kaoru kissed him back until he couldn't take it anymore. His body was trying to demand more from him and he just couldn't in the taxi. He pulled back and settled in his seat, looking out the window while he tried to pull himself back together.

Toshiya was breathless by the time Kaoru pulled away. He gave a faint groan and shifted back, rubbing his palms over his thighs. He was so damn hard it hurt and he took several breaths to try to calm himself so he wouldn't attack Kaoru as soon as they were at his place. 

It seemed to take forever for them to get to Kaoru's place. When they finally did, Kaoru paid the driver and then slipped out of the car. He pretty much rushed his way through the apartment complex, getting to his door in what amounted to record time. He unlocked the door and began to take off his shoes and jacket.

Toshiya hurriedly followed Kaoru, stumbling into his apartment. He took a moment to lean against the wall, watching the other remove his shoes and jacket before finally doing the same. Once he was done, he grabbed Kaoru and pinned him against the wall, kissing him harshly. 

Kaoru let out a little gasp as Toshiya shoved him against the wall and started kissing him. He gave in this time, not even trying to hold himself back at all. He grabbed hold of Toshiya's shirt with both hands, holding him close as he damn near jammed his tongue down the other's throat.

Toshiya clung to Kaoru's shoulders as he ground their hips together, letting out a desperate moan into the other's mouth. He was so damn hard it hurt and for a moment, all he could think about was the delicious friction created between them as he moved his hips. 

Kaoru let things go for as long as he could stand before he grabbed Toshiya's hips and pushed him back slightly. "Baby... fuck... the bedroom, please."

Toshiya let out a pant of breath as Kaoru pushed him back. He gazed at him and nodded, grasping his hand and leading him down the hall. Once they were Kaoru's bedroom, he took a moment to undress, forcing himself to go slowly to give himself some time to calm down, otherwise, this would be over before it even started. 

Kaoru used his lighter to light a few candles around the room, always having enjoyed the ambiance of candles rather than lights during sex. He moved to the dresser and quickly slipped out a condom and lube, putting it under the pillow, hoping Toshiya wouldn't notice what it was. Then he started to strip off his clothing, removing his tie and then his shirt, and finally his pants, revealing no underwear beneath. He huffed out a little sigh of relief when his dick sprang out, the lack of confining clothing quite nice. He slid onto the bed and settled down. 

Toshiya finished stripping, laying his clothes over the back of a chair then turning around and watching Kaoru reveal his body to him, a soft sound of appreciation slipping from his lips as he saw that his lover was wearing no underwear. "You're so damn sexy..." He let Kaoru get comfortable on the bed then finally moved over to crawl onto it beside him, running his hand over his lover's bare chest. 

Kaoru shifted toward him, not even hesitating to reach out and grasp his cock, starting to stroke him. "Toshiya," he breathed out against his neck. "God this fucking weed made me horny as hell." Some part of him just wanted to crawl over him, straddle that cock, and start fucking himself on it. But his fear of the unknown was stopping him, so he settled for touching Toshiya instead, enjoying the feeling of his cock in his hand.

Toshiya let out a soft cry as Kaoru touched him, bucking into his hand slightly. "You make me horny as hell..." He let Kaoru carry on, moving his hand to pluck on his nipples as he gazed down at him, eyes half lidded with arousal. 

It took him a few minutes, but he finally grew impatient enough to grab his own cock and start jerking off while he did the same to Toshiya. He moaned softly, leaning over to suck on one of Toshiya's nipples.

Toshiya watched his lover as he pleasured himself, moaning lowly. He finally had to reach down and stop Kaoru's actions, gently pulling his hand away and shifting in between his legs. He ran his hands up Kaoru's thighs then grasped his cock, lowering his head and running his tongue over the tip, eyes flicking up to the other's face. 

Kaoru surrendered himself to the other, leaning back on the pillows and watching him as he shifted in between his legs. His heart beat faster, his cock desperately hard at the very thought of Toshiya maybe trying this the other way with him. He shuddered slightly at the very idea of it, gasping as his lover took him into his mouth and began sucking. "Oh gods..."

Toshiya slipped one hand up to rest on Kaoru's abdomen, the other holding the base of his cock as he slowly took it into his mouth, groaning around it. He pulled back up then started bobbing his head, taking Kaoru about halfway each time. 

It took a lot of effort for Kaoru not to buck his hips at all. He sighed softly as he put his hand down on the other's head, just gently holding onto his hair while he watched him work. It was still something of a novel concept, getting a blowjob from someone who knew what head felt like and knew how to give it in the right kind of way.

Toshiya finally lifted his head, swirling his tongue around the tip of Kaoru's cock a couple of times before sitting back and gazing up at his lover. He bit his lip nervously before finally spitting out what was on his mind. "Kao... I want to... take the next step."

It took a moment for Kaoru's mind to focus on Toshiya's words. He gave him a nervous sort of look at the announcement and then closed his eyes, swallowing nervously. He didn't know if he could do it. He swallowed thickly, uncertain what exactly to say. After a moment, he just nodded. He'd try yet again, see if he could force his body into what he knew his lover wanted.

It took him a second, but then he shifted out from under Toshiya, gently pushing him down on the bed and pushing one thigh in between his legs.

Toshiya saw the look on Kaoru's face and opened his mouth to tell him it was okay and that he could wait as long as it took for him to be comfortable. However, he quickly shut it when he was being pushed down on the bed, a look of confusion on his face before he let out a little "oh" and reached up to put his hands on Kaoru's shoulders. "No, baby... I meant... I want to..." He couldn't find the right words so he just ended up muttering "...the other way around."

Kaoru stared at him for a long few moments, a sort of scared expression on his face. After a moment, he bowed his head, debating about arguing with him just to spare his own pride. But after a moment, he just couldn't take it any longer, wanted it too badly. He sat back, staring down at him for a few moments before he slid back down on the bed. "How'd you know?" he asked softly.

Toshiya felt his stomach twist. He felt like he'd let out a dirty secret. Instead of answering immediately, he shifted onto his side and nuzzled into Kaoru's neck. After a moment, cheeks slightly pink, he said quietly, "I had a chat with Die..." 

Kaoru gave a little nod, unable to look Toshiya fully in the eyes. "It's... embarrassing," he murmured softly. "I just... I don't even know why I want it this way, I really don't."

He shifted closer and pressed his lips softly to Kaoru's cheek. "It shouldn't be embarrassing, baby. If it's what you want... it's what you want... and... I have no problem whatsoever doing whatever you want, however you want." He reached up and stroked his hand through Kaoru's hair, smiling softly. 

Kaoru forced himself to look up at the other, smiling softly as his hair was stroked by Toshiya. He placed his hand over Toshiya's, rubbing lightly at his fingers. "Then... please... I've been holding myself back so much."

Toshiya nodded and kissed Kaoru softly on the lips. "I hope you have the right supplies..." He shifted so that he was hovering over Kaoru, kissing at his chin then moving to place light pecks all along his chest, moving to flick his tongue over one nipple. 

With a faint blush, he stuck his hand under the pillow and produced the condom and the lube, pushing it toward Toshiya. He reached up, pulling his lover down and kissing him hard. 

Toshiya blinked a little at the condom and lube but didn't have time to say anything, his mouth being occupied by Kaoru's for the time being. As they kissed, he slipped his hand down to grasp his lover's cock, stroking him a bit then moving further down to cup his balls, squeezing them lightly. Finally he pulled away from the kiss to look into Kaoru's eyes as he brushed his fingers over his entrance lightly, taking it slow, not wanting to rush it. 

"I hate to ask but... have you tried fingering yourself or anything?" He needed to know how much of a virgin Kaoru was with this, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt him. 

Kaoru lay back, managing to spread his legs for Toshiya, letting him in between. He closed his eyes and tried hard not to be too humiliated by the questions he was being asked. After a few moments, he just nodded a little and held up one finger. 

Toshiya hummed softly and shifted around, getting between Kaoru's legs and grabbing the lube. He squirted a good amount on his hand then moved in to stroke over Kaoru's entrance again before finally gently pushing one finger in, almost groaning at the tightness. 

Kaoru shivered as the other pushed a finger into him. Immediately, he felt a shock of arousal shoot through him and he let out a loud groan, his head tiling back as pleasure filtered through him. His hips bucked up a little and he whined softly.

Toshiya gazed up at his lover's reaction, a smile on his lips as he started pushing his finger in and out. He turned to place a kiss to Kaoru's inner thigh, nipping the skin lightly. "You're... gorgeous... like this."

Kaoru could barely contain himself after a few more minutes. He whimpered softly as he bucked up toward Toshiya, just the feeling of a finger inside him making him incredibly fucking aroused. It only took the right angle for him to fully spread his legs, grabbing ahold of the sheets under him as he whined loudly. "Please! Oh god, please!"

Kaoru's begging sent spikes of arousal straight to Toshiya's cock. He groaned softly and added a second finger, figuring Kaoru was aroused enough to handle it as he started thrusting both digits inside him, curling them slightly to give his lover more pleasure. 

The second finger set him on fire, his cock twitching slightly. He reached down and grabbed the base of his cock, holding on tight for a moment before giving himself a few good strokes and pausing again. He felt like he was going to cum right then and there and he certainly looked like it.

"Kao..." He scissored his fingers, stretching Kaoru as well as he could before finally slipping in a third, eyes flicking up to the other's face to make sure he was alright. The third was almost too much for him, but he grit his teeth and went on with it. There was no point in stopping now, none whatsoever. He took in a few calming breaths, shivering slightly as he attempted to relax entirely and just enjoy it.

Toshiya didn't spend as much time with the third finger there, his cock wasn't exactly thick like Kyo's or anything. He finally pulled his hand free and grabbed the condom, tearing it open with his teeth before giving himself a few strokes then slipping it on with a groan. He picked up the lube and squirted another good bit on himself then settled between Kaoru's legs, leaning up kiss him softly. "Ready?" 

Kaoru opened his eyes to watch Toshiya get ready to enter him. He pursed his lips a little and waited, his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. He swallowed hard and then murmured out, "As I'll ever be."

Toshiya nodded and shifted, grasping his length and guiding it into position, eyes trained on Kaoru's face as he pushed into his body slowly, sweat beading on his forehead. "Oh... Gods..." 

Kaoru immediately tensed, throwing one arm over his face at the wave of pain from his body tensing up. One hand came out to grasp Toshiya's wrist, holding him in place for a moment while he breathed through it and finally stopped tensing. "F-fuck," he hissed out softly.  
Toshiya frowned slightly, reaching up to stroke over Kaoru's hip then down over his length in hopes of distracting him from the pain. "I'm sorry, baby... I know it's uncomfortable at first." 

Kaoru just nodded a little. After a minute or so, he pushed his hips up a little, whimpering. "O-oh!" he shivered, obviously enjoying himself. "Move," he gasped out.  
Letting out a groan, Toshiya shifted and rolled his hips forward, shuddering a bit at the tight heat surrounding him. He gradually set up a good pace, gasps and moans sliding past his lips. "Kaoru... fuck!" 

Kaoru shifted to pull his legs up against Toshiya's sides, slipping his arms around the other's back. He let out a soft whine, arching up towards his lover until his dick started to push against the other's belly, providing him a lot of amazing friction.

Toshiya placed his hands on either side of Kaoru, bracing himself as he pushed into him harder, his pleasure ramping up quickly. He leaned down some, helping Kaoru with the friction to his dick and buried his face against his lover's neck. "Gods..." 

Kaoru looked surprised as he began to spasm around Toshiya's length, uncertain what was going on until his dick started to spurt out cum all over his belly. "O-oh!" he gasped out, huffing out a soft breath just after. 

Toshiya lifted his head to look down between them when he felt Kaoru cumming. He let out a breathless chuckle at the surprised look on his face and leaned down to kiss him quickly. "Don't look so shocked, baby." He grinned and reached down, grasping Kaoru and giving him a few strokes before going back to the task at hand. He was close but he wanted to make sure Kaoru was completely satisfied first. 

Kaoru groaned softly, sliding his arms around the other and holding on tight as the other started to fuck him a bit harder, stroking him at the same time. He bucked his hips up a little into the touch, gasping. "T-Toshiya!"

Toshiya let out a moan and slipped his arm under Kaoru, holding him close as his hips snapped against his body, his breath coming in pants. "Ah, Kao!" 

A few more thrusts was all it took for him to find his end and he cried out Kaoru's name as he filled the condom with spurt after spurt of cum, a shudder going through him. 

By that point Kaoru was almost crazy with desire. He let out a sharp cry as Toshiya began to cum inside him. He reached down between them and began to jack himself off rapidly, almost desperate to cum again, this time wanting it to be harder, his first one having been a surprise.

Toshiya stayed where he was, even thrusting into Kaoru a bit more as he frantically jerked off. He shifted and moved to wrap his hand around Kaoru's, helping him. "Kaoru..."

Kaoru paused long enough to thread his fingers with Toshiya's own, whimpering quietly and arching up toward him, his face and neck flushed with arousal. A few moments later, he cried out sharply as he started to cum. He jerked himself in sharp upward motions, his cum splattering across his chest and some up on his shoulder with the technique. A long, low moan left his lips as he came, a look of pure bliss on his face.

Toshiya could only watch in amazement as Kaoru came, the look on his face absolutely beautiful to him. He let out a soft moan, shivering as Kaoru's body pulsed around his still sensitive cock.

After a few moments, he carefully pulled out and removed the condom, tying it off and moving to toss it into the trashcan by the bed. He then grabbed a few tissues and wiped up Kaoru's mess, tossing those in as well, before finally curling up beside him and kissing him deeply. "Gods... you are... amazing." 

Kaoru immediately reached for him, curling up in his arms, burying his head against his shoulder. After a few minutes, he finally offered, "I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to give it to you. I just... I needed this."

Toshiya blinked at Kaoru's words then laughed softly before reaching up to cup his face, kissing him softly. "Baby, don't be sorry. I... I just want to be with you... no matter how it has to be." He hesitated for a moment, letting his thumb stroke Kaoru's cheek. "Besides, I am... honored... to be your first."

Kaoru shivered a little at the words and then let out a little chuckle. "I just... I honestly never thought this would be how it would turn out."

Toshiya grinned and shrugged, pulling Kaoru close and nuzzling against his neck. "Me either..."

Kaoru let out a pleased little sigh and leaned in to gently kiss his lover. "I'm... I'm glad it did. Though, I have to admit, I'm a bit sore."

Toshiya stroked Kaoru's cheek then winced a little. "I'm sorry, baby... you eventually get used to it... but for now... a hot bath would help or just some Tylenol." 

The guitarist nodded a little and pushed himself up slightly. "A bath might be nice actually." He smiled at Toshiya and stood up, offering his hand to him.

Toshiya beamed and took Kaoru's offered hand, pulling himself up and slipping his arms around Kaoru, hugging him tightly before releasing him. "Sounds like a good idea to me." 

With that, the pair of them headed off to the bathroom for a lovely bath, their evening having been as much of a success in the relationship department and Die and Kyo's was.


	5. Chapter 5

The days of the winter season seemed to stretch out before Kaoru in the same manner that freshly made taffy was pulled. It was endless, narrowing out into something that didn't hold a foreseeable end to it at all. Worse, the winter was always hardest for him. He tended to feel abandoned, alone in his own mind. In a lot of ways, he was as bad off as everyone thought Kyo was during this time of the year, though he never let anyone know it, he bottled it up and kept it all inside that dark place in his heart. Unfortunately, it also led him to push others away from him, particularly those closest to him. He declined all invites to spend Christmas with anyone, claiming he had another gathering to go to, but ended up alone in his own home, doing exactly what he had been doing the entire season: learning how to knit. It was an old lady's hobby, but it somehow soothed out the part of him that just wanted to find the nearest bar and drink it all away. He supposed doing pointless things like that had always been his addiction, rather than the fine lines that his bandmates tended to walk with their own problems.

Christmas had come and gone, as had the New Year, each with Kaoru claiming the same thing: he had somewhere else to be, something else to do. And each result was the same: a night spent home alone, knitting, and staring out the window, the weight of the world on his shoulders.  
But the last week had been the worst, this first week of a new year and supposedly a new leaf. And here he was turning over the old leaves, over and over, again and again. He contemplated a great many things he'd never admit he had. He wondered if they should have let the band end, if he shouldn't have allowed Kyo's throat issues to take them to their last. He debated if he'd made the right decision with Toshiya by allowing him to know his innermost desires, and then acting upon them. He even debated a few things further down the darkest of rabbit holes, though those thoughts were ever-fleeting, never-staying.

Tonight, he had finally settled a few things in his mind. He'd decided they were right to keep trying as a band, because they all needed this... needed one another, even if the world didn't need them, they at least required it for now. As for Toshiya, what was done, was done and there was no point in dwelling on the past. Though, he had decided to keep one final test open for the time being.

And so, he sat, in front of his desktop in the corner of the living room, several different straight porn videos open, trying to gauge his reaction to the women in the videos. Had he been a fool to give up women? Did his body really desire what he was attempting to do with Toshiya or was it a simple infatuation? Because if nothing else, the bassist deserved Kaoru to know for certain before he placed all his faith in him... in them. He reached to turn the volume up, idly fondling himself as he watched the videos, a strange look of concentration upon his face rather than one of intense arousal as would normally be there.

Christmas and the winter season in general had always been something Toshiya enjoyed. He'd usually have several parties to attend as well as a special date for the night of Christmas Eve. 

This year, he'd been rather looking forward to spending that night with Kaoru, giving his new boyfriend the presents he'd bought as well as spending the evening in his arms. However, that had not happened as planned. In fact, nothing had gone as planned for him as far as Kaoru was concerned. He'd called him several times to make dates and whatnot and had been turned down each time with not the same but similar excuses. Toshiya tried to be understanding, knowing they were busy with recording and lives, but it was starting to get to him. Especially when Kaoru refused to join him on Christmas for even a quick lunch. He'd ended up at Shinya's house, drowning himself in a bottle of champagne while the drummer patted his back and tried to get him to watch movies. 

It hadn't helped much and he'd gone home to his lonely apartment and done something he hadn't done in ages, crying himself to sleep and then feeling incredibly stupid about it the next morning as he'd nursed his hangover. 

Things had gotten worse and he'd rung in the new year the same way as he had Christmas, with a bottle and a good helping of loneliness. 

Tonight though, he'd finally gotten up the courage to just go see Kaoru. He'd showered and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, gathered up the gifts he'd gotten him in a bag and headed over to the other's apartment. When he got there, he knocked a few times and didn't get an answer. Figuring Kaoru was either not home yet or busy, he tried the door and found it to be open so he let himself in. 

He could hear what he thought was the TV on and, after taking off his shoes, he headed into Kaoru's living room, ready to surprise him. The sight that greeted him however, was _not_ one he'd expected. Not only was the place in shambles with stinking food cartons and trash everywhere, but his lover was sitting there, dick in hand while a woman was being plowed on his computer screen. 

He stood there, shocked, the bag of presents slipping from his hand to crash onto the floor as he gaped at the scene. Feelings of anger and betrayal coursed through him, his fists clenching in anger. 

Kaoru didn't even notice anything at all until the sound of something hitting the ground knocked him back into reality. He blinked at the computer screen for a moment and then sighed, turning away from it, his dick only partly hard and a look of pure disinterest in his eyes as he turned around.

It took him a moment to figure out what he was seeing and when it registered, he removed his hand from his dick, flicking his eyes between the gifts on the floor and Toshiya's quite angry face. A sigh escaped his lips. This was not how he'd planned to spend today, but apparently life had other ideas in store for him. He knew he'd told Toshiya he was allowed in his house any time he wanted, but he hadn't honestly expected the bassist to take him up on it and walk into his home unannounced. Idly, he did his pants back up, tucking his now-completely flaccid length back into them and zipping up. He gave the other a sort of tired look and tried his best to understand the anger in this other's face. But for the life of him, he couldn't place the pieces together. 

"You okay?" he finally asked, knowing it wasn't the smartest question, but knowing he had to say something or it'd be all that much worse.

Toshiya took in the look in Kaoru's eyes, the sigh he gave when he finally saw him standing there and then the almost casual way he tucked himself away without even looking embarrassed. He could feel his own cheeks burning though, his jaw clenching and unclenching as Kaoru finally spoke. "Am I... am I okay? OKAY?! Gee, I don't know Kaoru, do I fucking look okay?! Did you think I would be _okay_ with finding my supposed boyfriend holed up in his filthy apartment jerking off to straight porn when I've been trying to spend time with him for WEEKS?!" Toshiya's voice had risen higher and higher in volume, his hands shaking now. He was so angry, so incredibly _hurt_ by Kaoru's attitude, that he couldn't even see straight. 

Kaoru remained in his chair, looking up at the other with the look of a man who clearly had no idea what he'd gotten himself into. He sighed, pushing a hand through the mass of curls his hair had become as of late. For the fact that everything else was dirty, at least he was the one thing that could be counted as clean. 

He had no desire to have this argument, but he could already tell that it was going to happen one way or another, and his temper was already rearing its ugly head inside him with some snide-ass comments that wanted to bubble up. "No one ever said you had to see my _filthy_ apartment," he replied, narrowing his eyes at the other. He knew somewhere inside that all he had to do was admit he'd been   
having some depression issues... some pretty damn big ones at that, and this would all be over in a heartbeat. But he was too proud to admit such a thing and too stubborn to just drop the argument now that he felt personally insulted by what Toshiya had just said. "And for that matter, what I do in my spare time isn't really any of your business, so it's not my fault you walked in on me in a private moment." He finally stood up, his back cracking in a painful sort of way as he did.

Toshiya could only stare at Kaoru with an incredulous on his face. The other's words stung him so bad his eyes started watering and he had to take several deep breaths to steady himself enough to even speak again. "Oh, I see. So, that's... that's how it is then. Your business is _private_ and I've been some kind of... a... joke or something to you. Another quick fuck to toss away like all of those girls from the past. I see." He nodded slightly and bent down, picking up a smallish wrapped box, looking at it before giving in to the incredibly childish urge and chunking it at Kaoru's head. "You _BASTARD_!" 

Kaoru stared at the other, not at all pleased with what he was hearing from him. A quick fuck? A joke? There was no way he'd have considered Toshiya either of those. He could see how the other's temper was rising, a bit surprised given it usually took a hell of a lot to get him to that point. But then, he supposed ignoring him for both holidays as a couple would tend to have that effect. He ducked to get out of the way of the flying present and pursed his lips. After a moment, he finally spoke. "No, that's not how it is. You're jumping to wild-ass conclusions out of nowhere. You're not and never will be a joke or a quick fuck. And yes, I'd think I still have the right to some privacy, just as you do, so I don't see why that's even a part of this!" 

He gave him a rather harsh look and shook his head. "If you think you can stop behaving like a child, then we can sit down and talk about this like the adults we're supposed to be. Because, frankly, I don't like having things throw at me."

Toshiya couldn't seem to get a hold of his temper and he sent another present sailing at Kaoru's head before he spoke, or rather screamed. "Oh NO! Let me let you get back to your oh so important _privacy_ Mr. Leader-sama!" He huffed and turned on his heel, stomping towards Kaoru's front door, his entire body thrumming with anger.

Kaoru stared after him, feeling his own rage boiling up inside him at the other's behavior. He had to admit, his own hadn't been very great as of late, but certainly it was less childish than this bullshit. He wasn't sure if he should let him go or not, but finally he decided there was only one route to calming the bassist down enough to keep him there: the truth.

He followed after him, stopping in the hallway and quietly offering, "Toshiya, have you ever heard of seasonal depression?" He just hoped to god it would calm the other down.

Toshiya tensed up when Kaoru neared him, afraid of his own emotions at the moment. He'd only paused to stuff his feet back into shoes when the other spoke. The words hit him hard though and it was as if someone had pulled a plug, letting out all of his air as he deflated. He clenched his jaw and turned to look at Kaoru, nodding his head slightly. 

Kaoru stood there a bit helplessly for a moment before he finally stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared down at the floor between them. "Well... I have it. I always have. Every single year it's always the same. I take myself away from everything else and I feel like the whole world is collapsing around me. And I'm sorry if that's not something I wanted to share... I'm not big on sharing such pain with anyone. But it's why I haven't wanted to spend the holidays with you... or anyone for that matter. I just... I needed to work some stuff out and that's why I want you to sit down and hear me out."

Toshiya just blinked at Kaoru as he talked, feeling like the world's biggest asshole. He crossed his arms and hung his head, swallowing a bit thickly. "Why didn't you... just... email me or something?" 

"Because... there's no reason to ruin yours - or anyone else's - holiday season with my bullshit." He shrugged a little and ran his hand through his hair again, the stubborn curls falling back into his face once again. 

"It's not... bullshit." The bassist just sighed, shifting slightly from foot to foot. He didn't know what to say or what to do. He'd really made an ass of himself just now and wanted to crawl into a hole. "I uhm... God... I'm sorry. I should just go." 

Kaoru shook his head, holding out his hand. "Come on... there's no reason for you to leave. You're already here and all."

Toshiya hesitated for a moment then finally reached out to take Kaoru's hand, still not looking at him directly. "Okay..."

The guitarist lead him into the other room, pushing some junk mail off the couch and sitting down, patting the seat next to him. "Look... I'm sorry that I didn't invite you over for Christmas or anything, but..." he gestured around, "it's sort of a wreck in here."

Toshiya sat on the edge of the couch cushion, looking around at the state of Kaoru's apartment. "It's... I mean... it wasn't okay. But I understand now." He shifted a bit then glanced at the guitarist. "You should hire a cleaning service... it's not like you can't afford one."

Kaoru sighed softly. "I just... I don't know. It's one of those things I just can't seem to get around to during this time of the year." He peered at him a little. "Do you hate me?"

Toshiya let out a bitter little laugh. "Hate you? No. Far from it. I guess... I like you... a little too much I suppose." He gave Kaoru a little look then reached up to brush his hand through his hair, shifting a bit. "So uhm, about the... the porn?" 

Kaoru winced slightly at both the admission and the question about the porn. "Uh..." he sighed, "I was testing, to see what the truth of it all was. And, big surprise, I don't like watching women, I was only a little hard because I was touching myself." He looked a bit embarrassed.

Toshiya's mouth let out a soft, "Oh," before he turned to look at Kaoru properly. "Was our being together... not enough?" There wasn't an accusatory tone to the question, just the need to know.

Kaoru lifted his shoulders a little. "It's a part of the depression... I second guess myself all the time. So I tried it out to check, that's all."

Toshiya nodded slightly and reached out, placing a hesitant hand on Kaoru's knee. "How is that we've known each other for so long... and I never knew of any of this?" His voice was sad, like he was disappointed in himself for not paying enough attention to his friend.

"Because I don't share it with anyone, that's why." Kaoru clasped his hands between his knees, staring down at his twined fingers. 

Toshiya pulled his hand back and let out a soft sigh. "Ah..." He didn't know what to say or do at this point. He felt so lost right then and to make matters worse, he was starting to question whether or not he should have even acted on his feelings towards Kaoru in the first place. What if he'd forced Kaoru into their relationship or something?

Kaoru sat there for a few minutes and then finally got up quietly. He got up and went to his bedroom, coming back out with two packages, which he handed over to Toshiya. "If it means anything, I intentionally saved your presents to give them to you in person rather than dropping them off." The first one was rather lumpy, the other was a small, round box.

Toshiya watched Kaoru go, wondering where he'd gone to, then blinked in slight surprise as he came back with presents. "Oh... it... it does, actually..." He smiled softly as he took the lumpy one first, opening it to find what appeared to be a scarf. He held it out and looked at it before looking at Kaoru. "Did you make this?"

Kaoru gave him a sort of lopsided smile, pointing at the creation he had been making the day before, laying on top of the pile of random crap on his coffee table. "Yeah... it's my chosen therapy this go around."

Toshiya glanced at the lumpy bit of yarn on the table and smiled a little before wrapping the scarf around his neck, finding it rather comfy. He moved to the other present, opening it up slowly then looking inside, his mouth dropping slightly. Nestled in velvet was a beautiful silver necklace with a cross pendant made up of black stones. It was simple but gorgeous. He looked up at Kaoru, his face full of emotion. "It's beautiful, Kao... thank you." 

Kaoru gave him a little smile and nodded. "Sorry I didn't tell you about all my problems this time of the year." He ran his hand over Toshiya's thigh and then looked around the house. "This place is a total mess... did you have a name of a maid?"

Toshiya just shook his head, pulling the scarf away enough to put his necklace on, admiring it before reaching out to rest his hand over Kaoru's. "It's okay. Really. I'm sorry I acted like such an idiot..." He licked his lips then pulled his phone out, flipping through his contacts for a moment before handing the phone to Kaoru. "I use this service, they're very good and discrete."

Kaoru eyed him for a moment and then quietly asked, "Discrete enough to ignore a few things that may or may not be lurking around here somewhere? Of the... not so legal kind?"

Toshiya cocked his head then let out a little laugh, nodding. "Yeah, they ignore that stuff, too. The person that recommended them to me informed me that they would ignore anything except a dead body." He laughed again then stood, going to gather up the two presents he'd tossed at Kaoru then the bag with another couple in it. 

"Oh... well, I hope not to have any dead bodies around." He laughed. "Just a couple joints probably somewhere. In fact, perhaps they could actually find the damn things in this mess." He sighed and tilted his head back, holding his phone and Toshiya's phone up over his face while he copied the number over. "Can I just text or do I need to call?"

Toshiya snorted lightly. He'd known Kaoru smoked the occasional joint here and there, so it wasn't really a surprise to hear he had the stuff in his home. In fact, he wasn't opposed to a little weed himself, given someone else had acquired it and offered it to him. 

At Kaoru's question, he glanced up at him, rolling his eyes. "Where are your glasses? And you can just text or whatever you need to."

Kaoru blinked and rubbed his eyes. "Um... on my nightstand probably?" He put Toshiya's phone down and used his own to text in a request. _'New customer, referred by old customer. Need whole apartment cleaned. What days and times?'_

Toshiya shook his head then sat back while Kaoru texted the maid service, glancing over at the message and knowing that they'd be in touch within a few minutes. "They'll do it around the clock... whatever is convenient for you." He sat there a few moments before handing Kaoru the first present, a small square box.

Kaoru accepted the box from Toshiya, quietly opening it and pulling out a small bottle of cologne. He sat it on the edge of the table. "Thank you... you know I still feel like an asshole for not just telling you sooner about all my issues."

Toshiya shook his head and reached out to place his hand on Kaoru's arm, squeezing slightly. "I wish you had, but you had every right to keep them to yourself. Because you were right. You have a right to your privacy."

"Maybe I'm just so used to no one even knowing how to deal with it that they all turn me away. I can't help it... I just keep it all bottled up because of that." Kaoru sighed softly and shook his head a little, looking at his phone when it went off. He gave them a time of the following day at noon and sent it back.

Toshiya sighed softly and set down the remaining presents. He shifted closer to Kaoru and leaned over to lightly press his lips to the guitarist's cheek. "It isn't healthy to bottle it up. At the very least... let your guitar be your outlet. But... it would be nice if you let me be, too." He didn't want to push it. He had seen the results of pushing when they'd tried to break Kyo out of his shell. It had been rather ugly. 

Kaoru gave him a soft sort of look and then sighed, pulling him into his arms and just holding him for a minute. "That's what the ugly knitting has been for."

Toshiya blinked when he was pulled into Kaoru's arms, stiffening up for a moment then relaxing, slipping his own arms around Kaoru's waist. "The knitting isn't so bad..." 

"Yours is the crowning achievement I have done this year. And um... please don't ask what the other guys' knitting is supposed to be, because I have no idea either." He laughed a little and rubbed at Toshiya's back, trying to ignore the way he stiffened up to start with.

Toshiya let out a soft laugh, nuzzling against Kaoru's chest, relaxing even more. "Well, Die sent me a picture of his and Kyo's... their cats were sleeping on them. Shinya seemed to think it was a cover for his rice cooker."

"Good as anything for me." He pushed one hand up into Toshiya's hair, just holding him there. "I'm still sorry, for all the good it'll do me... but I am."

Toshiya bit his lip, shifting against Kaoru slightly and sighing. "Kaoru... it's... it's fine, really. I mean, it will be at least... if that makes sense." He tightened his grip around Kaoru, closing his eyes. 

Kaoru nodded slightly. "I understand. I guess... I should have been more up front with you about it, and not lied about what I was doing. But I'm so used to putting my own issues only on my own plate and no one else's, it's just... difficult."

Toshiya sat up then to look at Kaoru's face. "I do wish you had been more up front as it would have saved me a lot of grief and prevented my acting like a foolish child... but... you're you, and I should've just accepted that." He gave the other an almost sad smile then moved, grabbing the last box he'd brought. "Here, open it... it may help."

Kaoru offered him a gentle smile as he accepted the box. He unwrapped it and took the lid off, extracting a small baggie from inside. Interest glittered in his eyes as he peered down at what was quite obviously his drug of choice. He glanced over at Toshiya, smirking a little. "You little doll... you're the only person I know who'd give this as a Christmas present." He reached over to his table and pulled out the drawer, extracting a small violet-and-white bong in a very intricate shape of several skulls and spiders stacked with one another. He lightly packed a bit of the weed into it and fished around for a lighter, holding it up and arching an eyebrow at Toshiya. "Do you?"

Toshiya smiled, running his hand over Kaoru's leg. "I would only go to the trouble for you..." He watched with interest as Kaoru pulled out a bong and packed it, nodding as Kaoru asked if he smoked. "I have a few times before... thanks to you for getting me interested in it."

"Mmm... apparently I'm more of a badboy than the fans give me credit for." He settled the bong on the table and knelt down, always preferring to do it this way rather than hold it. He flicked his lighter and held it to the bong, then leaned down and pulled the stopper up, inhaling as he did, taking the sweet smoke into his lungs. He held it for a moment and then tilted his head back, breathing it out with a soft moan.

Toshiya chuckled then watched Kaoru take a hit, a frisson of arousal going through him at the look on the other's face, so close to one of pleasure. "Mm, yes, you're totally a bad boy..." He grinned then took the bong, taking a small hit then slowly letting it out with a sigh, watching as the smoke began to form a haze in the room. 

Kaoru took his time with it, taking another hit every few minutes until he felt that pleasant buzz slip through him. He leaned back against the couch, his arms propped on the seat, his head tilted back as he stared up at the ceiling. "Where on earth did you get such high grade shit?"

It didn't take Toshiya as much to get buzzed, his body feeling wonderfully relaxed as he let out the last hit and ended up leaning into Kaoru's side. At the others question, it took him a few moments to focus long enough to answer. "Oh, well... to be honest... Boss got it for me." 

Kaoru chuckled. "I see... so he's been holding out on me. This is better than the last three batches he gave me... much better taste to it." He swallowed and closed his eyes as he moved one hand to Toshiya's shoulder, lightly massaging it. "Mmm..."

Toshiya grinned and laughed a little. "It's not that... he had to go out of his way to get it for me and said you'd be really happy with it. I had to take him on his word because I honestly have no clue..." He chuckled then settled against Kaoru, pushing his nose against the other's neck with a sigh. 

Kaoru shifted slightly and let out a quiet sound. The closeness of Toshiya to him plus the fact that weed tended to make him horny was not helping him at all in the realm of acting like a gentleman. But he also knew he couldn't just end up fucking Toshiya tonight. It would make it look like that was all he wanted from him and that wasn't at all his intentions. Rather, he needed to rebuild what he'd broken in the past few months or so, and then lead toward intimacy again. But only then. He reached one hand up to lightly tug at Toshiya's hair, an idle sort of motion.

Toshiya hummed softly and lifted his head when Kaoru tugged his hair, pressing his lips to the side of the other's mouth. "Kao..." 

Kaoru peered at him and offered a small smile. "Yes?"

Toshiya licked his lips and reached up, stroking a hand through Kaoru's curly locks. "Kiss me?" 

It took Kaoru a moment to make his decision. He could deal with doing this part way, he just had to put his mind to it was all. He shifted closer and placed one finger under Toshiya's chin, lifting his head as he leaned in and kissed him, slowly adding tongue to the kiss.

Toshiya's hand slid down to Kaoru's shirt, holding on as the other kissed him. He let out a soft sound and kissed him back, perhaps a little more eagerly than he should've. 

Kaoru let out a soft sound into the kiss, allowing himself to shift so he was slightly hovering over Toshiya's body. He kissed him like a man that needed it to survive, all intentions of keeping the pretense he could do without this slipping away in that moment. Granted, he still intended to stop this well before sex, but he couldn't find the harm in pushing it into the realm of true pleasure.

Toshiya whimpered a little as he ended up laying back on the couch, his arms going around Kaoru's neck as he returned the kiss desperately now.   
Kaoru finally gave in, straddling Toshiya's hips, settling on his lap as he pushed both hands into the bassist's hair, moaning into his mouth as he kissed him harshly. A few more minutes passed and then he pulled back, his cheeks flushed and his eyes sort of wild. "I've missed you."

Toshiya let out a soft cry as Kaoru settled on him, his reactions very obvious as he clung to the other's shoulders. "I've missed you too... badly." 

A little shiver went through Kaoru's body a moment before he forced himself to shift back so he was only on the bassist's thighs. He gave him a reluctant sort of smile. "Want a beer?"

Toshiya couldn't help the pout that formed on his lips when Kaoru pulled back, but he shifted and sat up slightly. "Ah... sure." 

Kaoru didn't miss the look, pausing right where he was and stroking over Toshiya's cheek with his knuckles. "If I said I wanted you right now, would you think ill of me?" 

Toshiya blinked up at Kaoru, confused. "Think ill of you? No. I'd be relieved, to be honest."

Kaoru breathed out a soft sound and leaned in to gently press his forehead to Toshiya's own. "Good... because I cannot possibly manage to not want you." He let out a soft laugh and glanced down at his own lap. "Sort of... obvious."

Toshiya flushed a little, reaching up to cup Kaoru's face then glancing downward. "I'm, uhm, having the same obvious... problem."

Kaoru's eyes slid over to Toshiya's lap, his tongue sliding out to lick over his lower lip. A shiver slid through him once again and he finally murmured, "Sit on the couch, I want to blow you."

Toshiya let out a half groan, half whimper, immediately settling on the couch again, his cock throbbing in his pants. "Oh God, please do then."

Kaoru moved enough to let Toshiya up and then settled on his knees, opening his own pants. "Take your dick out." He wasn't making any bones about this what-so-fucking-ever. 

Toshiya shifted a bit and unzipped his jeans, quickly freeing his cock from the confines of his boxers, giving it a few strokes with a groan. 

Kaoru let out a soft grunt, reaching for his remote between the couch cushions and turning on his stereo, his How to Destroy Angels CD playing. He sat back and reached for his bong, doing one quick hit and placing it back on the counter. He leaned in and breathed the smoke over the tip of Toshiya's cock with a groan. A moment later, he had him in his mouth, giving him the most languid blowjob known to man.

Toshiya watched Kaoru's actions, smirking as the other turned on the music. The guitarist had always struck him as the type to really set the mood up. When he felt the still warm smoke blowing over his cock, he let out a low moan, reaching down to thread his fingers in Kaoru's hair softly as lips wrapped around him. "Gods..."

Kaoru's head moved slowly, his mouth taking all of Toshiya's cock in and then slipping it all right back out. Each draw upwards was punctuated by a soft sound of some variety from the guitarist, a moan, a groan, a soft huff of breath, and at times even a gasp when he passed his fingers over his own cock.

Toshiya let out soft moans as Kaoru's mouth moved on him, his hips rolling slightly every now and again. The pace was almost unbearably slow, but something about it enticed him. The way Kaoru moved was sensual and all together more arousing than if he was just bobbing his head. Eventually, Toshiya's head dropped back and he just rested his hand in the other's hair, softly panting. 

Kaoru kept up his teasing blowjob for damn near twenty minutes, finally pulling up off his lover's cock with a soft sucking sound and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He reached back and lifted the bong from the table, lighting it again and taking another good hit, this time leaning up and pressing his lips to Toshiya's own, pushing the smoke into the other's lungs with a groan.

Toshiya went from being almost about to cum to not, over and over as Kaoru kept the pace just slow enough that it didn't push him over that edge. When the other sat up and started to light the bong, Toshiya couldn't help reaching down and giving his cock a few strokes, groaning softly. He didn't have time for more than that though because Kaoru was kissing him and breathing smoke into his lungs, making him groan lowly as soon as he'd inhaled it. 

Kaoru pulled back after he'd given Toshiya the shotgun, a languid sort of look in his eyes. He'd had a full-on erection for the entire time and he'd done nothing more than ghost his fingers over it during that time, though he didn't appear to mind. Sliding his tongue out over his lips, he let out a dark sort of chuckle. "Tell me, Toshiya... how do you like edging? Is it driving you crazy?"

Toshiya nipped at Kaoru's bottom lip then let out a sound, gazing up at him. "Absolutely batty... my cock feels like it's going to explode, but in all the best ways." 

Kaoru slicked his tongue out to catch the edge of his mustache, toying with it for a moment before he moved forward, taking Toshiya into his mouth once more, this time going just fast enough to allow for the build-up and release to actually happen. His hand slid down between his legs, his thumb fondling over the tip of his cock as he sucked.

Toshiya watched Kaoru play with his mustache, squirming a little. When his cock was once again engulfed in that warm, wet heat, he let out a soft cry of pleasure, his orgasm quickly building. It didn't take another moment before he was fisting his hand in Kaoru's hair, his hips jerking forward and he was cumming hard down the other's throat with a loud moan.

Kaoru groaned as he felt the first shot of Toshiya's cum hit the back of his throat. He relaxed for the rest of it, willing and waiting for it all. It was still the oddest thing to him that it'd been blowjobs that first attracted him to knowing he liked men in the sexual sort of manner. He sat back once he'd sucked the other completely free of his cum. Idly, he licked his lips and stared up at the other man. "Enjoy?"

Toshiya sat there, panting softly from the intensity of his orgasm. It took him a few moments to respond when Kaoru spoke and instead of answering verbally, he just tugged the other man up and kissed him hard on the lips, his hand going to wrap around the other's length. 

Kaoru groaned as he was pulled into Toshiya's arms, the other's hand slipping around his cock. But that wasn't what he wanted, it wasn't his desire for the evening. He gently pushed Toshiya's hand away and stood up, still kissing him the entire time. Once he was standing, he pulled back and held out his hand. "Come."

Toshiya blinked, a little confused, but stood anyway, wavering just slightly on the spot before taking Kaoru's hand, smirking a bit. "I already did..."

A very inelegant snort came from Kaoru before he pulled Toshiya down the hall after him. Once they arrived in the bedroom, Kaoru pushed him down on the bed, following and then reaching under his pillow, drawing out a dildo he'd finally caved in and bought so he could pleasure himself while he'd been alone this whole month. He pressed it into Toshiya's hand wordlessly, the lube coming next. After a moment, he straddled Toshiya and waited, far enough up off his body to allow him access, but close enough that it'd feel real enough for him to cum fast once it was inserted.

Toshiya just chuckled then followed Kaoru, oomphing slightly as he was pushed on the bed. He stared at the dildo and lube he was handed then licked his lips, shifting to sit up slightly. He spread a good amount of lube on the head of the toy then moved it to rub against Kaoru's entrance, pressing a little and finding access easy enough to push the toy in slowly. 

Kaoru let out a soft moan as the dildo started to slide into him. He'd been using it enough and it was small enough that he didn't have to have any prep at all to take it. He pushed down on it, closing his eyes and pretending he was sinking down on Toshiya's cock. His dick gave a jerk and he moaned, flexing his hips a bit as pleasure coursed through his body.

Toshiya watched his lover's face as he started thrusting the dildo into him, going slowly at first then increasing the pace as he worked it in and out of Kaoru's body. "You're so goddamned sexy right now, Kao..."

Kaoru's breathing sped up quickly, his hips arching as he obviously enjoyed the fuck. It only took less than a minute before he started to cum, not even having touched his cock at all. Spurt after spurt of it landed on Toshiya's stomach, Kaoru throwing his head back in a silent scream as the pleasure of it coursed through his body.

Toshiya found himself getting aroused again at just watching Kaoru as he fucked him with the toy. As he came, Toshiya ramped up the speed for a few seconds then slowly eased the dildo from Kaoru's body, letting it drop to the floor to be cleaned later. He slid his hands over Kaoru's chest then down to his stomach, smirking a little at the amount. "Damn, Kao..." 

Kaoru sat there on his knees, finally breathing again after holding it when he came. He looked down as Toshiya spoke, seeing the amount of his cum all over the other's abdomen and he chuckled softly as he slid off his lap and collapsed on the bed beside him. "Mmm... didn't cum this morning."

Toshiya chuckled softly and reached out, pulling Kaoru to him for a deep, passionate kiss. "Thank you." 

Kaoru lazily stared at his lover, reaching to lightly run his fingers through the mess on his stomach. "So I guess I'm good at blowjobs when I'm high then?" 

Toshiya's stomach twitched a little at Kaoru's touch, a smile working its way onto his face. "Mm, very much so, but that isn't what I meant." 

"What did you mean, then?" he asked softly, looking up at him and studying him closely.

Toshiya reached out to run his hand through Kaoru's hair as he tried to find the right words. "I meant thank you for... for not being tired of me... for not pushing me away." 

Kaoru reached to gently run his hand over his cheek. "I'm not at all tired of you. If anything, I miss you a lot. It's just... I'm not used to sharing certain things, though... I can try if that would make you more comfortable."

Toshiya smiled softly, leaning into Kaoru's touch. Knowing that he was missed was honestly a relief because he'd assumed the worst during these past several weeks of basically no contact. "You don't have to but, a call or text to let me know that you're just dealing with stuff... would be enough."

Kaoru nodded a little and gave him a tiny smile. "I think I can manage that at least."

Toshiya leaned in to kiss Kaoru's lips softly before sitting up and looking down at his stomach. "Clean up time..." 

Kaoru smirked a little at him and then rolled over, grabbing some tissues and wiping up his fingers and the tip of his dick before mopping up Toshiya's abdomen as well. He tossed the tissue and wiped up the lube from his inner thighs and cleaned between his cheeks before taking a pump of his hand sanitizer and rubbing his hands together, flopping back on the bed. "Can I ask an awkward question about one of the other guys?"

Toshiya let Kaoru clean him up, smiling at his thoroughness. He settled back against the pillows, stretching a bit. He turned his head to look at Kaoru, eyebrow raised. "Sure..." 

"Are Die and Kyo into... um... some strange things?" He glanced up at Toshiya. "I mean... I think Die sent me a picture that should have gone to Kyo the other day with a note that was... weird. I didn't reply and I just deleted it because that's not something I'd want to know I sent to the wrong person, but... um... awkward."

Toshiya blinked then let out a laugh. "Well, I'm pretty sure they both are into some kinky stuff... why? What kinda picture?" He was completely curious now and also quite amused. 

Kaoru cleared his throat. "It was a picture of Die pissing... I guess it wouldn't have been obvious it was him except that it was definitely his tattoo." He gave Toshiya a sort of hazy look. "And he asked Kyo to come home soon and make sure to bring his punishment with him."

Toshiya's mouth gaped open in vague shock. "Oh, wow, so... Die's got a watersports fetish." He sat there for a moment then snorted. "You know, I always kinda suspected he had a thing for pissing... but wow." 

Kaoru shrugged a little. "It was definitely strange, to say the least. But I suppose I shouldn't judge people based on fetishes, should I?" He looked up at the ceiling and wet his lips a little. "What strange things do you like?"

Toshiya hummed and shrugged as well. "I suppose not... we all have our things, right?" At Kaoru's question, he flushed a little, glancing at him then away. "Well... I like being submissive to a point, but I don't guess that's all that strange. Uhm... I like being fucked in front of a mirror or window... so I can watch." 

Kaoru made a soft sound. "Mirrors sound good to me." He licked his lips a little and then murmured, "You just witnessed my entire kink. Involving pot in sex and edging."

Toshiya bit his lip then turned on his side, reaching out to run his hand over Kaoru's side lightly. "I can completely deal with that..." 

Kaoru reached down to scratch an itch and then rolled out of the bed, padding off toward the kitchen, clad only in his tank top. He came back with two beers, sitting on the bed and passing one over to Toshiya. "So... agreement we never tell Die we know?"

Toshiya watched with some interest as Kaoru's naked behind was presented to his view. When Kaoru came back with beers, he took his and popped it open, taking a sip. "Agreed. I think it might horrify him if he knew we knew...."

"More than horrify... you know how Die is when he thinks some big secret has come out about him. I just hope he doesn't notice he sent it to me, that's all." He sighed. "I texted him like twenty times in a row so he'd hopefully lose it off the top of the screen so he wouldn't notice."

Toshiya nodded and shook his head. "Maybe that'll work, otherwise... I'd just play it off as no big deal or something." He wrinkled his nose and shifted closer to Kaoru, getting comfortable. 

"Maybe like... um... hey, I know, like it's Kyo with the fetish? Though... come to think of it, what if it is Kyo's and not Die's? I mean... the context of it would sort of imply that maybe Kyo told him he couldn't?" Kaoru looked a bit confused this time, taking a swig of his beer.

Toshiya sipped his beer and shrugged a little. "That could be... but I think Kyo's more into blood and pain. Like I said though, I've kinda suspected Die had a thing about pissing. Like on the last tour, I caught him squirming in his seat for nearly an hour one night before getting up and going to the toilet... and by the time he went, his pants were tented out." 

Kaoru let out a soft grunt. "I wonder what it is that gets him going about it. It just seems so... not sexual."

Toshiya cocked his head, taking a long swig of beer. "Well... I've seen porn with it in it... and it's like... think about morning wood... and how good it feels to jerk off before going to piss. I think there's something about the feeling... I dunno. I haven't really considered it."

Kaoru turned to look at him and blinked a little. "Hmm... well... I guess." He shrugged. "Like the relief of pissing after orgasm or something?" And then another thought struck him. "Do you think he jerks off every time he pisses?"

Toshiya shook his head. "Kao, you're overanalyzing it... I doubt it though. I don't jerk off every time I see myself in the mirror."

Kaoru gave him a little surprised look and then laughed. "Yes... you're right." He rolled over and put his beer on the table, gazing up at the ceiling again. "Jesus _fuck_ he gave us the good shit this time."

Toshiya drained the rest of his beer and felt the world go a little lopsided for a second before righting itself. He laughed and flopped back, moving to rest his head on Kaoru's chest. "Mmmhmm... cost quite the pretty penny too, but don't ask how much. It's a secret."

Kaoru grunted and nodded. "This is going to last a good long time." He leaned into Toshiya again. "Want to fuck again?"

Toshiya nodded in agreement then lifted his head, smirking. "Only if you'll fuck me up the ass this time, baby." 

"I'm just high enough, I think... I can manage that." He chuckled as he pushed Toshiya over and pushed his legs apart. He shifted over him and started to grind against him as he reached on the night stand and picked up a condom. "How much prep do you need?"

Toshiya grunted as he was pushed over and spread open, situating his legs to give Kaoru access. "Mm, just lube up and fuck me..." While waiting, he reached down and ran his hand over his half-hard cock, talk of fetishes having affected him somewhat.

Kaoru grunted, thrusting against his hip for a moment, just staying there, his head bowed, hair falling around them as he watched his cock slide back and forth over Toshiya's hip. "Oh god," he hissed out, rutting against him in a manner that made it clear he was definitely still horny.

Toshiya glanced between them, watching as Kaoru humped against his hip. He groaned softly and shifted, reaching out to grasp Kaoru's hips and move him to grind their lengths together, shuddering at the contact. "Ahh... Kao..."

The new position was even better and one that Kaoru didn't really want to give up just yet. He thrust again him, one hand on the headboard, the other on Toshiya's hip. "Oh yeah... oh Toshiya... oh god, your fucking _dick_!"

Toshiya groaned and brought one leg up to wrap around Kaoru's waist, bucking harder against him, his head thrown back with pleasure as their cocks rubbed together. "Oh God... nng... yes!" 

Kaoru let out a choked sort of sound, finally pulling back and hurriedly rolling the condom on, squirting some lube on, and then positioning himself against the other's asshole. He whimpered a little as he started to push into Toshiya's tight passage. The feeling of the whole thing sort of overwhelmed him; the tightness, the heat.

Toshiya whimpered when Kaoru pulled away finally, his cock rock hard and weeping by then. He watched with half-lidded eyes as the other lubed himself up and got into position. He took a breath and released it, forcing his body to relax as Kaoru began pushing into him, a moan sliding past his lips as he was filled. 

Kaoru's hips jerked when he finally got all the way in. He shivered slightly and then hunched over the other, starting to thrust, watching his cock move in and out of the other's body. It wasn't so much different from a woman, though much tighter, and he got to see Toshiya's dick in the process.

Toshiya reached his hands up to cling to Kaoru's shoulders, moaning softly as he brought both long legs up to his chest, giving Kaoru better access. "Kao-ru! Oh! YES!" 

Kaoru took hold of Toshiya's legs, using them for a little bit more leverage. He shook his hair back from his face, looking down again and watching as his dick disappeared over and over into Toshiya's body. His heart was racing. "O-oh," he murmured softly, "it's so... ah... oh," he hissed out.

Toshiya was panting by this point, his nails digging into Kaoru's upper arms where his hands had slid down. Eventually, he let go and moved one hand down to stroke over his own cock, letting out soft cry of pleasure. "Hnng... ha-harder... fuck..."

Kaoru immediately complied, thrusting as fast and as hard as he could. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room along with Kaoru's quite vocal offerings of their sexual expedition. 

Toshiya jerked his cock faster, matching Kaoru's thrusts. He looked up his lover, screaming out, rather loudly, "AI PAPI!" not really knowing where he got that from, but going with it. 

Kaoru seemed to catch the phrase and latch onto it rather happily. He groaned, spreading his legs a little for more leverage and started to thrust hard into his lover's body. "Fuck! Toshiya! Say it again!"

Toshiya moaned loudly, arching off the bed. "Ai Pa-pi!!!" He screamed it, his body clenching hard around Kaoru as he suddenly started cumming. "P-papi!" 

"Oh yeah, oh god... fucking... yes!" The moment Toshiya's body clenched and he started to cum, Kaoru thrust as fast as he could stopping only when his orgasm hit him, cum spurting out into the latex barrier between them. "Fuck," he whimpered out, his cock throbbing, still buried deep inside the other.

Toshiya shuddered as Kaoru continued to pound into his sensitive body. He gave a soft whimper when he felt the other's cock pulsing within him, briefly wishing he could feel his cum filling him. "Oh... _Kaoru_."

Kaoru pulled out after a moment and tugged the condom off, tossing it in the trashcan and slumping over Toshiya, staring down at the other's cum on his chest. "Hnngg..." he shivered a little. "Okay... I don't care where you got papi from, but it does it for me."

Toshiya slowly let his legs fall, one still bent out to the side, the other straightening out. He gave a huff of breath and looked up at Kaoru, licking his lips. "I... I don't know... Mexican porn channel maybe?, But...mmm I have no issue calling you _papi_..."

Kaoru chuckled. "Mmm... Mexican, huh?" He leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Got a thing for the Mexican look, do you?"

Toshiya shivered slightly then blushed. "Maybe... at least on you." 

"Well, I admit to a certain... style... influencing me lately. So I'm glad you approve of it." He lightly kissed Toshiya's cheek and then pulled back, shakily laying down and closing his eyes this time. "Okay, now I'm worn out."

Toshiya hummed softly then shifted, grabbing some tissues to wipe his stomach off again, then some down between his legs. After tossing them, he shifted over to curl up against Kaoru, smiling as his eyes slid shut. "I do approve very much... Papi," he murmured before starting to doze. 

Kaoru allowed himself to reach over and take Toshiya's hand, tugging the covers up to cover their lower halves, noticing how close to sleep Toshiya was already. They could do this tonight, especially with how much he'd neglected him. He closed his eyes and slowly relaxed, letting out a soft snore as he started to doze off himself.


	6. Chapter 6

Things had gone so amazingly the night Toshiya had come over, that Kaoru found he desperately wanted to make everything up to his lover for all the holiday time he'd missed. And so, a week later, he found the time to get a plan together for them. He had a meal catered in to his newly cleaned and reorganized apartment. Everything was sparkling clean and the meal of fish, soup, and rice was laid out, a bottle of expensive wine in the center of the table, everything on fine china. He had bothered to dress up, a lot of effort going into the whole thing. And then he waited, standing nervously by the door, waiting on his lover to arrive.

Toshiya had received a text from Kaoru a few days after he'd spent the night entangled in his arms, bidding him to come to his place for a nice dinner the following evening. He had realized that it had been their first time actually spending a full night together and the thought had had him smiling the entire rest of the week. Tonight was no different and as he made his way up to Kaoru's door, dressed in a black flowing shirt, a skirt that he knew Kaoru secretly loved and matching leggings, he found himself grinning from ear to ear. He knocked on the door then stuck his hands behind his back, hiding the two intertwined red roses. 

Kaoru opened the door immediately, looking a little bit freaked out and slightly pale. He ran his hand through his hair and pursed his lips a little. "Hi..." he let him in and then shut the door behind them. "Thank you for coming."

Toshiya smiled softly at Kaoru as he stepped in, holding onto the roses while he quickly slipped out of his shoes. He gave his lover's outfit an appraising look, loving how the man looked when he put a lot of effort into his fashion. "Thank you for inviting me." He looked around the apartment and whistled softly. "Oh, wow, the place looks great... as do you." 

Kaoru flushed a little and licked his lips. He reached for the flowers and awkwardly sniffed them, still not quite used to this whole thing. He scratched his head a little and then gestured the other in after him. "I had our food catered because we both know we didn't want me trying to make it." He let out a soft laugh.

Toshiya smiled a little and followed after Kaoru, looking over the meal. "Well, it looks delicious, Kaoru." He hesitated a moment then moved to settle in one of the chairs. He could tell Kaoru was oddly nervous and a bit lost, given he didn't even mention the roses and he looked somewhat scared of the whole situation. 

Kaoru fumbled around, getting out a vase he didn't even know he had, small purple violets printed on the side. He gave it an odd look and put it on the counter, putting some water in it and putting the roses inside. He then turned back toward Toshiya, rubbing his hands on his pants. "I'm going to be right up front with this. I'm sorry if this goes oddly, I'm still not used to this. It's like... I'm not used to how I'm supposed to be acting."

Toshiya watched Kaoru fumble with the vase and roses, a half-smile on his face. When the other spoke, he tilted his head a little, a tiny frown on his lips. "It's okay, Kao, just act like yourself." 

Kaoru smiled a little at him and then shrugged as he sat down in his chair, straightening his shirt a little. "You want to know the honest truth of it all? I've always been bad at this sort of thing... dating, I mean. This is why my relationships always fall apart. I suck at dating, I'm not good at the being honest with the sex part of things, and I freak out once a year."

Toshiya crossed his legs rather lady-like and shrugged a little. "That's okay. Just... be honest with me, you know? Let me know when you're feeling awkward or things aren't okay with you. That's all I ask." He offered the other a slight smile, reaching over to squeeze his hand. 

"Where's your awkward?" He licked his lips a little and then finally reached to start serving up their food. 

Toshiya blinked at the question then shrugged. "I, uhm, I don't know..." He reached to take a sip of his soup then looked up at Kaoru. "Maybe it's that I get really paranoid in relationships... I constantly worry that I'm not doing something right or not paying enough attention..." 

Kaoru nodded a little. "Sounds like me on that one." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, finally stopping fidgeting and getting some food on his plate, starting to eat.

Toshiya hummed softly and started in on his meal, stealing little glances at Kaoru every once in a while. He was completely in love with his lover's current look at the moment. The Spanish/Mexican influence really worked well on him and it reminded him of their recent night together where he'd slipped and called out a term that was definitely _not_ Japanese. 

With a soft chuckle at his thoughts, he went back to eating, taking small bites of the fish and savoring it. 

Kaoru arched an eyebrow at him, smirking a little. "What're you thinking about?" He tilted his head in a questioning sort of fashion. "It must be good."

Toshiya looked up and blushed a little, picking up his napkin to wipe his mouth. "I, um... actually I was thinking of the other night... and calling you 'papi'...." 

The guitarist almost choked on his food, chuckling just after. "Ah... well." He coughed. "That was actually very nice."

Toshiya had half stood up to pat Kaoru on the back but settled back in his seat, laughing a little, still blushing. "Yes, sorry... that's not proper dinner table talk. I was just thinking of how well it fit you though." He smiled and went back to eating, starting in on his rice. 

Kaoru waved him off and shook his head a little. "We've never been proper, honestly. So I can't say I mind." He stroked over his mustache and then glanced down at his plate again. "I wouldn't be adverse to you using it more regularly," he murmured softly.

Toshiya licked his lips and set his rice bowl down, looking over at Kaoru. "I have no problem with that... Papi." 

"Bedroom, Toshiya... bedroom." Kaoru made a soft clicking sound with his tongue and shook his head. "Just the bedroom, baby."

The bassist chuckled and took the final sip of soup, leaning back with a satisfied sigh. "As you wish..." 

It only took them a few more minutes to finish up dinner and when they had, Kaoru quickly put away the leftovers and put the dishes in the dishwasher, not wanting his apartment to get back to its former disarray. "I never thanked you for that number by the way... these people did a wonderful job of this place. And," he held up a finger, "I had no idea I had so much shit I didn't know about." 

Toshiya watched as Kaoru put everything away, standing to help, but finding that the other had it all under control. Instead, he settled his hip against the counter and toyed with the hem of his skirt, humming softly. "You're welcome. I'm really glad they worked out for you. You even seem happier now..." 

Kaoru nodded. "I guess cleaning out the shit sort of helped my funk a bit. Also..." he glanced back at Toshiya. "Not a word about it, but I have decided I'm going to try going to a counselor again."

Toshiya nodded then bit his lip, pushing off the counter and reaching out to take Kaoru's hands, squeezing them lightly, not pushing for more contact at the moment. "I think that may be a good idea... to have someone that can help you through these funks..." 

He nodded slightly. "I don't know if it'll help, but it's worth a try since I finally have someone who cares about me. I need to care more about myself, right?"

The bassist ducked his head a little and nodded. "Yeah, you do." He smiled then let go of Kaoru, moving to pour them each a glass of wine, handing Kaoru one.

Kaoru accepted his with a soft smile, surprised he'd forgotten about it. He gestured Toshiya after him into the living room. "I could get in so much shit for what all they found... I need to figure out a way to get rid of pieces of it at a time, but look at this." He led the bassist into the room and opened what looked like a liquor cabinet. He gestured inside at more than a dozen different bongs and pipes, lighters of all shapes and sizes, and way more weed than was even a misdemeanor. "Look at this shit. It was all over my house. I had no idea."

Toshiya took a sip of his wine then followed Kaoru, bending down to look inside the cabinet, gaping a little. "Oh wow... uhm... flush it? Give it to Boss? ... smoke it?" 

Kaoru snapped his fingers. "Bingo on the last one. But... it's the rest I'm worried about, really." He shook his head. "It's a bit obvious, the rest I could hide. But seriously, I need to get in the habit of finishing off what he gives me rather than being an idiot and keeping part of it each time. Maybe this is why I feel like I smoke more than I do."

Toshiya hummed and knelt down, picking up one of the bongs and looking it over. It wasn't really in a good state, part of it being cracked. "You could take some of the ones that aren't in the greatest shape and just crush them or something." He looked up at Kaoru and chuckled at the last bit. "You don't smoke that much after all, hmm?"

"That sounds like a plan to me. No one can deduct what the glass was before it was smashed, I suppose." He took a sip of his wine and gave him a look over the rim of his glass. "Let's say my habit is apparently half of what I thought it was."

Toshiya nodded and stood back up, draining the rest of his glass and setting it down. "I see... and here I thought you were rather heavy in your use." He laughed softly and shrugged. "I don't care either way though... I just want you to be careful with it."

"I've just been a poor example lately, that's all. I guess the holiday season tends to be my stronger use sort of time." He ran his hand through his hair again, shaking out the curls a bit. "I'm not as bad as I've made it appear in the few times we've seen one another lately... or as this makes it look. I just misplace things a lot, so I earned myself a collection."

"It makes sense I guess. Weed makes you happy, so it's a mood booster when you're down the most." The taller shrugged then finally reached out, placing his hands on Kaoru's upper arms, sliding them up and down lightly. "So what else did you discover?" 

"That the amount of utterly useless porn in this house is phenomenal. I got rid of most of that the easy way though. I left it where the kids downstairs would find it. Goldmine for them and got it out of my house." He chuckled softly.

Toshiya snorted and shook his head. "You should've let me seen some of it." He grinned then moved away to settle on Kaoru's couch, looking at the other. 

"Oh no... no, no, no. I got into some pretty strange shit trying to figure out why it wasn't doing it for me." He glanced at him. "Don't worry, the truly strange shit, I tossed in the garbage, I didn't give that to the kids."

Toshiya raised an eyebrow and shifted forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Care to divulge what that strange shit was...? You don't have to... I'm just curious." 

"Well... let's just say it got to be into things like women with abnormally huge tits, people in extreme bondage, latex... and a bit further than that."

"Oh, I see..." He shuddered a bit. "Extreme bondage just makes me nauseous... I couldn't deal with being _that_ restrained. You know?" 

"I feel ya there... honestly, I didn't like any of it, I was just so desperate toward the end to find something I could still get off to that it hurt."

Toshiya frowned a little, patting the seat next to him, indicating he wanted Kaoru to sit down. "I'm sorry you went through so much trouble with it."

Kaoru moved to sit next to Toshiya, leaning back on the seat and stretching a bit. "It's okay... I think all the pain-in-the-ass-ness led me to here in the end anyway, right?"

The bassist shifted and rested his hand on Kaoru's knee, nodding a little. "Maybe so..." He looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, chewing his bottom lip. 

Kaoru took another sip of his wine and then murmured, "Out with it, Toshiya..." That look only meant one thing and it meant clearly he needed to come out with something.

Toshiya took a breath and let it out slowly, shifting a little. "I just, I feel guilty. I feel like I pushed you into something you weren't ready for." There, he'd said it. He'd been feeling like that for a while now, especially since Kaoru seemed rather uncomfortable and hesitant relationship wise. 

Kaoru blinked at him and then looked down into his wine glass and shook his head. "No... you haven't forced me into anything, that much I promise. I needed out of my shell and this was the only way to really do it. I may as well be doing so with you, the person who cares this much about me, right?"

Toshiya thought about it for a moment then nodded his head slowly. "I guess you're right about that." He looked up at Kaoru again and reached out, stroking his hand over the other's cheek. 

"Stop worrying so much about our relationship. Worrying is the downfall of many things." He offered a small smile. "Trust the kind worrier on this one."

Toshiya huffed a little then leaned forward, pressing his lips to Kaoru's softly. "I'll try my best..." 

Kaoru shifted a little bit closer to Toshiya, reaching to curl his fingers around the bassist's own. "You know... I have to admit, as shitty as the beginning of the other night was, the end was real nice."

Toshiya squeezed Kaoru's hand and smiled a little, tingles of arousal going through him as he thought of their time together. Indeed, the beginning had been horrible, mostly thanks to him, but the end had been picture perfect. "Mm, I have to agree..." 

In all honesty, Kaoru wanted more than to just sit around holding Toshiya's hand, but he also realized that he'd lead the other on so many times that he sort of owed it to him to keep his hands to himself for a bit, then to just be more typical about it and say he wanted to fuck. So, for now, he settled down and flicked on a CD, mellow tunes floating through the air as he shifted a bit on his seat. "Let me give you a massage."

Toshiya watched Kaoru with interest, smiling a little when the music came on. At the other's request, he cocked his head slightly. "A massage... would actually be wonderful." He shifted forward and tugged his shirt and tank top off, shivering a little at the cool air. 

Kaoru pushed himself up on the couch and then settled behind the other, his crotch firmly pressed against Toshiya's ass. It was a nice position and he knew it wouldn't be too long before Toshiya would know his secondary intentions with this. But maybe that was easier. He reached out and ran his hands lightly over the other's skin, starting to rub at his shoulders a moment later.

Toshiya bit back a groan as Kaoru pressed against him just so. He couldn't help it but when it came to the guitarist, his libido was out of control. He settled himself though and just let his shoulders relax as the other touched him. "Ahh... it's been a while since anyone has given me a massage." 

Kaoru did his very best with the massage, trying to duplicate what their staff tended to do for them, but with a bit more of a sultry edge to it. It took him near twenty minutes before he could feel his cock starting to harden in his pants. He shifted his hips forward to press himself against the bassist's backside with a little groan. "I want you... I want to fuck you. Right here, right now."

Toshiya had managed to relax quite a bit as Kaoru's hands worked over his bare back and shoulders. The way his lover was touching him had a sensual air to it and he found himself with his jeans rather tight by the time Kaoru shifted. Feeling the other's arousal against him made him groan softly and he leaned back, grabbing Kaoru's hand to place over the sizeable tent in his pants. "Then please do..."

Kaoru groaned, groping rather lewdly at the other's cock. "God... I just... I want to fuck you so hard." He let out a soft huff of breath and then quickly unfastened his pants, freeing his dick. 

He pushed Toshiya forward a little bit. "Come on, baby. I need my dick inside you." It was just the truth, he'd been thinking of nothing but fucking Toshiya since their last fuck and he wanted him in a way he'd rarely wanted anything else in his life. He shivered a little, fishing between the cushions for the lube he'd used last night to jerk off, taking it out and squirting it on his dick before tucking it back between the cushions. Quickly fisting his cock in his hand few times, he shuddered. "Oh yeah... oh god... I'm gonna fuck your tight ass."

Toshiya shuddered at Kaoru's lewdness, pushing his hips up into the other's hand for a moment before shifting forward and glancing back at Kaoru, watching him lube up sans condom, the thought making him moan softly. 

He quickly stood and pushed out of his jeans and underwear, turning around to face Kaoru, his cock standing out. "Fuck Kaoru..." He straddled his lap, immediately sinking down on Kaoru, crying out. "Ah!" 

Kaoru let out a growl. He'd almost intended to fuck him from behind, but the fact that Toshiya was willing to come and sit down on his dick just like that held its own definite charm. He grunted a little and immediately started thrusting, unable to even remotely stop himself from being fast and sloppy with it. "Dear god, I want your fucking ass so fucking bad," he hissed out.

Toshiya reached out and grabbed hold of Kaoru's shoulders, his head dropping back as he started to ride his dick, moaning like a porn star. "Oh God, yes! Fuck me! Fuck my ass... Papi!" 

Kaoru snarled at the use of papi, spreading his legs a little bit for some leverage, helping Toshiya fuck himself on his dick. It felt so good, the heat slipping around him as he thrust. Little grunts of exertion left him as he worked, his eyes intent on where his cock was disappearing into the other man's body. "Fuck!" he cried out, so aroused his was sure he was absolutely shaking with it.

Toshiya was completely blown away by the intensity in which Kaoru was fucking him. He dragged his nails down the other's chest as he bounced on his cock, nearly breathless with the effort, his aching length slapping against his stomach. "Ah! _Yes!_ "   
It took Kaoru a moment to actually focus enough to realize he needed to help Toshiya along as well. He reached out, wrapping his fingers around his lover's cock, stroking him in a twisting sort of manner. He licked his lips as he stared at what he was doing. "I want you to finish... ah! ... in my... ah!" he thrust up erratically for a moment, "in my fucking mouth, understand?"

Toshiya could only moan as Kaoru's hand wrapped around his dick, he slowed his movements to a steady rocking, his head coming forward to bury against Kaoru's neck, nipping the skin there a little roughly. "Oh God... yes..." He sat back and redoubled his efforts on Kaoru's cock, intent on feeling the other cum in him first. "Ah... please... _Papi_... cum in my ass... nng... fill me up!"

Kaoru let out a cry and then bucked up into him, hissing out, "Oh god, you want my fucking cum, you fucking slut?!" He let go of his dick and grabbed his hips, forcing him up a bit and then using every ounce of his strength to pound up into his body. "Oh god! Oh yes! I fucking... oh... oh yeah! Jerked off thinking of... oh gods your goddamned fucking ass is so fucking tight!" His hips slammed up again and he stopped, his dick twitching as he spurted his hot cum into the other's ass. "Shiiiit," he hissed out between gritted teeth.

Toshiya could barely stop himself from cumming as Kaoru slammed up into him. The words spewing from the other's mouth didn't help any and his cock throbbed with each obscenity. "Oh fuck, KAORU!" The feel of the other's jizz shooting into his ass nearly pushed him over the edge and without waiting for it to stop, he shifted up on his knees, taking his cock in his hand and aimed it at Kaoru's mouth. "Ung... open your fucking mouth..." 

Kaoru bowed his head, shifting enough to get his mouth over just the tip of Toshiya's cock, waiting on what he'd asked for, his tongue flicking over the slit, tasting his desire there. Oh god how he wanted the cum in his mouth right then.

Toshiya grunted and pushed one leg up to half stand, getting his cock past Kaoru's lips. All it took was the feel of his lover's tongue on him and he was gone, a loud moan escaping him as he shot down Kaoru's throat. "Fuck _YES_!"

Kaoru let out a slightly shocked sound, but swallowed around the other's cock, taking all his jizz as it was delivered into his mouth. When he was sure the other was done, he sat back and licked his lips, gazing up at Toshiya. "God I wanted to fuck." He tilted his head back and groaned a little before letting out a tiny laugh. "Sorry if I was a bit blunt."

Toshiya finished then slumped down in Kaoru's lap, letting out a moan. It took him a few moments to be able to look up at Kaoru, huffing out a laugh. "I... um... fuck... I loved it..."

Kaoru sat there, staring up at Toshiya, licking his lips a little. He tilted his head back again and huffed out a laugh. "God... sex has never been this good."

Toshiya blushed slightly, idly running his hands over Kaoru's chest, looking at the scratches he'd left. "I... have to agree... because... fuck Kaoru..."

Kaoru looked down at the scratches himself, a bit surprised. He chuckled softly. "Mmm... I can't say I've been marked quite like that before. It's... nice."

Toshiya licked his lips and laughed a little. "Sorry... I'm um... not usually so rough..." 

"No... no sorry." He reached up and pulled Toshiya in close, pushing his tongue into his lover's mouth, kissing him deeply.

The bassist groaned softly, kissing Kaoru back eagerly, tasting himself still lingering on his tongue. He pushed his hand into Kaoru's hair, shifting on his lap a bit without breaking the kiss.

Kaoru let out a little sound into the kiss, finally breaking it after a few minutes. "Toshiya, god... if we don't stop, I'll end up hard again." He licked his lips a little and chuckled. "Apparently you've opened me up." He ran his hand over his cheek. "I hope I'm doing okay with... this end of the bargain."  
Toshiya laughed softly and glanced down between them as if to see if Kaoru was getting aroused again. He could very easily get hard again himself. "I... know the feeling." He squirmed a little then looked at Kaoru, smiling softly as he leaned into his touch. "You're doing wonderfully, Kaoru... and... you know... I have _no_ problem switching... honestly." 

A little shiver of desire slid through Kaoru's body at that comment. He cleared his throat and then offered quietly, "I could... um... I could go again, if you'd... you know." Suddenly, he was quite the opposite of what he'd been before, asking for what he wanted in a little less orthodox kind of way.

Toshiya ran his eyes over Kaoru then smirked, running his hand down his chest before standing up slowly. "Oh, I think I can manage." He held out his hand, intent on carrying this to the bedroom now. 

Kaoru swallowed a little, fishing out the lube and handing it to Toshiya before getting up and heading to the bedroom, pausing to get rid of his pants and his shirt, crawling onto the bed in the darkness, his hands shaking slightly as he sank back on the pillows.

Toshiya took the lube and followed Kaoru into the bedroom, moving to settle on the bed beside him, leaning down to kiss him lightly before sliding his hand down over his length. He stroked Kaoru slowly for a moment, intent on bringing him back to full hardness. "Kao, anytime you want something... just ask... no matter what it is."

Kaoru's body's response was immediate, his hips arching up and his hands clenching in the bed sheets. He bit his lip a little and whined softly. "Oh god," he murmured softly. "Please... please... just... touch me."

Toshiya took on a whole new attitude compared to what they'd just been doing. He shifted and leaned over Kaoru, kissing long his neck and down his chest, taking a nipple into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue as he slowly worked his hand over Kaoru's length. 

Kaoru closed his eyes, letting Toshiya just pleasure him in a slow sort of way. He shivered slightly and pursed his lips. After a moment, he decided to give Toshiya a little help in this department. He pushed Toshiya's hand down to the slight curve of his hip, accentuated by the slight amount of weight he'd put on as of late. He coaxed the others fingers lightly over the groove of his hip, pads barely grazing over it. He shivered a little, letting out a moan.

Toshiya caught on rather quickly and moved, shifting more between Kaoru's legs, taking both hands and running them down his sides and over the dip of his hip. He followed the slight crease there downward, then fanned out to scrape over Kaoru's thighs with his nails. Finally, he bent his head down, biting at Kaoru's hip then slowly kissing his way along to his groin but ignored his length for the moment. 

Kaoru's hips jerked a little. "Dear god," he murmured. He bit his lip and shivered slightly. "Toshiya... oh god... I just... I want you, I want this."

Toshiya gave Kaoru's thigh a little bite then sat up, gazing down at his lover. He picked up the lube that he'd brought with him and squirted some on his fingers before shifting forward and brushing them over Kaoru's entrance, sliding one into him slowly. "God... Kao..."

The response was immediate, Kaoru's body clenching around his finger, a gasp issuing into the room. He reached down and held onto Toshiya's wrist for a moment. "I... I... I haven't... in a while... slow."

Toshiya nodded, sliding his free hand up to wrap around Kaoru's length to distract him as he prodded his entrance. He slid his finger in to the first knuckle then back out a few times before he pushed deeper, moaning at the sheer tightness. 

It took a few tries, but eventually Kaoru relaxed, letting go of his hold on Toshiya's hand and lying back on the bed. He stared up into the darkness, an expression of utter pleasure on his face. "Ah... yes," he whispered out.

Toshiya breathed out a soft sigh of relief as he finally felt Kaoru relax. He added a second finger and started to scissor them, stretching Kaoru as best as he could. "I can't wait to sink into your body, baby... so tight... so hot."

Kaoru let out a soft sound, but other than that, didn't say a single thing. He couldn't concentrate on much else than this right then. He licked his lips a little and pushed his hips up in an encouraging sort of manner.

Toshiya eventually added more lube and slid a third finger in, pushing them in and out of Kaoru with increasing speed before finally sliding them out and gazing up at Kaoru. He picked up the lube once more and squirted some on his length, positioning himself at the other's entrance. "Ready?"   
Kaoru breathed out a soft sound of pleasure as Toshiya pulled the fingers from his body. He shifted a little to pull his legs up toward his chest as way of response.

Toshiya licked his lips and slowly pushed into Kaoru, moaning softly as the other's body enveloped him. Once he was to the hilt inside Kaoru, he placed his hands on either side of his head and leaned down, burying his head against the other's neck, trembling slightly from the pleasure of it all. "God..."

Kaoru let out a soft cry as Toshiya slid inside him. It felt so amazing to have his lover's heat inside him. He arched up a bit in an experimental sort of way, gasping, his hips jerking after a moment.

Toshiya moved one hand down to grasp Kaoru's hip, thumbing the little dip there for a moment before starting to move within him, setting up a steady, slow pace. "Oh Kao... baby... so good..." 

Kaoru gasped as the other started to thrust into him. He shivered a little and reached down to grasp his own cock, stroking it slowly as he just enjoyed the sensation of being filled. "Hnng," he let out, his back arching slightly.

Toshiya gave a soft grunt, speeding up a little, pushing harder into Kaoru as his pleasure increased. He hunched over his body, panting slightly from the effort, completely enjoying taking Kaoru this way. 

The faster Toshiya went, the more and more Kaoru let out little breathy moans and groans, his hips thrusting with the other man's, his hand fisting his cock in a desperate sort of manner.

Toshiya's thrusts started to become more and more erratic, his breath coming in pants now. "Ah... K-Kaoru!" He sat back on his heels and grabbed both of the other's hips, pushing into him hard and fast, nearing his end.

Kaoru growled out, "Fuck me, fuck me hard." And rather abruptly, his hips jerked up and he let out a strangled cry, cum splattering over his chest and abdomen as he came so hard he didn't even remember to breathe.

Toshiya complied with Kaoru's request, even as the other started to cum. He slammed hard into his clenching body, groaning loudly as he watched spurt after spurt of Kaoru's cum land on his chest. It only took him another thrust and he was gone, spilling his load into his lover's body, that very act alone making his head swim. "Oh... FUCK!" 

Kaoru's thighs clenched around the other's body, holding him in place as he arched up toward him, looking rather like he was in heaven right then. "Gods," he hissed out.

Toshiya shuddered as he finally came down off his orgasmic high, his body slumping a bit. He reached out to run his hand over Kaoru's messy belly. "Hnng..," was all he could manage. 

Kaoru lay there, looking for all the world like he was going to pass out from the pure pleasure of what had just happened.

The bassist finally shifted and pulled out of his lover's body, moving to the side to collapse beside him, tucking his head against Kaoru's shoulder. "You... are amazing." 

Kaoru let out a dark sort of chuckle. "You can seriously do that again," he murmured.

Toshiya laughed lowly and grinned. "Right now? Can I recover first? Maybe some juice?" 

"Okay... not right now, but... you know what I actually meant," he murmured softly, a slight chuckle on his lips.

Toshiya hummed and nuzzled into Kaoru's neck, running his hand over his chest. "I did... and I will be more than happy to do that again... as often as you like..." 

Kaoru cleared his throat a little and then murmured, "So... does this count as good?"

Toshiya lifted his head and looked at Kaoru, smiling softly. "Yes, this counts as good. Very much so." 

Kaoru smiled softly, reaching to hold Toshiya's hand. "Stay the night again?"

The bassist squeezed Kaoru's hand and nodded. "Of course, but only if we can have a shower...."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, sakura_ame, and eilonwe2

It seemed like forever since Toshiya had been able to spend any time with Kaoru outside of their work environment. He'd attempted a few dates here and there but only one had managed to work out and at the end of it, Kaoru had had to get home to work on some arrangement or other rather than coming to Toshiya's place like the bassist had planned. 

He'd managed to get a kiss here or a lingering touch there but overall, he was beginning to wonder if he was being overly optimistic about his and Kaoru's relationship. Still, though, when time for Kaoru's birthday rolled around, he made plans for them, determined to make it a special night for his lover. 

He'd informed Kaoru nearly two weeks in advanced that this was a date that was unbreakable and that he would be at his place, 7pm sharp on the evening of his birthday. 

He spent a good hour getting ready, bathing and grooming himself completely, including trimming up a few intimate areas. He'd styled his hair, straightening it and brushing it out so that it hung in a silky curtain around his face. The place he'd made their dinner reservation at was rather nice and he'd told Kaoru as much. He, himself, was dressed in black slacks, a white button up and a black vest along with three silver bracelets and a necklace. 

After making sure his appearance was in order, he picked up Kaoru's gift and headed out to the parking lot, getting in his car and driving to Kaoru's apartment. By the time he knocked on the other's door, he was bouncing a little, excitement shining in his eyes. He hoped this would be a good night.

Kaoru had honestly felt more than a little stressed out. Things weren't going too smoothly for him and he honestly didn't know what to think about anything, really. His life, his relationship, the band... none of it.

When the time came around and Toshiya forced the idea that they have a birthday dinner and that he had no choice at all besides to just do it, he felt almost thankful. It wasn't really anything he'd thought about, barely realizing it was drawing near to Kyo's birthday, much less his own. And even when he gave the vocalist his card, he didn't realize completely that his own was so near.

But once he was gently reminded, yet again, that he had a date to go on - this time by his phone playing a soft melody - he went home and got himself ready. By the time he was done, his hair was immaculate, his beard trimmed and his mustache gone for the time being. He wore a black shirt and black tie beneath a burgundy vest with silver patterns across it, suit pants, and an elegant silk, black jacket.

He'd just slipped on his new pair of RedWing boots, tan in color, when the other knocked on his door. Opening it, he slipped his wallet into his pocket, attaching the familiar chain and stepping out with a smile. "Toshiya."

Toshiya was struck breathless when Kaoru opened the door and stepped out, looking absolutely gorgeous. He licked his lips and beamed at his lover before stepping close to kiss him softly then holding out the medium-sized, purple wrapped gift box. "Happy birthday, Kaoru."

Kaoru licked his lips and smirked at him, gesturing him inside as he took the box. Opening the gift, he put the wrapping on the hall table and opened the box, pulling out a very lovely fedora that just happened to be in a silky black with a silver band. "Perfect!" He positioned it on his head and then beamed at Toshiya. "Thank you." Leaning in, he lightly brushed his fingers over Toshiya's cheek, pressing his lips to the bassist's a moment later.

Toshiya watched Kaoru unwrap his gift, feeling a little nervous about it. His worries were unfounded, however, because no sooner had Kaoru gotten the hat out of its box than it was on his head. He smiled happily, leaning into Kaoru's touch, letting his eyes slide closed when he was kissed. He brought his hand up to cover Kaoru's then pulled back. "It looks perfect on you."

Kaoru was, admittedly, confused by how the other pulled back relatively quickly. But he figured perhaps they had a set time for dinner and it made sense. "Are we ready then?" he asked quietly, a soft smile on his lips.

Toshiya nodded, glancing at his watch. "Yes, I took the liberty of making reservations so... I hope that's okay." He looked at Kaoru, a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes before he pushed it way and turned to open the door for Kaoru. He wished he could stop being so damn awkward when it came to their relationship. He felt like a kid that still needed training wheels.

Kaoru smiled softly at the other man, licking his lips a little bit. "I'm good with that, thank you for planning something for me," he murmured. He slipped back outside once the other had held the door open for him, reaching to lock the lower lock from the inside and waiting until Toshiya had shut it so he could lock the top two locks.

Toshiya stepped aside after shutting the door so that Kaoru could finish locking up, then lead him to his car, resisting the urge to reach out and take his hand or something. "I hope you like the place I've chosen. They have a very good privacy policy..." He glanced at Kaoru again, smiling a little. He knew that the other was forever concerned with the band's reputation and figured he'd appreciate the ability to comfortably have a romantic dinner without worry.

Kaoru shot him a soft smile. "Thank you... for thinking of such things even at such a time." He stopped beside the car and pushed his hands a bit awkwardly into his pants pockets, waiting to be inside the car before continuing their conversation.

Toshiya chuckled softly then unlocked the car and opened Kaoru's door before moving around to slide into the driver's seat. He buckled up and started the car then waited on Kaoru to get situated.

Kaoru slipped into the car after the other man, buckling up and then sliding his hands over his thighs, sniffing a little. "I know I've said it before, and I’ll say it again. I seriously have issues with being normal with the whole dating thing."

Toshiya pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street, heading towards the restaurant. "I... know. It's okay, though. This is pretty normal, right? Birthday dinner?"

A tiny smirk graced his lips. "Yeah, I think it is... I hope." He laughed softly and shrugged.

The bassist laughed softly then reached over, giving Kaoru's knee a light squeeze before going back to focusing on the road. The restaurant wasn't very far away and soon he was pulling up to a high rise building, driving up to the valet parking area. "The restaurant is on the 25th floor." He offered by way of explanation, getting out and handing the valet his keys then moving to wait for Kaoru to join him.

The leader took to staring at his leg where Toshiya had touched him, the area tingling pleasantly with the non-departed touch. He honestly wanted so much more from that touch, but he hated coming across like a jerk that only wanted sex, despite the fact that he rarely had time to do anything for himself, much less anything else.

When they arrived at the building, he nodded and stepped out of the car, walking around and straightening his hat with a little smirk. Toshiya grinned at Kaoru then lead him inside the lobby, pushing the elevator button. He was pleased when the silver doors opened right away and soon they were on the car, being taken up to the 25th floor. It was a slow ride so he leaned against the wall and peered at Kaoru. "You look very nice tonight, by the way..."

Kaoru followed the other inside and then leaned himself against the wall across from Toshiya, watching him from under hooded lashes. When he spoke up, he grinned and then ducked his head a little. "Thank you. You do as well."

Toshiya could help but preen a tiny bit, smoothing out his vest a little. "Thanks." It was all he had time to really say as the car stopped and a couple got on. He shifted to the other side so that it wouldn't be awkward and then glanced at Kaoru from the corner of his eye before looking at the man and woman in front of them, quietly hoping that they were oblivious to their identities.

Kaoru slipped out of the elevator and swallowed a little, keeping his head down and his hands in his pockets, hoping that would cover all tracks of who he was. He'd let Toshiya deal with getting them inside and then they'd be okay.

Toshiya found himself wishing he'd thought to bring his sunglasses but ignored the feeling and simply moved down the hallway to the entrance of the restaurant. He gave his last name to the hostess and soon he and Kaoru were being escorted through the large dining room to a semi-private area where very few tables were placed right against the floor to ceiling windows, far apart from one another. Partitions separated each to provide further privacy. 

Once they were seated, Toshiya smiled and reached out, placing his hand over Kaoru's, finally feeling it was safe to do so. "So? What do you think?"

Kaoru followed him to the table and then settled down, one hand resting on the table, the other holding the menu as he perused the contents of it. He turned it over and then smiled at the appetizer options. "It's been years since I've had French food and I'll be damned if I remember what half of this is. How about... you order for me."

Toshiya laughed softly and pulled his hand away, opening the menu up, thankful they'd translated most of it into Japanese. He studied it for a moment and decided on an appetizer and a wine. "Mm, do you want beef, chicken or fish?"

For a long, drawn-out moment Kaoru panicked. Would Toshiya somehow take what he'd said wrong? Had he come across ungrateful? Rude? He opened his mouth to apologize and then promptly snapped it shut when Toshiya laughed. He huffed out a soft sigh and then ran his now-free hand through his hair, looking nervous. "Um... beef?"

Toshiya nodded, flipping to that section and considering the options before choosing one for Kaoru and then chicken for himself. When the waiter came with their bread, he ordered two mini soufflés for their appetizer and a blush wine that would pair well with both their chosen dishes. The waiter asked if they knew what they wanted and he nodded, ordering coq au vin for himself and steak au poivre for Kaoru. 

Once the waiter left, he picked up a mini baguette from the basket and selected the melted, herbed butter to dip it in, taking a bite then smiling at Kaoru. "I hope that'll be okay for you...but really, it's steak with black pepper seasoning."

Kaoru nodded when Toshiya explained what it was. "Sounds great." He reached for a roll as well and then reached to put his hat aside, knowing it was rude to be wearing it inside. "So... I have to thank you... again... for this. It's really nice of you," he murmured quietly. "You really didn't have to."

Toshiya shook his head, taking a sip of his water before speaking. "Please, stop saying that. I _wanted_ to. I know things have been more than stressful lately and I just thought it would be nice to have a real romantic date instead of hitting up the ramen stand at 1 o'clock in the morning after spending all day and night in the studio."

Kaoru had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. He licked his lips a little bit and then nodded. "Yeah, I'm getting tired of ramen and that's... sad, really." He chuckled quietly, reaching to lightly tap at his water glass rather than actually drinking from it. "How'd you find this place?"

Toshiya laughed softly and nodded, "Me, too." He shifted and looked out the window at the view of the city, looking pensive for a second then turning back to Kaoru. "Die recommended it to me, actually. That's how I knew they had the privacy policy."

Kaoru smiled as he too looked out the window, though in presence, actually watching Toshiya in it instead. "He's useful for so many things, isn't he?"

Toshiya snorted softly, opening his mouth to say something inappropriate but snapped it shut because their waiter arrived with their soufflés and wine. He waited until they were alone again to pick up his glass, holding it up. "To a wonderful boyfriend and leader on his birthday."

Kaoru blushed slightly as he picked up his own glass, lightly clinking it to Toshiya's with a smile. "Mmm... and to a wonderful man I'm blessed to have in my life."  
Now it was Toshiya's turn to blush, a giddy sort of feeling coming over him at Kaoru's sentiments. He brought his glass to his lips and took a sip, letting it settle on his tongue before swallowing, humming softly at the flavor. 

Taking advantage of their privacy, he once again sought out Kaoru's hand with his own, lacing their fingers. "You know, to be honest, I didn't know what to get you for your birthday and somehow, that made me feel like a pretty shitty boyfriend. I mean, how could I not know what would make you happy, right?" He shook his head and took another drink, licking a few drops from his lips.

Kaoru, too, took a drink of his wine. When the other spoke, he just squeezed his hand lightly in his own. "Honestly, all I needed was you. But I adore the fedora and it's like you knew exactly what I'd be wearing."

Toshiya blushed a little, a small grin on his face. "It seemed to suit many styles, so that was one of the reasons I chose it." He squeezed Kaoru's hand then gently released it, picking up his fork to sample his soufflé. "Oh, oh wow... this is delicious."

Kaoru turned his attention to the soufflé and took a bite of it, making a surprised little sound. "Oh wow... this is pretty amazing."

Toshiya smiled, taking another bite then following it with some bread. "Mm, glad you like it." He focused on eating for the time being though he was finished with the dish in no time due to its small size. Afterwards, he sat back and washed it down with a hearty drink of his wine then sighed with satisfaction.

Kaoru followed suit, though a bit slower on the eating of it, picking at it little by little, seeming in some ways very unsure of himself. Once he was done, their dishes were taken away and their glasses refilled before he could even touch his own. He picked it back up after and took a small drink, thinking he'd never remember how many he'd had this way that was for damn sure.

The bassist had taken to gazing out the window again though really he was watching his lover, a soft smile on his face. It seemed to him that his feelings for the guitarist had grown deeper and though that frightened him a little, he welcomed it all the same. He finally looked back at the other and cocked his head. "Is everything okay, Kaoru?"  
Kaoru glanced up at Toshiya after a moment and gave a single nod. "Better than okay. Thank you. You?”

Toshiya smiled and nodded. "Absolutely splendid." He licked his lips then grinned, reaching across the table to swipe his thumb over the corner of Kaoru's mouth. "You missed part of your soufflé." He brought it to his own mouth, cleaning it off with a flick of his tongue then chuckling lightly.

Kaoru startled slightly at the action of the other. If he'd been more prone to it, he would have blushed, but as it was, he looked sufficiently embarrassed, letting out a soft laugh. "Apparently."

Toshiya gave Kaoru a crooked grin then sipped at his wine some more, already half way through his second glass. Before the conversation could pick up again, their main courses arrived. He pulled out his knife and fork and began cutting up his chicken before taking a bite. "Mmm..."

Kaoru quickly followed suit with their dinner once it arrived, cutting into his steak at the request of the waiter before he departed, finding it to be around medium rare and pleased with that. Once the waiter took his leave, Kaoru took his first bite, looking absolutely thrilled with it, taking a bite of the potatoes just after and then a piece of the steamed broccoli. After he'd swallowed, he smiled at Toshiya. "This is amazing, thank you."

Toshiya had just taken a bite of his asparagus when Kaoru thanked him and he just ended up waving his hand. After he'd swallowed the bite, he beamed. "I'm glad you approve. I didn't think I could go wrong with steak."

"Mmm... you never know, I've had some pretty crappy steaks in my life," he murmured before taking another bite. "But this... is amazing!"

Toshiya hummed, taking another bite of chicken, swirling it around in the sauce it came in. "Mm, very true. Remember that one place in Canada? I could hardly chew mine!"

"That place was atrocious!" Kaoru made a horrible face and then sighed. "But this is like pure gold in comparison!" He grinned and took another drink of his wine, licking his lips a little.

"Agreed!" He washed his bite down with the rest of his wine then dabbed his mouth with his napkin. He speared a large piece of chicken and got a good amount of sauce on it before holding it up, smiling at Kaoru. "Would you like to try?"

Kaoru lightly pushed his plate toward Toshiya. "Certainly. If you'd like a piece of my steak, I can offer you some as well."

Toshiya laughed a little then reached across the table with his fork, holding the bite near Kaoru's lips. For a long few moments, Kaoru stared at the food that Toshiya was holding out to him. After a quick dart of his eyes around, finding that no one was looking, he finally took the bite and chewed, swallowing. But for his part, he cut off the bit of steak and deposited it on Toshiya's plate, winning halfway in his regard.

Toshiya looked slightly confused at Kaoru's hesitation to take the bite, pulling his arm back and looking for all the world like a rejected puppy for a moment. He cleared his throat and quietly picked up the bite of steak Kaoru had put on his plate, eating it. He hoped Kaoru's reaction was because they were not completely alone, though he'd done all he could to assure the guitarist that they were safe in that regard. 

Determined not to let anything bother him, he offered the other a small smile after he'd swallowed the steak. "That is incredibly tender. I almost regret not getting it."

Kaoru noticed the other's response to his own and he licked his lips a little bit before murmuring, "It's just, I was sort of raised not to do that, I'm sorry." He offered the other a sad smile and then cut into his steak again. "And it is, very much so."

Toshiya made a face then looked down at his plate, cheeks reddening a little. "Ah, it's... it's fine. Really. I'm just being stupid... one too many romantic movies." He laughed, though it was forced, his face a mask of embarrassment.

Kaoru shrugged slightly. "It just takes a lot for me to get past years of training in another direction, that's all." He reached to pat Toshiya's hand. "I'm sorry if it sort of... ruins romantic notions sometimes."

Toshiya's hand twitched faintly beneath Kaoru's before pulling away to pick up his wine glass, bringing it to his lips to take a rather large drink from it. He shrugged a bit in way of answering Kaoru, still feeling a little foolish for his silly notions. 

After taking the last few bites of his meal, he glanced up at Kaoru again and offered him a small smile. "So...dessert?"

Kaoru took a few more bites of his food, nearly half of his steak still left and half the broccoli. He smiled a little at Toshiya. "Do they have cheesecake? I love that stuff." He cut off another hunk of meat and pushed it into his mouth, sucking his fork as he pulled it out of his mouth.

Toshiya hummed and picked up the dessert menu, eyes flicking over the many offerings before finding a couple of varieties of cheesecake. "Yes, they do. They have plain, strawberry and raspberry. I think I will have the white chocolate crème brulee."

Kaoru took another bite of the potatoes and then took a sip of the wine. "Plain, but see if they have some caramel sauce to drizzle on top." He took another bite of steak and let out a quiet sound of pleasure. "Dear god... so good."

Toshiya nodded then sat back, examining his left over vegetables and bread. He knew he should probably eat them but the promise of dessert sounded too good. "I'm sure they have any sauce you want." He smiled, then waved their waiter over, putting in the dessert order as well as another drink order, this time a brandy that would go with both their chosen desserts. "I hope you don't mind... I hardly ever indulge in anything like that..."

The guitarist just smiled serenely at Toshiya, not at all troubled by the other's requests. He'd only managed about a glass and a half of wine at the most and was feeling mildly buzzed, but nothing more. He polished off his broccoli and then ate the last piece of his steak, sitting back and patting his stomach. "Man... you had an excellent idea with this place."

Toshiya smiled softly and placed his hands on the table, lacing his fingers together. "Mm, glad you've enjoyed it. I was afraid that you wouldn't like the food at all, but Die told me a secret about the place. Since Kyo all out refused to try anything at first, their waitress informed them that the chef would, begrudgingly, modify his recipes to his customer's tastes." He laughed a little, shaking his head. "So, I figured that if you just hated the offerings then we could at least make do with something..."

Kaoru snorted slightly and shook his head. "Figures that Kyo's a picky little shit and that Die valiantly puts up with it. He's so taken with him he'd do anything." He smiled and took another sip of his wine, licking his lips.

Toshiya chuckled softly. "Indeed. I don't think I ever imagined either of them so... domestic," he replied. The truth was, deep down, the bassist was somewhat jealous of the other couple's happiness. He only hoped that he could find the same soon. 

He had little time to dwell on that though as their desserts arrived. The waiter showed him his selected brandy then set the decanter and glasses on the table before taking their finished plates and wine glasses away. 

He grinned and poured Kaoru a small amount of the brandy and then himself some before taking a sip and sighing with satisfaction. "Mm, very smooth."

Kaoru watched the wine be taken away, almost about to say something because surely the last few drinks in the bottle were worth something still. But he chose not to voice it a moment later, knowing he'd be fine without it. He sniffed a little and speared into the cheesecake, pushing some into his mouth with a soft groan. "Oh my god."

The bassist watched Kaoru dig in and grinned, picking up his spoon and tapping it on the top of his crème brulee, cracking it then taking a bite, letting out a groan of his own. "Oh, this is truly amazing." He licked his lips then focused on the sweet heaven in front of him.

For a few minutes, they simply ate their desserts, Karou taking a small sip of the brandy and then licking his lips before finally coming down to the last bite. He pushed his plate over toward Toshiya. "Would you like to try it?"

Toshiya, mid-way through his second glass of brandy and feeling more than a little buzzed, smiled widely at Kaoru and nodded, reaching to take his plate. He speared the cheesecake with his fork and brought it to his lips, taking it between them in an almost sensual manner, slowly licking the caramel sauce that had dripped onto his bottom lip. "Mmm, excellent!"

Kaoru watched Toshiya in an amused manner and then chuckled, sitting back and only taking one more sip of brandy, drinking water to cap it off, realizing he was going to need to be the one driving them home for sure.

Toshiya, used to having to take a taxi home and retrieving his car later, was unconcerned as he finished off his drink, feeling pleasantly tipsy now. His face was slightly flushed from the alcohol and his lips easily pulled into a grin as he took a final bite of his dessert before pushing it towards Kaoru. "Please, have a taste. It's yummy!"

Kaoru reached over and took the final bite of Toshiya's delectable dessert, tasting it and licking his lips slightly. "Oh wow... it is very good!"

Toshiya nodded, reaching to run his finger over Kaoru's plate that was still within his reach. He gathered up some of the remaining caramel and brought it to his lips, licking it off slowly in a way that could only be called suggestive. "Yes, it was very delicious."

Kaoru smirked slightly and then rubbed his fingers together, looking up as the waiter brought them their check. Immediately, he reached for it with a soft thanks to the waiter.

Toshiya blinked and waved his hand after the waiter had left. "Hey, hey, what do you think you're doing? Last time I checked, it was _your_ birthday, not mine. I insist on paying."

Kaoru flushed slightly and then sat back, shrugging. "Okay, okay... I get it." He laughed softly and reached to take a few more drinks of his water.

Toshiya smiled happily and took the check, placing his credit card on the silver tray with it then looking at Kaoru. "I hope you're having a nice time, Kaoru... and that you will accept my invitation to continue our evening at my place... or yours." He managed to look shy at this last part, glancing away to peer out the window.

Kaoru smiled at the other and then nodded. "Of course I will." He leaned forward and dared quietly, "I've been waiting to get you alone..."He wasn't sure if it was too far or not, but he had to get it out.

Toshiya bit his lip slightly at Kaoru's admission, his heart doing a little flip flop as his entire body heated up at the very thought. "Ah… so have I, " he murmured, reaching out to place his hand over Kaoru's, giving it a squeeze then pulling away as the waiter reappeared to take his card.

"Mmm... good, I'd hate to have been alone in that." He laughed a bit awkwardly, obviously still new to this whole being okay with his sexuality thing.

Toshiya laughed softly, his eyes bright with desire. He was going to say something else but the waiter returned then for him to sign the receipt and to return his card. Once they were alone again, he drained the rest of his brandy and stood, making sure he hadn't left anything on the table. "Ready to go?"

Kaoru stood up as well once Toshiya did and held out his hand. "Keys?"

Toshiya blinked and then nodded, pulling his keys out and handing them to Kaoru. "Automatic behavior, I was going to hail a taxi... I swear I don't drive drunk." He smiled a little then headed for the door, resisting the urge to slide his arm around Kaoru's waist though he wanted to badly.

Kaoru's lips curved up in a gentle smile. "Good. I'd hate to think I'd have to fucking spank your ass when we got home," he murmured under his breath, barely audible.

Toshiya very nearly tripped as he stepped out of the restaurant, only catching himself by holding onto the door and pulling it open for Kaoru. His eyes instantly took on a darker hue as he met Kaoru's and the look on his face clearly said that he would not be objective to that in the least. 

He didn't speak again until they were safely alone on the elevator and even then he stood with his hands shoved into his pants pockets. "Dear Gods, Kaoru... would you... really?"

Kaoru nearly tried to catch Toshiya, only stopping when he realized it was maybe shock and not paying attention that caused it. When the other spoke up, the metal doors closed safely around them, he pursed his lips a little and then flicked a glance toward the other man. "Mmm... I take it you'd like me to try?"

Toshiya flicked his gaze to Kaoru's face then away, clearing his throat. "Well, I wouldn't say no if you did..." he answered softly, crossing one leg over the other as he leaned against the wall of the elevator.

Kaoru smirked slightly, reaching to push the button for ground level and then leaning back. "I'll consider it."

Toshiya chuckled lowly and shook his head. "Mm, only if you want to. Tonight is _your_ night, baby." He winked and then settled back, tapping his foot a bit impatiently.

"Mmm... and in the land of 'my night', I wish to include my boyfriend, thank you very much." He winked at Toshiya, slipping out of the elevator once the doors had opened, jingling the keys as he walked along.

Toshiya grinned widely, skipping a little as he followed after Kaoru. Once they were at the valet area, he gave over his ticket then stood waiting. "I have to give it to Die, this place was definitely classy."

Kaoru's lips quirked up in a smile. "Yes, it was. I'm honestly impressed." He passed the keys to the valet and then waited, going to the driver's side when the car returned. He waited until Toshiya was buckled up and then smiled, pulling out. "Yours or mine?"

Toshiya settled into his seat, feeling a little odd sitting in the passenger seat of his own car. He glanced over at Kaoru and smiled. "Hmm, how about yours? Then I can have the pleasure of rolling around in your sheets."

"Sounds like a plan." Kaoru pointed the car in the proper direction and then flicked on the radio, chuckling as it started playing Dir en grey. "Of all the things."

Toshiya snorted in amusement as he listened to their own music filter through the car stereo, his ears immediately picking up his own bass line then picking it apart. "Hmm, shoulda redone that before releasing it...," he mused, tapping his fingers a little.  
Kaoru reached other, lightly whacking Toshiya's thigh. "Stop plucking at your own work. You always overthink it."

Toshiya huffed a little and reached to flip the radio to another station, letting out a little laugh as it ends up being some romantic pop song instead. "Yes, sir, Leader-sama... whatever you say."

"And I say stop insulting yourself." He squeezed his thigh gently. "Say something amazing about you."

Toshiya laughed softly and placed his hand on Kaoru's, letting his fingers dance over the top of it. "Mmm, I have a gorgeous boyfriend and I find that amazing."

"Thank you, but... seriously, something specifically about you, Toshiya," he murmured, squeezing his thigh again.

The bassist shifted in his seat and leaned over, pressing his lips to Kaoru's cheek. "Fine, I love my hair."

Kaoru gave a nod. "Good, that's better." He took his hand back so he could make a turn and then moved down the final portion of road toward his apartment complex.

Toshiya laughed and leaned back, moving his hand to Kaoru's thigh after a moment and trailing it upwards though not far enough to shock Kaoru into wrecking or something. "I also truly love the way my bass sounds paired with your guitar. We make beautiful music together, Kaoru." He smirked, glancing at the other from the corner of his eye.

At that, Kaoru smirked. "It's true, that we very much do." He shivered a little at the hand in his lap, a familiar thrill slipping through him.

When Kaoru didn't jerk away or anything, Toshiya's hand slid up further, his fingers just barely brushing over his crotch before pulling away, a smirk on his lips. He would have continued but they were pulling into Kaoru's parking lot and so he simple shifted back, squirming a little in his seat.

Kaoru let out a huff of breath when Toshiya's fingers brushed over his cock. After only a few moments he found that he was growing hard in his pants. Shivering slightly, he quickly parked the car and stepped out, waiting until Toshiya was out, and then locking up the car, coming around in case Toshiya was still feeling tipsy.

Toshiya slipped out of the car, a smirk on his face as he leaned against it until Kaoru came around. He pushed himself up, wobbled just slightly then grinned at Kaoru, starting to walk towards the building, a little swish in his hips.

Kaoru followed suit, coming up the first small flight of stairs behind Toshiya and then calling the elevator down, leaning against the wall. "You're lucky I have two parking spots, you know." He smirked a little at the other man.

Toshiya stood beside Kaoru, wanting desperately to press him against the wall right then but refrained given that they were exposed to the world. "Mm, I didn't even think about it, to be honest."

"That's because you are quite hammered." He chuckled and shrugged, stepping into the elevator when it arrived and lightly tugging Toshiya in with him.

Toshiya let out an unmanly giggle, walking onto the elevator with Kaoru, shaking his head. "I'm not _that_ hammered, Kao. If I was, I wouldn't be capable of... taking care of your needs." He smirked, leaning around the other to press the floor number, using it as an excuse to brush against him.

Kaoru arched an eyebrow at the other and then double-checked if he had pushed the proper floor button on the elevator. He pursed his lips slightly, trying to hide his smirk. "Oh?"

Toshiya turned and leaned his hip against the rail along the wall, grinning widely. "Mhm, I happen to know that you need a night where you're not in control... though you'll top from the bottom anyway."

Kaoru almost choked when the other just flat out told him how it was going to be. The elevator arrived at his floor and he stepped out, making his way down the hall to the door. Opening it, he slipped inside and then waited on the other to come in as well, shutting the door behind them and leaning against it.

Toshiya smirked at Kaoru's reaction and sauntered down the hall after him once they were stopped. When Kaoru let them into his apartment, he took a moment to remove his boots before turning around and stepping over to the other man. "Did I tell you, Kaoru, that you are fucking gorgeous?"

Kaoru reached to place his fedora on the table and tossed his phone, keys, and wallet there as well, reaching behind him to lock the door. His boots came off next and then he stood up, met with Toshiya almost instantly. He pushed his hand into Toshiya's hair. "Do I get anything I want tonight?"

Toshiya let out a soft sound as Kaoru's hand pushed into his hair. He slid his hands out to stroke over Kaoru's hips, leaning in a little. "Absolutely anything you want..."

Kaoru lightly pushed Toshiya down onto his knees. "I've been dreaming of you sucking me off... do you know that?" he breathed out quietly.

Toshiya gracefully lowered to his knees and gazed up at Kaoru as the other spoke, a low moan issuing from him at his words. "Is that so?" he replied, smoothing his hands up Kaoru’s thighs before going to his belt, carefully undoing it then his pants. He lowered the zipper then brushed his palm over the bulge in Kaoru's boxers, flicking his eyes up at him.

It didn't even take Kaoru a few seconds before his cock was already straining against his underpants. "Yes, that's exactly so," he returned softly.

Toshiya licked his lips and leaned in, nuzzling Kaoru's length through the material of his underwear before turning and mouthing it, one hand coming up to stroke over it. He found the head and stroked his tongue over it for a moment before pulling back and finally slipping his hands up to push both Kaoru's pants and boxers down out of his way, eyes lidding as his lover's cock was revealed to him.

Kaoru groaned as the other began mouthing at him through his underwear. "Toshiya... oh fuck." His hand tightened in his hair before he started to stroke over the other's gorgeous hair. "Baby, please," he hissed as the other revealed his cock.

The bassist didn't waste any time getting Kaoru into his mouth, reaching to grasp the base as he leaned forward and snaked his tongue over the tip before wrapping his lips around it, moaning lowly. He swirled his tongue around, dipping it into the slit then began lowering his head, taking Kaoru's length to about halfway before pulling back then doing it again, starting a slow, steady pace of bobbing his head.

The very moment the other began to suck on his cock, Kaoru let go of his entire façade, allowing himself to feel weak in the knees, letting his body respond to Toshiya's mouth as he pushed into his mouth with a soft whine.

Toshiya could feel his lover let go and he smirked a little around his cock, letting his tongue drag along the underside as he lifted his head. He toyed with the tip with his tongue, teasing the slit then tracing the rim of it before taking him into his mouth again, pushing his way to the base, groaning as he swallowed a few times to keep from gagging.

Kaoru let out a quiet groan as the other took his cock in so far, in such an expert sort of manner. It felt amazing to him and he was pleased beyond belief with what was happening right then. Granted, he'd had more than a few blowjobs in his life, but none of them from so talented a mouth, and the fact that he could say it was his lover's mouth around his cock, making him feel this way.

"Toshiya," he breathed out quietly, "suck the tip more... I like it like that." It was nearly the first time Kaoru actually said what he wanted.

Toshiya immediately complied with Kaoru's request, pulling his head back and laving his tongue over the tip of his cock before wrapping his lips around it and suckling, his hand coming up to cup and gently squeeze his sac. He flicked his eyes up to watch Kaoru's face as he pleasured him, his own pants tight just from this act.

"Ah yeah... just like that." Kaoru shuddered slightly, his hand petting over Toshiya's hair as he watched what the other was doing. "One day," he purred out, "I want to film you doing this. You're just so fucking sexy."

Toshiya's cheeks flushed when Kaoru mentioned filming and he had to shut his eyes, a shiver going through him. He released the other's length to dip his head down, sucking first one and then the other ball into his mouth, letting his teeth just barely scrape over the sensitive skin there. After flicking his tongue over Kaoru's taint, he resumed paying attention to the sip, sucking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, moaning softly.

Kaoru gasped slightly at the touch of the other's tongue in such a forbidden place. He pursed his lips slightly and let his head fall back against the door. "Fuck...."

Unable to help himself, Toshiya finally pressed a hand to the growing bulge in his pants, a loud groan sounding around Kaoru's cock, his hips pushing forward a bit. He started bobbing his head slightly, curling his tongue along Kaoru's length.

Kaoru grunted faintly, pushing Toshiya's head back and gasping slightly. "Dear god... bedroom. Now."

The bassist had no problem with that idea, standing up and turning, making his way towards Kaoru's bedroom, undoing his vest and losing it on the way, his shirt coming next so that by the time he was in the other's bedroom, he was topless.  
Kaoru shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it up in the closet and then unfastening his vest, following up with his t-shirt.

Pushing into the bedroom, he kicked the door shut and shucked his pants and boxer briefs in one movement, discarding his shirt and vest just after. His eyes flickered to the night stand and he cringed inwardly, the single black dildo he'd dared to finally buy sat on it, proclaiming what he'd done the night prior.

Toshiya focused on getting his own pants off, laying them and his boxers over a chair in Kaoru's room. He ran his eyes over his lover's body then followed his gaze, a little smirk playing on his lips. "Mm, I see... just makes my job easier," he quipped, his lips pulling into a grin.

Kaoru flushed a little and pursed his lips as he slid onto the bed. For a few moments, he hovered there, lost in indecision, feeling like Toshiya was being so amazing to him, he should give him something in return. But the other part wanted a real cock buried so deep inside him he'd be able to taste it. After a few moments, he made his decision, knowing he'd already asked for what he wanted once tonight and had gotten it without hesitation... but he'd never been a greedy asshole about things when it came to sex.

He pulled the lube and a condom out from the drawer, tossing the condom down on the bed next to his own thigh and uncapping the lube, reaching to pull Toshiya closer to him. "Spread."  
Toshiya moved onto the bed next to Kaoru, reaching down to brush his hand over his own aching cock, a soft moan escaping him. He shifted closer to Kaoru, intending to ask him where his lube was but he had no need as the other pulled it and a condom from his drawer. 

Smirking he reached for it but halted as Kaoru spoke, his eyebrows raising at the request. "But, baby... I thought you wanted..."

Kaoru sat back on his heels and sniffed a little bit, surveying Toshiya for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond. "I... well... yes, but I want to return the favor of what you did in the hallway."

Toshiya let out a soft huff and ginned, shifting back to lay down, his long legs spreading open for Kaoru. "Very well... I did tell you that you could have whatever you wanted." He licked his lips then reached up, tugging his lover down for a hot kiss before releasing him and smiling up at him.

Kaoru returned the kiss as he lubed up two fingers and then pressed them between Toshiya's legs, pressing lightly at his asshole, hoping he could take them both at the same time.

Toshiya let out a low groan as Kaoru's fingers pressed against him. He forced himself to relax as he felt the tips of both slide in a bit, the stretch not causing him any pain. "G-go on..."

Kaoru thrust the fingers in, his dark eyes glued to Toshiya's own, a little smirk on his lips as he began to fuck him with them, feeling like as much as he wanted to be fucked tonight, that this was the way things should go, just to show Toshiya that no matter the time they'd spent apart, he still mattered to him more than his own birthday did.

Toshiya's breath hitched as Kaoru's fingers thrust into him, his cock throbbing with the pleasure of it. He moaned and reached out to place his hand on Kaoru's bicep, just holding on as he pushed his hips up a bit. "God… yes..."

Impatient, Kaoru pulled out his fingers and then quickly sheathed himself in a condom, tossing the foil aside. He slicked his cock with lubricant and then moved between his legs, helping Toshiya move his hips up so he could get him into a good position, pushing inside him with a groan.

The bassist groaned when Kaoru pulled his fingers from his body, missing the sensation but knowing better was coming. He shifted and drew his knees up, giving Kaoru better access. 

When his lover pushed into his body, Toshiya groaned out his name, his legs wrapping around Kaoru's waist. "Ah, Kao..."

Kaoru let out a soft grunt, starting to move almost immediately, pleasure shooting through his body as he moved. It was intense for him after so long apart from a partner. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, worrying it between his teeth as he held Toshiya's thigh at the right angle for him to get the best leverage.

Toshiya was soon overwhelmed with the pleasure of having Kaoru within his body again. It had been far too long since they'd been intimate and being connected like this made his body zing with intense pleasure. He lifted his hands and slid them over Kaoru's back before his fingertips found purchase just beneath his shoulder blades. His eyes focused on Kaoru's, his lips parted as he panted out breaths mixed with soft moans.

Kaoru shifted a little more, one knee moving up slightly as he used a foot to prop himself. "Shit," he muttered out, finding that he definitely hadn't been satisfying his own needs enough. He wanted so much more than this and it hurt him to even remotely think about ending it so soon, but his balls were tightening, his cock throbbing. Slowly lying down, he pulled out and patted Toshiya's hip. "Turn over." It at least gave him a few moments to figure out how to calm himself down.

Toshiya groaned when Kaoru switched positions, the angle hitting a few different areas of his body. He didn't have long to enjoy it though before Kaoru pulled out, causing a soft sound of protest to slip from his lips before he could stop it. He gazed up at Kaoru then obeyed his request, flipping his body over and immediately sticking his ass into the air, his head pillowed on one arm. While he was waiting, he slid his hand downward, wrapping it around his neglected cock and giving himself a few strokes, moaning as he did.

The moment the other turned over, Kaoru positioned himself behind him and slowly pushed his cock back into his body. "Oh shit," he breathed out, immediately realizing his mistake in changing the position, the pleasure more intense this way for him. He bit his lips slightly and whimpered as he began to thrust, unable to stop his desires this time. Within seconds, he was pounding into the other's body, his hands gripping his hips hard.

Toshiya gasped softly as Kaoru pushed into him, this position causing his lover to hit all the right spots. He bucked his hips back, eager for more, his body shuddering when Kaoru started pounding into him. "Oh, fu… Kaoru!"

Kaoru was still pounding into him like he would lose his mind if he didn't do it quickly, gasping as he went along. When he started to cum, he still didn't manage to slow down, just racing through it, his cock emptying into the latex barrier between them.

Toshiya let out a cry as he felt Kaoru begin to cum into the condom, his hips pushing back, not stopping. He let his body clench around Kaoru's length a couple of times, bringing his lover more pleasure. "God..."

Kaoru hesitated, almost reaching down to start jerking him off, but he knew what he wanted and that wasn't it. He licked his lips a little bit and then pulled out, rolling over, yanking off the condom, and tossing it aside. He reached for the drawer, pulling out another condom and tossing it toward Toshiya. "Please, god, I need it."

Toshiya grunted when Kaoru pulled out, shifting onto his knees and looking at his lover, watching him toss the condom then grab another. A smirk spread onto his lips as he took it, setting it aside for the moment while he grabbed the lube, pouring a good amount on his fingers then lightly pushing Kaoru's legs apart. He slipped his hand between them, stroking his fingers along his crack then gently pushing one inside of him, finding him fairly relaxed, most likely due to his activities with the black dildo that was sitting on the nightstand. 

He thrust his finger in just a couple of times before adding the second, pulling his lip between his teeth as he began thrusting them into his lover's body, eyes fixated on his face. "God, you're so damn sexy, Kao."

Kaoru arched into the other's touch almost instantly, moaning like a whore as he bucked up. "Please!" he whimpered out, too far gone in post-orgasmic bliss to keep his mouth shut as he usually did. "Please, Toshiya, just... god... fuck me, please!"

That was all it took for Toshiya to pull his fingers free of Kaoru's body, turning to grab the condom and rip it open with his teeth. He rolled it over his cock with a groan then grabbed the lube, smearing some over his length before recapping it and tossing it aside. He moved between Kaoru's legs and used his hand to guide himself, groaning deeply as he finally pushed into his lover's body. "Oh...fuck!"

Kaoru let out a sharp cry as Toshiya shoved into him, arching toward him, his dick still hard even after cumming. He whined quietly just after, trying to fuck himself on the other's cock, still muttering something that sounded like, "Please," over and over.

Toshiya leaned over Kaoru, bracing his hands on either side of him, his hips snapping hard and fast against Kaoru's body, pushing his cock deep inside. He dipped his head down, catching Kaoru's lips in a breathless kiss, pulling his bottom lip with his teeth before releasing it.

Kaoru could barely contain himself, humping up randomly every few thrusts that Toshiya made, his eyes wild, all of his inhibitions completely cast aside in his desperation of the whole thing. He needed this so goddamned much that he didn't care how he looked to anyone else in the process.

Toshiya was caught up in his own pleasure, his pace becoming erratic as his breathing became slightly labored. He shifted, grabbing one of Kaoru's wrists and pinning it to the bed above him, his other hand slipping between them to wrap around his cock, jerking him hard and fast.

Kaoru didn't even take but a few seconds of Toshiya jacking him off before he was Cumming, crying out his lover's name as he spurted his second release of the night across his abdomen, his hips jerking violently.

Toshiya groaned as Kaoru came, his body fluttering around his cock as he thrust into him. He milked his lover dry then pulled his hand away, bringing it to his lips to lick a few stray drops of cum from his fingers before gripping Kaoru's thigh and pounding hard and fast into him again. "Ooh… God… so close, baby."

"Do it," Kaoru breathed out, his body arching elegantly up toward the other’s. "Please... fill me, baby."

Toshiya shifted, almost laying atop Kaoru as he moved desperately within him before letting out a cry, Cumming suddenly, spurt after spurt filling the condom. "O-oh… Kaoru!" He shuddered, moving still as he came then finally slowing to a stop, his body trembling as he leaned against the other for a few moments before shifting back and easing from him. He pulled the condom off and tied it, tossing it in the same direction as Kaoru's. He then immediately shifted back to lay beside Kaoru, pulling him close and kissing him hard, his hand pushing into the other's curly locks.

Kaoru groaned as Toshiya manhandled him into the kiss, his lips quirking upward with a little smirk. He fell back on the bed and let out a soft sigh, one arm under his head. "God I needed that so much...."

Toshiya released Kaoru and contented himself with nuzzling against his shoulder, mmming softly. "Hnn, yes... me, too." He propped his head up on his hand, peering at Kaoru's face with a soft smile. "Happy birthday, baby."

Kaoru smirked a little at him and then licked his lips. "Thank you... so much. I mean that." He reached to run his hand over Toshiya's side. "I'm sorry we haven't been spending more time together lately."

Toshiya smiled and leaned in, stroking his hand over Kaoru's cheek for a moment. "Mm, you're welcome." He looked just the slightest bit sad for a split-second when Kaoru mentioned their lack of togetherness but quickly wiped it away and shook his head. "We've been busy... it can't be helped..."

Kaoru wrapped his fingers around Toshiya's own, staring up at the ceiling. "I vow to spend at least one day of each week with you from now on. Okay?"  
The bassist's heart did a little thump as Kaoru spoke and he smiled, letting his eyes slide shut as he squeezed the other's hand. "Okay, sounds like a plan to me..."

"If I forget then remind me, because I think we both know how I get when it involves work." Kaoru shrugged slightly and then rolled over onto his side, staring at the little pile of gifts on the chair in the corner with a little smile.

Toshiya chuckled softly and nodded, shifting to wrap his arm around Kaoru's waist, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. "I will... or I might not, depending on how cranky you are at the time."

"Hnn... just as long as we're clear about the intention of it all." He flicked his tongue out across his lips and then sighed softly, closing his eyes. "Spend the night, Toshiya. I want to wake up next to you in the morning."

Toshiya nodded then hummed, finding Kaoru's hand and lacing their fingers together. "Mm, I was hoping you'd ask..." He shifted and got more comfortable, using his free hand to tug the sheet over them, a yawn slipping out.

"Toshiya?" Kaoru asked quietly.

Toshiya blinked his eyes and squeezed Kaoru's hand again. "Yes?"

"I..." he swallowed and then closed his mouth again, waiting for a moment before sighing. “How do you feel about me? Like... in full?"

Toshiya's eyes popped open rather widely at Kaoru's question, an odd little sound escaping him as he swallowed a couple of times. "W-well...." He shifted slightly, his body somewhat tense now as he took a deep breath. "I-I... really care a lot about you, Kaoru." He squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip. He was scared to say much more, scared Kaoru would run away if he uttered the words that were dancing just there on the tip of his tongue.

Kaoru nodded a little. He'd been ready to hear whatever it was that Toshiya decided to say. He licked his lips a little bit and then tilted his head back, his neck cracking a little bit. "I care about you as well," he murmured quietly.

Toshiya was quiet for a few moments then pressed a kiss to Kaoru's shoulder. "I'm glad..."

Once again, Kaoru closed his eyes and then heaved out a soft sigh. "I'm exhausted... we'll shower in the morning if it's all the same to you."

"Sounds good to me," the bassist murmured, shifting a little closer and burying his head against Kaoru's neck, closing his eyes. He lay there for a moment then pressed his lips to the other's skin, mouth forming the words he couldn't bring himself to say out loud. "Goodnight, baby."


	8. Chapter 8

Recording was underway for their next project and they had all been working hard to get it done properly. Toshiya was starting to miss Kaoru again as their busy schedules prevented them from having anything more than a moment here and there, but overall, he felt that they were in a better place than before. 

Finally pulling off his headphones and setting his bass on its stand, Toshiya stood up and stretched, his back cracking several times. He gathered his things then went in search of his boyfriend, finding him hunched over the sound board with his laptop off to one side. "Hey... think I'm gonna head out... been a long day." 

Kaoru had been looking at the same part of this song for the past three hours, growing increasingly frustrated with it the more time that passed. Finally, he was pulled out of the horrible hole by the sound of Toshiya's voice. He sat up, looking toward the other man and giving him a small smile. "Yeah... it has been." He sniffed a bit and pushed some of his long curls back behind his ear. "Have a good night and get some rest, yeah?" He pulled the headphones from around his neck and put them down on the table, standing up and after an awkward moment of deliberation, he reached to gently hug his lover.

Toshiya opened his mouth to respond but then he was being embraced and he smiled softly, slipping his arms around the other's waist, pulling him closer. "Mm, don't work too hard, okay?" He found Kaoru's lips and pressed them with his own for a moment before separating them. "Call me later?" 

Kaoru let out a soft laugh. "I always work too hard, no promises on that because I'll break them." He accepted the kiss and when they parted, he settled back down in his chair, picking up the headphones again. "Yeah, will do. Text me if you're going to bed and I haven't left here yet though, okay?"

Toshiya chuckled softly and nodded. "Okay, I will..." He smiled and gathered up his bag again, leaning over to pick up his bag. "See you..."   
Kaoru gave him a little wave as he slipped his headphones back on, concentrating on the song in front of him, his concentration absolute on his job.

Toshiya skipped out to the parking lot, humming softly as he got in his car. His mind wandered around their work and as he made his way home, he barely saw the street pass as he drove. He was in a good mood and not much could ruin it at that.

As the hours passed by, Kyo, Shinya, and Die all eventually left as well, leaving Kaoru alone with only a few members of the staff. It only took him around another half an hour before frustration overwhelmed his ability to actually concentrate. Dismissing the other staff members, he retired to his office with his laptop, choosing to check his email and a few other things online.

Halfway through checking his second email address, he found a photo in his email from a porn feed he'd forgotten to unsubscribe from. For a long moment, he just stared at it and then he deleted it, wincing slightly as he remembered his last run in with porn.

Toshiya had gone home and done his usual routine of grabbing dinner, watching the news, etc. Around 1am, he was getting a little on the sleepy side and decided to head into the bedroom with his phone. Smiling, he opened it up and sent off a text to Kaoru. 

_"Hey baby… Still working hard? Or hardly working? Ah ha ha..."_

Kaoru actually jumped in his seat when his phone went off, the vibration shocking him quite significantly. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced down at the screen, making a face. _"Sort of in between those two right now."_

He sent it back off and put the phone down on the desk, continuing through the vast land of email hell.

Toshiya read Kaoru's response with a little pout. No doubt about it, his boyfriend worked way too hard. _"You should really take a break, Kao..."_ He didn't want to nag or butt in but it _was_ 1 in the morning and he knew Kaoru had been there since 7 the previous morning. 

Kaoru picked up the phone a bit absently, still typing a reply to an email from the higher-ups one-handed. He huffed slightly and glanced at the text, pausing in his typing to scan the words on the tiny screen. He put it back down and finished up the reply, sending it off and closing that email, opening the next, shock coming over his face as he found yet another porn image in his inbox. 

He cursed under his breath and picked up the phone again. _"Yeah, yeah... nag. "_ He sent it off and looked back at the screen, feeling his body start to react to the fact that there was definitely a very nice dick on the guy in the photo. His jaw clenched and he scrolled to the bottom of the email and hit the unsubscribe button before deleting the email and making sure no others were in his inbox.

Toshiya had flopped over onto his back on his bed, taking his turn on a word game he was currently playing with and losing to Shinya. He'd just gotten his play in when Kaoru responded, making him smile. _"Well, someone has to! :P"_

He sent the reply then sat there for a moment before turning on his camera and holding his phone out, snapping a picture of his shirt, not paying attention to the fact that it had ridden up when he'd shifted positions. 

After checking to make sure the photo wasn't blurry, he sent it to Kaoru along with the message, _"Hey, look, it's that shirt of yours that I stole!"_  
Kaoru jumped again when his phone went off and he sighed, shaking his head. Sometimes he really was just too high strung and tonight was one of those times. He picked up the phone again and waited on the photo to open more fully, glancing down at the message as it did so. He eyeballed the shirt and snorted. _"And here I'd been wondering where the hell that went. Guess I know now!"_ He sent it off and then quickly added on: _"Though, I think you can keep it, it looks better on you anyway."_ because he realized it sort of sounded ruder than he'd meant it to.

Toshiya had gotten up to take a leak and brush his teeth while waiting on Kaoru's response. He finally wandered back to his bedroom and flipped the TV on before grabbing his phone and reading the reply. The first message struck him as a little grumpy but the second soothed it with flattery and he found himself blushing the slightest bit. 

_"Thanks~ On an entirely different note, late night TV stinks and I'm lonely."_

Kaoru had kept his phone in his hand this time and he just looked down at it when the text came in. He gave it a lopsided smile and sighed, typing back a fast reply. _"Depends on the channel, sounds like you need to either get a different TV company or change the channels a bit more. But yes... late night does tend to build the lonely."_ He sent it off and sat back, staring down at his lap, a bit dismayed that just two pictures had done this amount of damage to his self-control. He was still hard, his cock tenting his jeans pretty significantly, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

He opened another text window up and entered Kyo's name, wanting a serious answer and not the random shit that Die would probably give him. _"Hey... you awake?"_

Toshiya read the reply and chuckled softly to himself. He picked up the remote and started flipping channels, unwilling to go to sleep just yet with Kaoru not even home yet. _"Perhaps I should change companies but what a pain in the ass!"_

Luckily for Kaoru, Kyo was indeed awake, doodling by the light of his and Die's bedside lamp. His phone vibrated and he raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Die's quiet form before picking it up to see who it was. Knitting his eyebrows together, he shot off a quick reply. _"Yeah, what's up?"_

Kaoru glanced at Toshiya's message and tried to formulate a response. After a minute, he sighed and put in something lame. _"Yeah, definitely."_

Switching over to Kyo's message, he pursed his lips, trying to decide how best to ask this, then finally, he went for blunt truth. _"So over the holidays I fucked up. I didn't do Christmas or New Years with Toshiya... I got in my horrible funk again, you know what I mean... you've been there, I know you have. - But... I um... well, he dropped by unexpectedly and caught me with some porn. Some straight porn. I was just doing a test, trying to make sure that this... with him... the gay thing... was what I really wanted. I know it is, but... that's not the point. I fucked up. He found me and flipped out. It was real bad. We've made up since then, but I sort of swore off the porn because he obviously has intensely bad reactions to it. And I'm not sure if it was just that it wasn't gay porn or what. But god... I'm so horny and I don't want to always be like 'so dude, my dick's hard'. Then he'll think it's all about sex. Maybe I'm over-thinking this. Just… fuck... Kyo. Help me."_

Toshiya glanced at Kaoru's text but couldn't think of anything really to respond to it so he left it for now, having found a game show to watch for the moment. 

Kyo had gone back to his drawing when his phone started buzzing so much he thought Kaoru might be calling him. He attempted to read the first text or two but they were coming in one after another, so he just waited until the whole giant thing was there. When it finally stopped going off, Kyo picked up his phone and read Kaoru's response, wincing at the part where the guitarist admitted to skipping on holidays as well getting caught with straight porn. 

He huffed softly and went about replying, _"Damn, man, you skipped the holidays AND got caught with straight porn? Ouch. Glad you two made up from that. Now, about your dick and such... listen, you're still in the beginning phase of your relationship AND your sexuality. Your body is just happy that you're going the right direction and is seeking to get its fill. Just explain to Toshiya that it isn't all about sex but that you have obviously unfulfilled needs."_

Kaoru waited on the reply, tapping his foot impatiently while he scanned over another email from his boss, making a face at the content, not enjoying the email at all. He closed it in favor of staring at the text from Kyo as it came in in two parts. He made a face and sighed. _"I'm just gonna be honest. I've never been one to just be super blunt about my own needs. I honestly don't even know how two men go about telling one another things. Women... that I found my way around. You skirt the issue, try to hint you'd like to have sex, but don't say it. Lots of compliments, gifts. I guess I suck at this talking to another man about it thing. Even this is fucking awkward as hell."_

Kyo read Kaoru's incoming text and found himself rolling his eyes. _"First of all, stop defining it as two men, man and woman, etc. Relationships are the same no matter what's in your or your partner's pants. Secondly, has Toshiya seemed annoyed with the whole lotta sex thing? I highly doubt he's complaining much..."_

Kaoru found himself embarrassed at the return reply. _"No... But honestly, it's been less often than I've been horny anyway. I know it's stupid, but I usually get off using porn and now... well... you do the math."_

Kyo hummed softly and shook his head. _"I get it. You're gun shy now... Look, try engaging Toshiya in your getting off process. Let him know that you're horny, that you were looking at porn or thinking of him or both and that now you're aching for release..."_

Kaoru stared at the text for a moment, an idea slowly formulating in his head. It was risky, but he supposed it seemed like something Die would probably do and he seemed to be doing well with the whole Kyo thing. _"Thanks... sorry you ended up listening to my shit like I'm a girl or something."_

He sent it off and then went back to Toshiya's text window. _"What're you up to?"_ He sat back and looked down at his dick, which was still very much happy in its arousal. He made a face and finally gave in, reaching to grope at it a bit.  
Kyo snorted softly and shot back a reply. _"Any time, good luck."_

Toshiya had finally dozed off during the game show and ended up jerking awake when his phone jingled at him. He blinked a few times then read the text from Kaoru. _"Watching some game show... still at work?"_

Kaoru chewed his lower lip while he waited on the reply, his fingers tracing over the outline of his cock in his pants. He was so aroused, but he wasn't sure about giving in to actually opening his pants right then. He glanced at the door and then shifted a little, leaning back to make his dick more obvious. He turned on the camera and took a picture down his body to his dick, his hand resting to the side of it, pressing down the extra material. He put it in the message for him along with a short text. _"So frustrated right now."_

After double-checking he was sending it to the right person, he sent it off and sighed, leaning back and waiting on either a good or shocked reply.

Toshiya waited on the next message from Kaoru and got something he totally did not expect. There, sitting on his phone screen was Kaoru's obviously hard dick tenting the material of his jeans. The sight of it and the fact that Kaoru even dared to be that way at the studio sent a shiver of arousal through him. He licked his lips and tried to come up with a decent reply that didn't sound too lewd. _"Obviously. I didn't realize working late had that effect on you, baby."_

Kaoru snorted when he saw the reply and quickly responded to it. _"No, I just... ah fuck it. I've been so goddamned horny lately."_ He made a face and pushed his hand through his hair, letting the curls fall back around his shoulders, the blonde highlights glinting faintly in the light.

In the time it took Kaoru to respond, Toshiya had switched off his television in favor for lying there in the dim light of his room, his hand sliding down to cup himself through his boxers. When the message came in, he bit his lip and let out a little sound. He found himself wondering why on earth Kaoru hadn't just come to him for a little relief. _"I could help you with that, you know... Perks of having a boyfriend. ;)"_

Kaoru breathed out a soft sigh as he read the text. He wanted help with it, that was for sure. But he also knew it'd been long enough since he'd managed a good wank that he'd end up spouting off like a timed fountain if he actually had someone else touch him. And he was no teenager, nor was he going to be caught acting like one. He typed out a quick reply. _"I know. But that's not all there is between us. So... I guess I just thought you'd like the picture. Dunno."_

He had no idea what else to even say, at a loss as to if he'd done the right thing or not. Girls didn't like cock shots, but men usually thought it was a good idea, so he figured he'd go for it.

Toshiya blinked as he got Kaoru's reply. It felt like a complete 360 of what they'd just been talking about. He let out a little sigh and responded. _"I know... and of course I liked the picture... I find it incredibly sexy."_

He sent the message, feeling a little confused. He had an idea what the deal was though and it made him smile that Kaoru thought enough of their relationship to be bothered by it. 

Kaoru sighed softly as he stared at the message. After a minute, he gave up and tossed the phone on the desk, shifting forward in the seat to get himself partly obscured by the desk as he unfastened his pants. Once he had himself free, he couldn't help but give his dick a few quick strokes, groaning softly. Oh yeah, that felt amazing. Maybe this time he'd be able to completely get off, even without the help of porn. Gasping, he grabbed his phone and took a quick three second video of his frantic stroking, sending it off with only one quick word at the bottom. _"Desperate."_

Toshiya had resumed fondling himself while waiting for Kaoru to respond, the picture of his lover's dick pulled up on his phone as he imagined hiding under the table Kaoru was at and sucking him off. He was already getting good and worked up when he got the reply, the video taking a few moments to load. When it did, he let out a low groan, his cock twitching some. "Fuck..." 

Shifting to tug his boxers down enough to reveal his own hardened length, he snapped a picture and quickly sent it along with the message, _"Gods, I'd love to have that in my mouth right now..."_

Kaoru couldn't help working on himself real well while he waited on any sort of reply. His brain was too foggy with lust for him to even think on if he'd done the right or wrong thing in sending that video off. When he got a reply, he fumbled it open and then stared at the picture, relief flooding through him. 

He didn't reply, honestly couldn't really. He gripped the table edge with one hand so hard his knuckles turned white, and stroked himself off so quickly with the other that his hand was but a blur over his dick. A few more desperate moments and he found himself falling over the edge into bliss, a long, low groan leaving his lips as he did. 

Sitting back in his chair, he tried to catch his breath, his hand covered in his cum, some of it on the floor, and some on his pants. He feebly grasped for his phone and took a little video of his mess across everything, murmuring out, "It's really been far too long since I got off." He sent the video off and sat there, the sticky mess all over him, not bothering to clean it up just yet, just reveling in how good it felt to get relief.

Toshiya anxiously waited for Kaoru's reply even as he jerked off, his hips pushing up against his hand. He had let his eyes slide close when he heard his phone go off a few moments later. Grabbing it, he gazed at the video, moaning softly at the mess. Dropping his phone off to the side, he let out a pant and focused on getting off, bringing his other hand up to tweak a nipple as he stroked his cock quickly. After another minute, he was crying out to his empty bedroom as he came, spurting onto his stomach and hand. 

Returning the favor, he snapped a pic of his own mess and sent it to Kaoru. _"Gods... wasn't even horny tonight..."_

Kaoru got the video about the time he started cleaning up his own mess. He licked his lips a little as he gazed at the photo. Finishing cleaning up, he tossed the tissues in the trash and put his clothing back together properly. Picking up the phone, he simply dialed Toshiya's number and waited.

Toshiya had just finished cleaning up himself when his phone rang. He didn't even have to look at the screen to know it was Kaoru, a little shiver going through him as he answered. "Hey...." 

Kaoru swallowed thickly and then murmured, "Hey yourself." He pursed his lips a little bit and then shut his laptop, standing up. "This... I..." he huffed out a frustrated breath and then bit the bullet. "Can I come over?"  
Toshiya smiled a little and let out a quiet laugh. "Please do." He was already standing and heading into the bathroom, getting ready to brush his teeth and make himself at least halfway decent. 

"Be there in twenty." He hung up the phone and shoved his laptop into his bag, closing it and quickly locking up the office and leaving. He made sure no one else was in the parts he locked up, getting on the elevator and feeling a bit stupid. He didn't know why he wanted to go other than the fact that he wanted to see his lover after all the shit they'd been through.

"See you then..." Toshiya debated then quickly hopped in the shower, scrubbing away the evidence of his earlier actions in record time then getting out and brushing his teeth and hair. He put the shirt of Kaoru's he'd been wearing back on and slipped into a pair of sleep pants, skipping the boxers. After he felt like he was presentable enough, he moved to the living room and put on some coffee then sat down to wait, finding himself anxious.

Kaoru made the trek to Toshiya's house in record time, arriving at his doorstep slightly breathless. He knocked on the door, fidgeting with his bag ever so slightly.

Toshiya jumped when the knock sounded at the door and stood, walking perhaps too fast to answer it, pulling it open with a smile. "Did you fly here?"   
Kaoru beamed at Toshiya when he opened the door, slipping inside and putting his bag down. "Maybe so." He leaned in to kiss the other's cheek and then shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it on the hook by the door as he pushed his shoes off with his feet. "I was just impatient to see you."

Toshiya grinned and gave Kaoru a brief hug before stepping back to give him room to get into his apartment. "You're just impatient all around tonight, aren't you?" 

"My life has been impatient lately." He pushed his hand through his hair in a nervous sort of fashion and then glanced toward the living room and then down the hallway. "You... were going to bed, right?"

Toshiya hesitated a moment then leaned forward, slipping his arms around Kaoru's waist. "I was but then a sexy beast of a man walked through my front door." He grinned then added as an afterthought, "I also made coffee..."   
Kaoru peered at him and pursed his lips a little bit. After a moment, he sniffed slightly and reached one ringed hand up to ghost over the other's cheek. "Decaf?"

Toshiya leaned into the touch then bent his head down to press his lips to Kaoru's. "Of course." He smiled then stepped back, heading for his kitchen to pour two cups, adding sugar to his own. 

Kaoru made a soft sound at the kiss, feeling it ended far too soon for his tastes. He looked after the other and made a soft sound, rubbing his arm absently as he followed the bassist into the kitchen. "Little bit of milk in mine if you don't mind."

Toshiya glanced back and nodded, fixing Kaoru's cup up with milk then handing it to him before grinning a little. "Coffee in bed?" 

Kaoru beamed at him, happier than could be. "Sounds like exactly what I had in mind, my sweet piece of ass."

Toshiya blinked at being referred to as a sweet piece of ass then laughed, wiggling said sweet piece before grabbing up his cup and heading down the hallway to his bedroom. Once there, he set his coffee on the bedside table and turned back the covers, getting under them then patting the spot right beside him while looking at Kaoru and wiggling his eyebrows. "C'mon Papi..." 

Kaoru smirked at the reference and then gazed down at his outfit. He put the cup aside and carefully removed his t-shirt, revealing the tank top underneath, and then his pants, a pair of boxer briefs on beneath. Clad in his black outfit, he tugged off his socks and attempted to discretely make sure he didn't stink before slipping into bed and gathering up his coffee cup once again.  
Toshiya watched Kaoru strip with a look of appreciation, both for seeing his lover in less clothing and for the fact that he was getting comfortable. As soon as Kaoru joined him, Toshiya grabbed his coffee and shifted closer, leaning against him a bit. "So, how are things going?" 

Kaoru curled one arm around him and relaxed back, sipping at his coffee. "Mmm... things are going okay. Got as far as we could tonight, I think." He wasn't sure if that had been the focus of the question or more personal.

Toshiya hummed softly and shifted against Kaoru some, glancing up at his face as he sipped his own coffee. "And what about you, Kao? How are you doing?"   
Kaoru swallowed a bit and then shrugged. "I've... been better," he murmured softly. "I'm exhausted and I... I need you." He sighed softly and peered down at his coffee cup with feigned interest.

Toshiya frowned at the answer though he'd been expecting it. What he had not been expecting, however, was the quiet admission of need. After a moment, he reached out and took Kaoru's cup, setting it and his own on the table before moving back to slip his arms around Kaoru and pull him close against his chest. "I'm here," he whispered quietly. 

The guitarist let the other take the cup away. He slid his arms around Toshiya as well, resting his head on the other's shoulder. He didn't say anything, didn't even really move. It was just the contact that he needed, the knowledge that someone else cared about him enough to give a shit.

Toshiya pressed a kiss to the top of Kaoru's hair, his hand stroking over his back lightly. .After several moments, he shifted just enough to turn off his lamp, casting the room in mostly in darkness save for the slight glow of the city lights. Once he re-settled, he reached down and cupped Kaoru's face, tilting his head up and kissing him softly, just brushing his lips over the other's. 

Kaoru allowed Toshiya to take the moment into his hands instead. He reached around and pulled his lover closer to him, unafraid of the fact that he just needed closeness.

Toshiya smiled against Kaoru's lips then just nuzzled into his neck, holding him close then shifting them so they were more laying down. He reached out with one hand to tug the covers up around them then settled again.  
Kaoru curled up against the other, slipping one leg over him. He sighed softly as he relaxed against the pillows. "Can I stay tonight, Toshiya?"

The bassist grinned in the darkness and lifted his head, pressing his lips to Kaoru's cheek. "Of course...I was actually going to ask you to."   
It took him a while, but he finally started to relax, feeling as though he were going to drift off at any moment.


	9. Chapter 9

It was almost ten in the morning by the time Kaoru rolled over, peering at the alarm clock on Toshiya's night stand. He stretched out a little and yawned. Last night had been amazing, really, coming over here and being welcomed into Toshiya's bed like it really wasn't a big deal. 

He shifted a little, feeling how his slight wood rubbed against the sheets. He almost wanted to laugh. At some point during the night, obviously the beast had escaped the confines of his boxers. As discretely as he could, he tucked himself back into his boxers and slid out of the bed, careful not to disturb Toshiya.

With a yawn, he pulled his phone out of his pants pocket and headed into the kitchen area. He put on hot water for tea and then called up a place he knew would bring them a nice lunch and relatively quickly as well. After placing the order, he slipped into the bathroom, quickly easing the ache of his bladder and solving most of his morning "problem" in the process. He washed up and finger brushed his teeth, using some mouth wash, and then quickly turned on the shower, stripping down and slipping under the warm water for the fastest version of a shower known to man. He just felt grimy and that needed to be solved that before waking Toshiya up.

Toshiya woke when he heard his shower come on, the sound startling him at first and then causing him to smile widely as he rolled over and buried his nose into the pillow Kaoru had been sleeping on, inhaling the faint scent of the other.

He stayed like that for a few moments before sighing and sitting up, yawning and stretching a bit. He considered waiting on Kaoru to come out of the bathroom but decided not to and stood, padding in and just walking up to slip his arms around the bare torso of his lover. "Mm, mornin'."

Kaoru went through his shower in under five minutes, coming out smelling nice and having everything done. It was just something he picked up from touring so often, sort of a how fast can you scrub type of thing that had been useful for venues that provided showers but didn't have enough hot water for five people with normal length showers. 

He had dried off and was attempting to tame his hair a little bit, making a face when it wouldn't cooperate. When Toshiya came in and pressed himself against his back, he gasped softly and looked back at him. "I didn't mean to wake you... I hope you don't mind I used the shower."

Toshiya chuckled softly and placed a light kiss to Kaoru's shoulder blade, shrugging as he moved to grab his toothbrush. "I don't mind in the least...so long as I get to see this sight..." He grinned as he quickly went about brushing his teeth then using mouthwash. Once that was done, he turned to Kaoru again and tugging him close for a minty fresh kiss.

Kaoru got his hair mostly dry by the time Toshiya was done brushing his teeth. He'd just put the towel in the hamper when he was pulled close for a kiss. He allowed himself something he hadn't been able to do in a while, and pressed close to his lover's body, one hand slipping into his hair, holding him in place while he kissed him good and proper.  
Toshiya sighed happily into the kiss as Kaoru pressed against him, the feeling of his warm, clean and quite nude form so close sending a little shiver down his spine. He slipped his hands around, caressing Kaoru's back for a moment then let them drop lower, over the swell of his lover's ass.

Kaoru grunted a little when the hands went about groping at his backside. He was instantly a little uncomfortable, though it was mostly due to the fact that he wanted more than he'd been letting himself have lately. He kissed him a little longer and then slipped back from him. "I ordered us lunch, it should be arriving sometime soon," he murmured, turning away to gather up his boxers and tank top, glad he had his hair to sort of hide his blush behind.

Toshiya very nearly pouted when Kaoru pulled away. He'd been intending on taking it further than that but he let it go, if only because his lover had been sweet enough to order them lunch. "Ooh, what did you order us, then?" He wandered after Kaoru, not bothering to change.  
"Rice and yakitori," he murmured softly, padding into the bedroom and pulling on his jeans and shirt from last night. The tea pot started to whistle and he rushed off to the kitchen to get it off the stove, hurriedly putting tea bags into their cups and pouring some of the water over them. A moment later, the buzzer on the door was pushed and Kaoru made his way to the door, opening it and accepting the food, paying the man at the door, and then thanking him.

He went back to the kitchen with the food and began to put it out for both of them, humming softly to himself.

Toshiya smiled a little at Kaoru's choice of meal. It was simple but one of his favorites and he had to wonder if the other remembered such. He made his way into the kitchen and just watched Kaoru setting out their food. "You know, you can stay every night if you're gonna do all of this..."

Kaoru let out a deep chuckle as he disposed of the last bag into the proper container. He gestured at the table. "Sit and eat." He settled down and picked up his chopsticks, quickly digging into the rice, obviously quite hungry. He'd forgotten to eat dinner last night, so starving was actually nearly correct.  
Toshiya grinned and settled himself at the table, picking up his own chopsticks and starting eat, albeit a bit slower than Kaoru was. "I'm sorry, I should have offered you food last night... Admittedly, it didn't even cross my mind that you might be hungry..."

Kaoru glanced up at the other, shaking his head a little. "You didn't know I hadn't eaten." He continued to eat rather quickly, pleased to have food in his belly, and good tasting at that.

The bassist shrugged and sipped at his tea. "Still though, I should have at least offered... but that aside, this is really good. Thank you." He smiled and bit into his yakitori, mmming as he chewed. Once that bite was done, he reached over and squeezed Kaoru's thigh underneath the table then continued on eating as if he hadn't moved.

Kaoru's thigh clenched the moment that Toshiya touched it, surprise briefly passing over his features. He wasn't sure why he was so jumpy still, but likely something about the fact that he still was incredibly hard-up. He cleared his throat a little and shrugged. "I'm glad you like it."

A smirk passed over Toshiya's features at the Kaoru's leg clenched when he touched him. He let it pass for now but as soon as they were done eating, he was going to have to do something about Kaoru's jumpiness. With that in mind, he focused on finishing off his food then sat, sipping his tea with a satisfied grin. "Yummy!"

Kaoru was finished long before Toshiya was, having been eating quite quickly. He sat back and licked his lips a little, nodding. "Very much so." He could feel the aches of the prior day slowly fading out, his head hurting far less as his body absorbed the food he'd given it.

Toshiya stood and went about gathering their plates, setting them in the sink for now. He walked back over to Kaoru and placed his hands on his shoulders, squeezing softly then letting them slide down over his chest, leaning in to whisper into his ear. "Let's go back in the bedroom and... watch TV."

Kaoru peered up at the other, his heart beating quickly in his chest as Toshiya touched him in such an intimate manner. He gave a slight nod, not wanting to assume too much from it. It was entirely possible Toshiya meant actual TV. "Sounds good," he murmured softly.

The bassist grinned and grabbed Kaoru's hand, waiting on him to stand before leading him down the hall. He crawled onto the bed and patted the spot next to him, trying not to look too anxious.

Kaoru slipped onto the bed next to Toshiya, glancing around for the remote as he settled down, one leg curled up under the other.  
Toshiya didn't even bother grabbing the remote to turn the TV on. Instead, he shifted and slipped his arm around Kaoru's shoulders, leaning in to press his face against his neck. "I forgot… there's nothing good on at this time of day..."

Kaoru chuckled a little. "Seriously, you need to change companies." He slid his hand up and began to stroke over Toshiya's hair in a gentle sort of manner. He glanced at the clock, making a little face. In three hours, they needed to go in to the studio and he wasn't really looking forward to it.

Toshiya huffed slightly and nipped Kaoru's neck. "I was trying to be smooth... you've ruined it." He pulled back and gave the other a little pout though he wasn't in the least bit annoyed or anything.

Kaoru blinked a little and then caught on, feeling stupid for a moment. He gave a soft laugh and shook his head slightly. "Yes, well... I um... apparently I didn't catch on. I'm sorry."

Toshiya snorted lightly and shrugged. "Ah well, now that the cat is out of the bag... my point was that... I'd rather ravish you than watch TV."

"Oh?" Kaoru shifted slightly and then leaned back against the headboard.  
"Well, get on with it, then." He smirked a little, his eyes darkening.

Toshiya licked his lips, the look in Kaoru's eyes telling him all he needed to know about whether or not Kaoru really wanted this. With a smirk, he moved closer and took Kaoru's earlobe between his teeth, nibbling it lightly for a moment then trailing downward, licking over his neck, sucking at his collarbone. While his mouth was busy, he slipped his hand under Kaoru's shirt, ghosting over his skin lightly.

Kaoru's breathing increased dramatically, his head falling back against the wall as he groaned softly. He didn't really know how to voice it, but he just wanted to be touched and pleasured, to be held and fucked. Right then, he needed it to be about him, though he felt incredibly selfish for that fact. But he spent far too much time not thinking about himself at all and never taking time for him.

Toshiya delighted in Kaoru's reactions and, eager for more, shifted so that he could tug the other's shirt off, tossing it aside then placing a soft kiss to his lips before moving to trail little kisses down his chest. He got to one nipple and took the bud into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it slowly as he finally slipped his hand downward to brush over his lover's crotch.

Kaoru gasped when Toshiya took his nipple into his mouth, his chest always having been sensitive, almost to the point of discomfort. But Toshiya wasn't doing so bad at it, so he let him keep going for the time being.

Toshiya let out a soft hum as he flicked his tongue over Kaoru's nipple then moved to the other one, giving it the same treatment before finally lifting his head and looking up at his lover. He licked his lips and gave Kaoru a light squeeze through his jeans. "I want to suck you..."

Kaoru took one look at Toshiya's face when he spoke those words and then closed his eyes, groaning. "Gods... please do."

Toshiya moved immediately to unfasten Kaoru's pants, pushing them out of his way before dipping his hand into the other's boxers, freeing his length with a soft groan. He gave Kaoru's cock a couple of strokes before shifting and flicking his tongue out over the head, tasting him. He gripped the base lightly as he moved to take him into his mouth, sucking at the tip a bit then taking as much as he could, moaning around him. 

Kaoru didn't think anything could be better than feeling Toshiya take him in hand, work him into semi-hardness, and then begin to suck him. Well... maybe one other thing could be better. But perhaps that would come later anyway. He let out a soft groan, placing his hand on Toshiya's hair.

Toshiya glanced up as Kaoru's hand slide into his hair, always having loved the feeling. He went slowly at first, sucking softly then lifting his head again to swirl his tongue around the underside then dip it into the slit before taking Kaoru's cock into his mouth again. He finally started bobbing his head, flicking his eyes up to watch Kaoru's face, his own cock tenting out his pajama pants really well.  
Kaoru's breathing increased rapidly, his excitement ramping up. The moment his cock was allowed fully into his mouth, he let out a long, low groan, arching up. "Toshiya," he breathed out.

The bassist shivered as his name rolled off of Kaoru's lips. He moved his hand down to cup and roll Kaoru's sac as he took his cock fully, burying his nose against the nest of hair at the base of it, swallowing several times.

A low grunt left Kaoru's lips when the other took him fully into his mouth. "Shit," he whispered out, squirming slightly. "Oh..." his head thumped against the wall as he gasped, pleasure flooding through his body at an alarming rate.  
Toshiya came up for air after a moment, taking the time to gather a drop of precum from the tip of Kaoru's cock with his tongue, letting out a soft little groan as he did. "Fuck Kao..."

Kaoru reached for him and shivered slightly. "Yes... fuck Kao," he hissed out, definitely pleading with the other for what he so desperately wanted.

Toshiya's eyes lit up and he moved to kiss Kaoru hard on the lips before pulling back and making quick work of removing his shirt and squirming out of his bottoms, his hard cock bobbing a bit as it was freed. He turned to tug Kaoru's pants and boxers off of him then shifted to reach into his nightstand, coming up with lube and a condom. Hurriedly, he poured some of the lube onto his fingers and slid them between Kaoru's thighs, stroking over his entrance before carefully pressing one digit inside of him, easing it past the tight ring of muscle. "Oh Gods...so tight..."

Kaoru shifted down on the bed, spreading his legs open once his pants were off. He lay there panting softly, shivering a little as the other poured lube on his fingers. When that finger slid inside him, he let out a long moan. His pushed his hips up a little and let out some strange version of Toshiya's name.  
Toshiya had to force himself to be slow even though he was eager to be buried in that tight heat. He pushed his finger in further, wriggling it around then pulled it back only to thrust it back in. As he did this, he reached out to wrap his free hand around Kaoru's length, stroking him. 

Eventually, he felt it was okay to add the second finger and as he pushed both inside, he curled them upward, searching for that one spot that would have Kaoru screaming his name.  
Kaoru lay there, feeling both somehow embarrassed and incredibly aroused at the same time. It was something he was getting slowly used to. It was humiliating in a way to be on the receiving end of things in his ass, but it felt so good that he couldn't give it up if he wanted to. He shifted a little bit, raising one leg up and hooking his hand behind his knee to keep it up. "Oh god," he whispered softly, "oh sweet... Jesus... give it to me."

Toshiya didn't hesitate for long after Kaoru pretty much informed him he was ready. He scissored his fingers a bit more then pulled them free, wiping them on a tissue before grabbing the condom. He quickly rolled the latex sheath over his cock then added more lube, groaning as he smeared over himself. 

Once he was prepped, he shifted in between Kaoru's legs and pushed forward, reaching down to guide himself into Kaoru's body, his body shuddering with the effort of going slow. "Gods..."

Kaoru shifted slightly when Toshiya moved over him. He spread his legs a little more as his lover slowly sank into his body. He let out a soft whine, spreading his legs as the other's cock slid inside him. Licking his lips, he reached to grab his lover's shoulders, arching up toward him. "Like that," he mumbled out, a moan spilling out just after.

Toshiya brought one hand up to grasp the back of Kaoru's thigh, pushing it up a bit as he slowly started thrusting into his body, a moan of pleasure escaping him. "Feels like heaven..."

Kaoru's hand slid down to wrap around his dick, stroking himself off as Toshiya thrust into his body. "Oh god," he whispered softly. "Oh yeah... oh please."

Toshiya hunched over Kaoru, burying his face into his lover's neck as he thrust into him, gradually picking up the pace. "Kaoru... God... so good." He gave the other's neck a bite then shifted back, grabbing hold of Kaoru's hip with one hand and using his other to wrap around Kaoru's on his cock.

Kaoru relinquished his dick to Toshiya's control, enjoying the other being the one to touch him while he was being fucked. His body throbbed with anticipation and pleasure, his back arching as he slid his arms up over his head, reaching to touch the wall, pressing against it. "Ahh," he hissed out softly.

Toshiya's eyes ran over Kaoru's body as he pushed into him, loving the way his muscles contracted here and there. His gaze moved to his lover's face, the look of pleasure on it making him moan. He was quickly losing his control, his thrusts growing faster and slightly erratic, his hand a blur over the other's cock. "Kao..."

There wasn't any warning at all, Kaoru simply arched up from the bed with a quiet gasp, and then he was cumming rather spectacularly. Spurt after spurt of his cum splashed over Kaoru's own chest and Toshiya's hand. He just let out a soft moan and shivered slightly, bliss sliding through him.

Toshiya let a gasp of his own as Kaoru started cumming, the clenching of his body sending a powerful shock of pleasure through him. He thrust hard into Kaoru a couple more times and then he was cumming too, filling the barrier between them with his offering. "Kao~ru!"

Kaoru lay there panting as Toshiya started to cum. It felt so perfect, like his life had been meant to come to this point. He shivered slightly and let out a soft rush of words that sounded specifically like heavily-accented English.

Toshiya stayed where he was for the moment, gazing down at Kaoru, the foreign words sliding from his lips making him shiver for some reason even though he was clueless to their meaning. 

It was too soon that he had to move, had to slide from the heaven that was Kaoru's body and remove the soiled condom. He tied it up and tossed to the floor for now then moved to lie next to Kaoru, wrapping his arm around his waist, uncaring of the mess. He buried his face against Kaoru's shoulder, kissing whatever skin he could reach as he basked in the afterglow.

Kaoru let out a soft sound and curled himself into Toshiya's arms, still trembling slightly. He leaned over and kissed him hard. A moment later, he pulled back and gently ran his fingers over Toshiya's cheek. "I..." his eyes glittered faintly and he smiled, though looking embarrassed, "Thank you, I needed this."

Toshiya kissed Kaoru back with equal fervor then leaned into his palm, smiling softly at the look in his eyes. "No, thank _you_..." He leaned in and rubbed his nose to Kaoru's, the gesture meant to be sweet and affectionate.

Kaoru huffed out a little laugh at the gesture. The moment was gone and he'd managed to get through it without being an idiot, which was definitely good for him. He brushed his fingers through his lover's hair ever so gently and then smiled as he curled up around him. "We need to do this more often."

Toshiya grinned and nodding, letting his eyes close as he held onto Kaoru, perfectly comfortable despite the mess. "Mm, yes, I agree one hundred percent."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: wraithrhionann

Things had gone right back to incredibly hectic from the moment that Kaoru's birthday was done. For the next month, Kaoru felt like he was running around like a chicken with his head cut off he was so busy and stretched so thin between all the things that needed to be done. Stress ate away at him and he found himself smoking more than ever, drinking heavily at night just to get to sleep, and he realized rather quickly he was falling into Die's old ruts.

Determined not to repeat the mistakes of others, he cut himself back on cigarettes and removed all alcohol from his apartment. Eventually, things tapered back off a bit and Kaoru found himself in a whole new world of pain. He'd nearly forgotten to try to maintain his relationship with Toshiya, despite the promise to do otherwise and he realized that the other was probably pretty annoyed with him by then.

And so - with the knowledge that the bassist's birthday was coming - he set about planning something mind-blowing for the other man. He invited Toshiya's friends on the sly, setting up a barbeque at Boss'. They got the fixings for all the usual Japanese-style barbeques and then American hamburger fixings as well, knowing that Toshiya liked them. Boss agreed to grill and set up as his gift to Toshiya and Kaoru got everyone to keep it a secret.

Finally, he got Toshiya a couple of gifts and then went to get the bassist from his place in the early afternoon, having told him he was taking him out for his birthday and to 'dress nicely'. Arriving at the door, he adjusted his white button-up shirt and then pressed the bell.

The past few hectic months had found Toshiya caught up in the usual whirlwind of chaos that surrounded touring. Life was put on hold once again and even though there were parties and a few nights alone here and there, he and Kaoru had had very little time to be a couple. 

It was times like this that he truly envied Die and Kyo. The pair hardly seemed phased by the stress and in fact appeared to be keeping it together quite nicely as they had each other to lean on. He supposed that he and Kaoru just weren't to that point yet though he didn't know when they would ever get there due to the lack of time spent together. 

Finally, they entered his birthday month and Kaoru informed him that he was taking him out. He couldn't deny the giddy feeling that welled up inside him at the thought and had gone about picking out just the right outfit. 

Now, dressed in black slacks and a white button-up shirt with a blue, almost paisley design on the front, he answered the door with a grin, very happy to see his lover on the other side. "Hey there good looking."

Kaoru smiled when Toshiya opened the door, pointing between their shirts. "Similar ideas on what to wear!" He laughed softly and then gestured the other out. "C'mon. We've got reservations to catch."

Toshiya chuckled softly. "Indeed but I'm not changing! It took me forever to choose something." He quickly slid into a pair of leather loafers and gathered his wallet and keys before stepping out and shutting the door. He made sure it was locked then turned to Kaoru, beaming. "So, where to?"

"I like it... shows we're on the same wavelength," Kaoru returned quietly. He watched the other finish up and then headed toward the elevator. "Surprise."

Toshiya hummed softly and followed along with Kaoru, glancing at him from the corner of his eye. "A surprise, hm? I can't wait."

Kaoru hit the elevator button and then stepped in as it was already on Toshiya's floor. He leaned back against the wall and smirked at the other man. He tilted his head back, looking up to see a camera in the lift. Making a face, he looked away.

Toshiya stepped into the lift behind Kaoru then saw him frown at the camera. He sniffed a bit and let out a little laugh. "Yeah, should've used the one on the other side of the building. That camera's been broken for months now."

Kaoru shot a look at him and then ducked his head, smirking. "Well... the sentiment is the same even if I can't do it. I was going to kiss you."

Toshiya smiled softly at Kaoru, reaching up to tuck his hair behind his ear. "I'm not sure I can survive on sentiment alone with that one...but I'll let it pass in this case."

"Mmm... I promise I'll make up for it later." He chuckled, stepping out as the elevator reached the parking garage level. He stepped out and then headed for the parking garage elevator instead. "Your complex is a fucking mess on how they set this shit up, by the way."

The bassist licked his lips, grinning a little too widely at the thought. It had been too long even for that simple act as Kaoru was not one to take any chances in any sort of public setting and he didn't want to push it. 

He walked along with the other, casting a glance at him and snorting. "I know, I think they were on crack or something. It's very asinine."

"Fuckin' LSD or some shit, I swear." He shook his head as they entered the next elevator and - once again - he looked up and found a camera. "Of all the fuckin' luck... I swear."

Toshiya nodded in agreement. It was really a convoluted system. "They're discussing redesigning it soon but I don't know...I might move." He stepped in behind Kaoru and gave the camera a glare. "They're everywhere nowadays..." He said this with a slight frown, lifting one shoulder then letting it fall.

Kaoru snorted a bit. "Yeah well... they were having issues with people doing all kinds of... unsanitary things in elevators. They're not restrooms or fuck-places or sleeping places. But people were doing all of them inside. Not to mention those girls that got raped a few years ago until they caught the guys doing it."

Toshiya's nose wrinkled up at the thought of all the unsavory business that went on in elevators and when theirs reached the floor they were going to, he found himself relieved. "Yeah..."

Kaoru exited the elevator and began walking toward the back of the lot. "Sorry the car's so far, but it was the last spot."

Toshiya walked along with Kaoru, shaking his head. "It's alright." A few minutes later, he looked over at Kaoru and smiled again, just happy to actually be able to spend time with him.

They got to his car and he unlocked it, slipping in and buckling up. "So... reach under the seat."

When they finally arrived at Kaoru's car, he climbed in and got settled, buckling up. Kaoru told him to reach under the seat and he raised an eyebrow but did as he was asked, slipping his hand beneath the seat and pulling out a lovely wrapped box. "Oh, Kaoru..." He grinned at his lover then pulled the bow off before looking up again. "Can I open it now?"

"Yes." Kaoru smirked at him and then started the car so the heater would come on.

Toshiya grinned and carefully tore off the paper before opening the box. Inside, he found a Yomiuri Giants hat and an ice cream bowl shaped like a hat. Underneath those things he found a card that contained a gift certificate to an online shop that specialized in adult toys. 

Toshiya couldn't help but try on the hat and then grin at Kaoru. "This is awesome, Kao! Thank you." He leaned over and, after a quick peek to make sure no one was around, he pecked Kaoru's cheek, leaving it at that for now.

Kaoru smiled at the other and leaned into the little kiss on his cheek. "Happy birthday." With that, he pulled out of the space and headed across town, wondering how long it would take the other to realize they were headed to Boss' place. Perhaps, given the restaurants that littered the area, they wouldn't have any issues until they were there.

Toshiya beamed then went about removing the hat for now and settling everything back in the box. He straightened his hair once more and then settled back for the ride. "Are we going far?"

"Not very," Kaoru returned quietly, reaching to flip on the radio as an undertone to any conversation they might have. "So... um... anything in particular you wanted to do today?"

Toshiya tapped his fingers to the song that came on when Kaoru turned on the radio. At the question, he shrugged lightly. "Spend it with you... maybe... spend the night?"

Kaoru glanced at him and then gave him a little smile. "Your place or mine?" He was more than willing to go out on a limb and try this tonight. Plus... as a birthday rule, he sort of owed the bassist a blowjob at least.

Toshiya couldn't help but smile at that. "Mine, I just cleaned it and everything." He looked out the window, noticing familiar scenery. "Pretty close to Boss's place..."

"Mmm... I get a fresh, clean bed to sleep in?" Kaoru chuckled, completely ignoring the comment about being close to Boss' place, not wanting to give any indication of what was going on.

"Yep! Clean, bleached white sheets, even fresh groceries and all that!" He laughed and shifted back, glancing around.

"Sounds like heaven. I haven't changed sheets in nearly three weeks." He let out a quiet laugh. "I'm a fuckin' slob when it comes time for stressful shit."

Toshiya frowned a little, reaching over to pat Kaoru's leg. "You should hire a housekeeper during these times...I know you can afford it."

"Eh... no point. I just do a cleaning spree afterward and that's that. A housekeeper would only find out all my secrets since I sort of leave them spread out all over the damn place." He turned into the back way to Boss' place, figuring it might throw Toshiya off.

Toshiya snorted softly. "True..." He turned to look at Kaoru, squeezing his leg slightly then focused back on the road. "Kao...where are we going? This is...Boss' street."

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Too observant for your own good." He shook his head and then smirked. "You are correct, we are going to Boss' place."

Toshiya raised an eyebrow, finding that he was somewhat confused by that. "Okay then...not exactly the romantic, candlelit dinner spot..." He laughed a little to let Kaoru know that he was simply teasing.

"No one ever said I was good at romance, Toshiya." Kaoru shot him a look that told this was the blatant truth. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm bad at it." He pulled up in front of the other's place and cut the engine, getting out of the car and waiting on Toshiya.

Toshiya blinked then frowned slightly. "It's not like I mind, Kaoru. I pretty much knew that before we got together." He slipped out of the car and shut the door. He waited for Kaoru to lead the way and followed him, curiosity dancing on his face.

Kaoru led the way toward Boss' home and then just opened the door and stepped on inside, letting Toshiya in as well. He removed his boots and called out, "Hey, Boss!"

The older man appeared with a smile on his face, offering a wave to Toshiya and Kaoru. "Happy birthday!" He swept his arm wide. "And welcome to the grand event."

Toshiya stepped inside the familiar home, toeing off his shoes before stepping up into the entry hall. Boss appeared and he grinned at him. "Hey Boss! Thanks!" He didn't bother to ask what grand event Boss was speaking of because he had a feeling that any moment, more people were gonna pop out of nowhere.

Kaoru chuckled, lightly touching the older man on the shoulder as he brushed past, heading out toward Boss' back patio. He stepped out and then stood aside to let the other two men out, all the guests out on the back, including Die, Kyo, and Shinya. "See... I can plan things," he murmured to Toshiya.

Toshiya shook Boss' hand then followed both of them out onto the patio, his jaw dropping a little as he was greeted with the sight of several of his friends, including bandmates. He grinned widely at everyone, receiving a group call of "Happy Birthday!" from them before he headed out to greet everyone. "Wow, you guys are awesome!" As he made his rounds, he made a mental note to really thank Kaoru for going to the effort of planning an actual surprise party.

Kaoru moved off to the side and settled against the wall where Boss went back to grilling. "Thanks for doing this, man... I think it'll mean a lot to him."

Boss cast him a glance and then smirked. "If you're really thankful, you could get on your knees to prove it."

Kaoru gaped at him for a second and then rolled his eyes. "Asshole."

"I'm kidding. Gets your panties un-wadded, liida." He reached to push his shoulder. "Sometimes... even with you being out, you're still jammed in a fucking closet."

"Excuse me, but most friends don't joke about getting blown by other friends," Kaoru hissed out, shaking his head. "Besides... I may be out, but I'm still a very private person."

"Yeah, yeah... sure you are. Just you wait a few years." Boss flipped over a burger and gave him a pointed look.

After a few minutes, Toshiya settled down next to Die and Kyo with a beer, taking a swig. He glanced over at Kaoru and Boss, raising an eyebrow then shrugging before looking at his fellow band mates. "Man, I can't believe he went to all this trouble."

Kyo just smiled a little, shifting in his seat. As much as he wanted to help Toshiya celebrate his birthday, the fact remained that he didn't know most of these people and was already ready to split. He had, however, promised Die to behave himself for at least a couple of hours. "Yeah, he's been planning it for a while now... made us all swear our silence."

Die held up his beer toward the bassist and grinned. "He put a lot of thought into this. Don't doubt he cares about you, because I'll be damned if he's done a thing like this for anyone else."

Kaoru simply shook his head at Boss and then grabbed the first plate of food, taking it over to the table Die, Kyo, and Toshiya sat at, placing it down. "We made your favorite... hamburgers. And all the normal stuff, too." He gestured toward the table next to the door. "Buns and condiments are over there."

Toshiya blushed a little at Die's words, ducking his head to hide the sappy grin he got on his face at the thought. "Yeah, I know...even though we've spent more time apart than together lately, thanks to work." 

He was about to say more but then Kaoru showed up with food and his attention was drawn to the juicy hamburgers sitting on the plate. "Oh, that looks amazing." He went about making up a burger with all of the toppings and then sat back down, smushing it down before taking a huge bite, groaning as he did so.

Die took some of the beef and then a little chicken as well, going to dump some pasta salad on his plate and then settling back down.

Kaoru, for his part, made a burger as well, coming to sit next to Toshiya and making sure he was actually pressed right up against him, something that, for a very private man, was somewhat out of his comfort zone.

Kyo selected chicken and also got pasta salad as well some of the grilled veggies Boss had done up. He picked out a rare wine cooler as well, settling next to Die once more before digging into his food, occasionally reaching over to steal a bite of Die's beef. 

Toshiya glanced up when Kaoru came to sit down, blinking a little when the other sat rather close to him. He smiled as he chewed, dipping his hand down to lightly pet Kaoru's leg under the table before coming up with his napkin and wiping his mouth.

Kaoru polished off his burger fast and then reached to put his hand on Toshiya's thigh in return, leaving it there, just resting, as he sipped at the soda he'd picked out of the cooler. "Feel free to drink, I'm designated driver for tonight."

Toshiya finished up his burger pretty quickly then ended up getting a bit of chicken and some chips as well as another beer. He leaned into Kaoru a bit, enjoying the touch to his thigh, his hand frequently dropping down to rest over the others. "Mm, if you say so but I don't want to get totally blitzed."

Kaoru smirked a bit when Toshiya's hand came down to rest on his own. He licked his lips a bit and then shrugged. "Your birthday, which means it's up to you."

Toshiya finished eating and sipped at his beer, shrugging a little. "Very true but it isn't any fun if I'm plastered and you're not." He smirked at Kaoru a little then squeezed his hand. Even when a few people came over to speak to them, he didn't move it, just leaving it there and enjoying the contact.

Kaoru mostly remained quiet as the others came up to talk to Toshiya. He watched Boss move around, getting all the meat served up. Once that was done, Boss came over with his own plate, plopping down next to Kaoru and digging in with a rather loud, lewd groan, causing the guitarist to raise an eyebrow at him.

Toshiya finished off his second beer then leaned back slightly, rubbing his belly with his other hand. "Damn, that was good." Boss joined them shortly after and started making lewd noises, causing Toshiya to snort softly. "Geez Boss, been a while?"

"Shut up, I cooked your food, man." Boss showed him his middle finger and then shoved another bite into his mouth, giving him an amused look.

Kaoru let out a laugh and shook his head. "Fucker."

Toshiya just laughed, shaking his head. "And I appreciate it because it was damn good!"

"Good. You better." Boss let out a laugh and then shook his head a little. "So... seriously... happy birthday, man."

Toshiya grinned, reaching over to clap Boss on the shoulder. "Thanks. This is really great and I mean it." He glanced at Kaoru, giving his hand a squeeze.

Boss leaned over and moved his hand under the table to Toshiya's hand, using Kaoru's lap as the expanse to reach across, something in his hand. "Here."

Toshiya blinked a little and opened his hand, taking what Boss was giving him. He felt the shape of it and smirked. "Mmm, thanks again." He lowered his voice and leaned over a bit, not minding that he was pressing into Kaoru. "We'll smoke it later for sure." He dipped his hand into Kaoru's pants pocket, pulling out his cigarette pack and slipping the joint into it for safe keeping.

Kaoru let out a soft grunt when Toshiya pushed his hand into his pocket. He grunted and then licked his lips a bit.

Boss smirked and then sniffed a bit. "I hope you enjoy!"

Toshiya grinned. "I'm sure we will!" He glanced around the party, noting that people had broken off into little groups of 2 or 3 and were all happily chatting. He smiled and leaned on Kaoru a little more, feeling pretty content right then.

Boss patted both of their hands and then got up. "Have a wonderful night."

Kaoru reached for Toshiya's hand and took the pack back. "Mmm... so... it's up to you when we leave here. There's presents and cake over there," he gestured to where Die was pulling presents out from inside the house.

Toshiya hummed then looked over at the presents, raising his eyebrows. "Oh wow, they shouldn't have..." He grinned and stood up, wandering over to pat Die on the back. "Is that all of them?"

Die grinned at him and stepped back. "Indeed it is." He gestured at the mound. "We went a bit overboard, but... why not?"

Toshiya flushed a little and gave Die a bright grin. "Geez...I guess I'll get to opening these then!" With that, he grabbed another beer and pulled up a chair next to the pile of presents. He started going through them, opening them quickly then thanking each person in turn. 

After a bit, he only had Die's, Kyo's and Shinya's gifts left. To his side, there was manga, movies, a couple of gift cards and some bass related things. He finally picked up Shinya's gift and opened it, grinning as he pulled out a huge box of gourmet sweets and a new silver necklace. "Thanks Shin! I can't believe you remembered me going on about that necklace."

Die was lounging against the wall with Kyo, his arm around the other man's waist, no one here going to say anything about them and it was the most he dared to do with it still being semi-public. He smirked, watching the bassist open the gifts, glancing over at Kaoru and giving him a thumb's up.

Kaoru smiled in response to everything going on, giving Die a nod and then looking back at Toshiya, glad to see his lover so happy.

Kyo, relaxed by the wine cooler, simply leaned into Die, feeling safe here for the most part. Toshiya's happiness was somewhat infectious and he found himself grinning a bit as the bassist tore through all of the wrapping paper on his gifts like a child. 

When Toshiya got to his gift, Shinya just grinned and waved him off. "I bought it that day since you kept on about it." 

Toshiya grinned then finally got to Die's and Kyo's gifts, opening Kyo's first. Inside was a bottle of rather expensive cologne. He took off the top and lightly sniffed it, finding it to be exactly his style. He sprayed a teeny amount on his arm and rubbed it in, smelling it again. "This is really awesome, Kyo. I love it!"

Die chuckled and lightly nudged Kyo, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "You buy him sexy cologne... I like how you think." Straightening up, he just stood there, smirking like an idiot.

For his part, Kaoru watched with hooded eyes. He had other plans for tonight and for Toshiya. And he'd be damned if he would be deterred from them. But watching the other like this made him happy as well.

Kyo nodded at Toshiya then just smirked at Die. "I overheard Kaoru saying he liked that brand one day...what better way to enjoy it than on the skin of your lover?" 

Toshiya finally opened Die's gift, not sure what to expect but was rather happy to see a new Chrome Hearts shirt as well as an electric razor. "Oh hey! I didn't even know they had this design! Thanks!" He set it aside then turned to everyone, grinning. "Thanks again everyone, this has been an awesome night!"

A few people wished him a Happy Birthday again and then bailed, obviously needing to be somewhere else for the evening. Still there were at least a dozen people remaining, some hovering near the cake. Kaoru glanced around and then gestured. "Might wanna cut the cake or they'll eat it with their hands I think."

Toshiya waved bye to the ones that were leaving then did just that, picking up the available knife and cutting into his cake, getting him and Kaoru both a piece. After that, he picked up the plate and nodded to the cake. "Okay everyone, have at it!" 

He made his way back to their table and settled down again, beaming at Kaoru as he picked up a cherry from the cake and popped it into his mouth.

Kaoru accepted the cake and followed after Toshiya, plopping down on the seat next to him and sticking his finger in the icing, shoving it on Toshiya's nose and then chuckling.

Toshiya let out a squeak then grinned, sticking his tongue way out and attempting to get the icing with it. He gave up rather quickly and instead, reaching over to smear icing on Kaoru's lips, smirking at him.

Kaoru let out a laugh and licked his lips clean, passing Toshiya a napkin. "Seriously... sometimes I think we never get over shit we wanted to do as kids."

Toshiya giggled a bit, wiping his nose off then nudging Kaoru lightly in the ribs. "You? Liida-sama? A kid? I don't believe it."

"Pfft... believe it. I have child-like urges too, I promise." Kaoru chuckled and then dug into his cake. "Though, I have to say... I can't wait to get back."

Toshiya chuckled again then smirked at Kaoru's next comment, his hand dropping to run up his thigh. "Is that so?" he murmured lowly, his tone completely different now.

"Mmm... for several reasons," he murmured quietly. He reached to gently pat Toshiya's arm.

Toshiya smirked then finally finished up his cake. Most of the others had left, including Die, Kyo and Shinya as they'd all come together. He let out a sigh of content and looked at Kaoru. "I'm ready whenever you are, babe."

Kaoru chuckled and then stood up. "Then let's get to the second half of the evening, shall we?" He led the way toward the present pile, bagging it up into manageable piles.

Toshiya grinned and after taking care of his trash, followed along with Kaoru, helping him bag up his gifts. Once done with that, he turned to Boss and gave him a one armed hug. "Thanks again, Boss. This was awesome as hell!"

Boss was cleaning up some things, smiling as he got a hug. "I'm glad you liked it. We planned pretty well for it."

Kaoru grinned, holding onto the bags. Once Toshiya was done, Kaoru moved to hug him as well, feeling the other slip something into his pocket. He gave him a sly look and then arched his eyebrow. "Watch it there, buddy."

Boss let out a laugh. "Trust me, you'll enjoy."

Toshiya watched Kaoru hug Boss then waved once more before heading inside and going through the house to the front. He put his shoes back on then leaned against the wall while waiting on Kaoru to join him.

Kaoru put his own shoes back on and then picked up a bag of garbage, taking it out with him and putting it in the can before putting Toshiya's presents in the car and slipping into the driver's seat. He reached into his pocket and pulled out what Boss had put in there and then shoved it back in promptly, his eyes a bit large. "Holy fuck."

Toshiya happily wandered along with Kaoru to the car, settling into his seat then turning to look at him. "What? Hm? What's in your pocket?"

"Friggin Boss... that's what." Kaoru started the engine and then pulled out, heading toward his house to grab an overnight bag. "I'm not even sure I should have it. I'm pretty sure he just gave me Viagra and definitely another joint."

Toshiya's eyebrow shot up and he laughed. "A Viagra? Oh man..how much does he think we're gonna do?"

"I think it's more a comment on my uh... lack of sex drive? I have no idea." Kaoru sighed and shook his head. "I'm not even sure it's legal."

Toshiya cocked his head, frowning a little. "Baby, I don't think you have a lack of sex drive...I think it's more a lack of time."

Kaoru snorted a bit. "Well, thanks for sticking up for me. But obviously the rest of the world thinks I'm sexually inept." He glanced at Toshiya. "That or it was a hint to fuck you all night long."

Toshiya smirked at that, reaching over to run his hand along Kaoru's thigh for the second time that evening, going higher up this time. "I'll take the latter...and then some."

"Mmm... is that a request?" He chuckled a bit and then made the last turn to his apartment, pulling into the temp lot. "I'll go grab my bag and be right back down."

The bassist grinned, glancing at where they were turning. "A request...a plea..." He chuckled then nodded. "I'll be here."

Kaoru slid out of the car with a smirk, heading into the building and going up to his apartment. Once there, he put some stuff in an overnight bag and then went to look up Viagra online real quickly. He perused a few sites and found that on a full stomach, it could take an hour or so to kick in. Pulling it out, he compared it to the photos, the numbers and shape matching up with a normal dose of the little blue pill. He grabbed water from the fridge and popped it. Now he just had to hope that nothing happened to make them not be able to fuck or else he'd be in a world of hurt.

He grabbed up his pipe, really liking to use it instead of smoking a joint and he could just empty the contents into it once they were at Toshiya's. Just in case, he pushed lube into his bag and a couple of condoms as well, slipping one into his pocket... just in case.

With a smirk, he shouldered the bag and then headed off toward the door, flicking off his light.

Once he was back at the car, he chuckled and slipped in, tossing his bag in the back seat. He debated telling Toshiya and then discarded the idea, deciding he'd just show him when it happened.

While waiting on Kaoru, Toshiya had taken to fiddling around on his phone. He looked up when Kaoru joined him again and grinned. "Hey there sexy...I missed you." He tried to keep a straight face but couldn't and ended up laughing at his own cheesiness.

Kaoru lifted one eyebrow. "Sexy, hmm? Is today compliment day?" He started the engine and once again pulled back out into traffic, heading for Toshiya's place this time.

Toshiya scratched his chin then nodded. "Yes, today is compliment day." He chuckled then leaned back in his seat, watching the road pass them by.

"Excellent... then... I couldn't have a better boyfriend." He glanced at him and then back at the cars he was navigating through. "So... what's on the menu?"

Toshiya blushed a little and when they stopped at a light, he leaned over to press his lips to the side of Kaoru's neck. "Mmm, Kaoru's on the menu..."

Kaoru let out a laugh and then chuckled. "That sounds great." He pushed his hand through his hair, letting the curls fall back around his shoulders. "Given any thought to what you want to get with that gift certificate?"

Toshiya licked his lips and considered for a moment. "Hmm, well I'm not sure. I have a couple of vibes already but maybe something the both of us could enjoy?"

"Double the fun?" Kaoru teased lightly, pursing his lips a little and then laughing. "Do you know I'm so paranoid that I went and bought a gift card Visa to send you a gift certificate from there?"

Toshiya laughed. "Exactly, double the fun." He wrinkled his nose a bit, shaking his head. "That's somehow adorable..."

"I guess some part of me thinks someone's tracking our credit card purchases and the last thing I need is someone going public with how Niikura Kaoru purchased all kinds of things from a porn site." He snorted.

Toshiya hummed softly, shaking his head. "I can understand that but that'd be really damn creepy." He shifted a bit then looked at Kaoru. "I dunno though...what about something a little kinky like ropes or handcuffs?"

Kaoru's cheeks colored a bit at the talk of kinky things. "Um... I'm not sure. We... haven't really talked about... stuff... like that much yet." He drove a little faster, already feeling the tingle of arousal and not sure if it was due to what he'd taken or the conversation.

Toshiya cocked his head, peering at Kaoru. "Mm, no, we haven't...tonight might be a good night for that...if you want. Otherwise, I'm fine with having you pound my ass all night."

Kaoru let out a soft laugh. "I think... we can brave the talk while we look through the site."

Toshiya grinned a little and nodded. "Alright, that works for me." He glanced out the window and was rather glad to see they were close to his place. He was starting to get anxious and his pants were just a bit tight.

At long last, Kaoru finally pulled into the parking garage and began looking for a space to park. "Blasted fucking parking, I swear to god."

Toshiya snorted then pointed towards the elevators. "Look, there's one, hiding behind that van."

"Yes, good." Kaoru pulled into the parking spot and hurriedly got out of the car, gathering up the bags and then closing the door. He could feel the stupid Viagra kicking in and he was not all that thrilled to be having this issue in public. However... it also had not been an hour and he was not impressed with online having lied to him either.

Toshiya grinned and slipped out of the car, grabbing the one present bag that was left and wandered to the elevator, pressing the button.

Kaoru stood there, bags blocking his 'problem' so it wasn't so obvious to anyone involved. He wet his lips a little and then stepped in when it arrived.

Toshiya was oblivious to Kaoru's issues for the moment. He stepped onto the lift and pressed the correct floor button then leaned against the wall.

Once they arrived at the ground floor, Kaoru darted off and headed toward the other elevator. He was already half-hard now and he could damn near feel the lust growing inside him. Evidently this was going to be a sooner rather than a later sort of thing.

Toshiya raised an eyebrow at Kaoru's eagerness then just smirked, following along. Thankfully, this elevator was already at the floor and they were able to just get on.

Kaoru stepped into the elevator and then shifted the bags. "Unngg... okay, I'm going to admit this. I took the-" he cut himself off as another patron joined them on the elevator and he flushed, looking away.

Toshiya blinked at Kaoru as he spoke then smiled politely at the person that got on, recognizing her as one of his neighbors but otherwise not knowing her. It was a long ride and he was happy when they reached his floor, carefully slipping out of the car then waiting on Kaoru.

Kaoru shifted around her and got off as well, heading quickly down the hallway to Toshiya's place, and hoping to god his bag was hidden in the sea of presents.

Toshiya unlocked his door then stepped inside, leaving it open for Kaoru. He set the bag of presents on the table then got out of his shoes before hanging up his coat. "Now, what were you saying? You took the...?"

Kaoru stepped inside and put his present bag down as well, tossing his bag off to the side and then kneeling down to take his shoes off. "Mmm... I took the Viagra." He stood up and gestured at his crotch. "It's... uh... working." He looked honestly sheepish.

Toshiya's eyes widened a bit then he glanced down and smirked a little. "Mm, I see. Were you just too tempted by it or should I be worried that you don't find me sexually appealing?" He was only half serious but it was a bit unusual to think of Kaoru taking Viagra.

Kaoru gave him an incredulous look. "Please. You have to ask?" He let out a chuckle. "I just thought... it's been a while and... maybe multiple times wouldn't be a bad thing." He pushed away from the wall and headed into the living room toward Toshiya's computer. "Temptation... curiosity... if I were a cat, I'd be dead."

Toshiya smirked a bit. "Mm, perhaps you're right...and it has been quite a while." He half expected a kiss or something but Kaoru headed into his living room instead so he just followed him.

Kaoru pointed at the computer. "You have two choices, birthday man... fuck first, that second. Or purchase and kink-talk now, fuck after."

Toshiya looked at Kaoru then snorted, stepping forward and grabbing him by the shirt. He yanked him close and kissed him hard, if not a bit desperately. "Fuck me," he uttered against Kaoru's lips.

Kaoru let out a chuckle as Toshiya got a bit forceful. "Yes, sir," he murmured in reply. He backed the other up towards the bedroom. "Tell me you have lube... I have the condom."

Toshiya groaned softly. "Oh yes, I have lube...it's already out and everything." They reached his bedroom and in no time, he was tugging his shirt off, discarding it on a chair.

Kaoru followed suit, unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it aside. He moved to the other and gently pushed him down onto the bed, kneeling down and reaching for Toshiya's pants. "You do realize... the point of Viagra... is to fuck over and over... and over."

Toshiya let out a sound as Kaoru pushed him onto the bed. He lifted his hips to help Kaoru get his pants off, smirking up at him. "Oh yes...I realize that..."

Kaoru let out a soft sound and then all but ripped Toshiya's pants down his legs, tossing them off in the corner, coins, keys, wallet, and phone spilling across the floor. But he couldn't have cared less. In the last minute and a half, he'd become raging hard... to the point that he was seriously not thinking about anything other than how to satisfy it.

He let out a soft sound and fished the condom out of his pocket, tossing it on the bed as he began to open his own pants, freeing his aching length.

Toshiya grunted when his pants were ripped off then he spread his legs, reaching down to stroke himself for a moment. "Hnn baby, just lube up and fuck me…please..."

Kaoru looked up at him and then arched his eyebrow. "Without prep?"

Toshiya bit his lip, blushing a bit. "Well, I...er...got off last night with a sizeable vibe..."

Kaoru let out a soft chuckle and then pushed himself up, grabbing the condom and ripping it open, sheathing his length in it and then taking the lube, squeezing some over his cock before tossing it aside. Shifting forward, he lightly pulled Toshiya to the edge of the bed, his ass partly hanging off. He held his dick in one hand, Toshiya's thigh in the other, pushing it up and back as he leaned in. Slowly... almost achingly so... he pushed his cock into the other's tight passage. "Oh holy fucking... _yes_!"

Toshiya watched with hooded eyes as Kaoru slid the condom on and then lubed up. He groaned when he was pulled forward and took a moment to shift a bit before Kaoru grabbed his thigh. 

When his lover finally pressed into his body, he let out a loud moan, his hands going to grip the sheets. "O-oh _fuck_!"

Kaoru remained inside his lover for a few moments before he started to move, the sensation feeling quite a bit starker than he remembered from the last time. He groaned, leaning into Toshiya's leg and starting to thrust his hips, chains clinking as he began to fuck. "Oh _fuck_ , it feels so good..."

Toshiya whined a little as Kaoru started to move, one hand going to grip his shoulder. "God yes! More, Kao, fuck me harder!"

"Give me a second," Kaoru gasped out, shuddering faintly. Honestly, he was so full of sensation that if he started thrusting hard, he was going to blow sooner rather than later. It certainly didn't help that he'd not even jacked off in nearly a week. Taking a few deep breaths, he began to move again, this time pulling out most of the way to the tip and then thrusting back in hard enough to jar Toshiya and the bed.

Toshiya gazed up at Kaoru, moaning softly as the other stilled slightly. When his lover pulled out then slammed back into his body, it ripped a scream from him, his back arching upward. "K-kaoru!"

Kaoru repeated the process, moaning and gasping as he moved, everything feeling incredible. He wasn't sure if it was partly the drug or partly because he'd been so hard-up and hadn't been with Toshiya in a while. But, either way, he was chalking it up to the best sexual experience he'd had to date, and they weren't even two minutes into it yet. He slid his fingers down the other's thigh and then to grasp his hardened length, slowly moving his hand over him, his touch light in comparison to the harsh thrusts he was making into his body.

The intensity in which Kaoru was fucking him was blowing Toshiya's mind. He reached and dragged his nails down Kaoru's back, his legs spreading a bit wider. When his lover's fingers wrapped around his cock, he whimpered, pushing up into the touch. He had a feeling this particular round was going to be over all too soon. "Kaoru..fuck..."

Kaoru grew more and more aggressive as the moments slipped past. He groaned, shoving into his lover's body, his thrusts ramping up in speed until he was pistoning in and out at an incredible speed. "Holy... fucking... _shit_!" he cursed loudly as he really laid into it, his hand finally gripping Toshiya's cock hard and jacking him equally as fast as he was plunging into his body. "Oh god! Oh fuck! I'm... ah! Oh _yes _!"__

__Toshiya could hardly breathe as things got more ramped up. He gasped and cried out, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as Kaoru pounded into him hard. "Fuck...Kaoru!" He bucked his hips, holding onto Kaoru's shoulders for dear life. " _Yes_!"_ _

__For all that he tried, he simply couldn't hold back for very much longer. A few more thrusts and Kaoru was sailing over the edge, his eyelids fluttering shut and his breath hitching, stopping completely for a few moments as it slammed into him. For a few more thrusts, he kept going, and then he stilled, just allowing his cock to pulse deep inside his lover, filling the barrier between them, though his hand never ceased movements on Toshiya's length._ _

__Toshiya watched Kaoru's face as his lover came undone. He moaned lowly as he felt Kaoru cum within the condom. "Kao..." He finally focused on the hand on his cock, reaching out to hold onto Kaoru's wrists as he bucked his hips up. "Nng..yes...so close..."_ _

__Kaoru's eyelids opened and he pinned Toshiya with a very aroused look, moving his hand faster, his grip tightening. "Cum for me, Toshiya... I want to watch you... to feel you."_ _

__Toshiya gazed up at Kaoru, groaning softly. It only took a few more strokes before he let out a cry and started spilling onto his stomach. "A-ah!"_ _

__Kaoru stroked him all the way through it and then slid his fingertips over his length and down across his balls. He grasped the base of the condom around his cock and pulled out. Tossing the condom in the trash, he picked up some tissues and moved to wipe his cock and then Toshiya's as well, finishing off by wiping his backside and then tossing the tissue in the trash as well. He settled on the bed beside him, smirking a little. "So... aside from fast... how was it?"_ _

__Toshiya shuddered as he finished cumming, his hand falling away from Kaoru's wrist after a few moments. He took a few deep breaths then looked at the other, letting out a laugh. "Fan-fucking-tastic, baby..."_ _

__Kaoru smirked and then reached to lightly run his hand over his lover's stomach. "Happy birthday?"_ _

__Toshiya chuckled and reached up to tug Kaoru down, kissing him deeply. "Thank you."_ _

__Kaoru kissed him back and then gently poked his belly. "Want to lay here a while or go shop?" He arched an eyebrow at the other and then looked down. "Because _that_ is not going to stop for at least four hours."_ _

__Toshiya let out a chuckle and sat up. "Stay here and I'll go grab my computer..." With that, he slipped off the bed and padded nude into the living room to get his computer and also a couple a juices for him and Kaoru._ _

__He brought everything back to the bedroom and settled on the bed, getting the laptop booted up._ _

__Kaoru didn't pay attention to the stay here part, darting out to get his bag from the living room. He came back in and ditched his pants, cleaning up Toshiya's random items from the floor and putting them on his dresser. He pulled on his sweatpants instead, which were much more comfortable to his erection, and then tossed a few more condoms on the bed, retrieving the joints and his pipe, putting them on the nightstand._ _

__By the time the other came back, he was leaning against the wall, looking a bit more comfortable than before._ _

__Toshiya snuggled up to Kaoru on the bed, take a sip of juice then eyeballing the joints and pipe before going to the shop's website._ _

__"Do you care if we smoke in here? Or rather... does your landlord care? No point in getting you in trouble." Especially when they could just go outside if need be. He took one of the juices and took a long drink, putting it aside on the table and then peering over at Toshiya's laptop._ _

__Toshiya shook his head. "No, I can pretty much get away with anything in here, to be honest." He smirked a bit then started flipping through the myriad of dildos, vibes, onna holes and a ton of other toys the site had to offer._ _

__Kaoru unrolled one joint, packing his pipe with it, and then handed the other over to Toshiya. He lit his and took in a deep drag before reaching out, grasping his lover's chin and turning him toward him. He pressed his lips to Toshiya's and breathed the smoke out into his lungs with a soft groan._ _

__Toshiya watched as Kaoru took care of packing the pipe. When his lover grasped his chin and shotgunned the smoke to him, he groaned softly, inhaling a bit then licking Kaoru's bottom lip. "Mmm..."_ _

__Kaoru let out a chuckle along with the rest of the smoke, looking back toward the website. "Boss sprang for the good shit, man... this is gonna be mellow as fuck." He reached to lightly run his hand over Toshiya's thigh. "Horny and mellow... mmm... should prove interesting for the next round."_ _

__Toshiya licked his lips and nodded. "Indeed, it's pretty good. I think we may be able to fuck again though..."_ _

__Kaoru chuckled. "Does not change the horny portion of my comment." He shifted in closer, using his lighter and taking another drag from his pipe. He held it for a minute and then released it, looking at the screen. "So... that conversation we were going to have. I have a thing for getting high and jacking off... that much I know. Beyond that... I honestly am not real sure what my fetishes are."_ _

__Toshiya chuckled then leaned in to peck Kaoru's cheek. "Mm, well...I like a little bit of being tied up and biting, licking and kissing all do it for me, too."_ _

__Kaoru reached to point at the screen at one of the toys used for solo masturbation, a clear thing with ribs and nubs on the inside. "Used to have one of those as a teenager... dear god you cum hard with them."_ _

__Toshiya peered at the toy then groaned a little as he thought of Kaoru using one. "Mm, I used one of the disposable ones on tour one time. It was rather nice."_ _

__"Good for catching the cum, too. Makes it easier to just wait and then wash it out in the morning when you go piss." He tilted his head back and then reached into his sweat pants, jacking off for a few seconds before stopping and huffing out a soft laugh. "Christ... inhibitions gone, horny... this may or may not be good."_ _

__Toshiya smirked and shifted, ignoring the website in favor of licking at Kaoru's neck for a moment, nipping the skin lightly. "I dunno...maybe more good than bad...."_ _

__Kaoru let out a soft grunt. "Okay... new idea. I fuck you nice and slow-like... while you look at the website and choose what you want?"_ _

__Toshiya licked his lips then reached to grab Kaoru's pipe, taking another hit from it before looking up at him as he slowly let the smoke out. "That sounds...fantastic..."_ _

__Kaoru smirked and stole his pipe back, taking one more long drag from it before pulling himself up. This time he pulled off his sweatpants and left them on the floor. He picked up a condom and rolled it over his cock, discarding the wrapper into the trash. With a groan, he moved up on the bed and gestured the other around. "Laptop on the bed, you on your stomach. I want you from behind."_ _

__Toshiya was quick to get onto his stomach, positioning the laptop in front of him. He tucked a pillow under his chest then stuck his ass in the air, wiggling it at Kaoru. "Mm, yes, take me like this, baby."_ _

__"Damn right I will," Kaoru shifted behind him, nudging his legs open and pulling Toshiya's hips up until he was in a good position, using the fact that he'd only cleaned the outside of his entrance to his advantage. He pushed against him and then slid inside easily, moaning softly. "Sweet Jesus... apparently tonight, I want my cock in you... because this feels amazing."_ _

__Toshiya moaned softly as Kaoru re-entered him, loving the feel of being filled by his lover. "Mmm, yes it does." He shifted and rolled his hips back before chuckling lowly as he began flipping through the website._ _

__Kaoru made himself comfortable behind the other and then slowly started to push in and out of him. He groaned a little and then leaned toward him, watching the website pages go by. The feeling of Toshiya's body around his cock was utterly amazing, thrilling to him in many ways. "I really like this position," he offered quietly, hoping to pull something else free of his lover._ _

__Toshiya settled into a gentle rhythm of rocking with his lover, his cock gradually growing hard again. He switched the site to look at various anal beads, focusing on one particular string of them for a moment. At Kaoru's words, he turned his head back to grin at his lover. "Mm, me, too...a lot. Both ways. Giving and taking."_ _

__Kaoru leaned down and breathed in his ear, "Then fuck me once I've cum... we'll switch places and you can fuck me good and hard." He shivered and then adjusted his angle, thrusting in harder, though still incredibly slow._ _

__His eyes slid to the site. "Do you like those?"_ _

__Toshiya groaned at that prospect, his dick flexing beneath him. "Hnng, I think I can manage that." He pushed and rolled his hips back against Kaoru's thrusts for a few moments before looking at the site again. "Mmm, yeah, I think I would...these vibrate, too."_ _

__Kaoru sank into bliss with his thrusts, enjoying the feeling of the other's soft walls hugging his cock, the tight squeeze. His nerves tingled with pleasure and he pushed into the other's body and then ground his hips against him hard. "God... right now, I just want to fuck all night." He let out a half strangled laugh._ _

__Toshiya gave up on looking at the site, eventually just laying his head down on his arms and enjoying the feeling of Kaoru's cock sliding in and out of him. "I'm not finding a problem with that right now."_ _

__"Hnnggg," Kaoru moaned out, his hand grasping Toshiya's hips as he moved to start thrusting into him a little bit faster. "I'm so sensitive... it feels like... the most pleasurable fire."_ _

__Toshiya moaned softly, dipping his hand between them, jerking himself for a moment. Kaoru's statement had him biting his lip before he turned to look back at Kaoru. "....Take the condom off...?"_ _

__Kaoru pushed in again and then stilled for a moment. He almost wanted to, but the other part told him clearly that he was not comfortable enough in his own skin to do such a thing. He leaned down to press a kiss against Toshiya's shoulder. "I..." he didn't know how to answer to this without ruining the mood and it made him almost panic._ _

__Toshiya could nearly feel the panic coming off of Kaoru at the question and though it hurt to be rejected in that manner, he refused to let it ruin this moment. Instead, he simply shook his head and pushed back against his lover, tightening his walls around him as he did so._ _

__Kaoru pursed his lips, closing his eyes and trying to compose himself. He knew he had to say or do something. Nothing he could do could change what was happening and he was stressed out by it, but he also knew it was Toshiya's birthday. It would be better to explain than make his lover feel horrible. Leaning over him, he pressed his lips to the other's shoulder. "I just... can't get over the fact that... well... shit comes from there," he muttered out, shame burning his features. For a moment, he felt at least thankful for the drug, given his erection couldn't fade, even in the face of his other emotions._ _

__Toshiya laid there still for a moment then huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. "I...see." He wrinkled his nose, finding the thought unappealing and usually something he conveniently forgot about when having sex. After a moment, he let out a sigh and reached back, running his fingers through Kaoru's hair. "Forget I asked...it's fine."_ _

__Kaoru bowed his head a little and then murmured, "Sorry." He wet his lips and then sighed softly, not sure if he should continue or not._ _

__Toshiya shook his head again. "Please, don't worry about it. I get it..." He pushed back against Kaoru once more. "C'mon baby, it's fine, really.”_ _

__Kaoru huffed out a little sound and then started to thrust into him again, groaning the moment he started. "Ah yeah... oh god..." he couldn't help it... it just felt so fucking good._ _

__It took Toshiya a few moments to get over the awkwardness that had settled over them but eventually, pleasure took over again and he started groaning as Kaoru pushed into him. "Ah...yes!"_ _

__Kaoru let out a little whine and then continued on, thrusting into him harshly, desperate to cum now, headstrong in what he needed._ _

__Toshiya groaned lowly, finally pushing himself up onto his hands to get better leverage as he thrust back against Kaoru, forcing his lover's cock in deeper. 'Kaoru..."_ _

__Kaoru started to really go at it, moaning and thrusting quickly, trying to put the previous incident out of his mind at least until he'd cum._ _

__Toshiya started panting, his inner muscles clenching around Kaoru's dick, his back bowing some. "Yes!"_ _

__Kaoru grabbed hold of his hips and thrust in hard and fast, stilling after a few seconds, cumming less hard than the first time, but still losing it nonetheless._ _

__Toshiya let out a soft sound as Kaoru filled the condom between them with his offering. He shuddered and clenched around Kaoru as he came. "Gods! Yes!!"_ _

__Kaoru groaned a bit and then pulled out, tossing the condom in the trash and then reaching to lightly cup Toshiya's cheek, not sure what to say to make things better._ _

__Toshiya huffed out a breath, shuddering as Kaoru pulled out. When the other came up to cup his cheek, he smiled a little and leaned forward, pressing his lips softly to Kaoru's. "You're wonderful."_ _

__Kaoru kissed him back and then gave him a little smile. "I just need to be clear. It's nothing about you that causes my hesitation... not at all, okay?"_ _

__Toshiya smirked, reaching out to run his hand through Kaoru's hair. "I understand, thank you for explaining though."_ _

__"Okay... just... don't take it personal is all." He gently poked his nose and then pulled back, smiling a bit. "Okay... c'mon. Pick your stuff."_ _

__Toshiya hummed softly then turned back to the computer. He selected the anal beads he'd been looking at and put them in the cart then flipped to another section. He opened up fleshlights in one window and bullet vibes in the other then looked at Kaoru. "What do you think? New bullet vibe or a Fleshlight?"_ _

__Kaoru settled down beside the bed and leaned over to peer at the selection. "Fleshlight... tour handy!"_ _

__"Always thinking practically..." The bassist grinned then went over the selections they had, wrinkling his nose at the ones named after porn stars. Finally, he found a sleek number named Fleshlight Flight and clicked on it, reading its specs. "I like this one."_ _

__Kaoru leaned in closer and then groaned. "I wonder how close to a blowjob it really is. Seriously... you have to let me know if it's passable."_ _

__Toshiya smirked and added it to his cart along with a tube of lube before going about the checkout process. "Mm, maybe we'll just have to play with it together."_ _

__"Maybe so." Kaoru bit his lower lip a little and then shifted. "God _damn_ it!" He bucked a little against the bed. "Shit... I'm so hard still."_ _

__Toshiya finished up the order then shut his laptop, sliding it onto the floor before turning to look at Kaoru. "What did you expect from Viagra?" He chuckled then lightly nudged Kaoru over onto his back, kissing him soundly as he reached down to wrap his fingers around the other's cock._ _

__Kaoru swallowed a bit and then allowed Toshiya to push him down onto his back. He chewed lightly on his lip and then murmured, "Can I um..." okay, so the thought of asking for what he wanted was easier than actually doing it._ _

__Toshiya pulled back a bit and raised an eyebrow. "Can you what, baby?"_ _

__Kaoru squirmed a little and then, finally, blushing, he turned his head to the side and swallowed a bit. "I'd like to be... um..." he sighed, "the direction you were earlier."_ _

__Toshiya watched as Kaoru squirmed with his tongue between his teeth. His lover was so adorably shy about this stuff that it was hard not to giggle. However, he restrained himself and smirked instead, pressing his lips to Kaoru's once more before shifting to grab the lube. "On your hands and knees then."_ _

__Kaoru almost let out a relieved sound when the other agreed. He moved to get on his knees, though he shifted to rest against the bed, enjoying the feel of the comforter and something to hold onto._ _

__Toshiya waited until Kaoru was in place and comfortable before moving behind him and uncapping the lube. He poured a good bit onto his fingers then gently swiped them along Kaoru's crack. After a moment, he pushed a single digit into the other's entrance, groaning lowly at how tight he felt._ _

__Kaoru let out a slightly shocked sounding moan, bowing his head and pressing it against the covers, his fingers curling in the material. The sensations of the other's fingers made him feel really good._ _

__Toshiya shifted a bit and started kissing along Kaoru's spine as he worked his finger in and out for a bit. Eventually he added the second and started lightly thrusting them into his lover's body, his free hand coming to cup and squeeze Kaoru's sac._ _

__Kaoru let out a groan and bucked back when the other started fondling his balls. He let out a moan that quite clearly told that he liked that and wanted it to continue._ _

__Toshiya watched Kaoru's reactions, smirking a bit as he stroked his thumb over the back of Kaoru's balls while slipping a third digit into his body, stretching him thoroughly. "Mm, good, baby?"_ _

__"Hnngg," Kaoru responded softly, bucking back toward him a bit more. "Like that..." he murmured softly._ _

__Toshiya thrust his fingers into Kaoru a few more times before finally pulling away. He wiped off his hand then opened a condom, rolling it down over his length before smearing lube over his cock with a groan._ _

__He grasped Kaoru's hip with one hand and his cock in the other, guiding himself to his lover's entrance and pushing in slowly, shuddering as tight heat engulfed him. "Gods..."_ _

__Kaoru bit his lip a little, nearly telling Toshiya he could go without the condom if he liked it better that way. But some part of him held back, still unsure about it. "Toshiya," he breathed out._ _

__Toshiya got a hold of both of Kaoru's hips and slowly started thrusting into him, using shallow movements at first then finally picking up the speed. "Oh.. _Kaoru_!"_ _

__Kaoru pressed his head against the bed and then groaned faintly. "Fuck... Toshiya... I...." he pressed his face down into the mattress, a faint whimper coming from his throat._ _

__Toshiya slowed down after a moment, pulling his cock almost all the way out then pushing back in with hard thrusts, grunting with the effort. "Your ass feels so damn good, Kaoru." He hunched over his lover's back, running his tongue between his shoulder blades as he ground his hips against his ass, pushing in as far as he could._ _

__Kaoru let out a soft grunt and then finally managed to speak up, "Take it off... if you want."_ _

__Toshiya froze for a moment, somewhat shocked by Kaoru's words. He stayed where he was, rocking his hips slightly as he debated for a few minutes before finally moving back and sliding out of Kaoru's body. "Are you sure?"_ _

__"I'm sure," Kaoru murmured softly. "I just... I told you, it's just the idea for me, but I'm okay with you doing it if it turns you on."_ _

__"It does...so very much." Toshiya reached down and tugged the condom off, tossing it aside and squirting a bit of lube to the head of his cock before moving forward. He slid slowly back into Kaoru's body with a moan, the sensation completely different without the latex between them. "Oh...Gods..." He couldn't stay still for long and was still thrusting hard into his lover, his fingers digging into his hips._ _

__Kaoru moaned, just clinging to the bed and letting Toshiya go at him as hard as he wanted. "Fuck... Toshiya, oh my god!"_ _

__Toshiya moaned lowly as he rammed into Kaoru repeatedly, his breath coming in harsh pants. It felt amazing to have Kaoru like this, to really be able to feel him._ _

__Eventually, he could feel himself nearing his peak and he shifted positions slightly to reach under Kaoru and wrap his hand around his lover's cock, stroking it as he thrust into him. "Fuck..."_ _

__Kaoru started in on groaning louder, loving the feeling of Toshiya's cock filling him again and again. "God, I love your cock in me," he gasped out._ _

__Toshiya just grunted, thrusting hard and fast into Kaoru before letting out a loud cry as he started cum, releasing deep inside Kaoru's body. "Oh... _Kaoru_!!"_ _

__Kaoru let out a soft cry and then reached down to grab his dick, jacking off furiously for a few moments before he started to cum, spurting out over the side of the bed.  
Toshiya continued rocking his hips against Kaoru's body, shuddering as he felt his lover's walls tighten around him as he came. After a moment, he gently slid out of Kaoru with a groan, watching as some of his cum dribbled out as well. "Gods..."_ _

__Kaoru sat there for a few moments, feeling the cum leak from his body onto the carpet beneath him. After a few moments, he murmured, "Lick it?"_ _

__Toshiya's eyes widened at Kaoru's request but he was quick to shift forward and grasp Kaoru's cheeks, spreading them open before starting to lap as the cum leaking from his body._ _

__Kaoru let out a loud groan when the other started to lap at his entrance. "For the love of _fuck_!" he cried out._ _

__Toshiya moaned softly as Kaoru reacted. He thoroughly cleaned up all of the cum from Kaoru's ass then speared his tongue and pressed it into his hole, groaning. This very act alone was making his cock twitch despite his having just cum._ _

__Kaoru squirmed a bit, arching his back so his ass was more presentable to the other. "Down," he hissed out, wanting the other to start licking his taint and then maybe even suck his balls if he could get the nerve up to ask. It felt like he could find relief in that, more so than any other way._ _

__Toshiya complied and moved downward, swiping his tongue over Kaoru's taint and then the back of his balls. He smirked a little and drew one ball into his mouth, suckling it lightly as his hand ran over Kaoru's back, scratching lightly._ _

__"Oh Jesus," he hissed out quietly. "I... oh... you... _fuck yes_ ," he groaned out, damn near humping backwards toward Toshiya._ _

__Fueled by the sounds coming from Kaoru's mouth, Toshiya quickly maneuvered himself onto his back, his head between the other's legs. He leaned up and took Kaoru's sac into his mouth, groaning as he sucked and licked at his balls._ _

__"Oh sweet mother of _fuck_!" Kaoru cried out the moment the other shifted to take him more fully in his mouth. He buried his face into the covers and let out a legitimate scream, shaking he was so incredibly aroused._ _

__Toshiya groaned and popped Kaoru's balls from his mouth in favor of shifting a bit and sliding his tongue along the base of his cock. He brought one hand up to push two fingers into Kaoru's ass, his other hand sliding down to grip his own cock, jerking off as he pleasured his lover. "Mmn!'_ _

__Kaoru shivered slightly and closed his eyes, clawing at the bed like a desperate man as the underside of his cock was licked. After a few more moments, he hissed out, "Please... oh god, please... suck them again."_ _

__Toshiya chuckled lowly as Kaoru begged him to suck his balls again. "Mm, you like that, hm?" He ran his tongue down the underside of Kaoru's cock once more then moved back, flicking his tongue over Kaoru's taint before going back to sucking his sac. As he did so, his hand worked over his own cock with short, fast strokes, his hips pushing up into it, making him moan around his mouthful of Kaoru's balls._ _

__"Yes," he breathed out, apparently blatantly honest in this. After a few more moments, he started to whine, humping forward against the bed, cock dragging through the mess of his own cum. Sensitivity kicked in and he let out a sharp cry, starting to cum. "Oh _shit_!"_ _

__Toshiya groaned as Kaoru came again while he sucked his sac. He didn't pull back immediately, taking his time slicking his tongue over each ball._ _

__After a few minutes, he finally let his head drop and he let out a pant of breath, stroking his hand over Kaoru's thigh. "Gods, baby..."_ _

__Kaoru pretty much sagged with relief after cumming that go round. He huffed out a breath and then a quiet laugh. "Oh my fuck."_ _

__Toshiya shifted out from under Kaoru, sitting up then moving to flop next to him, reaching out to stroke hair from his face, smirking. "I think I kinda like you on Viagra..."_ _

__Kaoru shuddered a little and peered over at Toshiya. "I... well... my dick is gonna fuckin' fall off, I swear to god."_ _

__"I haven't fucked like that since... well... ever."_ _

__Toshiya chuckled and shook his head. "I don't think I have either...Jesus..." He flopped back and took a deep breath, smiling up at the ceiling._ _

__After a few more moments, Kaoru reached over, lightly stroking over Toshiya's cock. "Need a fix, m'dear?"_ _

__Toshiya shuddered as Kaoru's had slid over his still hard cock. "Mmm, yes...I could use one." He chuckled and reached out, pushing his fingers through Kaoru's hair. "Care to give me one?"_ _

__"I do," he murmured softly. "I definitely... want to help you... with this." He shifted a little bit and then stared over toward the other's nightstand. "If I chance a guess... you keep the goodies in there?"_ _

__Toshiya flicked his eyes to the nightstand and grinned a little. "Guilty..." He shifted and grabbed a pillow, putting it under his head and getting more comfortable as he watched Kaoru._ _

__Kaoru shifted over and opened the drawer, pulling out a vibrator. He licked his lips and flicked it on. He pulled himself up and then settled down on the other's lap. "Okay... so... let's play a game then, shall we?" He picked up the pipe and lit the contents, taking in a long drag. Handing over the other's joint and the lighter, he murmured, "Smoke up, sweet thing." With that, he turned on the vibrator and then pressed it against the other's cock. "Let's play... how long does it take for the lovely bassist to cum with just this as stimulation."_ _

__Toshiya groaned softly when Kaoru settled in his lap, his hands going to run up and down the other's sides for a moment. "Mm, a game hmm?" He was handed his joint and a lighter and immediately went about getting it lit properly. He'd just taken the first hit when Kaoru pressed the vibe against his cock, causing him to cry out slightly, his hips jerking. "Ooh..."_ _

__"Oh, indeed," Kaoru offered quietly, taking one more hit from his pipe and then putting it down on the dresser, leaning over the other man and starting to rub the vibe up over his cock, then around the head, then back down the other side of his shaft. "Just this... it's all you get... a vibrator on your fucking cock," he hissed out._ _

__Toshiya took another hit on the joint then reached over to let it sit in the ashtray. He reached to hold onto Kaoru's shoulders, groaning as the vibe swept over his sensitive length. "Kaoru..." he whined softly, head dropping back._ _

__Kaoru let out a soft sound. "Don't waste it, darling... expensive shit." He leaned in and nipped at his ear. "Come on... you know you want to know what it feels like to cum when you're high."_ _

__Toshiya squirmed a bit and finally retrieved the joint, drawing another hit from it. As the drug started working through his system, his cock became more sensitive and it only made him moan louder. "A-ah..."_ _

__Kaoru chuckled a bit when Toshiya moaned even louder. "That's right... you love this... your cock loves it, doesn't it?" he murmured softly._ _

__Toshiya had to focus on smoking the joint while his cock was being tortured with the vibe and Kaoru's words. He took a rather large hit then pushed his hand into Kaoru's hair, pulling him forward and kissing him deeply, letting the smoke linger between their joined mouths._ _

__Kaoru groaned into his lover's mouth, shifting forward a bit more and then pressed his cock against Toshiya's, the vibe between them. He moaned softly and then bucked toward him, his hips eager._ _

__Toshiya whimpered as he felt Kaoru's cock against his with the vibe still going. The drug in his system made everything much more sensitive and he found himself running his hand over his own chest._ _

__He finally took the last hit on the joint and put it out before wrapping his arms around Kaoru's neck and started to buck his hips, moaning out loud. "Oh fuck...Kaoru...fuck!"_ _

__Kaoru reached for the bed, holding onto the comforter harshly. "That's right... c'mon... fuck yourself against me... fucking cum hard."_ _

__They way Kaoru spoke flipped a switch for Toshiya and soon he was frantically jerking his hips upward as he clung to his lover for dear life. It was only another minute before he was crying out as his cock erupted between them, cum spurting from the tip and mostly onto his stomach before dribbling out over Kaoru's cock. "Yes!!"_ _

__Kaoru groaned as Toshiya started to cum between them. He jerked his hips forward, grinding against the vibe and Toshiya's cock, nearly desperate to get off from it._ _

__Toshiya reached out and took one of Kaoru's nipples between his fingers, teasing the bud, tugging it lightly. "Cum for me Kaoru...let me see you explode..."_ _

__Kaoru groaned softly and then spread his legs, humping against him harder. "Fuck... I want this... I want you to feel my cock when I cum."_ _

__The bassist reached down and removed the vibe before pressing his cock against Kaoru's, wrapping his hand around both and stroking. " _Yes_...Kaoru..."_ _

__Kaoru let out a soft whine as the other moved the vibrator away, having been enjoying the way it was moving his skin. He whimpered a little and grabbed Toshiya’s biceps, shoving himself against him hard._ _

__Toshiya stroked over their cocks hard and fast, ignoring the fact that his was rapidly softening from having cum already. He looked into Kaoru's eyes and swiped his thumb over the tip._ _

__Kaoru took a few more moments before he finally started to cum, jerking his hips hard forward as he spurted out across Toshiya's abdomen and cock. His hips moved a few more times and then finally - almost blessedly - he started to feel his cock soften. "Oh thank god," he whispered out._ _

__Toshiya watched as Kaoru came, groaning softly then smirking. "Fuck, baby..." He leaned in to kiss his lover deeply then flopped back against the bed._ _

__"Gods....I guess that pill really did work!"_ _

__Kaoru rested there against him and then let out a soft laugh. "Yeah... it certainly did. And remind me not to take shit like that when I don't have time for it, yeah?"_ _

__Toshiya pulled Kaoru down for another kiss then chuckled lowly. "Mm, indeed."_ _

__He reached past and then grabbed his pipe, picking it up and lighting it, taking the last few drags from it. He shuddered slightly and then chuckled softly against his shoulder. "Toshiya... I... um..." he murmured softly._ _

__Toshiya watched Kaoru through sleepy eyes, smiling softly. "Hmm? Oh!" He stopped and looked at the clock, seeing it was about to click over to midnight. "Before it isn't my birthday anymore, I just want to say...thank you so very much for a wonderful day...and night" He cupped Kaoru's cheek, stroking his thumb over his face lightly._ _

__Kaoru stared at him for a few moments and then swallowed a bit, realizing what he'd been about to say. He offered the other a soft smile and then squirmed a bit._ _

__Toshiya shifted a bit then yawned widely. "So...wanna take a nice long shower together? Or bath...whatever..."_ _

__

__Kaoru stared at the other for a few long moments and then grabbed the back of his neck, leaning in and kissing him harshly. Pulling back just a little bit, he breathed out quietly, "Toshiya... I love you." The clock flicked over to midnight just as he whispered, "Happy Birthday," and sealed the deal with a much gentler kiss._ _

__Toshiya gasped softly at the kiss then just stared at Kaoru for a few moments as those words slipped from his lips. He could hardly breath and when Kaoru pulled back the second time his lip betrayed him by trembling before he could stop it. "Oh...Kaoru..." He closed his eyes tightly for a second before opening them and giving the other a watery gaze. "I love you, too...," he whispered out, almost shivering with emotion._ _

__Kaoru gave him a slightly embarrassed look. "Don't go crying on me," he murmured, ruffling Toshiya's hair. "Seriously..." with a chuckle, he pulled back off his lap and shifted to grab some tissues to clean up his and Toshiya's mess._ _

__Toshiya huffed out a laugh and wiped at his eyes, sniffing a bit. "Sorry...I just...yeah." He let Kaoru clean him up then shifted and stood up, stretching a bit. "Gonna go piss. Want that shower or not?"_ _

__Kaoru chuckled a bit and then pulled himself up on legs that felt like jelly. "Indeed... come on."_ _

__Toshiya made his way to the bathroom, pissing quickly then getting his shower going. He rummaged through his cabinet and pulled out two clean towels and a couple of washcloths. "Did you remember to grab your toothbrush? If not, I have a spare."_ _

__Kaoru went past the bathroom to the hall and grabbed his bag, coming into the bathroom. He smiled a bit and then plopped the bag on the counter. "I remembered it, thank you." He moved to gently nudge Toshiya's hip. "So... um... did you enjoy your birthday?"_ _

__Toshiya smiled and turned to pull Kaoru into a hug. "I think it has been my best birthday ever...aside from the one when I was six and got my own bike." He grinned at Kaoru then released him, moving to step into his shower._ _

__Kaoru smiled a bit and then moved to quickly brush his teeth. Once he was done, he slipped into the shower as well, coming up behind him and gently wrapping his arms around his waist. "I need you to understand a few things, so we don't get all tangled up, okay?"_ _

__Toshiya had already quickly taken care of essentials while Kaoru was brushing his teeth and was just getting his hair wet to shampoo it when Kaoru's arms slid around him. He smiled softly and rested his hands over Kaoru's, leaning back into him. "Okay..."_ _

__"What I said... I mean it... but I also don't say it often. It's sort of like... a once per year kind of gig. I'm still old fashioned in the department of when to admit such things. I don't want you insulted by it. You can say it when you want, however often you want, but just... know I may just smile or say thank you or... things like that." He lightly squeezed Toshiya. "Okay?"_ _

__Toshiya listened to Kaoru speak, nodding his head in understanding. He tilted his head back and pressed a kiss to Kaoru's cheek. "I understand...and to be honest, I find it sort of endearing that you're explaining..."_ _

__"Good," Kaoru lightly patted Toshiya's ass, "because this is about as mushy as it gets."_ _

__Toshiya chuckled softly then shifted around to get shampoo into his hair, grinning at Kaoru. "Aww, c'mon...you don't think you can be a little mushier?" He reached out and lightly poked Kaoru in the stomach, smirking._ _

__Kaoru pulled back for the other to wash his hair, getting one of the wash clothes and starting to lather it up. "No sir. That's about as mushy as it gets."_ _

__Toshiya just snorted as he rinsed his hair then put conditioner in before reaching out run his hands over Kaoru's back. "Very well...I _guess_ I can deal..."_ _

__Kaoru let out a little grunt and then turned to eyeball Toshiya. "How long have you been holding that in?"_ _

__Toshiya stared at Kaoru for a few moments then ducked his head, looking embarrassed. "A...while."_ _

__"Mmm... From the reaction, I sort of thought as much. It's been a bit for me, too. But I didn't want to be premature either." Kaoru reached out and lightly cupped Toshiya's cheek before going back to washing._ _

__Toshiya smiled a little, leaning into Kaoru's hand. "The same goes for me. I didn't want to...frighten you away...especially if perhaps your feelings weren't as strong..." He shifted and rinsed the conditioner from his hair then moved a bit so Kaoru could get to the water._ _

__Kaoru finished up with his body and then moved to get some shampoo for his hair. "I feel... relaxed as fuck. Remind me to thank Boss for the gift."_ _

__Toshiya grinned as he watched Kaoru. "Mm, me, too. That stuff was pretty amazing." He gave a wide yawn then laughed when his stomach rumbled faintly. "Apparently my stomach agrees."_ _

__Kaoru chuckled. "It's strange... I rarely actually get hungry after. I just want to sleep... well... normally jack off and sleep. But I don't think I need the first one tonight."_ _

__Toshiya snorted lightly, shaking his head. "It just depends but I'm not in the mood to eat right now so sleep it is...and no....definitely don't need to jack off."_ _

__Kaoru quickly washed his hair and then slicked it out, figuring he'd worry about conditioner when he showered at home later. But certainly not right then._ _

__Toshiya watched Kaoru finish up then slipped out of the shower to give the other room. He took care of drying off then went to brush his teeth and then brush his hair out._ _

__Kaoru finished up quickly and followed him out, taking a towel and then slipping past him to go and clean up the bedroom a bit, particularly where he'd jizzed all over the bedsheets._ _

__Toshiya wandered into the bedroom and got out a pair of boxers, tugging them on then watching Kaoru clean up. "You didn't have to do that..."_ _

__Looking up, Kaoru smiled and then shrugged slightly. "It's fine, I made the mess." He tossed the tissues and then came back to the bed, ditching the towel and putting on his sweats and the tank top._ _

__Toshiya chuckled and moved to climb under the covers, scrubbing around a bit then stretching. "I think we both made the mess."_ _

__"Well... that's true," Kaoru chuckled a little and then closed his eyes. "Really and truly... I don't think I've been this satisfied in a long, long time."_ _

__Toshiya smiled softly, leaning over to nuzzle against Kaoru's neck. "Mm, I’m feeling pretty good myself."_ _

__Kaoru slid one hand over and lightly took Toshiya's hand in his own, linking their fingers. "I'm glad you invited me to stay tonight."_ _

__Toshiya glanced down at their hands then squeezed Kaoru's lightly. "I'm glad you agreed to stay..." He shifted and looked at Kaoru. "In fact, I'll just put this out there....you're welcome to come over any night..."_ _

__Kaoru smiled softly. "Thank you. I'd say the same about my place, but you're gonna have to brave the horribleness of me not cleaning well."_ _

__The bassist laughed and shrugged. "I don't care. My place is usually pretty bad but I'll make an effort to keep it up a bit more since you might come over." He leaned over to kiss Kaoru softly then got comfortable, letting his eyes slide shut. "Thank you, again, for a wonderful birthday."_ _

__"Always," Kaoru murmured, obviously half-asleep already, stifling a yawn a few moments later with a quiet laugh._ _

__Toshiya laughed softly then yawned himself, unable to hold it back. "Goodnight, Kaoru."_ _

__Kaoru mumbled something that might have been goodnight, already drifting off quite well._ _


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: wraithrhionann

Kaoru's day off had been, to say the least, not all that wonderful. First, his apartment building had shut off the water while he was mid-shower and he'd ended up having to go to the kitchen and use bottled water to finish rinsing his hair and body off from the suds. When he'd finally finished with that, he'd tried to order breakfast in, only for it to never arrive, and the place to claim they had delivered it and it was signed for. Someone, somewhere, had enjoyed a rather expensive morning meal on him.

After fixing himself some rice to tide himself over until lunch, he'd had his computer completely take a shit on him and stop working. And once he'd called the tech to fix it, he'd given up on the day having anything to do that was worthwhile. Between then and now, he'd stubbed his toe, burnt himself on his cigarette, and damn near gotten stuck in the elevator.

But now he stood in front of Toshiya's door, determined his house was currently cursed, and desperate for at least some form of release, even if it was just getting to get a wonderful, working shower and curling up next to his lover to sleep for the night. He hadn't called, hadn't wanted to risk anything else fucking up before he got here. But... here he was. He raised his fist and knocked on the door, hitching up the overnight bag thrown over his shoulder in an embarrassed sort of manner.

Toshiya had spent the evening before drinking with a few pals and had only just crawled out of bed for coffee when a knock sounded at his door. He peered at it for a moment then moved to open it, blinking in surprise at the man on the other side. "Kaoru? Hey...what's up? You...you look like someone ran over your puppy." He frowned and stepped back, giving the other room to come in.

Kaoru waited, almost nervous that the other wasn't home or simply - with his current luck - didn't want to see him. He sighed softly and started to fish out his phone to call, just one last try. But then the door opened and he was left looking dejected and upset. 

He huffed slightly and stepped inside. "I have had the worst day in the history of worst days." He knelt and took off his shoes, standing back up with his bag still on his shoulder, uncertain about what to do with it and how to ask if he could stay. After all, he'd tried to avoid that part with any girl he'd been with until the girl pretty much tried to move in with him. He rubbed his nose slightly and glanced around the room, finally stepping out of the area and making his way toward the living room, more out of habit than anything else.

Glancing back at Toshiya, he murmured, "You are aware it's like five in the evening, yes?" He took in the way the other man looked, like he'd just rolled out of bed, and arched an eyebrow. Perhaps... Toshiya was either sick or had been enjoying himself a bit too much the night before.

Toshiya frowned some more as Kaoru explained why he was there. He spotted the overnight bag and smiled just a little before following Kaoru into his living room, perching on the edge of the couch. "I'm sorry, Kao. Want to stay here tonight and let me make it all better?" He smiled then ran his hand through his unkempt hair. "And yeah, I'm aware. I was out late and kinda overdid it." He winced a little then stood, going to slip his arms around Kaoru. "I just put coffee on, want some?"

Kaoru studied him a bit and then nodded, grateful he didn't have to ask. "Yeah... thanks... I just... I think my apartment is cursed." He snorted and then pulled Toshiya in closer, leaning in to nuzzle his nose against the bassist's neck. "Mmm... coffee sounds good for now. But... food also sounds amazing as my breakfast... went to someone else somehow."

Toshiya smiled, stroking his hands through Kaoru's curly hair, loving how long it was getting. "Cursed apartment, huh? Did you try salt?" He chuckled softly then released Kaoru to go into the kitchen, fetching them both a cup of coffee. 

He returned shortly after, handing Kaoru's his then taking a sip of his own. "Why don't we just order in and watch movies or something?"

"No... I tried fucking leaving, that's what." He sighed, just sitting down on the couch, his bag at his feet, head in his hands. When the other came back, he accepted the coffee and took a sip. "You order the food, I want nothing to do with it or it'll get fucked up. Trust me on this one."

Toshiya frowned at Kaoru's sour mood, seeing that his lover was really quite upset. He quietly picked up the other's overnight bag and took it to the bedroom before coming back with a couple of menus. He curled up beside the guitarist and started thumbing through them, finally choosing a rather nice Indian place. "Do you want to pick what to order or do you want me to just go for it?"

Kaoru shook his head a bit. "Just... food." He took another sip of the coffee and then closed his eyes. "My day... I swear... they shut the water off in my apartment... while I was in the shower. I didn't get my food, stubbed my toe, fucked up my computer... and a mess of other shit. I give up and I'm here because... here is not cursed."

Toshiya listened to Kaoru talk as he used his iPad to put in an order for two mild curries and a thing of rice as well as some grilled veggies. Once he was done, he turned to Kaoru and rubbed his hand over his knee. "That's...really shitty...but...I'm glad you're here," he admitted, smiling a little.

The older man looked over at him when his knee was touched and he offered a little smile. "Take it as a compliment that I didn't even think of going somewhere else. It was you I needed to be around."

Toshiya grinned widely then leaned in to kiss Kaoru's cheek. "I'm honored! Food should be here in about 20 mins then we can just veg out."

Kaoru yawned a little and then stretched after Toshiya kissed his cheek. "Thanks..." he pulled his knees up and then crossed his legs indian-style on the couch. "Ever since I made the decision to come here, it hasn't been so bad. So... maybe this is where I needed to be."

Toshiya smiled and shifted back, sipping at his coffee a bit. "Mm, maybe so. I was thinking last night about how much I wanted to just cuddle up with you..."

Kaoru smiled a bit and then took another drink from the cup he held cradled in his hands. "Sounds... lovely. I give up on work for the day. I need my relaxation time today."

Toshiya hummed softly, his hand going to Kaoru's knee again, just resting there lightly. "You need to relax more, anyway..."

"You know... the first time I ever found out how you felt about me, you told me that. We were talking about massages and work. Do you remember that?" he asked softly.

Toshiya blink a little and blushed, letting out a laugh. "Yeah, I do...I guess that means I always think you need more relaxation!"

"Or maybe it's a hint that I need to fuckin' relax before I give myself a heart attack." Kaoru shook his head and reached to put the coffee cup down on the table. "So you said something about a movie?"

Toshiya's face held the briefest look of panic on it before he wiped it away and shifted, looking towards the TV. "Yeah, I've got all kinds...you can choose." He was about to stand up to put their cups in the kitchen when someone knocked on the door. "Must be our food." He went to answer it and came back with a large white bag bearing the name of the restaurant.

Kaoru pushed himself up when Toshiya did, just grabbing a DVD at random and opening it, putting it in the player without so much as glancing at what it was. He tossed the cover up on the shelf next to the player and then wandered back to sit down, looking up when Toshiya came back in. "Someone's on their game today at least."

Toshiya glanced at the DVD Kaoru chose, smiling at the light-hearted comedy that didn't require a lot of thinking to watch. He went about splitting up the food into the two containers of curry then offered Kaoru his plate and the plastic fork they provided. "Thankfully! I'd hate to not get my meal."

Kaoru gave a little snort. "Trust me, it was not fun." He shook his head. "And it was from Kaz'z... so you know how expensive that was."

Toshiya settled next to Kaoru with his food, frowning a little. "Ouch. I can't believe they wouldn't try to fix it...I mean, obviously _you_ didn't sign for it..."

"They said I waited too long to prove I hadn't eaten it. I think they were having a shit day, too." He shrugged a little and then dug into the food.

Toshiya wrinkled his nose and made a mental note to not order form there for a while. He reached down and picked up the remote, flicking the movie on then digging in himself, eating quietly.

"Probably doesn't help I don't use my real name anymore on the order part. I got some fan last time and she screamed so loud I thought my brain was going to explode." He shoved another bite into his mouth and chewed.

"Oh, God, that's always really annoying. I just use my last name most of the time." He speared a piece of beef and chewed it before setting his plate down. "Want a beer or something? I forgot to make tea."

Kaoru pointed at the coffee. "I'm good with that," he murmured softly.

Toshiya nodded but stood up anyway, going to get himself a soda. He settled back down and started in on his food again, finishing up fairly quickly.

Kaoru sipped some of his coffee and continued to devour his meal, finishing it off shortly after Toshiya, standing up and holding out his hand for the other man's container.

Toshiya watched Kaoru finish as he opened up his soda and downed half of it. He smiled up at Kaoru and handed the other his container before settling back on the couch, hands behind his head for the moment.

Kaoru made his way off to the kitchen, quickly tossing the containers in the trash. Coming back, he settled down on the couch again and licked his lips, shifting toward Toshiya and settling against his side without saying so much as a word on it.

Toshiya smiled as Kaoru came back, the expression widening when the other leaned against him. He shifted a bit and slipped his arm around Kaoru's shoulder, leaning down to press his lips to the top of his head.

The guitarist just remained where he was, quietly watching the movie on screen. He wasn't really interested in it, but that didn't matter so much. What mattered was that he was next to Toshiya, had food in his belly, and frankly... had left his work at home. He had time off... time to himself... and that was something of a novel concept.

Toshiya stared at the screen but was only half paying attention and after a while, stopped caring at all. Instead, he dipped his head down to nuzzle into Kaoru's neck, pressing his lips to the skin there softly.

Kaoru closed his eyes, just enjoying the way the other was rubbing against him. He breathed out a soft sound and then reached up, grabbing Toshiya and tugging him down on top of him as he turned on the couch and spread his legs. "I need you," he breathed out.

Toshiya was just a little surprised at Kaoru's sudden urgency but quickly found himself growing aroused as he pressed his lips to Kaoru's in a fervent kiss. "I can fix that..."

Kaoru stared up at the other, pursing his lips slightly, and then flushing. "I know it's... sudden, but I... well..." he let out a soft growl, upset his words weren't coming out right. After a moment, he finally spit out, "I've just been really horny."

Toshiya gave Kaoru a soft smile then kissed him again to shut him up. "I'm not complaining..." He shifted and pushed Kaoru's shirt up, dipping his head down to trail kisses across his chest, his tongue laving over a nipple before drawing the pert bud between his teeth lightly. He moved to the other one and gave it the same treatment before traveling south, circling Kaoru's belly button with his tongue then dipped it inside. Meanwhile, his hands slid up and down Kaoru's sides, nails scratching the skin over his ribs lightly.

Kaoru's hips jerked a little at the other's tongue running over his nipples. He let out a soft whine, pushing the back of his hand against his mouth, his eyes wide as he stared off toward the TV without really seeing it, just feeling what Toshiya was doing to him. After a few moments, he whispered, "When we get to it... will you-" he trailed off, finding the courage to say it, and then, finally, "take me, Toshiya. I need it."

Toshiya flicked his eyes up at Kaoru and grinned. "Of course..." He shifted slightly and rubbed his palm over the bulge in Kaoru's pants before going about undoing his pants, tugging them down a bit. He didn't waste time, pulling Kaoru's length free from his boxers then dipping his head down to take the head between his lips, sucking softly.

Kaoru gasped the moment the other began to unfasten his pants. He was already half-hard, his cock eager to display his desires in every way possible to the other man. His hips arched up, his back straining slightly as he attempted to keep himself in check as the bassist took his cock in his mouth. "Oh my sweet god."

Toshiya smile around his lover's length, adoring the way the usually so in control man was losing it beneath him. He lifted his head up and began licking along his length, feeling him harden fully.

"Totchi," Kaoru breathed out, his eyelids falling shut as he relaxed back on the couch, his legs spreading a little more. "I dreamed about you last night." The admission fell freely from his lips, completely uninhibited.

The shortened version of his name sounding from Kaoru's lips in such a way went straight to his crotch, causing him to moan. He gazed up at Kaoru with a soft smile. "Yeah? Tell me..." He turned to press his lips to the area just above Kaoru's length then shifted to nip the edge of his pubic hair.

Kaoru's muscles jerked a little and he let out a half-laugh, half-groan type sound. After a moment, he murmured, "I couldn't stand it anymore and I needed it so bad..." he closed his eyes, trying to be more comfortable about it, "you know when you get so hard and so horny that your hand just doesn't do the job? You get off, but it's not enough? Yeah... I got like that and you noticed how hard I was while I was working on music... just knelt down and opened my pants... sucked my cock right in the studio," he hissed out.

Toshiya busied himself with trailing little kisses and nips across the top of Kaoru's pubes. He chuckled lowly and ran his tongue over the tip of the other's cock before smirking up at him. "I'd love to make that dream come true, Kao…" He licked his lips then took Kaoru into his mouth, pushing his head down nearly all the way with a groan.

Kaoru's breath hitched and he let out a little moan, tilting his head back and sighing softly as he arched into the feeling of the other's mouth. "Shit!" he let out as Toshiya took him in.

Toshiya flicked his eyes up to Kaoru's face then let them slide shut as he began bobbing his head, pushing further down each time until his nose was buried in the hair at the base of Kaoru's cock.

Kaoru decided right then and there that he'd never get tired of getting head from a man. It was glorious in all the right ways and it never failed to ramp him right up to the top with lightning speed. But once there, he could cling on for what seemed like forever, just reveling in the bliss provided by Toshiya's mouth.

Toshiya's hand dropped to his own crotch, squeezing lightly with a moan. He pulled up and slicked his tongue over the head of Kaoru's dick then pulled back, a string of precum and saliva sticking to his lips.

A tight sound slipped from behind Kaoru's lips before he could stop it and then he was on his feet, hitching up his pants with one hand, reaching for Toshiya with the other. "Bedroom. Now."

Toshiya smirked a little and easily pulled himself to his feet, dragging Kaoru along with him. Once they were in the bedroom, he couldn't help but push Kaoru against the door, kissing him hard as his hands dropped down to squeeze his ass a little roughly.

Kaoru grunted as his back hit the wood of the door, his hands grappling for purchase on the other man, a whine working its way up into their kiss. After a moment, he pulled away from the kiss and groaned out, "If you're trying to torture me, it's working."

Toshiya finally relented and released Kaoru, smirking a little. "My apologies..." He licked his lips and then moved back, pushing his shirt off then reaching out to remove Kaoru's as well. "You're far too dressed for the occasion, baby."

Kaoru all but ripped off his pants the moment Toshiya had his shirt off. "Getting to that," he breathed out.

A wide grin spread over Toshiya's face as his lover stripped rather quickly. He moved to the bed and pulled out lube and a condom from the drawer before settling on his knees and patting the bed beside him. "C'mere sexy..."

The guitarist did his level best not to bolt for the bed, walking steadily and somewhat slowly until he was there and then crawling up onto the bed. Impatience ran through his veins, but he'd be damned if he was going to launch himself at the bed like a teenager on Viagra.

Toshiya just smirked as he watched Kaoru walk slowly to the bed. He knew the usually calm, cool and collected band leader was having trouble keeping it together and somehow, he loved that he was the cause of Kaoru's undoing. 

Once the other had made himself comfortable, Toshiya slipped between his legs and leaned down to kiss him lightly as he poured lube on his fingers. Pushing Kaoru's leg up a bit, he slipped one finger into his body, gently working it in and out.

Kaoru's breath stuck in his throat as Toshiya's finger slid into him. So like heaven, he decided... perfect sin, if nothing else. He spread his legs a bit more, his eyelids fluttering closed so he could simply enjoy the way Toshiya was touching him.

The bassist patiently worked his finger in and out of Kaoru, adding a second after he felt the other had relaxed enough. He smoothed his other hand over Kaoru's chest, plucking a nipple with his thumb nail as he pushed his fingers in a bit firmer, burying them to the hilt and curling them slightly.

Kaoru just focused on breathing, his cock twitching a little bit every few seconds, his eyes remaining closed. As soon as the other curled his fingers, he groaned a bit and whimpered a little.

Toshiya shifted and leaned down, catching Kaoru's lip between his teeth as he pressed his fingers inside his body, scissoring them some. He let out a groan as his achingly hard cock pressed against Kaoru's thigh.

It only took a little bit more for Kaoru to reach down and grasp Toshiya's wrist. "If you seriously don't stop, it's gonna be over before it starts..." he all but hissed out.

Toshiya merely grunted softly and leaned back, slipping his fingers out of Kaoru's body. He wiped them off then opened the condom quickly with his teeth, sliding the latex sheath over his length then adding more lube. 

He shifted into position and spread Kaoru's legs a bit more, lining himself up then pushing into his lover's body slowly, his breath catching in his throat as tight heat surrounded him. "O-oh...Gods."

Kaoru waited on the burn of the other entering him. When it came, he simply breathed through it, getting more used to the feeling, despite the time in which he spent in between each session.

Toshiya had to force himself to be still for a few moments, his hand moving to brush over Kaoru's cock lightly as a distraction for them both. 

After a moment or two, he gradually began rocking his hips, moving in little circles for the moment.

Kaoru finally opened his eyes, looking up at the other as the bassist took his cock in hand and lightly stroked over it. He let out a little sound of assent, trying to let him know he was good to go without having to actually say it.

Toshiya gazed down at Kaoru as he shifted to place both hands on either side of the guitarist's head. He started thrusting into him properly, slowly ramping up the speed, soft sounds of pleasure slipping from his lips as he labored over the other. "Kao..."

Slowly Kaoru slid into his own senses, allowing the pleasure and the inherent thoughts to mix within him. His legs drew up closer to Toshiya's body and his hips arched just enough to put him in the place he wanted to be. After a second, he gasped, Toshiya's thrusts sliding within him so very nicely now.

The bassist loved to watch the changes that came over his boyfriend as he relaxed enough to let himself really, truly enjoy the pleasure he was feeling.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to the side of Kaoru's neck, swiping his tongue over the tattooed skin then as he pushed hard into his body.

Kaoru let out another soft grunt, his hands finally coming up to hold onto Toshiya's shoulders as the other labored over him. "I..." his voice trailed off, the thought fleeting, unimportant.

Toshiya lifted his head to gaze into Kaoru's eyes as he moved one hand to hold onto his hip, groaning softly. His lover uttered a single word and gave him a questioning look before shifting, changing his angle a bit as he thrust into him harder. "Gods...Kao..."

Kaoru's face flushed at the new angle, a groan coming up to his throat where he nearly choked on it as he threw his head back, arching up toward Toshiya. "O-oh!"

Toshiya shuddered at Kaoru's reaction, his hands going to hold the back of his thighs as he pounded into him harder, so close to reaching his peak but refusing to let go until Kaoru had cum. "Kaoru...Gods...you feel so amazing!"

Watching Toshiya was something utterly amazing for Kaoru. After a moment, he closed his eyes and then slid his hand down to grasp his cock, jerking it quickly as he felt how frantic the other was becoming. He groaned and then shuddered, sinking back down as cum began to spurt out of his cock.

Toshiya watched Kaoru's hand slide to his cock and he moaned, thrusting harder into him as he felt his walls flutter and tighten with his orgasm. It only took him another moment before he was crying out Kaoru's name as his own orgasm hit him, cum pulsing into the latex barrier between them.

Kaoru shivered a bit and slid his legs up around Toshiya's hips, holding him there for a bit. "Hnn," he murmured softly.

Toshiya slumped down slightly after he'd cum, his cock still twitching within Kaoru's body as it slowly softly. He leaned down and kissed the other lightly before burying his face against neck, sighing contentedly.

Kaoru huffed out a little laugh and then slid his hand up to ruffle his hair. "You have no idea how much I needed this."

Toshiya chuckled lowly, moving to stroke Kaoru's cheek. "Mm, I actually think I do." He grinned and shifted his hips slightly, a soft moan escaping him. "The truth is...I was needing you pretty badly, too."

A smirk slid Kaoru's lips upward and he closed his eyes again. "Mmm... remind me not to be such a pain about taking some amount of rest once in a while?"

The bassist chuckled and shook his head, finally shifting and pulling out of Kaoru with a groan. He pulled off and tied up the condom, tossing it in the wastebasket before grabbing tissues and cleaning up Kaoru's abdomen. 

Once he was done, he lay beside the guitarist and slipped his arm around his waist, pulling him close. "Mmm, I think you need to take like...a week off...and stay here."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: Wraith Rhionann

Kaoru sat on the long bench-seat on the bus, one arm draped over his knees, the other hand resting on the seat next to him while he watched some footage from the night before on the television screen mounted across from him. He had his eyes narrowed and he was currently rewinding and replaying about a thirty second clip, over and over, a slight frown on his face as he did it. Something... was off. But he couldn't tell what it was. No one was missing any notes he could pick out, the tempo was correct... but something was wrong.

Toshiya climbed onto the bus, having been out shopping with the others. He was fiddling with his phone, huffing out a sigh when he couldn't make it work. He looked up and saw Kaoru sitting there and clucked his tongue. "You work far too hard...."

Kaoru glanced up at him and offered a soft smile. "Yeah... well... welcome to my world and what happens in it." He gestured with the remote at Toshiya's bags. "What'd you get?"

The bassist shook his head and moved to sit down next to Kaoru. "Just some junk food and a new pair of headphones since my last ones got sat on." He pulled out a package of cashews and offered them to the guitarist. "Here. For you."

Kaoru rewound the recording again and then pressed play, reaching to take what the other offered, looking down for a second and then snorting. "You, too, hmm?" He shook his head. "Good thing I like them." With that, he tore them open and popped a few nuts in his mouth, chewing as he stared at the screen. "Something's off and I can't figure out what."

Toshiya pouted a little at the lackluster response to his gift but pushed it aside and looked at the screen. "I...don't know what..." He looked at the time and huffed. "Hey, can I borrow your phone, I told my mother I would call but mine is refusing to work..."

Kaoru shifted slightly, pulling out his phone from his pocket and handing it over. "Unlimited minutes right now, so... if you need the charger, it's next to the kettle." He settled back, eating a few more nuts, still staring at the screen.

Toshiya took the device and hummed, giving Kaoru's knee a pat. "I'll be in the back." He stood and made his way to the back lounge area, shutting the door and taking care of calling his mother.

Twenty minutes and a growing headache later, he hung up with her and laid his head back, rubbing his forehead. Forgetting that he was using Kaoru's phone, he opened up the videos, intending on watching one he had saved. Instead, he found pornography. Gaping at it a bit, curiosity getting the better of him, he opened up the first video and began to watch. 

On the screen, a man was squatting in a public restroom stall, jerking off while being filmed by someone in the next stall over. Staring at it and imagining Kaoru getting off to it had Toshiya riled up rather quickly, a tent starting to form in his pants.

Kaoru finally gave up on the bit of their performance video he had been watching, forwarding through it and watching out to the end of the entire show. There wasn't much to nitpick. He noticed Die was less mobile than usual, his smiles fewer in between... but that didn't surprise him all that much. With all the issues he knew the other had been having as of late, he was just thankful that he smiled at all. 

He stopped the recording and moved to pick up the camera, unhooking it and putting the camera back in its bag. With that done, he went to pour some hot water, putting a tea bag into it and waiting, his fingers counting out the seconds on the countertop as he waited.

The video was short but Toshiya restarted it, glancing towards the door for a moment, listening for movement before finally deciding to chance a quick wank. It had been a while anyway, he and Kaoru usually too busy to find time, or rather Kaoru was too busy. He huffed and pushed those thoughts aside for the moment, starting the video again. On the third time, he finally unzipped his pants and pulled his cock free, letting out a sigh as he began to stroke himself, going at a slow pace at first.

Quietly, Kaoru pulled the tea bag out, tossing it in the trash and putting a paper lid on the cup, making his way toward the back. Toshiya was probably stuck on the phone with his mother... something of a common occurrence, and he had every intention of saving him from it if he needed it.

He tapped on the little folding door barrier, waited about five seconds, and then slid it open, poking his head inside. "Hey, are you-"

Toshiya had just ramped up the pace, the video going through a fourth play through, when Kaoru opened the door. He made an unmanly sound and dropped the phone, thankfully onto the couch and not the floor. "Hey...I...uh...well, fuck."

Kaoru blinked at him in surprise, doing a quick debate of his options. After a second, he shifted into the small area and closed the door behind himself, latching it like Toshiya hadn't. "Should lock it when you're... you know." He gave him a lopsided smirk and then glanced at the phone, then back at Toshiya, then at his phone, an embarrassed sort of look coming over his face. He couldn't complain too loudly, after all Toshiya was obviously getting off to it, but the porn was a bit niche and he was slightly at a loss as to what to do or say about the fact that it was _his_ that the other chose to use.

Toshiya covered himself up and coughing, looking at the door. "I wasn't planning on...uh...I forget I was on your phone and found this and...well....yeah." He shifted a bit, scooting over onto the couch.

Kaoru just watched him, something about seeing Toshiya's discomfort making him realize he could calm down somewhat. He licked his lips and then moved to sit down next to the other, reaching to slide his hand over his thigh. "Chill... it's fine."

Toshiya licked his lips and huffed out a laugh, uncovering himself once Kaoru's hand landed on his thigh. "Good...it's just...uh...been so long." He shrugged a little then looked at Kaoru, unsure whether to proceed or not. "Interesting video...."

Kaoru pursed his lips a little bit and then reached to lightly run his fingertips under Toshiya's jaw. He gently ran his fingers along the bone there and then lightly pushed his head up. "I want you," he breathed out quietly.

Toshiya shivered and looked up at Kaoru, chewing his bottom lip. "I'm all yours...whichever way you want me." He leaned over, closing the distance between them, kissing Kaoru deeply.

The other returned the kiss eagerly, sliding his hand around the back of the other's neck, holding him in place as he pushed his tongue into the other's mouth, moaning quietly, heedless of what was going on outside the walls.

Toshiya moaned softly against Kaoru's lips, sucking on his tongue for a moment before climbing into his lap, straddling his thighs. He pushed his fingers into his lover's curly hair, nipping his bottom lip.

Kaoru didn't hesitate in the least, putting his cup aside and then tugging the other closer against himself. He slid his hands down and around the other's ass, gripping him tightly for a moment.

Toshiya groaned and buried his face against Kaoru's neck, licking the skin there as he pushed his hips forward. "Kaoru...please..."

"Please what," Kaoru breathed out, his hands going up into the other's shorter hair, tugging at it before he slid his hands down over his back, nails lightly scratching.

Toshiya let out another moan then lifted his head, looking into Kaoru's eyes. "Take me...?"

Kaoru stared up at him for a moment, giving a small nod. "Let me get supplies, yeah?"

Toshiya nodded and shifted off of Kaoru's lap. He stood and pushed his pants and boxers off completely, standing there and giving himself a few strokes. "Hurry..."

Kaoru chuckled at how urgently Toshiya had to want him for this to be his response. Standing up, he adjusted himself and then slipped out of the little area, closing the door behind himself. He skirted past Die, lightly touching the guitarist on the shoulder so he knew not to back up, and went to his bag.

After digging around for a bit, he came up with a condom, but no lube. He made his way back to Die and paused next to him, huffing out a quiet sound, waiting on the other.

Die looked up at him and arched one eyebrow. "Yes?"

Kaoru pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek for a moment and then sighed. "Lube... I need lube."

The redhead huffed out a laugh. "I think I can help with that." He reached for his own bag in the bunk he'd been sorting his things out in, and pulled out a small pump-action container, handing it over. "Just... return it. Please."

Kaoru palmed it and then nodded. "Yeah... I will. Thanks, man." With that, he skirted around the other and made his way back to the little room, waiting on Die to turn away before he opened the door and stepped inside, latching it once more.

While Kaoru was gone, Toshiya cleaned off the couch completely and settled on it, pushing his shirt up to stroke over his chest as he languidly jacked off. 

He could hear Kaoru talking to someone and wanted to groan in frustration, knowing they'd have to be extra quiet. He didn't care though, he needed this too bad. 

Kaoru returned and he peered up at him, licking his lips. "Who's out there? I thought they were all still gone..."

"Die. Don't worry about it... had to borrow the lube." Kaoru, for once, didn't look nearly as flustered as he may have once upon a time. He settled on the couch and put the items next to himself, reaching to open his pants. He wasn't hard anymore, all the walking around and looking for things having killed it, but he was still most assuredly horny.

Freeing himself, he shifted his pants down enough so that Toshiya wouldn't get stabbed by his belt or anything, and then grasped his cock, starting to stroke it into hardness.

Toshiya pursed his lips. "At least it's Die and not Nora..." He watched Kaoru settle down and start stroking himself. "You know...I'm here for a reason..." He gave a slight smile and leaned over, pushing Kaoru's hand out of the way. He grasped the base of the other's cock and took it between his lips, swirling his tongue around the head.

Kaoru didn't voice his opinions on that, wincing instead as he continued to stroke himself. But then the other commented he was there for a reason and he gave him a sheepish look, moving his hand. Sometimes he was still used to how things _had_ been in the past, women not wanting to touch anything but hard dick and all that. And then... Toshiya's mouth was on him, shocking him even more. He leaned his head back and let out a groan, his hand coming to rest on the back of the other's head.

Toshiya began bobbing his head up and down, groaning softly as he felt Kaoru hardening in his mouth. He pushed down as far as he could then pulled up, doing it over again, pausing once in a while to flick his tongue over the head of his cock.

"Jesus, Toshiya..." Kaoru let out a soft grunt and then let go of his head. "Okay... okay... up here or this will be over before you want it to be."

Toshiya lifted his head as he was bid, wiping his bottom lip with his thumb. He gave Kaoru a sultry look then shifted around, presenting his ass to the other. "I won't need much...."

Kaoru stared at him for a moment, slightly lost... and then got with it, realizing he needed to prep him. His lips formed a little 'o' and he wanted to smack himself. He really was a botch of a top, that much was for sure.

Reaching for the lube, he twisted the cap to the 'on' position, then on second thought, grabbed the condom, pulling it open and rolling it over his cock. He put a few pumps of lube on his dick, letting it roll down, and then pumped some onto his fingertips. Putting the bottle aside, he shifted toward Toshiya and put his hand on his hip, holding him there as he slid the rough pads against the other's entrance, rubbing lightly.

Toshiya bent forward, resting his head on his arm as he waited for Kaoru to get to it. When he felt those rough fingers stroke over his sensitive skin, he let out a soft moan, almost instantly pushing back. "Kao..."

It took him a few moments before he finally slid one finger inside the other, slowly thrusting it, feeling just a bit awkward doing this. He really wanted to fuck the other this time, the idea of it making him more than a bit aroused, but he was clumsy and slow at figuring out what exactly he was supposed to be doing and he knew it.

Toshiya bit his lip to hold back the sounds he wanted to make as Kaoru finally pushed a finger inside. It felt good to him, the way Kaoru's roughened skin provided a different texture than his own. He began pushing his hips back, eager for more, his cock heavy between his legs.

Kaoru let out a soft sound at the way the other was actually responding to him, the whole thing giving him some amount of confidence. He slowly pushed a second finger in, his free hand resting on the other's lower back as he crooked his fingers, rubbing lightly against the walls with the pads of his fingers.

Toshiya shuddered at the second finger then cried out before he could stop himself as Kaoru hit the bundle of nerves inside him. "Oh, Gods...there...more," he whimpered out, pushing his hips back.

Kaoru found the angle the other liked finally, slowly thrusting his fingers into the other man's body, a smirk on his face that made him feel much happier with what he was doing.

Toshiya had to stuff his fist in his mouth to keep the noise at a minimum as Kaoru's fingers brushed over his prostate. "Kaoru," he panted out, his back arching. "Gods..."

Kaoru finally pulled his fingers free, finding a napkin half stuffed between the seats that he wiped his hand on before grasping the other and drawing him to half settle on the sofa, urging his knee up on it. He stood himself, shifting around and putting his foot up on the bench, moving into position and holding his dick steady, guiding himself as he pressed against him. "Ready?" he asked softly.

Toshiya let out a slight sound of protest when Kaoru moved his fingers but shifted around as he was directed. Getting himself comfortable, he grasped the back of the sofa and nodded. "Very much so..."

For a moment, Kaoru hesitated, and then started to push in, groaning softly as he started to sink into the other's body, the tightness of it purely amazing.

Toshiya held still as Kaoru pushed into his body, the stretch of it burning but in the best of ways. He moaned lowly, holding still as long as he could stand it before rocking his hips, indicating to Kaoru it was okay to move.

The moment the other started rocking his hips, Kaoru gave up on trying to hold back whatsoever. He grasped the other's hip and began to thrust, breathing out a groan quite happily as he fucked the other.

Toshiya couldn't help the grin on his face when he felt Kaoru finally stop holding back on him. He held tight to the couch with one hand, the other going between his legs, jerking his achingly hard cock. "Kaoru... _yes_!"

Kaoru shifted his stance a bit, finding a more comfortable position and then leaned down over the other, holding onto his shoulder for better leverage, really starting to go at him. His breathing ramped up, arousal filtering through him like crazy as he fucked him. "Oh my god," he hissed out, "You're so tight."

The bassist shifted beneath Kaoru then tilted his head back, groaning. "Just...ah...for you," he panted out, clenching his muscles around Kaoru's cock. His hand became a blur over his own dick as Kaoru fucked him harder, low moans escaping him. "So good....Papi," he murmured, going even lower on the last part, wondering at Kaoru's reaction to the nickname.

Kaoru nearly choked when Toshiya mentioned the nickname. Shaking his head a little, he skimmed his nails down the other's back, never pausing in his rhythm. "You my fan now, Totchi?"

Toshiya arched his back at the scratches, huffing out a soft laugh. "Always, baby..." He smirked then leaned forward a bit, the head of his dick rubbing on the couch, providing extra sensation.

Kaoru grunted, sliding his hand around to grasp the other's sac while he continued to fuck him, thrusting harder and faster into the other male. "Come on... moan for me... it's just Die, he knows..."

Toshiya had been biting his lip, trying to keep as quiet as possible. However, when Kaoru ramped up the speed and told him to moan, he finally let go, crying out loudly as he jerked himself off furiously. It wasn't another minute before another loud moan escaped and he was cumming, painting the couch cushion beneath with his offering. "Kaoru!"

Kaoru huffed out a groan when Toshiya started to cum, feeling him clench around him in preparation and then gasping as he started to spurt, the throb of it amazing around his dick. "Oh my god," he hissed, moving his free hand to the back of the sofa and clinging to it as he started to fuck him harder, though admittedly slightly slower to get the leverage he wanted. "You're cumming..." he wasn't sure why he was announcing it, but something about saying it made him hotter and he couldn't really help it.

Toshiya moaned as Kaoru pushed into him harder, his cock still spurting. "Gods yes, I'm cumming," he groaned out, pushing back against Kaoru more, riding out his orgasm and then some.

Toshiya responding to him in such a way made him hornier than he really cared to admit. Groaning, he rubbed his hand over the head of the bassist's dick and then slid his hand down to cup his own balls for a moment before grabbing his hip again and all-out pounding into him, the sound of it quite loud in the little area. But he didn't relent, didn't even seem to care how loud it was. No... he was worked up and verging on his own orgasm. And he wasn't about to let that go.

Even though he was sensitive from his orgasm, Toshiya loved the way Kaoru was going at him. He whimpered and moaned, rocking his hips back to help his lover along. "Kaoru...Gods...feels so fucking good!"

It didn't take him much longer before Kaoru was honestly too riled up to wait any longer. He shifted their positions once again and grabbed hold of Toshiya's upper thighs, leaning over him as he began to fuck him in short, hard thrusts. "I'm gonna fuckin' nut in you," he hissed out, shuddering with how hard those words turned him on.

Toshiya cried out at the change in position, Kaoru's cock slamming right into his prostate. He held onto the couch for support, panting as Kaoru fucked him. "Oh Gods...yes...Kaoru...fucking cum in me!" he cried out, getting that his lover liked the dirty talk.

"Holy god," Die muttered out, sitting up from his bunk and peering at the door that Kaoru had disappeared behind. He was somewhat glad he was the only one on board, but on the other hand... not. He chuckled and ran a hand over his face. Well... at least he'd be done soon, from the sound of it.

Kaoru kept up the pace, finally feeling that coil inside him snap. With a cry, his pace completely broke as he started to spurt into the barrier between them. "I'm... oh sweet fucking god yes!" His hips pistoned harder for a few seconds and then completely stilled. He panted for his breath, a look of utter ecstasy on his face as he continued to cum.

Toshiya could feel Kaoru's cock throbbing as he filled the condom and that was all it took for him to cum a second time, this orgasm less intense. He moaned softly then slumped forward, panting heavily. "Kao..."

Kaoru remained inside him, pushing his hips forward a few more times before he finally stilled with another groan. He slid his hand down to cup his own balls again, massaging at them for a few seconds before he finally held onto the edge of the condom and pulled out with a soft, "Fuck."

Toshiya gave a whimper when Kaoru pulled out. He waited for a moment then finally moved, turning around to peer up at his lover. "Hnng..."

Kaoru leaned back, pulling off the condom and tying it up as he watched Toshiya, a little smirk on his face. "So?" he asked softly, knowing he'd get the answer he needed.

Toshiya let out a huff of breath and stood, wrapping his arms around Kaoru's waist, leaning down to kiss him deeply. "You're amazing....Papi."

Kaoru let out a quiet huff of a laugh and then shook his head a little. "Papi... cracks me up."

Toshiya grinned, reaching out to caress Kaoru's face before looking around at the mess he'd made. "I am...not even remotely sorry about that." He chuckled and moved to grab a few tissues, wiping himself up then pulling his pants back and doing them up. Once he was re-dressed, he grabbed more tissues and wiped the seat off then tossed the tissues in the trash can. "Seriously though, thank you."

Kaoru snorted softly, watching Toshiya move around. He finally did up his own pants and closed Die's lube, picking up the condom wrapper and putting it in the trash as well. He pursed his lips a bit and then reached for Toshiya, pulling him close and kissing him soundly on the lips.

Toshiya let out a soft sound of surprise then smiled. He returned the kiss then nuzzled against Kaoru's neck, hugging him tightly.

"My pleasure...see, I told you I'd eventually get with it and feel okay enough to do what you needed." He lightly stroked the shorter hairs on the back of the other's neck, making it a soothing motion more than anything else.

From the other side of the barrier, Die's voice made a gagging sound. "Not that this isn't adorable, but we've got incoming."

Toshiya smiled and was about to say something when he heard Die's "announcement". Huffing, he stole another kiss from Kaoru then released him. "I'll make it up to you soon, I promise." 

Just that moment, Kyo climbed onto the bus, making his way back towards the bunks. One look at Die and the closed barrier and he smirked. "Are you being naughty Daisuke?" he questioned, loud enough for Kaoru and Toshiya to hear him.

"Nope..." Die gestured at the panel. "But someone else is!" He snorted and gestured for his lover. "C'mere you... leaving without me... not nice."

Kaoru rolled his eyes at what was going on outside of the room. He straightened his shirt and picked up the lube bottle again. Giving Toshiya one last look, he opened the door and walked over to Die, dangling the lube in front of him. "Now who's being gag-worthy in the mushy department?"

Kyo laughed, moving to wrap his arms around Die's waist. "Sorry baby, you were actually asleep for once. I didn't want to disturb you." He looked at Kaoru, and snickered. "Is that my lube?" 

Toshiya mimicked Kaoru's eye rolling, huffing out a sigh as he made sure he was presentable. He slipped out of the back, offered Die and Kyo a wave then ducked into the bathroom to wash his hands.

Die reached up, taking the lube and tossing it back into the bunk. "It's mine... well... ours." Die stuck his tongue out at Kaoru in some form of childish retaliation for what had just transpired.

Kaoru sighed, shaking his head. "Just... hush, you," he directed at Die.

Kyo smirked and shook his head, climbing into Die's bunk then gesturing at the redhead. "Now you c'mere..." 

Toshiya came back out and moved to their little fridge getting a bottle of water then flopping on the couch, a content smile on his face.

Die didn't hesitate when Kyo told him to come there, sliding into the bunk and pulling the little privacy curtain shut.

Kaoru wandered after Toshiya, moving to wash his hands as well before coming back out to sit down next to him. "I'm sorry it's always so far in between."

Taking advantage of their relative privacy, Toshiya curled up and leaned against Kaoru's side, shaking his head. "It's okay. You're busy, we're busy...I understand."

"It's... not okay." Kaoru reached to take Toshiya's hand, running his fingers over the others. "It's been like... almost two months since we were together last and I know I'm neglecting you more than I should be. I'm sorry."

Toshiya bit his lip, squeezing Kaoru's hand. He was usually very careful to keep any frustration he felt with Kaoru's neglectfulness hidden from the band leader. He let out a sigh and pushed his nose against Kaoru's shoulder, shrugging a little. "I'm usually okay with it, though. I mean, I miss you and wish I could have more of your time but...the band comes first."

Kaoru frowned down at his feet. "I don't honestly know what to do about it. I don't realize I'm doing it until after I've done it. I wasn't ever any good at my past relationships either... and I'm going to end up fucking this one up unless I figure out how to monitor it better." He studied the other, the look on his face sincere. "But I'm not so sure you want to be scheduled in like another meeting."

Toshiya pushed himself back up, looking at Kaoru with a certain amount of sadness in his eyes. "Kao...," he started then stopped, sighing. "I don't. I don't want to be another obligation to you."

Kaoru gave him a look that was simultaneously sad and understanding. "I wouldn't look at it that way... I'd just be forcing myself to do what I need to, as I need to. But... there's a reason I haven't scheduled you in, I thought you'd probably not like the idea."

Toshiya reached out and squeezed Kaoru's hand, shrugging a bit. "I guess...do whatever you have to do...but please don't force yourself into it." 

Kyo, being the nosey little fucker he is, poked his head out of the curtain and hissed out, "Move in together," before ducking back inside.

Kaoru opened his mouth, about to say something, and then Kyo spoke up. He blinked and then tilted his head slightly. "I... will do what I need to. But I need you to tell me when you think I'm neglecting you, okay? Promise me that much."

Toshiya glanced towards Kyo, glaring a bit before turning back to Kaoru. He licked his lips and nodded. "I will try but...I hate bugging you..."

"And I hate accidentally hurting you, so... we're even."

The bassist stared down at the floor for a moment before looking back up at Kaoru, nodding. "Okay."

Kaoru reached to gently stroke over his hair, cupping his cheek, and then smiling at him. "But hey... at least we're not sex fiends like _you know who_ ," he directed toward the bunks.

Toshiya smiled softly, leaning in to kiss Kaoru's lips softly. "That's always a good thing...maybe." He chuckled then looked at the guitarist. "Thank you."

"I heard that!" Die returned from the bunks, "You shut up about my dick or I'll think you want it!"

Kaoru snorted softly and shook his head a little. "We just need to communicate more, that's all."

A bumbling sound and Kyo laughing could be heard from the bunks. Toshiya just huffed then nodded. "We do. I promise to try on my end, promise you'll try on yours?"

"I do... I really do." Kaoru smiled softly at his lover.

Toshiya laid his head on Kaoru's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Good."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: Wraith Rhionann

Kaoru sat alone in his apartment, idly working on a few things on his tablet. He'd spent the past few days trying to coordinate things that were to happen under the start of the new year. He had made sure to at least invite Toshiya over the night before last and though it hadn't been much, they'd hung out for a few hours, eaten some take out and then the bassist had departed for the evening. It was something non-sexual and Kaoru had ensured that it remain as such so that Toshiya didn't get the wrong idea from when he invited him over. After all, they were supposed to be in a relationship, not a sexual agreement sort of thing.

The next night, however, had found him browsing porn sites and he'd found himself once again caught in the web of old habits that just refused to die, meandering through straight porn once again. By the time he'd gotten off, he felt like a horrible person and as though he'd betrayed Toshiya. Of course, the last time he'd been actually caught watching such a thing had hurt the bassist and that didn't just unstick itself from his mind.

Once he'd gotten up this morning, he'd made sure to delete all the porn links from his saved bookmarks that weren't gay porn, leaving only about half a dozen behind. Just out of sheer paranoia, he'd deleted all his history and cache as well, as if the action would clear his conscience.

When it hadn't, he finally resorted to inviting Toshiya over, as if to prove to himself that it was okay that he'd done that because he was still very much attracted to the bassist. The only problem there was that he was still trying to prove he wasn't just in it for sex and yet... he obviously had desires. He honestly felt stupid, rather like a bumbling teenager trying to re-learn how to date, and that pissed him off something awful. Grown men shouldn't behave like this.

But now... he sat on the couch with his tablet, going over the last few emails he needed to, determined to make himself feel less stupid and maybe get some brownie points in the relationship category from Toshiya for it not being a damn month in between invites.

Toshiya had found himself pleasantly surprised by Kaoru's second invite within a week. He dressed in black, tight jeans and a green sweater with a skull on the front. He completed the outfit with a silver belt and a few bracelets as well as his boots. After styling his hair and adding a little eyeliner, he left his apartment and made his way to Kaoru's, stopping to pick up a couple of six packs of Kaoru's favorite beer.

Arriving at Kaoru's, he went up and knocked on the door, already grinning like an idiot. He was honestly excited for another evening with his lover and this time, he kind of hoped it'd turn into an overnight visit.

Kaoru finished up sending the last email out just as he heard a knock on the door. He pushed himself off the couch and made his way quickly to the door, looking out the peephole and seeing it was Toshiya. He opened the door and stood back, offering the other a small smile. "Welcome, welcome, welcome!"

Toshiya beamed when Kaoru opened the door, holding up the beer. "Hey, I brought refreshments this time." He stepped in and set the beer down so he could toe off his boots. Once he was just in his socks, he turned and leaned in to give Kaoru a light peck on the lips.

Kaoru closed the door and picked up the beer, though he waited on the other to remove his shoes. Once he was done, he leaned into the kiss, gesturing Toshiya after him into the kitchen. "Have you eaten?" He had earlier, but he wasn't entirely sure if Toshiya had or not.

Toshiya smiled and nodded, following after Kaoru. "I ate a while ago." He perched himself against the counter, watching Kaoru move around. "What have you been up to today?"

"Just answering a lot of emails and...work related stuff, really." He made a face. "Horrible, boring, usual things." With that he put one six pack into the fridge and kept the other one, walking toward the living room. "So I don't really have any plans per say, but I thought we could watch something or play cards or... whatever."

Toshiya wrinkled his nose at the work stuff, tsking a bit. "We're supposed to be taking it easy." He wandered after the guitarist, settling himself on the couch, feet tucked under him. "Whatever, eh?" He chuckled and smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I did it from home?" Kaoru returned, chuckling just after as he plunked down on the couch, one leg under him, the other coming to rest on the table. He yanked one beer from the holder and passed it to Toshiya, taking a second and putting the rest on the table.

It took him a minute to catch up on the 'whatever' statement and by the time he got it, he was sitting there with his beer open and a stunned look on his face. After a moment, he smirked and then nodded. "Yeah... or that."

Toshiya took his beer, cracking it open and taking a swig. He laughed at Kaoru's slow uptake on his innuendo and shook his head. "I'm good for whatever, Kao. I just want to spend time with you."

"How about... just random TV for now?" Kaoru picked up his remote and then turned everything on, holding it out to the other. "Want to choose?"

Toshiya pursed his lips a bit but took the remote anyway. He flipped through channels a while before stopping on a soccer game, shifting a bit so that he was pressed against Kaoru slightly. He sipped his beer as he stared at the screen, shaking his head at a particularly stupid play. "Idiot."

Kaoru didn't argue with the choice, just sliding his arm around Toshiya's shoulder and then just sitting there quietly. He drank his own beer and migrated on to the second one. "Want some chips or nuts or something?"

Toshiya smiled slightly at the arm around his shoulder. Kaoru wasn't one for snuggling or affection like this so it was nice to have any kind of thing like that. "Nah, I'm good on chips," he replied, sipping his beer again. 

After a few minutes, he shifted and leaned over to press his face to Kaoru's neck, leaving light kisses to the skin there. "This is nice...just a relaxing evening with you."

Kaoru leaned his head to the side so the other could actually kiss at his neck that way and then let out a soft sound when the other mentioned the relaxing evening. "Yeah... it is nice."

Toshiya entertained himself with nuzzling against Kaoru's neck for a few minutes then sat back, taking another swig of his beer, finishing it off. He set the bottle on the table then leaned back again.

Kaoru gazed at the TV, sort of half mesmerized by the game currently playing on screen. It took a while, but he finally murmured, "Can we talk about something?" He hadn't intended to bring it up, but it was sincerely bothering him.

By the time Kaoru spoke again, Toshiya had already opened his second beer. He finished taking a drink and set it down, turning to look at Kaoru. "Sure....what's up?"

Kaoru let out a soft sigh and shifted enough to look at him, pulling his arm from around him since it was now sort of uncomfortable to keep it there in such a position. "The other night... I um..." he made a face and then made a decision to actually just be matter-of-fact about this. "I masturbated and I ended up watching porn. I think old habits die hard or something... because I ended up watching straight porn. And now I feel terrible and like an awful person for doing it. I know it upset you in the past and I guess that's why I feel like I needed to be honest about it." He looked down at his hands. "Please don't misunderstand me. I'm very much attracted to you and I am definitely much more attracted to men than to women, but... some part of all those years has stuck with me in some way." He rubbed lightly at his own leg, heart pounding in his chest as he sat there. "I'm sorry... and for what it's worth, I deleted all the links to straight porn I had saved so I can't do that again with any of the stuff I used to watch."

Toshiya moved when Kaoru did, a tiny frown pulling the corners of his mouth downward. He clasped his hands together and peered at the other, his eyebrow rising at the subject matter.

Once Kaoru had said his piece, the bassist licked his lips and shrugged, though the action was stiff and almost jerky. "So...," he started then stopped, unsure of what to say. He didn't even know why it bothered him to know that Kaoru jerked off to women but somehow, it felt almost like a betrayal. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that they hadn't really had time to just be a couple and he wanted Kaoru to be thinking of him, not some bimbo.

Sighing, he reached and took a long drink of his beer before pushing his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what you want me to say, Kao. I mean, I can't dictate what gets your dick hard...and trying to do so would only cause strain and eventual resentment."

Something about the way the other reacted made Kaoru feel absolutely horrible…worse than he had before he'd opened his mouth. He hadn't gotten anything to make him feel better at all and now... he'd made Toshiya feel bad as well.

He sighed and then downed the rest of his beer. After a few moments, he just swallowed and leaned back against the couch again. "I'm sorry I brought it up, it was just really bothering me... but I made it worse." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "The worst part is that I'm trying so hard to include you in more and then I do this..."

Toshiya almost wanted to groan aloud. Kaoru's reaction was the usual put down to himself and it drove Toshiya batty. Sighing again, he shook his head. "Don't be sorry. Believe it or not, I want you to bring anything bothering you up with me. Talk to me. That's what...this...is supposed to be. The whole supporting one another, give and take, all that." 

He gave a huff and stood, unable to sit still. "And please, Kao, stop...being so ashamed. I mean, the biggest reason it bugs me is that...it's like...I'm still in that phase, that frame of mind where I want you all to myself..."

Toshiya wasn't the only one who couldn't sit still. Kaoru found himself moving around on the couch like he had ants in his pants or something. "I don't know what to tell you... I just wanted to get it off my chest." He finally moved so he could put his arms on his thighs and then sighed. "I have no idea what to do about this or about the fact that it bothers you either. If I had the answers, I'd have fixed it already."

Turning back to fully face Kaoru, Toshiya shrugged. "I don't know, Kaoru. It just seems that...we always hit this wall." His face held a near pained expression before he turned away again. He wanted so badly for all of this to work between them but sometimes it seemed as if he was fighting a losing battle and it scared him. 

"I just want...for us to have a normal relationship. You know?" he murmured softly, his shoulders slumped.

Kaoru stared at Toshiya, completely at a loss as to what on earth to do. He honestly had been trying to have a normal relationship with him, but he wasn't entirely sure what the other considered to be normal, if not what he'd been trying more to do. "Maybe... we need to discuss what normal means for each of us..." he offered quietly.

Toshiya reached up to push his hand through his hair before going to sit on the couch again. He folded his hands and pressed them between his knees. "Maybe so."

"So... what's yours?" Kaoru asked softly.

The bassist gave it some thought then sighed, shrugging. "Really, what's considered normal isn't possible for us...given our careers...but…I just want more of what we've had the last couple of times I've been here. As...girly as it sounds...I want to snuggle or chat about random things while my feet are in your lap. I want to be able to introduce you as my boyfriend..." He bit his lip, looking down. "And I just want us to have an easy going sex life where neither of us feels...like we're struggling with this or that."

Kaoru considered the other's words carefully, nodding a little. "Don't call it girly... just because it's something girls would traditionally want doesn't mean a man can't want it, and that word surely shouldn't be an insult." He sat back, reaching to press his hands over his face with a sigh. "Okay, so... I've liked this seeing each other more thing... though I always feel like I need to be doing something more than watching TV or whatever. But if that's okay with you, then... good. As for the sex part... this is sort of why I was afraid to just jump in... because I'm still messed up in this, you know?"

Toshiya fiddled with a string on his shirt, sniffing a bit. "Yeah, I just...I don't know how to like...navigate that. I'm afraid to be all over you, even when I want to and I don't want to drive you away with unwanted attentions like that."

Kaoru stared at him for a moment and then murmured, "Okay... then I propose that you not hold back what you want to do for a full two days and then we talk about it. Then we'll see what bothers either of us."

Toshiya let out a breath, considering that proposal for a few moments. "Okay, I think I can do that," he answered quietly. "Just...answer me one question?"

"Anything," Kaoru returned, looking at the other seriously.

"About the porn...was it truly a sort of 'old habits die hard' type thing? Am I....enough for you?" Toshiya questioned, looking incredibly nervous.

Kaoru stared at him for a few moments and then blinked in disbelief. "Either I'm misunderstanding something here or... uh..." Kaoru blinked a few more times, as if trying to make things make sense with the action. "I just... um... do you seriously not watch porn? I mean... Die and Kyo both do and they're quite into one another."

Toshiya shook his head, holding up his hand. "No, no, no. You took that the wrong way. I meant...do you miss females?" He huffed and hid his face in his hands, feeling stupid for even having asked. "And yes I watch porn...almost as much as Die."

Kaoru looked incredibly relieved. He huffed out a laugh. "Oh thank god, I was starting to wonder what the fuck was going on for a minute there." He huffed out a relieved sound and then shook his head. "I don't miss putting my dick in a vagina... I guess I just got used to looking at a dick going into a girl when jacking off and it sort of... I don't know. Gay porn is fucking disgusting half the time. Seriously, like they're all sweaty and grunting and they don't... you know... look clean... and stuff... like straight porn."

Toshiya looked at Kaoru then burst out laughing before he could stop himself. He clapped his hand over his mouth, trying for a good minute to stifle himself. He finally took a deep breath and shook his head. "I seriously need to find you something decent. What the hell have you been watching?" 

He looked at Kaoru, relief apparent in his eyes. "We...really need to stop misunderstanding each other."

Kaoru gave him a rather perplexed look and then murmured, "I uh... searched for gay porn? Several sites..." he made a face. "Even the blowjobs are nothing like the one Die sent me... I think he has a secret site or maybe a pay site or something. And yes... we do need to stop that."

Toshiya rubbed his hands over his thighs. "What did you search for exactly? You kind of have to be detailed...if you just search 'gay porn' you're going to get a bunch of crap."

"Uh... gay porn... gay blowjob... two men fucking... and that's about it." Kaoru gave him a wary look. "I'm not sure what exactly I should be searching for then?"

Toshiya bit his lip then released it, shaking his head. "That's too general. I'll show you what I usually do...when you're ready to go there." He looked over at Kaoru and offered him a small smile.

Kaoru huffed out a soft sound and then looked away, embarrassment on his face. "And this... is why I stuck with what I knew."

Toshiya chuckled and moved to sit next to Kaoru once more. "You have to be unafraid to get your search history dirty."

"... I thought I was." He frowned a bit. "I feel gay stupid sometimes. I mean... I guess somehow I've become obvious, too, because one of our mutual friends - who shall remain nameless for now - called me the other night to ask me if I wanted to go out to a gay bar with him. I turned him down, of course, but... what the hell?"

Toshiya grinned at Kaoru's description of himself. "Gay stupid, indeed...You're just....not fully comfortable with it, I don't think." He chuckled then raised an eyebrow. "Really now? That's interesting...I don't know. I don't see it. I mean, you're Kaoru...not Rainbow Sparkly Kaoru."

Kaoru choked a bit. "Rainbow Sparkly... yeah, no." He shifted again and then crossed one leg over the other. "Okay, I'm going to be one hundred percent blunt since we now know _why_ I was looking at straight porn. Seriously... please do not be insulted if I somehow end up back to the territory I know how to find what I can get off to. Because... seriously, you should see some of the stuff that came up. I was... horrified."

Toshiya reached forward and grabbed another beer. He popped it open then took a sip while listening to Kaoru. He cocked his head, nose wrinkling a bit. "Okay, what exactly did you see that was so awful?"

For a few moments, Kaoru sat there looking a bit trapped and then finally, he sighed and reached for another beer as well. "One of them was... uh... well... there's no polite way to put it."

Toshiya set his beer down and looked at Kaoru for a minute. "What...?"

Kaoru's frown deepened and he murmured, "One was _pissing_ on the other. And it was just out of nowhere! Like one moment he's blowing him, the next he's... urinating!" Kaoru nearly chugged part of his beer, as if he were trying to erase the memory with the booze.

Toshiya stared at Kaoru then snorted softly. "Watersports aren't for everyone, admittedly...better than enema play and gazillion other things out there though." He made a mental note to keep certain members' little fetishes a secret.

"It's like everything I watched had some sort of surprise partway through that just killed it for me. And it's not like I was watching long clips, either." He shuddered and then, making a face, "Enema play? Who... what... no, better yet, _why_?!"

Toshiya nodded, having been there himself a few times. "I know the feeling very well. That's why I gave in and purchased a few rather pricey DVDs that had very detailed descriptions." He sniffed then shrugged, looking a little ill. "I don't know why, but you can guess the results. No thanks."

Kaoru looked vaguely horrified and then shook his head, taking another few swallows of his beer. "Yeah... no..." He crossed one leg over the other and rubbed at his face. "No thank you to that. Now... the two I got from Die were very nice... I liked those, but there's only so many times you can use the same two videos... plus they're really short, so if I want a longer session..." he trailed off, realizing he was just openly talking about how he masturbated.

Toshiya shifted, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Yeah...I know what you mean...a lot of my favorites are really short so I end up queuing them up first then...going for it."

"I... don't think I have a program that can do that." Kaoru considered it for a moment and then sighed. "Even at that, two is just not enough."

Toshiya shook his head. "I just let them load on the computer and then switch. I don't use a program...but yeah, we need to get you some better porn." He chuckled then finally reached over, placing his hand on Kaoru's knee, patting slightly.

Kaoru stared down at the hand on his knee for a moment and thought how he wouldn't mind it if Toshiya's hand moved up and to the side a bit. But he didn't say it, still stuck on not wanting the other to think he was just in it for the sex part of things. He shifted a bit and put his arm around him again, rubbing at his shoulder. "Yeah... well... or teach me what I'm supposed to search... or something."

As if he could read the other's mind, Toshiya slid his hand upward a bit then pulled it away in favor of digging into his pocket for his phone. He leaned into Kaoru's side and opened up the browser, biting his lip. "Do you want...to...now?" Frankly, the idea of watching porn with Kaoru was something that already had his heart rate up.

For a few moments, Kaoru sat there in deep conflict with himself. But... Toshiya had brought it up, not him, so that made it okay, right? God he hoped so. Clearing his throat, he murmured, "Yeah... I do."

Toshiya studied Kaoru's face then shifted over a bit more, holding the screen out. He typed in a few keywords then selected the first video that popped up, the link already showing that it had been watched. He waited for it to load then clicked play, holding it for Kaoru to see.

On the screen, two Japanese men were going at it, doggy style. It was a fairly short video and in just a moment, the top pulled out and jizzed all over the bottom's back. At the end, the camera did the customary close up of the jizz and the bottom's entrance.

Kaoru watched the video, continuing to drink his beer as if he needed something to do with himself. At the end, he murmured, "Not sure why they insist on showing up close like that at the end. Just... replay the cumshot or something. It's what we all re-watch anyway, right?" He finished off that beer and then murmured, "Hold that thought... getting the other pack."

Toshiya chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. He picked up his own beer and finished it off rather quickly, leaning back while Kaoru was gone and searching for another video.

Kaoru grabbed the other six pack and then came back with it, setting it on the table and plunking down where he'd been before. He scooted in close, taking a drink from his newly opened beer and putting his arm back around Toshiya.

Toshiya grinned up at Kaoru as he returned. He once again leaned into him, greatly enjoying the closeness. Pulling up the other video, he pressed play then turned to watch Kaoru's face as a montage of epic cumshots started playing.

The moment the video started up, Kaoru found himself with his breath hitching. He bit his lip and then chuckled. "Took it to heart, did you?" He leaned in a bit more.

Toshiya almost groaned at Kaoru's reaction. "Yeah...I did." He let out a laugh, pausing the video to fast forward it a bit to one he found particularly hot. The guy was standing in front of a mirror and jizzed an insane amount all over it, his moan rather loud. Toshiya couldn't help but squirming a bit, his lip pulled between his teeth.

Kaoru gaped at it and then breathed out, "How the hell does someone even have that much cum?"

"I don't know but...yeah...," Toshiya replied, eyes still on the video. The next scene was of a guy jerking off with a Fleshlight then pulling it away at the last moment, cumming onto his stomach.

The next bit of the video seriously had Kaoru going. He shivered and then adjusted himself a bit, a smirk on his lips. "God..."

Toshiya chuckled lowly, doing his own bit of adjusting. The video continued on for another two minutes before ending with the guy jizzing on his camera lens. Toshiya set the phone down after that, turning his head to peer at Kaoru, his eyes dark.

Kaoru pointed at the phone as the other put it down and muttered, "Yeah... things like that. Definitely have to show me what to search... for," he gazed up at Toshiya and then smirked a bit. "Mmm... I take it you're turned on, too?"

Toshiya nodded, smirking a little. "If the tent in my pants is any indication…then yes."

Kaoru's eyes shifted over to the other's crotch and he bit his lip for a moment. Standing up, he held out his hand to the other, his eyes glittering faintly. "Come on."

Toshiya watched as Kaoru stood and grinned. He grasped his hand and stood up, his tongue sliding out over his lips. "Inviting me to your bedroom?"

"Yeah, I am." For a few moments Kaoru stared at him and then tugged him down the hallway and into the dimly lit bedroom. He pushed the door mostly shut and then let go of the other, reaching to start undressing himself.

Toshiya shifted on his feet as Kaoru stared at him, something about the look in his eyes rather arousing. 

After they arrived in the bedroom, he set about undressing himself, piling his clothes at the foot of the bed. As soon as he was completely naked, he reached down, giving his length a few strokes, letting out a soft sound.

Kaoru took a deep breath and then moved to the bed, lying down and reaching to pull a condom from the nightstand and a bottle of lube from under the spare pillow on the bed. He tossed them both down and lay there, looking for all the world like he was just a nervous idiot rather than a man of his age. After a moment, he spread his legs and bit at his lower lip, just hoping he wasn't going to have to actually ask for what he wanted.

Toshiya stood by the bed, waiting on Kaoru to initiate whatever it was that he wanted. He knew the other still had issues when it came to their bedroom activities so he tried not to be pushy about things. 

When Kaoru lay on the bed with his legs spread, Toshiya gave a soft smile and crawled onto the bed, settling between his legs. He leaned in and caught him in a slow kiss, his hand trailing down to stroke his length for a moment.

Kaoru groaned softly into the kiss, reaching up to push his hands into Toshiya's hair. He lightly ran his fingers through it and then bit at his lower lip a bit before finally shifting his hips up a bit into the other's touch.

Toshiya smiled against Kaoru's lips, catching his bottom one and tugging it with his teeth lightly. Lifting his head up, he gazed down at Kaoru's face, his free hand stroking over his cheek as he continued to stoke him. "Tell me something that you would like for me to do...foreplay wise..."

Kaoru let go of Toshiya's lip and then huffed out a soft laugh when the other took his to nip as well. When he pulled back and asked him such a question, he stared up at him for a moment, realizing he'd sort of... gotten impatient somewhere along the way. Okay, so he definitely needed to work on this and realize he couldn't just jump from horny to in the sack with Toshiya. The other obviously liked foreplay, and that was fine, but he just needed to remember that.

He leaned up and pressed a kiss against his lips before he lightly pushed on the other's chest. "Sit back for me?"

Toshiya gave Kaoru a perplexed looked, having been expecting something along the lines of 'play with my nipples' or some such. He shrugged and returned the kiss before doing as asked and sitting back. "Okay..."

Kaoru shifted from his previous position, not sure if he could manage to ask for it again, even like that. He shifted toward the other and then leaned in, kissing his jaw and then down his neck. After a few more moments, he began on the way down the other's chest, placing kisses at random.

Toshiya blinked then let out a soft moan as Kaoru began kissing along his jaw. He pushed his fingers into curly locks, giving approving little murrs as Kaoru traveled downward, his other hand going to stroke over Kaoru's back.

Kaoru slowly worked his way down the other's body and then finally ended up at his cock, leaning down to lick at the head, finally taking him into his mouth and sucking on the tip.

The bassist leaned back slightly, giving Kaoru room to maneuver. He watched him travel south, letting out a moan here and there to let him know he was enjoying his actions. He was expecting him to sit up once he got to a certain point but then Kaoru was sucking on his cock and he let out a loud groan. "O-oh, Kaoru..."

Kaoru placed one hand on the bed, the other on Toshiya's thigh as he worked, slowly getting more and more of the bassist's cock into his mouth. He bobbed his head diligently, some part of him realizing he really needed to take more of Toshiya's needs into account and deciding exactly what he was going to do and just going for it.

Toshiya couldn't seem to keep quiet, near continuous moans sliding from his lips as Kaoru took more of his length into his mouth. "Kaoru..." Soon he was bucking his hips up slightly, as well as he could in the position he was in. "Feels good."

Kaoru eventually worked his way down to about three quarters of the other's cock, continuing to bob his head and lick over when he pulled up. Everything he did was built on determination, something about him making it obvious he was trying to get Toshiya really riled up.

The further Kaoru went down on his cock, the more Toshiya moaned. He tightened his fingers in Kaoru's hair, tugging a little as his hips canted up. "Kao-ru! Oh God..."

Part of Kaoru honestly liked the hands in his hair like that and listening to Toshiya nearly lose control. He sincerely loved it. After a few more moments, he really set himself to it, sucking hard and moving his head up and down on his dick even quicker.

Unable to remotely control himself after Kaoru went after him in such a manner, Toshiya dropped his head back, crying out his pleasure quite loudly. A shudder rippled through him, his balls drawing up tight against his body as he neared the edge. "K-kaoru...I'm..ah..getting close," he whimpered out, giving Kaoru fair warning.

Kaoru didn't relent and he certainly didn't pull himself up from the other's dick. Instead, he did his best to take a little more of him without gagging, nearly moaning as he tried it.

When Kaoru didn't let off and instead took him nearly to the hilt, Toshiya lost all control of his ability to reign himself in. He moaned and jerked his hips up, his free hand going to claw lightly at Kaoru's back, the other tugging his hair a bit harshly.

Kaoru did his level best not to gag, though his eyes teared up a bit, thankfully hidden by his hair. He still went for it as much as he could, bobbing his head and trying so hard not to relent in any fashion.

It was only a matter of seconds before Toshiya was crying out Kaoru's name as he tumbled over the edge, spurt after spurt of cum shooting into the other's mouth. His hips jerked nearly violently as he orgasmed, whimpers falling from his lips as he emptied himself down Kaoru's throat.

The older man took it in stride, finally sort of waiting it out, not breathing. Once the other was done, he pulled back off his dick and licked at the head of it. Sitting back, he wiped his mouth and then shifted on the bed, gesturing. "Lay down," he murmured, "Please."

Toshiya took a deep breath after Kaoru pulled up, letting it out slowly. He licked his lips and gave him an odd look but did as he was asked, lying back against the pillows. "Kao..."

Kaoru shifted so that he was beside him, gently starting to rub over his side and then down over his belly, as if trying to relax himself.

Toshiya turned a little, letting out a little sound as Kaoru's hand moved over him. He reached up to swipe the corner of his mouth with his thumb, chuckling softly. "Missed a spot..."

Kaoru's eyes flicked up to meet Toshiya's for a long moment. Looking back down, he continued to touch the other man, finally starting to meander down over his thighs and then up to his balls, dipping his fingers behind to run over his taint... and then lower.

Toshiya relaxed further as Kaoru massaged him, groaning a little when he went south. However, the moment Kaoru started for his entrance, he reached down to grasp his wrist, stopping him. "That...isn't what you really want...is it?"

Anxiety radiated through Karou's entire being the instant Toshiya caught his wrist. The words only added to it. He wanted to give Toshiya what he knew the other wanted and he felt like he'd been being incredibly selfish and not really meeting Toshiya's needs in any department. So it only stood to reason that he should give him what he needed when he could.

He stared up at the other and then pursed his lips a bit. "I'm horny... there's more than one way to take care of that."

Toshiya looked at Kaoru for a moment, chewing his bottom lip. Shaking his head, he pushed Kaoru's hand away. "No, babe, this is give and take and I know what you want judging from your earlier actions." He sat up and pushed the other down onto the bed with strength he rarely used. "You fail to understand that I don't think you're being selfish. I _want_ to please you." 

Leaving no room for argument, Toshiya settled his hand on Kaoru's chest as if to hold him there while slipping the other down to grasp his cock, stroking him.

The guitarist stared up at Toshiya, his eyes reflecting that he wasn't quite sure what was happening. But he didn't fight the other moving him around, not at all. He at least had the grace to look ashamed that he'd been caught thinking he was being selfish, but that didn't stop the anxiety. He opened his mouth and then sighed softly. "I just..." but his explanation was cut short by the other grabbing his dick, a moan torn free of his lips almost instantly.

Toshiya licked his lips and languidly stroked Kaoru, taking his time in order to relax his lover. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Kaoru's, putting them back where they started when they'd first come in the bedroom.

Gradually, Kaoru relaxed back against the bed again, though he still honestly felt wary of the fact that this was going in this direction after he'd made up his mind to change it to the other way around. He still felt like a total dick for not doing more for Toshiya, even though he'd been trying a lot more since they'd come back from the tour. But he didn't express it and he kept himself from outwardly showing he was still methodically going over shit like that.

Toshiya moved to nip Kaoru's earlobe, tugging maybe a little too hard. "You're thinking too much," he murmured softly, flicking his tongue over the bit area just after. He moved his hand down, cupping Kaoru's sac, squeezing lightly. "If you want to do something for me...then after I get you nice and prepped, I want you to ride me. How about that?"

The touch to Kaoru's balls had him arching a little bit, the guitarist definitely liking such things. He let out a soft huff at the other's comment that he was thinking too hard. "I'm always thinking, Toshiya." But he'd barely gotten the sentence out before his lover was telling him if he wanted to do something for him, then ride him. For a split instant, he was honest to god terrified. He wasn't so sure he could even remotely manage that without dying of embarrassment. But the other part was torn because he owed so much to Toshiya and turning him down would probably hurt him.

Toshiya grinned; rolling Kaoru's balls in the palm of his hand a bit, letting his fingers brush over his taint as he did. He pressed his lips to Kaoru's then finally sat back. 

He moved himself around to get in between Kaoru's legs, grabbing the lube. After popping open the top, he poured some on his fingers and rubbed it around a bit before reaching forward and slipping his fingers behind Kaoru's balls, brushing lightly over his entrance.

Kaoru let out a huff of breath when the other finally started to touch him in all the ways he had really been craving. He let out a low moan and bucked his hips a little, stilling though his hips were pushed forward as if waiting on the other to push a finger into him.

A smile worked its way onto Toshiya's face as Kaoru reacted to his touches. He pressed just the tip of his finger in then pulled it out, circling it around Kaoru's hole. Finally, he pushed it in completely, going slowly as he worked past Kaoru's muscles, letting out a soft groan at how tight he was.

Kaoru grunted a bit at the other's touch and then his breath hitched when he had the finger actually deep inside him. He tilted his head back a bit and huffed out a pleased sound.

"That's what I'm looking for...," Toshiya murmured in response to Kaoru's reaction. He shifted forward a bit and began gradually working his finger in and out of Kaoru's body. He was starting to get hard again as he thought of burying himself deep with Kaoru.

After a few more moments, Kaoru finally hissed out, "Another finger... please." He was needy and he couldn't help but actually let the other know that.

Toshiya licked his lips and did as Kaoru requested, pulling his finger out and pushing two in this time. He gave the other little time to adjust before he started thrusting them into him, finally dropping his hand between his legs to stroke his own cock, bringing himself to full hardness.

For a while, all Kaoru could concentrate on was the other's touch, the way he felt pushing his fingers into him and the excitement of being able to have sex again in the way he found most pleasurable. But all the nagging thoughts were still there, still lingering and he honestly hated that part of himself that just couldn't let go.

Toshiya eventually pushed a third finger into Kaoru's body, flicking his eyes up to his face as he thrust them in, curling them a bit. He abandoned his cock in favor of reaching up to wrap his fingers around Kaoru's, stroking him slowly.

Kaoru shivered a bit and then bit his lip, trying to hold in the various sounds that his body wanted to make, his hand pushing against his lips as he whimpered a bit.

Toshiya twisted his hand slightly then pushed his fingers deep into Kaoru, spreading them out a bit to stretch him further. He slid his hand to the base of his cock, squeezing it there as he leaned down to run his tongue over the juncture of Kaoru's thigh.

Kaoru let out a cry when the other managed the combination of those three things, his body spasming once around his fingers and then his hips jerking slightly.

Toshiya smirked, nipping Kaoru's skin then finally pulling back, carefully slipping his fingers from Kaoru's body. He grabbed some tissues and cleaned them off before looking up at his lover's face. "Good...?"

Kaoru bit his lip a little and then nodded. He shifted and found the condom from earlier, opening it and then pushing himself upright so he could roll it over Toshiya's dick himself, actually enjoying the action quite a bit.

Toshiya couldn't help but smile as Kaoru grabbed the condom. He let out a little groan when he touched him, his hips jerking forward a bit. "Lube me up, too..."

Kaoru let out a little sound as he finished rolling the condom down and then went about getting the lube. He put it on the other's dick and then jacked him off for a few moments to get it nice and smeared around. "That good?"

Toshiya grunted as Kaoru stroked him, smearing the lube about. "Mmm, yes, that's good. Now...how do you want me?" He grinned a little, licking his lips. He knew that he'd told Kaoru to ride him but this would give him a chance to request something else if he wanted.

Kaoru shifted up to his knees and then swallowed. What he wanted was honestly dirty as fuck, but... he was also pretty sure he couldn't actually ask for that without nearly flipping out in the process. After a moment, he just gestured slightly for Toshiya to lay down, doing his best to look like he wasn't freaking out.

Toshiya studied Kaoru for a moment then shifted to lie down on his back. He got himself comfortable, his knees up as he slid his hands down over his body.

Kaoru knelt there for a moment, for all the world feeling like the roof was going to cave in on him at any moment. He took in a few shaky breaths and then awkwardly started to try to get on top of the other, definitely fumbling with it and feeling more than a little bit like a moron.

Toshiya watched Kaoru, his eyebrows knitted slightly as he reached up to run his hands over his hands in what he hoped was a soothing manner. "Kao, baby, if you're not comfortable with the position...it's okay. Really."

The guitarist shot him a look that was relatively panicked and he shook his head. "No... no, I just... I've never..." he cleared his throat and finally got himself astride Toshiya, though he was then trying to figure out what to do from there, where he should put his hand, how he should get hold of the other's dick and what exactly he was supposed to be doing. 

He racked his brain of any porn that may have had this and only came up with a few heterosexual ones, remembering the girl had reached between her legs to grab the man's dick before impaling herself on it. Fine... then... he'd have to go with that. No reason it shouldn't be somewhat the same, right?

Sliding up on his knees a bit more, he scooted around awkwardly, finally getting hold of Toshiya's cock and keeping it steady as he moved around, trying to figure out exactly where he needed to be. Staring down at the other's chest, he did his best to steel up his nerves and then moved himself down, having to shift Toshiya's dick a bit to get it at the right angle to even start going in.

Toshiya bit his lip, shifting around a bit as Kaoru tried to get situated. He almost wanted to laugh at his lover but wisely kept it to himself, knowing it would have probably upset him. 

When Kaoru grasped his cock and began lowering himself, he reached down to assist, shooing Kaoru's hand out of the way as he angled himself, and lining up with the other's entrance. His other hand came to rest on Kaoru's hip, thumb stroking over his hipbone.

Kaoru moved his hand when he had it swatted lightly away, trying to figure out what to do with that as well, finally ending up with it barely touching Toshiya's chest, not using any pressure at all. His other hand was still on the bed where he'd started off with it at, making his angle sort of awkward.

Toshiya peered up at Kaoru then licked his lips, debating assisting his lover. Finally, he lightly patted Kaoru's hip then reached to tap his hand on the bed. "Kaoru, move your hand up a bit and then lean forward on my chest. It makes it easier...," he instructed his tone gentle and soft.

Kaoru gave him a look that clearly stated he was uncomfortable with something. After a moment though, he shifted his hand to where the other had patted and then tried to lean forward, only putting pressure on the arm on the bed still. A little shocked huff of breath left through his nose as Toshiya's cock shifted inside him and touched a very nice place. And just like that. all he wanted to do was impale himself on the other's dick in that exact spot, over and over... but he didn't move, still pretty sure this wasn't his rodeo.

It pained Toshiya that Kaoru was so uncomfortable and he was seriously regretting asking him to ride him. He was about to tell him to just never mind and go with missionary or doggy or something when his cock slipped further into Kaoru's body, pulling a low groan from him. 

Sensing that Kaoru wasn't going to take the initiative, he released his cock and moved both hands up to the guitarist's hips. Drawing his knees up a bit more, he pushed upward, fulling seating himself in Kaoru's body, moaning as he did so. He started bucking his hips up, slowly ramping up the pace.

The next movement that Toshiya made wrenched another sound from Kaoru... and each one thereafter, the other's cock sliding across his prostate with every single thrust he made. It instantly had Kaoru on edge, his cock throbbing between his legs, his balls tight against his body, and his entire being feeling like it was on fire.

Toshiya watched with some amount of fascination as Kaoru's face contorted with pleasure. The sounds coming from him only fueled him on, his thrusts becoming more and more frantic though he made sure to keep the angle he was at.

It really didn't take him long, much to Kaoru's horror, before he was cumming. A sharp, startled cry left his lips and then he was losing it, spurt after spurt of his cum landing on Toshiya's lower abdomen.

Toshiya groaned as Kaoru's body clenched around him as he came. Licking his lips, he continued pushing up into Kaoru's body, though his movements were slower, a smirk on his face at the cum on his belly. "Gorgeous..."

Kaoru had to finally shift the position, the onslaught of the other still moving making it hard for him to even concentrate on words or anything else. Once he'd gotten to where Toshiya's dick wasn't brushing over his prostate anymore, he took in a few deep breaths and then let out a quiet huff of a laugh.

Toshiya stilled completely when Kaoru laughed, reaching up to run his hands over his sides. "I take it I pushed the right button there?" he quipped, grinning widely.

For a moment, Kaoru looked worried when Toshiya stopped, not having meant to insult the other or anything with his quiet laugh. But then Toshiya was making a joke and he gave him a small smile in return. "Yeah... first try."

The bassist's grin widened even more before he patted Kaoru's hip lightly. "I'm still hard," he stated, pushing his hips up a bit as if to point out that fact.

"I know," Kaoru returned quietly, "I can feel that." He shifted just a little and then murmured, "I'm good..."

Toshiya grunted and pushed up a bit before stopping again, giving Kaoru an apologetic look. "I don't think I can keep up the right pace..."

For a few moments, Kaoru debated what he was supposed to do about that. Images of the girls in those porn videos riding their men hard and fast came into his head and he instantly felt a wave of something he could only describe as anxiety. Did he dare? _Could_ he dare? What if that wasn't what the other wanted him to do? And what if he popped off the other's dick and somehow hurt him? After a moment, he hung his head and began to make a determined effort, though he was going slowly and somewhat timidly, feeling like a complete idiot.

Toshiya gave Kaoru a somewhat surprised look when the other began moving on his cock. He soon began groaning though, his head dropping back against the pillows as he pushed up to meet Kaoru somewhere in the middle. "Oh...Kaoru...s'good."

Kaoru found himself somewhat surprised that Toshiya seemed to like it. It gave him a bit more courage and he bit back some of his anxiety, starting to move a little faster, his movements more sure and less timid.

Toshiya couldn't help but run his hands over Kaoru's skin as he moved, sliding over his chest and down his sides. He let out plenty of pleasured moans, his pleasure ramping up the faster Kaoru moved.

But there was only so much Kaoru could do without putting pressure on Toshiya's chest, without moving his position slightly, and he quickly capped out on how much power he could put behind it and how fast he could go.

Toshiya was getting closer but not quite there yet, needing that last little push to send him over the edge. He licked his lips and looked up at Kaoru then realized that the other was still uncomfortable with the position in general. Giving a soft grunt, he drew his knees up again and, ignoring the fatigue in his calves, started bucking up into his lover at the speed he needed, moans soon spilling from his lips.

Kaoru did his best to meet the movements without pressing all over Toshiya or risking hurting him somehow in the process, finally ending up hunched over again, putting him right back in the path of the bassist's cock jarring his prostate over and over, forcing a vast array of sounds from him rather loudly.

In the end, it was Kaoru's moans that drove him over the edge finally. He grabbed his hips and slammed hard and fast up into him in one final push then let out a loud cry as he came, filling the barrier between them with his offering. "Kaoru!"

By the time Toshiya came, Kaoru was near frantic for his second orgasm, already on the verge of it from the way they'd been moving. It was enough of an urge that he didn't stop himself from grabbing his dick and starting to jerk off, regardless of how he may have felt about doing that in this position.

Toshiya moaned and kept pushing up into Kaoru, watching as his lover jacked off atop him. He shuddered with the pleasure of it all, loving the way Kaoru looked in that moment.

Kaoru finally ground himself back against Toshiya's dick, putting it in the right spot and just rubbing against it while he moved his hand. A few more seconds passed and then he let out a low moan, a few smaller spurts of cum raining down on Toshiya's belly as he came.

The bassist let out a soft sound as Kaoru came for the second time, adding to the mess on his stomach. Huffing, he slumped back, trying to catch his breath. "Mnn..."

Kaoru reached down between them, held the edge of the condom and pulled himself off Toshiya, rolling to the side and laying there, looking a bit stunned.

As soon as Kaoru moved, Toshiya reached down to remove the condom. He tied it off and tossed it in the bedside trash before turning to look over at Kaoru, his hand reaching out to rub over his arm.

The guitarist lay there, staring at the other for a few moments and then looking down at the bed between them. "I hope... you intended to stay the night?"

Toshiya grinned, licking his lips. "Any time you want me to..." He shifted and grabbed some tissues, mopping up most of the mess on his stomach so he could sit up. He tossed them then finally leaned over and pressed his lips to Kaoru's. "Thank you."

Kaoru blinked at the thanks and then huffed out a laugh, "For all the fucking awkward as shit I was... sure."

Toshiya shook his head, pulling away and stroking his fingers through Kaoru's hair. "Sure you were awkward but you didn't quit...and it felt good anyway." He grinned. "Besides, you're cute when you're awkward..."

The older of the two let out a snort and then shook his head. "Cute... sure, whatever you say."

Toshiya shrugged then rolled over, pushing himself up off the bed. "Well, you can be all grumpy about it if you want. I'm going to go shower your mess off of me." He grinned and padded off for Kaoru's bathroom, rear end swaying a bit.

Kaoru rolled over to watch him walk off, just lying there for a while longer, not real sure he wanted to get up, but knowing he should.

Toshiya finished his shower rather quickly and came back out before Kaoru had moved. He was wearing only a towel, which he tossed into the hamper once he'd entered the room. "Gonna lay there all night?"

Kaoru looked sincerely surprised when the other came out so quickly and then rolled himself off the bed, shaking his head. "I guess I should wash off, too... meant to join you but I wasn't fast enough." He let out a laugh. "Not like my shower is all that large."

Toshiya chuckled and moved over to the bed, crawling underneath the covers. "I figured I'd be quick this time..." He settled in, propping himself up on the pillows. "Take your time though, I'll be fine right here." He offered Kaoru a smile.

With a little shrug, Kaoru headed into the bathroom, setting up his grooming stuff and then turning the shower on, getting under the spray and starting to clean himself. 

Toshiya laid there a while then decided he needed to relieve himself. Getting up and wandering back to the bathroom, he knocked on the door, not wanting to just barge in. "Hey Kao...gotta piss...do you mind?"

Kaoru had progressed through most of his cleaning, just letting conditioner sit in his hair while he idly re-cleaned his dick, his foreskin pulled back as he gently cleansed the overly sensitive head. He didn't look up when the knock came, just muttering, "Go for it..." and continuing to clean, everything on display if Toshiya chose to look.

Toshiya walked in and went for the toilet, taking care of business with a sigh. Once he was done, he shook off and put the lid down, leaving the flushing for after Kaoru was done in the shower. He grinned and moved over the shower, pushing the curtain aside and sticking his hand under the spray to rinse it, peeping on Kaoru while he did. "Mm, I love that you're so diligent with cleaning. A lot of guys aren't and it's a gross surprise when it comes to blow jobs."

Kaoru looked up at him when he moved the curtain and then gave him a slightly surprised look and then winced. "Uggh... like on tour not being able to fucking bathe or shower every day... I always bring a bunch of baby wipes. I look stupid, but I'm not letting this get gross." He gestured. "Or I feel ill just trying to clean it."

Toshiya leaned against the wall and nodded, his nose wrinkling. "Yeah, exactly." He shook his head then moved to plop down on the toilet seat, deciding to stay with Kaoru. "I probably shoulda brought some clothes. I very nearly packed an overnight bag to stick in my trunk."

"Just borrow something of mine... or sleep naked. I usually do when you're not here, but I didn't know if you'd be uncomfortable with that." Given it'd only happened a handful of times in the past.

Toshiya shrugged then realized Kaoru couldn't see him. "It's fine with me, actually. It saves me the trouble of trying to find pants long enough out of your wardrobe." He chuckled then leaned back, looking around. Finally, he stood and moved to the sink, borrowing Kaoru's brush to get the tangles out of his hair.

Kaoru grunted and then laughed. "Jerk." Finishing up cleaning, he moved to rinse the conditioner from his hair and then gave himself one more good spray of water all over before turning off the shower. He squeezed his hair out and then stepped out onto the bath mat, grabbing a towel and going about drying off.

Toshiya laughed then returned to sit on the toilet again, looking up when Kaoru stepped out. He smirked and looked over Kaoru's slightly hard cock, licking his lips. "Nice to know I'm not the only one that gets half-hard cleaning..."

Kaoru had his toothbrush stuck in his mouth by the time the other spoke up and he nearly choked on it, looking over at him and then closing his eyes for a moment. Once he'd reoriented, he huffed out a laugh and murmured, "Yeah well... if you don't go after it like you're trying to kill it then it feels good to clean it."

Toshiya snickered and stood up, coming up behind Kaoru to wrap his arms around his waist, peering at him through there mirror. "Yeah, it does. It also feels nice to get off after it's good and clean." He dipped his head down to press a kiss to Kaoru's neck, smiling at his reflection.

"Hey now," Kaoru returned through a mouthful of foam, "it's sensitive." He let out a little laugh and then spit in the sink, washing his toothbrush and then using some mouthwash, offering some to Toshiya as well.

Toshiya just grinned, pecking a few kisses along Kaoru's clean skin. He took the proffered mouthwash and poured some into his mouth, swishing it around before moving to spit into the sink. "Mm, thank you. I'd hate to torment you with my awful morning breath." He patted Kaoru's rear then moved out of his way, going to lean against the other side of the counter.

Kaoru spit as well and then rinsed with water before making sure the sink was cleaned off. He toweled his hair a bit more and then moved toward the bedroom, still toweling off as he went.

Toshiya turned and padded after Kaoru into the bedroom. He moved to his previous spot on the bed and slipped under the sheets, shivering a bit. "I've gotten chilled wandering around without clothes," he stated, tugging the covers more securely around himself.

Kaoru smirked as he went about finishing drying off and then tossing the towel in the hamper. "Be right back." He wandered off to the front, making sure the door was locked and the alarm on. Once that was done, he came back and turned off the light, crawling into bed and moving closer to Toshiya. "I'm taking that as a hint to please be your heater."

Toshiya waited for Kaoru to come back, listening to him lock the door and such. When the guitarist returned and joined him in bed, he made like an octopus and wrapped himself around him. "Yes, please," he mumbled out, his face currently buried against Kaoru's neck.

The guitarist didn't protest, just moving in close to him and finding a comfortable position. Once they were settled in, the darkness seemed to give Kaoru the courage he'd lacked earlier and he murmured, "I liked what we did, but um... if I'm honest, I was really anxious about it."

Toshiya shifted around a bit himself then settled. When Kaoru spoke, he offered a soft hum, his hand moving to stroke Kaoru's side. "I kind of figured. Want to tell me what made you the most anxious about it?"

Kaoru was quiet for a few moments and then offered, "I was afraid I'd do it wrong."

Toshiya sniffed and cocked his head, though he knew Kaoru couldn't see him. "You did fine...though you were a bit...stiff about it but that was all."

"And I kept changing my mind about what I was going to do." He let out a quiet laugh and then shook his head. "Stupid, I know."

Toshiya huffed softly and ran his hand over Kaoru's skin, down his hip. "It's not stupid. We all have our first times for everything...I just want you to enjoy it and gain confidence in what you're doing."

For a few minutes Kaoru was silent and then finally, he breathed out, his words rather rushed, "I really like sucking you off."

A smile spread across Toshiya's face and he pushed it against Kaoru's neck some more. "Mm, I really enjoy that, too. You seem to hit all the right places." He paused for a moment, then, quieter, he admitted, "I loved cumming in your mouth."

Kaoru smirked a bit and then murmured, "I'm slowly learning... gets better, right?"

Toshiya shifted a bit and nodded. "Indeed it does...and I will be here to help you every step of the way. You just have to be unafraid to talk to me."

"I'm trying," Kaoru murmured, "just takes a while." He moved in closer and yawned. After a moment, he muttered really lowly, "Fuck me from behind next time."

Toshiya reached up to push his hand in Kaoru's hair, toying with the still damp locks. "I know." He closed his eyes and started settling but popped them open the moment Kaoru spoke again. He huffed out a laugh and grinned. "Mmm, gladly."

With that said, Kaoru just moved against him and closed his eyes, trying to fade off to sleep as quickly as he could, knowing this sort of comfort was rarely found.

Toshiya let out a breath then shifted around some more before settling again and closing his eyes. It wasn't long before he was drifting off, feeling rather happy with how the night had gone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: wraithrhionann

Kaoru had been doing his best with Toshiya to actually attempt to balance his relationship and the band. He and Toshiya had seen one another outside of work a few times in the past month and even during the backstage moments of a few of their Japanese shows, Kaoru had gone far enough to actually display affection toward the bassist in front of the other band members; hugging him and keeping his arm around him while he was discussing things from the show.

But tonight, he'd gone a bit further than that. He'd managed to get them reservations at a sort of swanky noodle bar and he'd done his best to actually keep it from Toshiya until they were leaving the studio for the night. 

Rushing to catch up to the other, he touched him on the shoulder. "Tell me you're not busy tonight?"

Toshiya was off in his own little world when Kaoru touched his shoulder, causing him to jump slightly. He paused and turned and to peer at the guitarist, a smile spreading across his face. "Surprisingly, I'm free tonight...why do you ask?"

"Good." Kaoru offered a smile in return and then tucked his hands into his pockets. "We've got a date at seven." He wanted to tack on that the other could change if he wanted to, but he wasn't real sure about that one, knowing Toshiya was prone to worrying over such things, but that he himself wasn't. It seemed rude to be presumptuous.

Toshiya's face lit up brightly at Kaoru's statement. "Really? Where? Do I need to go home and change first?" He fired off the questions in rapid succession as he pulled his phone out to check the time. It was only a little after 5 so he had time to get home and groom himself a bit.

"If you'd like. It's ah... I'd prefer it to be a bit of a surprise. But dress for like... upscale bar?" Kaoru had no idea if he could get anything from that or not, but it was the best he could do without saying the name of the place.

 

Toshiya licked his lips and nodded his head, already envisioning his outfit. "Okay...I assume you're going to pick me up?" He paused for a moment, reaching to run his hand down Kaoru's arm.

 

"Yeah, I'll be by fifteen after six, okay? That give you enough time?" Kaoru reached to lightly put his hand on the other's own, patting gently.

Toshiya turned his hand and grasped Kaoru's, squeezing lightly before using it to pull the other close. He offered him a quick peck to the lips and nodded. "Yeah, that's perfect."

 

Kaoru made an approving grunt, squeezing Toshiya's hand before he gave a little nod. "Well... I... uh... guess I'll go change too then." He looked a bit lost as they separated and then shouldered his bag properly, heading across the parking lot toward the street, intent to get to the nearest station quickly.

Toshiya nodded and grinned. "See you at 6." He turned and headed the other way, a definite bounce in his step.

When he arrived at his apartment, he made quick work of taking a shower and getting in a quick shave while he was at it. After he got out and dried off, he brushed his teeth and then used the blow dryer for his hair. 

Satisfied with that, he made his way to his bedroom to get dressed. He chose a pair of black skinny fit jeans and a loose, cream colored sweater with a cowl neck. He added a couple of necklaces and his bracelets then spritzed on some of his favorite cologne.

Finally, he pulled on short, black leather boots and settled in his living room to await Kaoru's arrival, actually feeling a bit anxious.

Kaoru made his way home through the train lines, finally arriving there about twenty minutes before he needed to leave again to get to Toshiya on time. He didn't want to deal with the car, the part of Tokyo far too busy for it, and not wanting to give up his alcohol for the night. So, stations it was.

He made quick work of finding a new shirt to put on, adding some deodorant and - as an added precaution - cleaned up downstairs real well. He dumped some stuff out of his bag so it would be lighter and then headed back out, tucking his headphones in for his walk to the station and the ride to Toshiya's place.

The ride managed to get him to the other relatively quickly, faster than he'd expected actually, and he found himself at the other's door ten minutes ahead of schedule. But he knocked anyway.

Toshiya grinned when he heard Kaoru knock, standing up to open the door. "You're early...I'm glad I was ready." He stepped back to let Kaoru in while he gathered up his bag and slipped his jacket on.

Kaoru took only one step inside, shrugging and offering a quiet, "Trains ran fast tonight. No delays." It was sort of sad when it'd become so regular that delays were usual and smooth running was another thing entirely.

Toshiya hummed then reached out to pull Kaoru to him, initiating a sweet kiss, wanting a bit of intimacy before they left.

Kaoru stepped into the touch and groaned faintly as he was kissed, pushing it slightly deeper for a moment before sheepishly ending it and smiling at the other, rubbing his palms on his own jeans.

Toshiya practically purred into the kiss, his hand resting on Kaoru's chest as it deepened. When the guitarist pulled back, he licked his lips and smiled, reaching out to stroke his cheek softly. "So, are we ready to go...?"

"I am. And... we're going on the trains, so be aware with whatever you're bringing along." He offered a small smile.

Toshiya nodded and shouldered his bag before clipping his keys to his wallet chain. "Okay, I'm good to go, then."

Kaoru stepped out and then waited on Toshiya to close the door. Once he had, they made their way out of the building and down onto the street, headed toward the station. "So... how you feeling about the stuff we did today?" He was, of course, talking about work. Naturally.

Toshiya made sure his door was locked and followed Kaoru out, pushing his hands into the pockets of his coat. At the question, he gave a half-smile, having known that there wouldn't be a way that they wouldn't discuss their work. It was just how Kaoru was and besides, he didn't mind casual conversation about it. "Mmm, I think it was good. I'm not a hundred percent thrilled with the middle bass part though. I need to tweak it a little so it will flow better with the drums."

"You and Die both with the middle parts," Kaoru chuckled, shaking his head. "I do mine tomorrow, so I suppose we’ll see if I want to murder it, too, or not."

Toshiya chuckled softly and shrugged. "You know you will...even if it comes out perfect, like it normally does..." He shot Kaoru a smirk as they reached the station.

"Yeah, well... the usual." Kaoru turned the corner and winced a bit, trying hard not to stick out given the variety of girls, all of them wearing past Dir en grey tour merchandise that he'd just basically turned the corner into the middle of.

Toshiya snorted then looked at the veritable herd of fangirls coming their way. He very casually tugged Kaoru into the men's bathroom that was conveniently right there and, thankfully, devoid of people just then. "Well, that could have gotten tricky..."

Kaoru breathed out a sigh of relief when Toshiya pulled him inside a random door... and he spied urinals. They'd have to be some _very_ brave girls to follow them in, otherwise, they were safe. He let out a quiet laugh and then shook his head. "Yeah... definitely."

Toshiya just grinned then peeked out the door a couple of times before jerking his thumb towards the exit. "I think the coast is clear now...and I hear the announcement for the arriving train."

Kaoru chuckled and then stepped out as well, hurrying them toward the booth to purchase their tickets, racing down the stairs to get to the train on time, the girls having put them behind.

Toshiya followed along, pulling out his wallet to pay for his own ticket but then putting it away when Kaoru paid for both of theirs. The train arrived shortly after and he tugged the guitarist onto the middle car, securing a seat near the back.

Kaoru narrowly avoided yelping when the other tugged him onto the train, shutting his mouth as the last moment, and then huffing out a laugh. "Lord that was close!"

Toshiya laughed, having to cover his mouth as he did to keep from being obnoxiously loud. He shook his head and reached over, placing his hand on Kaoru's knee, knowing that the way they were sitting would hide anything.

Kaoru settled next to Toshiya and he didn't complain when the other put his hand on his knee, simply sitting there and closing his eyes for a few moments. Finally, he murmured, "We still on track time-wise?"

Toshiya peered at Kaoru for a moment then pulled out his phone to check the time. Their little detour had cost them about 10 minutes but it was still early. "Yeah, it's only 6:20...of course it depends on where we're going..."

"We'll be fine," Kaoru returned quietly, licking his lips a bit. He opened his eyes and flicked his glance around the train. "Surprised we got seats," he commented quietly.

Toshiya hummed then glanced around, nodding. "Yeah, since it's this time of night. I'm glad we did though. It's a little easier to conceal yourself when sitting..."

"Not if you talk about it," Kaoru returned and then laughed, reaching to pat the other's hand ever so gently.

Toshiya blinked then clamped his mouth shut, letting out a snort. He reached up to rub his forehead then squeezed Kaoru's knee. "Very true." He was grinning shortly after, leaning back in the seat.

After a few moments, his stomach growled loudly and he laughed, reaching to rub it. "I am...honestly starving. I only had a couple of rice balls at lunch."

"That's good because you'll definitely be eating well tonight. And I'm paying," he murmured, leaning over a bit toward him to talk, "so don't argue over that."

Toshiya had just opened his mouth to argue but then shut it, actually blushing faintly. "If you insist..." He couldn't help but feel a bit giddy for the fact that this was actually going to be a true, proper date.

Kaoru straightened up and behaved himself for the rest of the ride, finally standing up when the next stop was announced and moving toward the door, assuming Toshiya would follow suit.

The bassist stood when Kaoru did, scooting his way past people to the door, following Kaoru's lead. 

They both exited the train and he looked around realizing they were in one of the nicer, upscale areas of downtown, having not paid attention too much to where they were headed. "Roppongi? Really?" he questioned, sounding more than a bit surprised.

Kaoru smirked as he made his way up and out of the station, Toshiya following after him. "Yeah, really." He moved all the way out of the station and then took a left, falling back a bit to get in step with Toshiya.

Toshiya let out a low whistle then followed Kaoru up and out of the station, his hands stuffed in his pockets again. "If I'd known we were coming this way, I'd have insisted on my car. It fits in well here." He pointed out several rather sporty cars parked along one of the streets.

"Yes, but no drinks if we're driving and there's little point in going to where we are if not for the drinks as well." Kaoru led them up the street, cursing the fact that it was uphill but glad that later it would be downhill going back to the station.

Toshiya grinned, walking close enough to Kaoru to lightly bump shoulders with him. "That is very true..." He let out a puff of breath as they went uphill a bit, having similar thoughts to Kaoru about the face that it would be downhill after they'd eaten and stuff.

Finally, they arrived and Kaoru held the door open to let Toshiya in. Once he'd passed through the door, Kaoru followed and made his way to the lady at the podium. Leaning in, he murmured, "Niikura, reservations for seven o'clock."

She smiled at him and then quickly checked the list, crossing off his name and then handing him a small round light-up coaster. "Feel free to stay in the bar area until seven. The table is being cleaned right now and we'll have you in shortly."

Kaoru didn't argue, of course they were early, so that figured it wouldn't be ready yet. He moved into the bar area and settled against the edge of the bar, waiting on the tender to come or Toshiya to decide something.

When they arrived at their destination, Toshiya felt a surge of affection for Kaoru for having picked such a nice place. He also knew it was one of the discrete bars that catered to the privacy of their big name customers. 

He followed along with Kaoru to the bar, considering what he'd like to drink. "This place is...amazing, babe." He beamed at Kaoru then looked up as the bartender came to take their order. "I'll just start with a Heineken."

Kaoru arched an eyebrow at the pet name, but didn't argue with it at all. After a few moments, he snorted and pointed at the closest tap. "House microbrew, please." He nudged Toshiya. "You'd best 'continue' with something signature or so help me..."

Toshiya pursed his lips then signaled the bartender. "Make mine what he's having..." He turned and grinned at Kaoru, poking his tongue out. "Better?"

"Much." Kaoru hoisted himself up on the stool someone vacated next to him and then settled, just staring at Toshiya, unable to get his eyes off of him for the time being. It was... sort of embarrassing.

Toshiya smirked then settled against the bar, giving Kaoru a sidelong glance. He felt his lover's eyes on him and it sent heat pooling in his belly. Licking his lips, he reached up to adjust the neck of his sweater, subtly stroking his fingers over his collarbone as he did.

Kaoru's lips quirked as he glanced back at the bar tender when he returned with their pints. He passed over his credit card and told him to start a tab and that they'd have a table soon. The man took the card and walked off toward the register with the ticket, leaving Kaoru and Toshiya with the drinks.

Toshiya was first to pick up his pint, holding it up to Kaoru. "Here's to what I think will be a magnificent evening...,"

Kaoru held up his glass as well, clinking it with Toshiya's and giving a nod. "Here here!"

Toshiya grinned and took a healthy swig of the beer, setting his glass down on the bar afterward with a soft clunk. He licked his lips and nodded in approval at the flavor. "Not bad at all."

"They've got some really nice variations, I always just sort of go down the line. Newest is always on the left handles, going toward the right." Kaoru grinned, knowing that let on he wasn't exactly a no-name to the place.

Toshiya's eyebrow quirked up at Kaoru's obvious knowledge of the place and he let out a chuckle. "You've been holding back on me, Kao...I didn't peg you to be the type to frequent such a place." He sipped at his beer again then swiped his thumb over his bottom lip, licking it after.

"Really good beer... and no one ever bothers me. You can tell sometimes people will know who you are, but they don't come rushing over or even look for long, just a lingering glance and then gone. It's nice... to sort of be... closer to no one for a while, you know?"

The bassist pressed his lips together, nodding his head before he reached over and rubbed his hand over Kaoru's knee. "Yeah, I know what you mean..." He was going to say more but their beeper buzzed, alerting that their table was ready. "Looks like we finally get to eat," he announced, sounding a bit too enthused with the idea.

When their table warning light went off, Kaoru popped off the stool and picked up his beer, heading for the front where he handed over the coaster. A short, rather young girl led them toward the back, holding two menus in her hands as she weaved in and out of tables. 

When they arrived, she placed he menus down and leaned in, asking quietly, "Did you have a tab to move to the table?"

"Yes. Niikura. Thank you." Kaoru set his drink down and settled himself in one of the chairs.

Toshiya followed suit, picking up his own beer and traipsing along behind Kaoru and the server. He settled into the chair directly across from Kaoru, putting his bag in the one beside him. 

Picking up the menu, he began pouring over their selection, chewing his lip a bit. "Do you want an appetizer or something?"

"Fuck yes, I do. The wings here with the sweet and sour sauce." He brought two fingers to his mouth and kissed them, smirking after and settling. "I want... one of fucking everything, seriously."

Toshiya looked at Kaoru then grinned widely, reaching his foot out to nudge Kaoru's. "Sounds great....do you mind if we get potato skins, too?" He reached for a sip of his beer then went back to the menu. "I think I'll order all of it and then we can just taste test..." He gave a chuckle and shook his head.

"Sure thing. Whatever we want. Extras can go home with us." Kaoru winked and then let out a laugh. "What do you think they'd do? Think we were the next Gordon Ramsay or something?"

Toshiya let out a laugh, his eyes bright with amusement. "Maybe! I'm not sure they wouldn't ask us to leave though!"

"Doubt it. They'd make bank on us, so it'd be worth it." He chuckled and then tossed his menu down. "Steak... big... juicy... steak. Because I feel like being horrible to myself tonight."

The bassist laughed again, feeling himself relax more and more. He peered at the menu one more time then hummed, nodding to himself as he made his decision. "The scallops and steak pasta combo keeps drawing my eye, so that's what I'm getting." He snapped his menu closed and set it atop Kaoru's before reaching out to brush his hand over the others in a brief caress.

Kaoru finished off his beer and then gave the other a sly look when he touched his hand. "Mmm... sounds delightful."

A few more moments passed and the waiter came over, asking for their order. Once Kaoru told him everything and they'd ordered their meat how they wanted it plus a round of the next beer down the line, the waiter wandered off, leaving behind a bread basket and water with lemon.

Toshiya settled back after they'd ordered, his eyes fixed on Kaoru, perhaps a bit too much for anyone looking closely enough. He found that he still wished the other man would be slightly more open with his affections but this date was amazing and he refused to ruin it in any which way.

Kaoru picked up a piece of bread and put butter on it, handing it over to Toshiya before doing one for himself and then sipping at his water, waiting on their beer to return. 

He wasn't stressing out for once, just determined to have fun and not letting anything get in the way of it.

Toshiya accepted the bread with a quiet thanks, biting into it then groaning softly. "Oh wow, herbed butter....that's nice." He finished off his piece rather quickly then picked up the water, sipping from it. "So....I pretty much want to come home with you tonight and have desert at your place..."

Kaoru was sincerely glad he wasn't drinking anything, the innuendo clear under the words and he barely managed to keep his composure. "Yeah, definitely... desert," he replied, doing his best impression of a duck in an attempt not to start laughing at the topic.

Toshiya blinked at Kaoru's reaction, his eyebrow hiking up. "Well....if it's that hilarious to you..."

Kaoru's smile faded and he swallowed back any additional laughter he had, realizing sincerely that he was in process of fucking everything up... once again. _Smoothe move, Niikura_ , his mind helpfully supplied. He glanced up when their beers were brought back along with the appetizers, just waiting on the man to leave them be.

There was a reason he never relaxed. His idea of funny and everyone else's were two different things, obviously. Once the waiter was gone, he murmured, "I didn't mean it like that."

And just like that, with an ill-timed comment, Toshiya watched their smooth ride screech to a halt. He bit back a sigh and grabbed his second beer, taking a rather large swig before shaking his head. "I know...I'm not an idiot...most of the time.....I was just teasing you..."

Actual relief slid over Kaoru's face when Toshiya said he was teasing. He reached for his beer and took a long swallow of it before putting the glass down. "Okay... if you're joking... then we're good. I... overracted."

Toshiya bit the inside of his cheek then nodded, a half-smile crossing his face. "Yeah...it's fine, Kao...we're good." He took another swallow of his beer then shrugged his shoulders. "I was serious though..."

"Er... I hope the first part?" Kaoru reached for the chicken wings, if for no other reason than something to do with his hands. "I hope so on that one...."

Toshiya let out a soft chuckle and nodded, reaching to grab one of the potato skins, dipping it in the provided dressing. "Yes, of course the first one....it's...ah..." He ducked his head a little and blushed. "I like spending the night with you."

"And I like you there," Kaoru returned, dipping the wing and then moving to eat it, chewing the meat off the bone and looking delighted to have the food in his mouth.

Toshiya smiled softly then bit into his potato, unable to remotely stop the groan that left him. He finished it off quickly then went for another one, biting it in half then chewing it, rinsing it down with beer. "Oh man....those are awesome."

"Told ya... their food is amazing." He licked his lips and then continued through another wing, chowing down on the food with relative abandon.

Toshiya grunted in response, already into another potato skin. He reached for a wing next, quickly but somehow gracefully picking the meat from the bones, the sounds he was making nearly erotic.

Kaoru paused in his desolation of a wing to watch Toshiya eat it, snorting quietly and then offering, "Man... you went to wing school or something. I can't even remotely manage that. I'm Mr. Mess over here and you just sucked that meat right off..." he stopped, realizing what he said and trying to hide a smirk again, covering his mouth.

Toshiya glanced up then rather lewdly licked the sauce from his lips, smirking at Kaoru from behind his napkin after he wiped his fingers. "I guess you could say I'm good at sucking meat....." He could barely hold in his laughter, finally giving up and snorting into his hand. "Ah....I'm sorry. That was terrible..."

Kaoru looked relieved when the other snorted, letting out his own chuckle and then shaking his head. "I was dying there, don't be sorry. Totally was trying not to laugh at myself."

The bassist grinned, picking up his glass and taking a swig before setting it back down. "So you think I was punny?" he quipped, snickering to himself.

It was Kaoru's turn to snort, the guitarist nodding his head and then laughing. "Damn right you were!"

Toshiya grinned widely when his lover started actually laughing, years melting away from his face in that single act. He watched him until they both settled then, quietly, he murmured, "I should make you laugh more often..."

"It's not actually all that difficult... a few beers and a couple dirty, horrible jokes and I'm golden." Kaoru shrugged and then reached for a potato skin to try it.

Toshiya chuckled and went for another wing, nibbling it slowly. He smirked to himself and moved his foot, drawing it up Kaoru's calf just to see what the other would do.

For a moment, Kaoru considered calling Toshiya on it. But they were in a back corner and he honestly didn't feel like saying anything at all about it, so he just let it be, smiling at the other through his glass as he took another drink.

Toshiya just smirked, settling back and rubbing his tummy. "Man, even after the appetizers, I'm still starving...I hope they hurry with our main course."

Kaoru glanced around them at the other nearby tables, finding a few people picking at salads and shaking his head a little. "I'm glad we both have appetites... and we don't have to pretend to not want to eat while we're out."

Toshiya snorted and nodded. "I know. I dated this one chick eons ago that flat out refused to eat in front of me. We'd go out for dinner, she'd order soup or salad and then move her fork, spoon, whatever around it the whole evening. All while I'm sitting there digging into my own meal." He wrinkled his nose at the memory. "It kind of made me feel like some kind of barbarian"

Kaoru nodded and then tilted his head a little. "But you know... maybe from the other end, they're taught it or something?" He shrugged. "I dunno. It's strange to sit across from them when they're doing it though. I'd always ask if they didn't feel well and then end up making them feel bad about it."

The bassist rubbed a hand over his chin and nodded. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, they're always told to be prim and proper and constantly harassed about their weight....I suppose that would have an effect on them." He pursed his lips then looked at Kaoru, reaching out to take his hand. "I will always feel the same way about you, even if you become as big as Boo."

"Suppose, nothing," Kaoru returned quietly, shaking his head. "There's only one girl in the four around us that looks happy eating her salad. Like she ordered it because she wanted it." Kaoru returned the squeeze to his hand and then picked his cup back up, finishing the second beer relatively quickly. "Sounds like a good agreement to me."

Toshiya clucked his tongue then smiled, squeezing Kaoru's hand in return. He opened his mouth to say something else but at that moment, their plates arrived along with another round of beers. He practically drooled as his food was set in front of him, steaming hot.

Kaoru's heart skipped a beat when their waiter returned with food in hand... and his in Toshiya's. He prayed for discretion as their plates were set down, thanking the waiter and asking for another round of the first beer, having enjoyed it far more. Once the man was gone, he cut into his steak and smiled at his plate. "Perfection."

Toshiya just easily pulled his hand from Kaoru's as he moved to grab his utensils, grinning. "Yeah, it looks amazing..." He speared a piece of scallop and took a bite, setting about groaning again as he chewed. "Dear God...."

Kaoru cut into his steak and found it to be the perfect amount of pink and red inside. He cut the whole thing up and then placed the knife aside, digging in with gusto.

Toshiya smiled at his lover as he ate, spearing a bite of his own steak and chewing it then going for a forkful of pasta. He was definitely not shy about eating in front of people, least of all Kaoru and before long he'd downed half his plate.

He took a break to sip his beer, sighing softly. "I actually think I'm going to get this to go. I sort of want to try their cheesecake."

Kaoru chuckled at the idea of getting some of the food to go, most of his food already in his belly. He was anything but a slow eater and taking his time was a novelty of his past. Plus, when he actually ate a good meal, he tended to do it in quantity. "Go for it."

Toshiya grinned at Kaoru's approval, taking a few more bites then pushing his plate aside for the moment. He sipped at his beer and simply watched the other across the table, playing footsie with him again for a moment.

As Toshiya's foot creeped up his leg, Kaoru breathed out a soft sound and then murmured, "You go any higher than that and you're gonna owe me, darling." He tacked on the nickname with a smirk, trying to see how Toshiya reacted.

The nickname slid through him like warm honey and he smiled, shifting his foot up another inch. "Mmm, is that so?," he purred out, leaning on the table with his elbows, chin resting atop his hands.

Kaoru grinned at him and then settled back, popping the last piece of steak into his mouth and chewing it as he stared at the other.

Toshiya watched Kaoru eat, inching his foot up a little more, then letting it slide back down slowly. "You're so...manly when you eat steak. I like it."

A snort came from the guitarist as he put his fork back down and licked his lips. Downing the rest of his beer, he then wiped his mouth on his napkin and settled once again. "You like yourself a manly Kaoru then?"

Toshiya grinned, finished off his beer then set the glass aside. "I do...it really floats my boat."

"Mmm... good, cause I don't think I do girly anymore." Kaoru quirked his lips up slightly and started to say something else, but the waiter arrived, asking if they wanted anything else. Kaoru ordered a cup of tea and then gestured at Toshiya, indicating he wanted to get something as well.

Toshiya chuckled then turned to the waiter, ordering his cheesecake and tea as well. Once they were alone again, he leaned in further. "No, I'm not sure you could but I wouldn't mind an attempt..."

Kaoru blinked a bit at the change in Toshiya's desires. He tilted his head a little and then gave a slight nod. After a moment, he quietly asked, "How so?"

Toshiya laughed and shook his head. "Sorry, I realize that was rather abrupt there...you just got me thinking about the old days and such with makeup..." He grabbed his water, taking a long drink of it.

"Ah," well at least that made a bit more sense. "Well... we saw how the makeup went over in the states... that was... bad." Kaoru laughed and then shrugged. "I dunno, but maybe... another way?" He wanted to be agreeable, but he felt strange.

Toshiya shook his head, waving his hand. "I'm just rambling, babe...don't over think it." He smiled and shrugged, leaning back. "Just stick with manly, yeah?"

"That... I can do." Kaoru relaxed back and put his hand on his belly, shivering slightly as his body started to process the food he'd put into it. "I hate how I get cold when I eat."

Toshiya hummed then pursed his lips. "I'd offer to warm you up but I suppose your tea will have to do for now...."

Kaoru grunted. "Later perhaps... we can try another method of warmth."

Toshiya smirked, licking his lips. "Sounds like a plan to me..." His dessert and their tea arrived just then and he sat more upright, quietly thanking the waiter as he looked over his dessert, practically drooling.

Kaoru poured both of them tea from the pot and then settled it back down, picking up the cup and swallowing down the hot liquid.

Toshiya murmured a word of thanks for the tea, sipping it then setting it aside, digging into his cheesecake. He speared one of the strawberries off the top and wrapped his lips around it, eyes going to Kaoru's as he sucked the syrup covering the berry.

Kaoru met his eyes for a moment and then looked away, glancing at the people a table over who were laughing over something someone had said. He recognized a few faces, but looked away again almost instantly, not wanting to be nosey in a way he'd expressed he disliked to start with.

Toshiya smirked a little, finishing off the strawberry then taking another bite of the cake before holding out his fork to Kaoru. "Wanna try?"

Once more Kaoru concentrated on the other and his offer, but he shook his head slightly. "No thank you... I'm barely going to fit the tea, honestly."

The bassist nodded and ate the bite himself before going about finishing up the slice, thankful it had been a small one. He sipped his tea after, letting out a long sigh. "This has been wonderful, Kao. I truly appreciate it."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," Kaoru returned quietly, his eyes lingering for a moment on Toshiya's face, even as the waiter returned with their check and he accepted it. One glace at the bill and then he picked up his card and signed the check. Tucking his card back into his wallet, he asked for a couple boxes and a bag to carry them in, knowing Toshiya would like the rest to go.

Toshiya smiled softly, reaching over to squeeze Kaoru's hand but reaching for his tea instead when the waiter came. "I am. I always do when I'm with you...even at work."

"That... is about the sweetest thing I've heard in months." Kaoru chuckled and then leaned forward. "My adopted niece gets by on the second cutest thing, roughly a month ago... for the record."

Toshiya beamed at his lover then tilted his head. "Oh? What did she say to her uncle Kaokao?"

"She boldly told me she thought I was the best Uncle in the entire world and I think her last words during said adorable session were, 'prepare to be hugged!' before she tackled me." Kaoru chuckled and took another sip of his tea.

Toshiya listened to the story with a huge smile on his face. He finally did reach out and squeeze Kaoru's hand tightly, "That's incredibly adorable...I wish I could have seen that."

"Maybe next time they bring her around, you can just happen to be there, too. I still think it's adorable she calls me Uncle when I'm honestly not."

Toshiya nodded. "I agree. I love getting called Uncle Toshi. It makes me want to cuddle them and spoil them rotten."

Kaoru started to realize just how little he knew about Toshiya's family outside of his mother and father, whom he'd met years ago when they'd been seated next to his own at a live. "How many nephews and nieces do you have?"

Toshiya titled his head and did a quick mental count. "I have 3 and a half, two nieces, one nephew and another nephew, maybe, on the way."

"Oooo, exciting. Who's pregnant? Boy? Girl? Or unknown quantity so far?"

"My sister is expecting her second one and they think it's a boy but the doctor said that he could be fooling us." Toshiya laughed then gave Kaoru a soft smile. He was pleased that his lover was asking about his family, it was just another thing to make them closer, more involved in each other's lives.

"How far along is she?" Kaoru finished off the cup of tea and then filled his cup again, content to remain through the pot of tea and then head off after that.

Toshiya got his own refill then settled once more. "I think she's 5 months along now...something like that. She's showing a good bit." He pulled out his phone and opened up a picture then turning to show Kaoru. "See?"

Kaoru leaned forward and looked at the photo, smiling. "She is. And she looks happy, that's always a plus."

Toshiya chuckled and put his phone away, nodding. "Yeah, definitely. Her daughter is extremely excited about it, too. She can't wait to be big sis!"

Another sip of tea and Kaoru nodded along with the conversation. "I bet. Sounds like an excited little family there. How's your mom taking the news?"

Toshiya nodded then laughed. "My mother is so happy about it, it's become annoying! Plus, I keep getting the whole 'and when are _you_ going to give me grandchildren?' speech." He rolled his eyes though his lips were still curved into a smile.

Kaoru snorted. "That was gonna be my next question, assuming she had a positive reaction. So... when are you gonna be honest to her then?" He met Toshiya's eyes and tilted his head just a little. "I'm supposed to be the one hiding shit, not you."

Toshiya let out a puff of air and shrugged, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair. "I'm not sure. Every time I think about it, something comes up, or I get interrupted....I'm either going to have to write her a letter or just blurt it out."

Kaoru remained silent for a moment and then offered quietly, "I can be your support if you need it. Go and stand by your side while you say it."

Toshiya looked up at Kaoru, an undefined look in his eyes. He swallowed thickly and gave the other a soft, slightly wobbly, smile. "I would like that...actually..."

"Just tell me when and... we'll go." Kaoru wasn't going to make any bones about it. There was nothing in the world that could keep him from helping Toshiya out in this. How long had he been hiding it from his parents? His mother didn't suspect or she wouldn't be pushing for children... maybe his father? Did he already know? Or maybe Toshiya was just as private as Kaoru was in the end, only less terrified than the guitarist. And maybe... just maybe... going with him to see him tell his parents would help _him_ somehow in the end.

Toshiya nodded then took a long drink of his tea, using the moment to compose himself. After a few minutes, he took a deep breath then looked back up at Kaoru. "I'm honestly surprised she doesn't seem to suspect it. It's not as if I've been overly secretive. I think it's just more that I haven't had a true solid relationship before now and just...things got pushed aside until it's become like this." He licked his lips and shrugged.

Kaoru offered him a calming sort of look, the same he used when someone was getting too frustrated at work. He sipped at the rest of the cup of tea before putting it down and then reaching for the boxes that had been left for them, quietly boxing up Toshiya's leftovers and placing them into the bag. He checked his watch. It was only eight fifteen. He wet his lips and then offered, "It's on your mind now... should we visit them?" The true test of just how nervous he really was.

Toshiya soaked up Kaoru's look, taking a soft breath. He watched him box up their food then blinked, looking up at him. "Tonight...? But…our date..." he trailed off and uselessly flailed his hand.

"If you don't want to, that's fine. I'm not making you do anything." Kaoru returned quietly. "Just an option."

Toshiya sat there for a moment then stood. "Can I just...think about it for a moment?"

Kaoru nodded and then stood up. He picked up the bag and then adjusted his jacket, thanking their waiter as he came by and gave him two bottles of water for the road.

Toshiya offered his own word of thanks then slipped out of the restaurant, standing on the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets. Kaoru had a point really, why wait any long than he had? It wasn't as if things were going to change. He sighed softly and turned to look at Kaoru. "I think tonight is as good as any...especially with you by my side."

In all honestly, Kaoru was surprised when he didn't even have time to tap out a cigarette before Toshiya was saying it was as good a time as any to do it. He offered a nod and stepped to a taxi on the curb, leaning in and asking if he was on break or available. Once he was told available, he opened the back door and got in, sliding over to let Toshiya in.

Toshiya slipped into the taxi and settled, turning to peer at Kaoru. "Are you sure you're okay with this? I mean...I know you brought it up but..." He was being wishy washy about it and he knew it but it wasn't something he could help in the least.

Kaoru just smiled at the other and then quietly murmured, "Tell the driver what the address is and you can flip-flop on the way there, hmm?"

Toshiya huffed softly and leaned forward, telling the driver the address to his parents' place. After, he leaned back then took advantage of the relative privacy of the can to lean against the guitarist.

Kaoru slid his hand down to cup Toshiya's own, an unreadable expression settled across his features. "Did that answer your question for you?"

Toshiya squeezed Kaoru's hand and nodded. "Yes, I suppose it did..." He glanced at his lover then peered out the window, his stomach jumping nervously the closer they got.

Kaoru squeezed the other's hand a few times through the ride, trying to be reassuring in at least some manner for him.

Toshiya was grateful for the comfort and when they arrived finally, he squeezed even harder before finally slipping out of the taxi.

Kaoru only let go of his hand to swipe his card to pay and get out. The driver asked if he should wait and Kaoru told him to go on, they'd be staying a while. With that, they were out and the taxi was off down the road. "You can do this. Hell… just blurt it out if you want to. Like hey mom, haven't seen you since Tuesday, by the way... I'm gay." He offered a smirk at that, hoping to put Toshiya at ease.

Toshiya followed along with Kaoru, just barely resisting the urge to hold onto his hand. At the others comment, he turned to him and finally laughed, shaking his head. "That would be the least delicate way to tell her...." 

He pressed in the key code for the building and stepped inside, hitting the button for the elevator.

"Not entirely sure it calls for delicacy." Kaoru pushed his hands into his pockets, the leftovers bag hanging from his arm.

Toshiya pursed his lips, shrugging his shoulders. "Well, maybe...just coming right out with it is the best way...like a band aid." The elevator arrived and he stepped into it, pushing his parents' floor.

"Sometimes it is." Kaoru leaned back against the wall of the elevator, keeping his calm and collected outward appearance for the other. He was his rock, his place to fall back on in the time of need.

Toshiya settled against one corner, smoothing his clothing out and then his hair. Half a dozen times in the short ride up, he almost reached for Kaoru but then stopped, knowing that there could be cameras watching their every move. 

The elevator finally stopped on the 8th floor and he stepped forward as the doors opened, placing his arm over the edge of one for Kaoru. "I hope they're home...I should've called first."

Kaoru stepped out, giving a nod of thanks. "They will be... it's edging on nine on a weeknight... they're home."

Toshiya nodded slightly, his lover having a point. "True..." He led the way down the hall until they were in front of his parents' door. "Well, here we go..." He raised his hand to knock, hesitating a few seconds before finally rapping his knuckles against the metal surface a few times.

Kaoru reached to lightly cuff Toshiya's shoulder as he knocked, leaning in to whisper, "I may be your rock, but you're my raft. So let's... not have to swim, hmm?"

Toshiya looked back at Kaoru then reached up to cup his face for a second. "No swimming....got it." He let out a smile then turned around as the door opened to reveal a small, slightly plump woman in an apron. He grinned at her, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Hello Mom."

Kaoru stood to the side, waiting on the older woman to either recognize him - how long had it been since he'd seen her? - or to be introduced, a pleasant smile on his face.

Hina glanced between the pair of them and then stepped back, letting them in with a wave of her hand. "What's got you boys out so late in the evening?"

Toshiya stepped in, automatically slipping out of his shoes and into the slippers kept there just for him, nudging a spare pair towards Kaoru. "We...uhm...Mom, you remember Kaoru, right? I know it's been a while but..." He gestured towards the silent guitarist.

"Of course, of course." Hina let out a soft huff, as if to tell Toshiya she wasn't _that_ old that she wouldn't remember Kaoru. "And Die and Shinya and Kyo, I remember them all, dear."

Kaoru knelt to take his boots off, leaving the bag and his jacket behind as well, stuffing his feet into the slippers just after.

Toshiya laughed a little then glanced around his mother towards the living area. "Pop go to bed already?"

"No, he's actually watching... you." She gave him an amused look. "He bought the last DVD and we've been watching your interview.

Kaoru chuckled, pushing his hands into his jeans pockets as he waited.

Toshiya found himself blushing at that though he had to laugh. "Oh geez...he didn't have to buy it..." He moved further into the house, standing there awkwardly, rubbing his hands together. "I actually...came by to talk to you about something..."

Hina attempted to usher them both into the living room area, where Toshiya's dad was settled in front of the TV. She walked over and paused the DVD, gesturing. "Real deal is here."

He turned and glanced at Toshiya and then at Kaoru, nodding his head. "Good, good, are the others here or does just one other get to see me in my underpants?" His tone was joking though and once he stood up, it was clear he was, in fact, definitely wearing pants.

Kaoru chuckled at that, offering a quiet, "Just us two."

Toshiya walked into the living room, peering at the TV as Kaoru's face came onto the screen. He smiled a little then moved to sit on the opposite love seat, patting his Dad's shoulder on the way by. "Sorry about the intrusion...we...were just out and...yeah." 

He sat himself down, sitting on the edge of the seat instead of relaxing, his hands folded in front of him.

"You're fine, son, never a bad time to drop by. We don't see you often enough." He offered a nod to Kaoru, who settled on the couch at Hina's urging, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other, relaxed so that Toshiya might manage it a little bit as well.

Hina bustled around, getting tea from the kitchen and coming back out with it, putting it on the coffee table and starting to serve it up to everyone.

Toshiya offered his father a little smile then rubbed his hands on his thighs. "So, uhm...the reason I came by tonight...." He leaned forward and took his tea, sipping from it. "I...er..." He paused...not exactly sure how to come around saying it.

Kaoru shifted ever so slightly, his thigh pressing against Toshiya's leg as he waited on him to spit it out. As he did, he made plans on how to get through this if either parent flipped out... or worse... both. How he'd react, what he'd do to step in. Everything was laid out in detail within seconds of Toshiya's first words.

Toshiya stumbled over his words a bit more until he felt Kaoru's thigh against his own. He paused for a moment before finally reaching over to take Kaoru's hand. "Kaoru and I are in a relationship." There, he'd spit it out all in one tidy package, killing two birds with one stone. 

He waited, his hand tightening around the guitarist's as the seconds ticked by, part of him wishing he just bolt now.

Cold chills raced through Kaoru at the actual bluntness of the confession. He hadn't really expected this to be his confession as much as Toshiya's, but he supposed if he'd been so adamant about the other doing this... he couldn't exactly object. Though he sort of wished he'd planned for that as well. Now he had to think about it, to plan how either one of them could deal with the potential onslaught of either parent - or both - deciding they didn't like that idea.

Hina calmly swallowed her tea and held her hand out toward Toshiya's father. "One thousand yen, pay up."

Toshiya opened his mouth, gaping at his mother and father, his gaze going between them. "You…had a bet?!" He looked to Kaoru then back at his parents before burying his face in his hands, huffing.

"I'm your mother. You think I don't know my own child's preferences?" Hina huffed and then waved her fingers. "Now, old man!"

Grumbling, he pulled out his wallet and paid up, settling back. "One lousy week, Toshiya... one week and she'd have had to pay me. Couldn't have waited I suppose?"

Kaoru huffed out a laugh, easing himself back against the couch again and squeezing Toshiya's hand.

Toshiya looked up at his parents then snorted. "Serves you right..." He looked over at Kaoru then breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, I'm glad you're both okay with this...."

"Of course we are. We just wish you'd thought you could tell us sooner, that's all." Hina stood up and came to Toshiya, reaching for the back of his head and drawing him in for a partial hug and then scrubbing her hand over his hair.

Toshiya leaned into the embrace, reaching up to pat his mother's back, smiling. "I tried to a thousand times but it just never worked out....Kaoru's the one that pushed me to do it tonight."

"Then good for Kaoru." Hina moved to him, giving him relatively the same treatment and then going back to her spot and tucking her money into her pocket. "Just so it's clear... we started the bet last year when you got to a point on these DVDs where you were watching him in a different way."

Kaoru coughed and shifted a little, trying hard not to just sort of melt into the floor right then.

Toshiya flushed darkly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "I didn't think I was _that_ obvious. He glanced over at Kaoru then back to floor, embarrassed to have caught ogling the guitarist.

Hina snorted and then finished off her tea, tapping the table idly with her fingertips. "I wouldn't worry about it, dear. I think most people don't know you well enough to notice like we do."

The bassist looked honestly relieved at that and let out a soft laugh. "Thank God, I'd really hate the rumor mill to start churning." He looked at Kaoru again then bit his lip. "Kaoru's got enough on his plate without having to answer awkward questions."

Kaoru flushed a bit and shifted, feeling awkward, not for the first time tonight. But this had been his idea and there was no reason why he shouldn't go ahead and just accept what was happening, regardless of his own status in the whole thing.

Toshiya cleared his throat then looked at his parents. "So, uhm...now that that's out in the open...we were actually on a date tonight..."

Toshiya's father chuckled and simply waved at his son before turning back on the DVD and settling back, facing the TV.

Hina pushed herself upright and made shooing motions. "My goodness, both of you, get back on with your date. I wouldn't want you to have to sit around here with us old farts while you could be having a glorious night." She winked. "And I do hope it's glorious."

Kaoru flushed at the mention of glorious night, plucking himself out of the chair and coughing, heading toward the door as she tried to herd him that way.

Toshiya stood and gave his father's shoulder a squeeze then followed his mother and Kaoru, his own cheeks reddening further. "Mom...please..." He sighed and started getting his shoes, finally finishing then turning to lean down and kiss her cheek. "Thank you, though....your support means the world to me."

Kaoru shoved his shoes on and picked up their bag of food again, opening the door and stepping out to wait, already grabbing at the pack of cigarettes in his pocket, nervous.

Hina kissed Toshiya's cheek right back and then smirked. "You've always had it, son. Don't ever doubt that."

Toshiya smiled then gave her a brief hug before slipping out the door, closing it behind him. He didn't say anything to Kaoru, simply moving to the elevator and hitting the down button.

Kaoru stepped in and settled against the back of the elevator wall, pursing his lips a bit. "That didn't go so bad, right?"

The bassist followed and situated himself in a corner, breathing out a puff of air. "It went...much better than expected..."

"Yes, it did go well and I'm glad because I'd have hated to have to use my emergency ideas on what to do if one of them flipped out."

Toshiya nodded, still looking a little tense. "Yeah, I'm really glad that didn't become an issue."

Kaoru reached over to lightly pat his hand and then smiled, putting his hand back to his pocket a moment later.

Toshiya offered the other a little smile then pushed off the wall as the elevator reached the ground floor. He led the way out, pausing once he got to the street.

The guitarist followed him out and then paused to light up a cigarette before starting off toward the train station again. "So... any other places you'd like to go tonight? I sort of... only had the dinner part planned out."

Toshiya let out a soft laugh and shook his head. "Honestly, I would just like to go to one of our apartments and relax..."

"Can do," Kaoru murmured. "Mine?" He shrugged a little at the offer, more than willing to do go back to his place.

The bassist nodded, walking alongside the guitarist. "Your place works just fine for me." He kept pace with the other, his mind going back to what had just happened. Part of him couldn't believe he'd just come out to his parents and that it had gone so well. It wasn't as if he'd expected them to disown him or something but he had been expecting a speech on how unconventional it was and how they'd never have grandkids from him. 

As he thought on it, he cast a glance at Kaoru and wondered if he'd be the sort that wanted to eventually settle down with children someday.

As they walked, Kaoru went ahead and smoked through his cigarette. After a few more minutes, they turned down the street toward the station and Kaoru paused, looking at his watch and the deserted station, groaning faintly. "Fuck," he muttered softly, "we're too late for the trains." He pulled up his taxi app and quickly ordered one to their location, leaning back against the brick wall.

Toshiya shook himself from his thoughts when they arrived at the now empty station. He frowned a little. "I'm sorry...I'll cover this taxi, since it was my fault we detoured..."

"No, no, it's fine." Kaoru smiled at him. "I just forgot what time it was and that they stopped running... been so long since I was out this late without a finite ride home, you know?"

Toshiya laughed a bit at that, nodding. "Yeah, I'm usually always in my car these days..."

"I hitch rides like a lazy bastard." Kaoru chuckled and then pushed his hands into his pockets, tilting his head a little. "I adore you... you know that?"

Toshiya opened his mouth to make a quip about Kaoru's laziness but ended up just closing it slowly. His cheeks flushed and ducked his head, his heart doing a little flip flop. Unable to think of a decent response, he looked around them then stepped over to kiss Kaoru's cheek, a giddy little grin spreading across his face.

Kaoru honestly wasn't sure how to respond to that in the least, but he just stood there, trying not to smile too much. It took only a few more moments before the taxi arrived and Kaoru gestured, stepping around Toshiya and going over, opening the door and slipping inside, sliding over and then giving his address.

Toshiya just stood there, bouncing on the balls of his feet until the cab came. He slid in next to Kaoru and settled back, not even hesitating with resting his hand on Kaoru's knee.

The guitarist didn't remove Toshiya's hand or anything else. He settled back, one hand rubbing over the other, his fingers aching slightly.

Toshiya noted Kaoru's actions and finally reached out, grasping one of his hands and starting to massage it, knowing his pain well.

Kaoru let Toshiya have his hand, shooting him a grateful look before leaning back and closing his eyes, just enjoying the relaxation of having someone else deal with his aches and pains. "Thank you...."

The bassist smiled softly, diligently working over each of Kaoru's fingers. He focused on what he knew were the sorest spots, massaging them well before lifting Kaoru's hands to his lips and kissing it. "You're welcome..."

By the time they arrived at Kaoru's place, the guitarist was more than ready to get out of the cab and back up to his house, wanting to at least kiss him properly and definitely curl up on the couch together.

He slid his card and thanked the driver, stepping out and walking around to wait on the curb for the other.

Toshiya was feeling the same anxiousness to get to somewhere private and was quite happy when the taxi finally stopped. He pursed his lips as Kaoru paid, having been reaching for his wallet. He made a mental note to cover their next outing as he climbing out of the car, smoothing his clothes.

Leading the way, Kaoru got them quickly into the building and up to his apartment. Letting them in, he locked the door behind them and removed his shoes, going to the fridge and quickly putting away the leftovers.

Toshiya followed along, removing his own shoes then stepping into Kaoru's living room. He made his way to the couch, settling down on it while waiting for Kaoru. "I'm so glad to be somewhere....safe."

Kaoru came back out from the kitchen, carrying two bottles of water. He plunked down next to Toshiya, pushing himself closer with his foot and settling with a yawn. "Me, too." He pushed his water between his thighs and held the other out to the bassist.

Toshiya smiled and took the water with a word of thanks before opening it and taking a long drink. He leaned forward to set the bottle on the table then finally shifted to wrap his arm around Kaoru's shoulders.

Kaoru reached down and opened his belt, tugging it off and tossing it on the table in front of him before he popped the button on his pants and finally settled back with a sigh. He then opened his water and took a draw from it with a quiet sound of happiness, content to be a bit less uptight now.

Toshiya watched with amusement as Kaoru rid himself of his belt. He let out a soft chuckle then leaned to nuzzle against his neck. "Feel better?"

"Much," Kaoru murmured, one hand coming up to gently rub through his lover's hair. "Mmm... I like this. Come over more often and just sort of let me lay on you, yeah?"

Toshiya smiled softly and nodded, pressing a few light kisses to the guitarist's neck. "Mm, gladly..."

"Good." Kaoru squirmed a little again and then settled, having readjusted himself so he was comfortable now. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, fighting back a yawn. "You're comfortable."

The bassist shifted around as well, bringing his other hand up to stroke over Kaoru's face. "I may be...but....Kao, that's like the fifth time you've struggled not to yawn....do you just wanna go to bed?"

"No, I don't want to... or I'd be going to bed." Kaoru reached for Toshiya's hand, tugging it down and hanging onto it, gently stroking over his long fingers.

Toshiya shrugged and returned to nuzzling Kaoru's neck. He held fast to the other's hand, enjoying the caresses. 

After a few minutes, he lifted his head again and looked at Kaoru before leaning in and kissing him softly on the lips.

Kaoru returned the kiss eagerly, pulling him down toward him and pressing his tongue between his lips in an attempt to get everything deeper.

Toshiya responded instantly, parting his lips for the other's tongue, a soft groan leaving him.

Lust instantly surged through Kaoru's body at the groan. His fingers tightened on the other's arm, his tongue twining with the bassist's own as he did his damnedest to show him how much he loved everything about him in just that single moment.

Toshiya shivered as heat started pooling his lower abdomen, his body pressing closer to Kaoru as they kissed. He shifted, pushing one hand into Kaoru's hair, the other going to rest against his chest.

Kaoru kissed him until he had to come up for breath, panting softly as he pressed his face against Toshiya's shoulder, slightly trembling fingers tugging at the other's shirt.

Toshiya was nearly dizzy by the time he and Kaoru parted. He took a breath and shuddered, shifting to get his shirt out from behind him. "Kao...," he breathed out softly, turning to press his lips against Kaoru's neck before running his tongue over the inked skin there.

Kaoru groaned faintly, pushing the other's head down against his neck, closing his eyes as he breathed out, "Just... move your lips against it... I like it."

Toshiya was quick to comply, sliding his lips over Kaoru's neck slowly, placing half-formed kisses here and there.

Kaoru leaned there against the other and then arched up off the sofa for a moment, frustration boiling just under his skin. He was horny... beyond horny. But his body wasn't cooperating, something he'd found he'd been having more and more problems with over the past few months. But he hadn't had that issue with Toshiya... until now.

Determination set in and he grabbed the other's hair and crushed their lips together again, moaning quietly.

Toshiya groaned into the kiss, eagerly returning, his tongue invading Kaoru's mouth this time, his hand moving to push under his lover's shirt, wanting to touch him.

A little whimpering sound came from Kaoru as he grew more and more desperate to garner a physical reaction from his body rather than just the rather obvious mental one that was happening just then.

Within a few minutes of having started in with Toshiya, Kaoru pulled back from his lips and shoved himself to his feet, holding out his hand. "Come fuck me," he breathed out, pure desire written across his features as he begged for something he could usually scarcely ask for.

Toshiya was oblivious to Kaoru's struggles, his own body responding quite well to their activities. 

When his lover abruptly pushed away and stood up, requesting to be fucked, Toshiya didn't even hesitate. "Gladly." He stood up as well and grabbed Kaoru's hand, practically dragging him down the hall to the bedroom.

He was quick to shed himself of his clothes, one hand dropping down to grasp his achingly hard dick for a moment before he stepped over to the nightstand to pull out the bottle of lube he knew would be there. He gave Kaoru an expectant look, waiting on his lover to ready himself.

When they got to the bedroom, Kaoru pulled his shirt off and then unzipped his pants before he moved to turn the light off and push the door mostly closed, making it all look natural and like he completely meant to be doing it as a part of being romantic... when, really, he was trying to hide his body's failure to rise to the occasion.

His pants and underwear went next and then he shoved the bedsheets down and slid onto the bed, remaining on his hands and knees, ass in the air and everything else, hopefully, hidden away for the time being. It was bold and it definitely wasn't something he'd usually go right for, but he was a desperate man in turbulent waters and he did what he needed to.

Toshiya blinked in the darkness and let out a soft little before shrugging; finding that the way the moonlight illuminated his lover's form was rather nice.

He licked his lips and moved to kneel on the bed behind Kaoru, his hand stroking his ass lightly before he uncapped the lube. After squirting a good amount on his fingers, he ran them along Kaoru's crack then carefully started pushing his finger in. "God, you're tight...," he murmured, his other hand stroking Kaoru's back.

A low moan pulled from Kaoru's throat the moment the other pushed his finger deep inside him. He felt the surge of arousal, the pull of the heat sinking to his groin... and still nothing happened with his dick. He reached down to start jacking himself off, hoping against hope that it would either get him hard or that it'd at least keep Toshiya away from his dick until they were done. Maybe... he could keep it a secret... he could pretend he'd cum. But, no, that was cruel. He'd just have to pray it would work.

Toshiya worked his finger in and out of Kaoru until the other's body opened up for him. He added a second and started scissoring them, growing more impatient by the minute to fuck the guitarist. 

Finally, he was able to add a third, thrusting the digits in hard for a few moments, hitting Kaoru's prostate dead on in the process, knowing that his lover enjoyed that.

A loud moan bubbled up from Kaoru's throat the instant the other struck his prostate. He pushed back toward him, face buried in the pillow in front of him. He was burning up with embarrassment from being so bold and so blatantly needy, but he couldn't honestly help it. He wanted what he was getting and even though his cock wasn't cooperating, he was still so blindly turned on, he was basically writhing against everything Toshiya was doing to him.

Toshiya bit his lip as Kaoru moaned, his cock throbbing at the sound and the way his lover was obviously so needy. He kept up the assault on Kaoru's sweet spot for a bit longer then finally pulled his fingers free. After quickly wiping his hand, he added more lube to his cock and grasped Kaoru's hips, positioning himself then finally starting to push it. "Oh..God..."

Kaoru didn't even protest the lack of condom, too utterly lost in what he wanted to happen than anything else. He pushed back toward Toshiya, rubbing his face against the pillow harshly. "Fast, please," he panted out softly.

Toshiya was all too happy to do as Kaoru requested, feeling as if he could explode at any minute just from what little they'd done already. He grasped Kaoru's hips and started thrusting into him, building it up quickly. Soon, he was practically pounding Kaoru into the bed, his breath coming in pants as he fucked his lover.

Kaoru started in on moaning, whimpering and fucking himself back on Toshiya's cock. His fingers curled into the sheets, pulling them up from the bed as he let out a cry, the arousal inside him nearly killing him with how far ramped up it was. And yet... he was still completely soft, not a single response from his dick, not even semi-hard. But he wanted to cum so bad he was honest to god about to sob with how much he wanted it.

His hand slid back to his own cock, jerking it off frantically, pleased sounds spilling from his lips in an attempt to let the other know every single way he could that he was enjoying it.

Had Toshiya not been so utterly lost in fucking Kaoru, he would have noticed that not all was right with his lover. As it was, however, he was reduced to a moaning mess as he thrust into Kaoru's tight passage. 

He could feel himself nearing his end and he hunched over his lover, grabbing his shoulder for more leverage as he pushed into him. "Kao...so close.."

"Cum for me," Kaoru breathed, "leave it in me... please god, please!" He started to nearly violently thrust back against him, still tugging at his dick in some vain attempt to get it to cooperate with what every single other fiber of his being wanted.

Toshiya let out a near primal growl and slammed as hard as he could into his lover before outright screaming as he came, spurt after spurt filling Kaoru's passage. He continued thrusting for a few moments, pushing his cock through his cum, moaning softly before he finally stilled, and just holding onto Kaoru's hips tightly.

Kaoru kept on jacking off, even after Toshiya had cum, wanting so badly to be able to actually cum. He was nearly shaking for it, straining in some attempt to get himself to cum. But nothing was happening and he basically wanted to fall into the ground over it.

Letting go of his dick, he deflated against the bed, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Toshiya wouldn't do anything to find out his horrible secret... but he was sure he'd get found out and he definitely wasn't looking forward to it.

Toshiya could feel Kaoru jacking off desperately and even stayed inside him, wanting to feel his lover cum that way. 

When the other didn't cum and simply slumped against the bed, Toshiya gave his back a perplexed look and eased himself out with a soft groan. He took a minute to catch his breath then reached out, running his hand down Kaoru's back. "Kao..? You okay?," he questioned softly, unsure of why the guitarist hadn't reached orgasm.

Kaoru's fingers squeezed at the sheets and then settled again before he just shook his head and then turned his head to breathe out quietly, "That felt so good..." his eyelids falling shut as he hoped Toshiya would take that to heart, his voice sincere.

Toshiya peered at Kaoru, chewing his bottom lip before shifting to lie on his side next to Kaoru, reaching up to stroke Kaoru's hair from his face. "It did...but?"

Kaoru pushed his face into the pillow again and then sighed, opening his eyes to peer at Toshiya. "I'm having... problems...."

Toshiya gave his lover a perplexed look, brows furrowing. "Did you drink too much? I didn't think a couple of beers would have that kind of affect....but...stranger things have happened."

Kaoru shook his head a little, not really wanting to admit to what was really going on, but knowing he needed to. He shifted uncomfortably and then, instead, quietly issued, "I need you to honestly believe me on this... promise me?" He reached up and lightly touched the bassist's cheek.

Toshiya gave a soft sigh then nodded, trepidation welling up inside him. "I promise..."

"Everything we just did has me so turned on that I can't even express how much..." Kaoru brought the other's hand down to his nipple, showing him how stiff it was as proof of how horny he was right then. "And I want to cum so damn bad it actually physically hurts." There was a small pause and then he looked down and murmured, "But for a while now... I've been having problems on and off... with even... uh..." he just couldn't bring himself to say it.

Toshiya rubbed his palm lightly over Kaoru's chest, grazing his pebbled nipple. He frowned as the other spoke, eventually pulling his hand away and shifting closer, his hand pushing Kaoru's hair from his face. "You aren't.....can't....get it up?" he questioned quietly, as if he were afraid to say it out loud.

Kaoru's eyes remained downcast, as if he couldn't force himself to confront such a statement head-on. He gave a few small bobs of his head in response, lips pursed into a thin line, discomfort radiating from him in incredible amounts.

Toshiya wasn't even sure what to say, concern written clearly on his face, worry making his stomach knot. "Have you...uhm..spoken with a doctor?"

Kaoru shook his head a little and then reached one trembling hand for Toshiya, scooting toward him in an attempt to curl up with him, unable to say a thing when he felt like he was being watched.

The moment Toshiya saw Kaoru's hand shaking like that, he shifted and pulled his lover into his arms. He let out an uneven breath, his hand going to push into Kaoru's hair. He didn't know what to say so he didn't speak for the time being, simply kissing the top of Kaoru's head.

Tucking himself against the bassist, Kaoru closed his eyes and breathed out a quiet huff before murmuring, "I'm afraid to go... I'm afraid of what they'll tell me."

Toshiya gritted his teeth then sighed softly. "Have you uhm....tried anything?"

Kaoru shook his head again. "No... it hasn't happened with you... until now. Just... with myself." He closed his eyes and reached behind Toshiya, bunching one fist into the material of the comforter, trying to stop the shaking of his hand.

Toshiya nodded a little, his eyes darting to Kaoru's hand. "When's the last time you came, baby?"

Kaoru shrugged. "I don't know... a week or so?" He honestly wasn't keeping track, rather on purpose.

Toshiya hummed and nuzzled Kaoru's hair. "That's...not that bad but...Kao...if it keeps up, you seriously need to get it checked out." He swallowed thickly, his voice wavering a bit. "It could be serious."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Kaoru returned softly, his hand letting go of the comforter and instead pressing against Toshiya's back. "I just... I'm sorry. I feel awful. I've let you down and made you feel bad and that was never my intention for today."

Toshiya shook his head, moving his hand to rub Kaoru's neck, long fingers kneading the muscles there. "You have not let me down, Kaoru. Please don't even think that. This is beyond your control."

Kaoru pushed his face against Toshiya's neck and remained there for a few minutes, just letting the other work the knots out of his muscles. Finally, he spoke up again. "You know what the worst part is?"

Toshiya continued his impromptu massage of his lover's chronically tense neck. "Hm?"

"I'm still so fucking turned on... but nothing works and there's not anything I can do to fix it." Kaoru sighed, his hand sliding down over Toshiya's hip.

Toshiya slid his hand down Kaoru's back, stroking the area between his shoulder blades. "That sounds horribly miserable." He moved his hand downward, stroking lightly over Kaoru's butt then back up. "Do you want me to try something?"

"Nothing to be done... I'm still not hard," Kaoru murmured softly. "And nothing I've done any time it happens helps..."

The bassist just sighed and pulled Kaoru closer. "I'm sorry, Kao..."

Kaoru's fingertips slid over Toshiya's hip again and again, until, finally, he breathed out, "Not that I'd object to you taking me again...."

The way Kaoru's fingers moved over his skin sent sparks shooting through him, despite the serious subject they were just discussing. He let out a low groan, hesitating before finally cupping Kaoru's cheek, tilting his head up and kissing him deeply.

The guitarist was quick to respond, all of his reactions making it obviously he really was horny and not just lying about it. He tugged Toshiya closer, one leg slipping up and over Toshiya's hip as he sort of ground them against one another, pulling back from the kiss to breathe out, "I can still feel all of it inside me...."

Toshiya was quick to slide his hand down, grasping Kaoru's thigh as he bucked against him, his cock slowly hardening again. "Then I want to make you feel good...one way or the other..." He dipped his neck to press his lips against Kaoru's neck, rocking against him slowly.

Kaoru's fingers grasped Toshiya's ass, pulling him closer and rubbing against him even harder. It felt good, despite no response from his own dick, and he kept doing it simply for that reason.

It wasn't much longer before Toshiya was fully aroused, his hardened length rubbing against Kaoru's soft one. After a few moments, he shifted back, kissing the guitarist again before pulling away. "Lay on your back for me?"

Kaoru moved when he was asked to, settling back against the bed and spreading his legs. He closed his eyes and just waited on whatever was to come.

Toshiya looked over his lover's body, purposely avoiding his unresponsive dick. He grabbed up the bottle of lube from earlier and slicked himself up once more then slid between Kaoru's legs. Positioning himself, he pushed into his lover's passage in one fluid motion, giving a soft moan after. When he was fully seated, he just stayed there, pushing his face against Kaoru's neck. "Kaoru, you are...everything to me."

Reaching for his lover, Kaoru tugged Toshiya down and pressed his face against the other's neck, just holding him, his eyelids closed for the time being. "I adore you," he murmured in response, his hips arching into the contact.

Toshiya didn't move for several minutes other than to gently rock his hips. He finally lifted his head and kissed Kaoru again, his hand moving between them to pluck the guitarist's nipples.

Kaoru arched up toward him and whined, his hips bucking a bit. He shuddered and then whispered, "Please..." hoping it would be enough to encourage Toshiya to just go at him hard.

"Is that what you really want, Kao? For me to pound into you like there's no tomorrow?" Toshiya murmured lowly, shivering a little at the thought.

"Yes," Kaoru returned, his hands coming up to grasp Toshiya's arms.

Toshiya groaned and shifted a bit, grasping one of Kaoru's legs. He pushed it up then then started to thrust into his lover, quickly ramping it up for him.

Kaoru's hands shifted to the sheets, grabbing them and moaning as he was pounded into, giving in to his other desires to be louder and ask for what he wanted now that his main avenue for release had been taken away from him. Somehow... he felt like he needed to actually give Toshiya a bit of a show in return for fucking him.

The way Kaoru reacted fueled Toshiya on, despite the fact that he felt odd for fucking him without him being aroused. A moan wrenched its way from his throat and he threw his head back, going at it as hard and fast as he could, the headboard actually thumping against the wall.

Kaoru kept moving his hips, whimpering a little and then freezing, a sharp cry coming out of his mouth. "Fuck! There!" His hands reached up, scrabbling at the headboard as he panted, something inside him coiling tighter.

Toshiya groaned and stayed at the exact angle he was in, pushing hard into Kaoru, his eyes wide as he watched his lover's face, hope written on his own.

Kaoru's hands grappled at everything. He was incredibly turned on, obviously desperate with his every single reaction. Every single thrust was a direct impact against his prostate. He started to cry out every single time the other thrust into him, arousal surging through him, though his dick remained equally as limp as before. But he could feel something inside him, the same sort of urge he had when he wanted to cum, and he was intent on focusing on it. "Don't... stop!"

Kaoru's desperation served to push Toshiya further, a determined look on his face as he fucked him as hard as he could, his body trembling with the effort. "Kaoru! Oh God!"

Something snapped inside him and his hips jerked hard, something spasming deep within him and relief flooding through his body. A few more jerks of his hips and a little dribble of cum slid out of his still-flaccid cock.

Toshiya let out a soft gasp as Kaoru started spasming around his cock. He saw the fluid dribble from the other's length, watching it even as he continued thrusting. 

It didn't take him much longer to reach his peak, his hips stilling as he started to cum, his cock twitching a bit from it. "Hnng..."

Kaoru lay there, somewhat boneless until Toshiya came, finally reaching up and touching the other's collarbone and shoulder.

Toshiya moaned softly at Kaoru's touch, sinking down atop him. "You...came?"

Staring up at Toshiya for a moment, Kaoru nodded and then breathed out a quiet, "I did... I don't know how... I mean, I'm not hard. But... thank god." He turned his head to the side and just lay there for a few moments. "God it's so embarrassing...."

Toshiya breathed out a soft sigh, pressing a gentle kiss to Kaoru's cheek. "Does it help that I think no less of you?"

"Yes... it does." Kaoru reached for his lover and then rolled over onto his side, tugging Toshiya with him. "Thank you... for understanding."

Toshiya flopped over, pulling Kaoru close to him. "Of course...I'm just glad it's not me...although I am still worried about what could be causing it..."

"Me, too... though at least I'm still horny. If it were a complete loss of sex drive, I'd be really worried."

The bassist nodded, his eyes closing for the time being. "Yeah, definitely...but promise me you'll at least call the doctor or something?"

Kaoru pursed his lips for a moment and then sighed. "Yeah... fine." He didn't want to and it bothered him to even think about having to admit it to someone he'd been seeing for years... someone he wasn't sleeping with. But he supposed shit happened and he _was_ an aging man, so it was possible he had prostate problems or any number of other things.

Toshiya nodded, finding Kaoru's hand and squeezing. "Thank you."

One more nod and then Kaoru reached for the covers, tugging them up over both of them. "Stay the night?"

"Of course." Toshiya scooted around and got more comfortable, wrapping his arm around Kaoru's waist.

Kaoru's fingers gently rubbed over his hip. In the end, he supposed it had opened him up, if nothing else.

The bassist was already drifting off, his breathing evening out. "Mm...love you," he mumbled into Kaoru's hair.

Kaoru's breath caught at the confession, a little smile coming over his lips as he cradled the other closer to himself.

Toshiya was already asleep, clinging tightly to his lover as he snuffled softly.


	15. Chapter 15

Kaoru and Toshiya had been making sure they were together more often outside of work than they had been before. Things were slowly progressing into something more closely resembling an actual relationship and that pleased Kaoru more than he was willing to admit.

It hadn't all been easy, they'd been through two pretty hefty fights in the past few months, more of it over Kaoru's inability to be the romantic and adoring sort of man that he knew he should have been. And again over their lack of intimacy, something Kaoru had finally had to sit down and explain. He'd gone in head-first, admitting he was horrible at asking for things he wanted and when it didn't quite go the way he wanted, he became discouraged and - while still interested - very much withdrawn. 

After a discussion that managed to last nearly three hours, they'd walked away, understanding one another just a bit better than they'd started out. And Kaoru had come to realize that even though it was really hard for him to open up and say the things he wanted, that he needed to anyway.

They'd slept with one another twice more in the span of a couple months, both times involving an entire evening spent to themselves and nothing else to distract them. It wasn't a lot and it wasn't even enough to really fulfill either of their wants and desires, but it was more than nothing and Kaoru was feeling the ropes he always felt choking him slacken with each time they were together.

Finally, one night, he sat at home, having just come back in from signing off on some concert dates and release schedules for the newest album, and found himself craving Toshiya's company. Twice, he looked at the clock and given the advanced hour, he'd decided against contacting him, even though he was longing for the other to be at his side tonight.

In the end, he gave in, picking up his phone and texting the other.

 _'I know it's late, but...'_ He hit send, unable to think of what else to say that didn't sound rude or shallow or like he was just making a booty call... not that that wasn't part of it. But it definitely wasn't all of it either. They may have only slept together a few times in the past few months, but they'd spent a lot of time with one another beyond that. And while he wanted to fuck like nobody's business tonight, he also wanted the other's company well into tomorrow.

With a sigh, he tapped out, _'Come over?'_ and sent that instead of explaining himself.

Toshiya was more than happy with the way things were progressing for him and Kaoru, despite their rockier moments. He'd come to treasure each private moment they managed to steal. He knew Kaoru had issues with intimacy and they were finally working around it, something he was very grateful for. 

They still weren't spending quite as much time together as the bassist had hoped and so it was with great delight that he read Kaoru's message requesting him to come over. It was nearing 10pm but Toshiya didn't care and he hastily responded with _'I'll be there in 15 minutes,'_ before rushing off to brush his teeth and slide a jacket on. 

He grabbed up his phone and wallet and was about to head out when he decided to grab his overnight bag, just in case. He didn't want to make assumptions but maybe Kaoru wouldn't mind if he stayed for the night. 

Once he'd gathered his things, he exited his apartment and headed for his bike. After stowing his bag and snapping his helmet in place, he cranked the bike and roared out onto the streets, heading for Kaoru's place.

Kaoru read the message with some amount of glee. He was pleased to see that the other was obviously ready and willing to come to him. He knew he'd dropped a few things over the past couple months without question when Toshiya had messaged him as well and it was nice to know it was an equal playing ground.

He typed out three different messages, deleting each one in turn, all of them trying to explain why he wanted the other there. In the end, he simply got up and went to the bathroom, making sure he was clean in all the right places, that he'd urinated, and was a bit past presentable. He even put a smudge of eyeliner on, just how he knew Toshiya liked it when he managed. It was just enough to darken the very outer edges of the top lid, but not enough to really be noticeable. An art form, Die tended to call it.

He adjusted his white button-up shirt with the little pleated bits on the front and considering opened the top two buttons before pushing some of his long hair back out of his face. He pulled on his black blazer and smoothed his hands over his black slacks. Yeah... this would get Toshiya's motor running. Or at least he prayed it would.

Toshiya pulled up to Kaoru's place with 3 minutes to spare. He parked his bike in front of Kaoru's car and took off his helmet, brushing his fingers through his hair. After smoothing down his black shirt and straightening his jacket, he grabbed his bag then made his way up the stairs to the guitarist's apartment. 

He did one last check of his appearance then rang the bell, his lip pulled between his teeth as anticipation bubbled up inside of him.

Kaoru was fast to come to the door, opening it after a quick check of the identity of whoever was on the other side. Once he was sure it was Toshiya, he opened the door and let him in, stepping back and sweeping his arm a bit to encourage the other to come in, a smile on his lips.

The moment Kaoru opened the door, Toshiya grinned, stepping in at the invitation. He took half a moment to set down his helmet and bag before turning and looking his lover over. The blazer and shirt combo sent a spark of lust shooting through him, something about Kaoru dressed that way never failing to get him heated. "Hello, gorgeous."

Kaoru grinned at him and mumbled out, "Hey, yourself, good-lookin'," before he reached out and pushed the door closed, flicking the lock and then hooking his fingers in the other's belt loops, tugging him close and pressing a searing kiss to his lips. 

He let go after a few seconds and lightly cupped Toshiya's cheek before he turned to walk toward the living room. "C'mon."

Toshiya chuckled softly then slid his arms around Kaoru's neck, melting into the kiss. He let out a soft sound then licked his lips, following the other quickly. "So...what's up?" he questioned, a little smirk playing on his lips.

Kaoru paused beside the couch for half a second before he finally responded with a smooth, "My libido..." He gave the other a somewhat surprised look, as if he couldn't believe that had left his lips either before he settled on the couch. He pulled his legs up as if to form a barrier between them for just a few moments while he worked out what exactly he was aiming to have happen here.

Toshiya let out a soft laugh at Kaoru's response, shifting around to settle on the couch beside him. "I gathered as much...it's not often you text me late at night to discuss music." The bassist threw Kaoru a wink and cheeky grin before stretching his arms over his head. He didn't bother to correct the fact that his shirt rode up, revealing his smooth stomach above his jeans.

Kaoru huffed out a little slightly agitated sound when Toshiya announced such a thing and he pursed his lips for a few seconds. Giving up, he slumped back against the seat and offered a quiet, "I'm in the mood and I know I'm not always as straight-forward as perhaps either of us would like me to be... so I thought I'd try on being brutally honest for size for once." He shifted a bit, one leg falling down over the edge of the couch. "I'd like to have sex... and I'd like for you to remain for the night if you'd like to."

Toshiya watched Kaoru, frowning slightly when the other looked a bit annoyed. He was afraid he'd done something wrong but then Kaoru began to speak and he got the bigger picture. He let out a soft sigh and reached over, resting his hand on Kaoru's knee. "I would love to do both...I actually brought my overnight bag..."

Some amount of confidence swelled back into Kaoru with the positive reaction from his companion and he slid his other knee down, pushing himself up and turning around before starting to slide his jacket off. None of it was built to intentionally look sexy, but somehow he pulled it off with a grace and skill that would have left even their vocalist with his mouth gaping and his pants likely tented beyond belief. 

He dropped his jacket on the chair that stood next to the couch and then held out his hand to the other, a gleam in his eyes as he did so.

Toshiya watched Kaoru's little display with heat pooling within him. His pants tightened, even as he reached out grasp Kaoru's hand, letting the band leader pull him up. "Gods," he breathed out.

"Glad you're as excited about this as I am," Kaoru managed, clearly not in the know about what had just happened. 

He led the way down the hallway and into his dimly lit bedroom where he released Toshiya and quickly removed his belt, popping the button on his pants, but not doing anything else. He reached for the other again, this time, breathing out, "Don't take everything off... I sort of like it rushed... the first time." His words let the implication of more than once happening tonight hang in the air and he waited on it to sink in.

Toshiya huffed out a laugh then quickly followed after Kaoru, watching him open his belt and pants. A low groan escaped him as he pushed out of his jacket, tossing it before undoing his own belt. 

Stepping into Kaoru's personal space, dipped his head down to press his lips to the others. "Me, too," he mumbled, slipping his hand down to grasp Kaoru's upper arm.

Kaoru nearly melted into the other's touch. It had been so long and he'd been craving him for going on a week now. Full blown, desperate, jerk yourself off in a public stall... craving. His hands slid up into Toshiya's short hair, pulling lightly as he plastered himself to the other's body, kissing him back fervently.

By the time he pulled back, he was already unfastening Toshiya's pants, desperate to get at him in more intimate ways.

The moment Kaoru pulled him close he wrapped his arms around him and held on tight. He returned the kiss, his hips canting into the other's busy hands, his length straining against the front. "Kaoru," he breathed out.

"So eager," Kaoru breathed out into Toshiya's waiting mouth. He couldn't have been happier to feel his lover hard against the palm of his hand. His own responded, quickly starting to harden in direct reply to the other's cock as he groped him through the fabric of his pants. 

Pulling back, he breathed out, "Oh god, please... fuck me. Don't hesitate, don't pause, just... do it." He slapped a container of lube into Toshiya's palm before shoving his pants down and turning to crawl onto the bed, reaching for two of the pillows, jamming one under his hips and the other next to his head, which he promptly buried in it in an attempt to suffocate the urge to be embarrassed that he'd just asked for it like that.

Toshiya had no issue complying with Kaoru's request. He stepped back and unzipped his pants, pushing them down enough to free his cock. He gave himself a few strokes then grabbed up the lube, squirting some on to his fingers.

Without much warning, he slid his fingers along Kaoru's crack before pushing a single digit into his lover's body.

Kaoru let out a rather loud moan in return to the other's thrusting finger. He didn't need much help after all the time he'd spent wanting Toshiya the past little while. His cock strained out from his body and his back arched, giving him a better angle. He bit back the urge to beg again, stuffing his face in the pillow instead and letting his body do the talking for him.

The bassist could feel Kaoru's body loosening up for him easily and he was grateful for whatever it was his lover had been doing. 

Shifting, he added a second finger, quickly scissoring them then pushing in a third. With that, he fingered Kaoru's ass relentlessly for a few moments, groaning lowly. 

When he couldn't stand it any longer, he pulled his hand free and grabbed up the lube, squirting some onto the head of his dick. He tossed the bottle aside and positioned himself behind Kaoru, rubbing the head of his dick against the older man's hole. Then, he started pushing in, taking his time sliding the full way into Kaoru's body, a shudder rippling through him. "Gods..."

Kaoru whined a little, but kept his position. The instant Toshiya's dick began sliding into him he nearly melted into the bed. Relief was overwhelming, consuming him in a way he hadn't known he could feel. He pushed back onto Toshiya's cock and settled there, his eyes closed and his body on fire.

Toshiya moaned, stilling for a few seconds, his hands sliding over Kaoru's back before coming to a rest on his hips. He gradually started rocking, small, tight thrusts into Kaoru's body. "You feel so fucking good!"

Kaoru's only response was to gasp into the pillow, sliding one hand down underneath himself to grasp his cock. His movements didn't match the small little thrusts from Toshiya at all, his hand rapidly attempting to claim relief over the stiffened length between his legs. His body arched and strained in a way that suggested he'd been craving this for longer than he was letting on.

Toshiya watched the way Kaoru reacted, taking in every detail and filing it away. Desire spiraled through him as he smoothed his hands over Kaoru's back before rolling his hips, his cock sliding in deeper. "Oh...Gods..."

Kaoru shifted slightly, his back arching, ass pushing up toward the other even more. Closing his eyes, he released a breathless sort of sound, half a moan, half something else.

Toshiya drew out his actions for as long as he could stand it, his hands rubbing over Kaoru's skin, his hips giving little bucks here and there. It wasn't long though before he was overcome with need and within minutes, he started thrusting full out into his lover.

The guitarist actually nearly came several times in just a few minutes, the weak pulse of an almost orgasm pushing through him again and again before, finally, Toshiya began to thrust into him with abandon. He cried out at that exact moment, finally unable to keep it at bay any longer, squirting all over the pillow beneath his hips.

Toshiya groaned lowly as he felt Kaoru's body fluttering around him in his pleasure. He shifted and picked up the pace, shuddering as Kaoru full out came, his entrance tight around the bassist's cock. He didn't stop his actions though, continuing to pound into Kaoru, eager for his own release. "Kao-ru!"

"Needed... you... so bad," Kaoru managed to pant out in between spasms, his entire body clenching and shuddering as he continued to cum for what felt like an unreasonable period of time. When it finally ended, he was lying in a puddle of his own jizz, a shocked look on his face, and every muscle in his body feeling like it was twitching.

Toshiya grunted as Kaoru came so hard, the feeling of it amazing around his length. He shifted and hunched over his lover's body, pushing into him as he kissed and nipped the back of his neck. "It's so good...so close…fuck..."

"Cum for me," Kaoru breathed out. "I want it all over my ass."

Toshiya moaned at Kaoru's lewd request, his hips jerking harder. It took him less than a minute before he was pulling out and stroking his cock while aiming it at Kaoru's ass. He let out a violent cry then started to cum, spurting his offering all over Kaoru's ass cheeks and crack before finally letting the rest of it drip onto his lower back. "K-kao...ah!"

Kaoru lay there, sprawled out and covered in his own cum and Toshiya's... and he felt better than he had in a long time. He rubbed his cheek against the bed and then breathed out, "Put it back in... I want to feel it while you go soft."

Toshiya stared at his lover's cum covered back end for a moment then moaned. He shifted forward and pushed his sensitive cock back into the tight heat of Kaoru's passage, shuddering a bit. "So good, baby..."

Kaoru felt the head pop in and he moaned, lightly bucking his hips so that the tip of Toshiya's prick popped in and out of his sensitive hole, time and again. His hands fisted in the sheets and he buried his head in the pillow, letting out a thin whine.

The way Kaoru was moving was serving to excite Toshiya and he could feel himself growing aroused against despite having just cum. "Kaoru," he groaned out, his hands sliding up to stroke over his back.

Nothing in the world could have stopped Kaoru right then. Someone could have walked in and he'd have just kept going. The fire alarm could have gone off and he'd have just said fuck it... or maybe that wasn't quite the phrase he would have used. But all the same, he kept bucking in a near-desperate manner, breathing heavily into the pillow as he moved.

Toshiya couldn't stop the shivers that wracked his body as Kaoru moved. He let out a whine and held on, pleasure welling up inside him. After another minute, he shifted the slightest bit and slipped his hand around to grasp his lover's length, squeezing and stroking him.

Kaoru just kept rocking his hips, his eyelids sliding closed as he kept it up. After a while, he started making noises that were more befitting another guitarist in the band, obviously so ridiculously pleasured that he couldn't even begin to hold it all back.

The bassist was more than amazed at his lover's behavior, having never seen him quite this worked up. It didn't take very long for his cock to fully harden again and as it did, he started pushing forward once more. He kept stroking Kaoru's cock as he moved, thumbing the tip lightly every now and again.

Kaoru whimpered a little when Toshiya started thrusting forward. Finally, he reached back and held his hip when he was most of the way out, muttering out, "Stay," quietly as he continued to move against him. He loved the feeling of his dick popping in and out of him, desired it beyond belief.

Toshiya was eager to do as Kaoru asked, stilling himself again and just letting Kaoru control the movement. He reached down to grasp the base of his cock, steadying it while Kaoru pushed back onto it.

Kaoru finally pulled forward enough to let it slip out and then leaned forward more. "Fuck my crack with it."

The bassist groaned and shifted, grabbing Kaoru's hips before running his cock through the mess he'd left earlier. Once he had smeared his own cum on his cock, he started rutting against Kaoru's crack, his breath coming out in pants as he worked himself up.

"Ah yeah, baby! Just like that!" Kaoru cried out again and again, his own hips still never ceasing to move. He was verging on another orgasm so closely he could barely breathe, much less see anything or pay attention to a single thing outside of Toshiya's cock.

Toshiya let out a low growl, ramping up the speed as Kaoru cried out for him. He pushed his cock along Kaoru's crack over and over, going further up each time. After another moment, he purposely popped his cock head into Kaoru's hole, popping it in and out a couple of times before returning to fucking his crack.

Kaoru pushed his butt up more when Toshiya pushed the head of his prick into his body. He let out a soft whine and then breathed out, "Rim me next time," before setting up moaning loudly, leaving no room for Toshiya to respond to him, barely having gotten the words out in the first place.

Toshiya's eyes went wide and he shuddered, imagining doing such a lewd act to Kaoru. He grew more frenzied, his cock sliding up and down Kaoru's ass as fast as he could.

The guitarist finally just shuddered and lost himself a second time, unable to keep all of this up any longer without falling over the edge.

Toshiya kept at it as Kaoru lost it again, watching his lover's hole clench and unclench. He shifted a bit and kept up what he was doing, eager to cum again himself.

"Do it," Kaoru gritted out, "Fucking fuck me until you can't anymore." He tightened his asshole a bit more for a moment and then released the pressure, letting out a breathy moan at the same time.

Toshiya paused for a moment before pushing himself back into his lover's ass with a moan. He thrust into him with wild abandon for as long as he could stand it and then he was cumming, filling Kaoru's passage with his offering. A cry wrenched free from his lips as he lost it, his body spasming with the force of it. "Kaoru!"

Kaoru let out a strangled sound when Toshiya started to cum, feeling his cock pulse against his asshole. He whimpered softly and bowed his head, rubbing his cheek idly against the pillow beneath him.

Toshiya finally stilled, simply slumping forward against Kaoru's back. He let out a quiet moan, his body going limp. "Gods..."

Kaoru's hand lightly flexed on Toshiya's hip, where he'd left it, and then slid away to rest on the covers instead. "I needed you," he finally offered, unable to stop himself from speaking those words.

Toshiya smiled softly and shifted just enough to kiss the side of Kaoru's neck. "I'm glad...I like to be needed..."

Kaoru squirmed around until he was lying on his side, out from under Toshiya and put his arm over his side. "I need you for more than that... you know that, right?"

Toshiya shifted with Kaoru, curling up and nuzzling against him with a smile. "I know...but thank you for clarifying. It means you care..." He let out a soft little laugh then leaned in, kissing Kaoru lightly.

"I do... I always do," Kaoru returned, his hands tangling in Toshiya's short strands, tugging him back in for another kiss.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi, this is as much as there is for quite a while unless I run across some that's inside GYO. sakuraame's off in Japan and isn't going to be back for quite awhile and our schedules have not been conducive to writing since she's been there. So sorry, but it will be quite a while, friends!

Kaoru shifted uncomfortably as he waited at the last street crossing before he'd be on Toshiya's block. The street was unusually crowded, both with pedestrians and with vehicles. He found himself worried someone would figure out who he was and stop him before he completed his mission to surprise Toshiya with a night in.

He clutched the bag of cheap fast food burgers closer, still vaguely unsure of himself for having decided to go this 'low key' with it all, despite the request from Toshiya to do so. What if he'd meant something else entirely? Kaoru really wasn't good at this kind of thing... he hadn't been with women for nearly thirty years of his life and he wasn't any better with men, it would seem.

He finally crossed the street and headed down the street, texting the other quickly to let him know he would be heading to his house. A courtesy at this point, since he was nearly there.

Toshiya had just stepped out of the shower when he heard his phone go off. He wrapped a towel around his waist and moved into his bedroom to check it. 

The text from Kaoru had him smiling widely and he shot off a delighted response, telling the other to let himself in. 

After that, he hurriedly finished drying off then dressed in soft cotton pants and one of Kaoru's t-shirts, figuring he could change if needed.

Kaoru took his time walking the rest of the way, wanting to give the other at least half a chance if he had been doing anything perhaps questionable. God knew he'd gotten himself caught with his hand down his pants one too many times to let someone else do it.

He arrived about ten minutes later, lingered at the door for a minute or two as he checked his phone and then let himself in, carefully closing up and locking the door behind himself. He knelt and removed his shoes, then took off his jacket and hung up his shoulder bag before picking back up the fast food and meandering further into the house with a quiet, "Toshiya?"

The bassist was running his brush through his hair when he heard Kaoru call out. He smiled and replied "Be right there!" before heading out into the main living area. 

"Hey there...glad I decided to shower when I did." He moved over to the guitarist and took the fast food bag from him. "You brought burgers? How did you know I was craving them?"

Kaoru looked perhaps a little relieved when the other took the burgers and commented on the fact that he'd been craving them. He offered a small smile and then shrugged. "Psychic?" His grin gave away it had been lucky chance.

He glanced toward the living room, wondering which direction he should go in, but waiting on Toshiya to take the lead, since it was his house and still relatively new territory to Kaoru in the capacity of boyfriend.

Toshiya looked at Kaoru for a moment, sensing his uneasiness. He smiled softly and leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. "Let's eat these at the kotatsu, okay?" With that, he wandered off, heading for the kitchen to grab plates, napkins and beers for them.

Pleased with the direction that gave him a bit more of a sense of purpose, Kaoru padded over to the table, settling on the pillow there and sliding his feet under the blanket, settling in and making a relieved sound as his feet grew warmer from the heater.

Toshiya joined Kaoru in the living room, settling down beside him and adjusting the blanket over his legs with a sigh. He set down the plates and offered Kaoru his beer before cracking his own open and taking a sip. "So, to what do I owe this impromptu visit? Not that I'm complaining of course..."

Kaoru accepted the beer from him and opened it, taking a healthy swig and then smiling just a tad at him. "Just felt like coming. Been missing you in our more private of manners. I know we see each other at least three times a week doing band things, but this is different."

Toshiya hummed and leaned against Kaoru's side, digging into the bag to pull out his burger. He unwrapped it and set it on the plate before doing the same for Kaoru. "I've missed you, too...but didn't want to say anything because we're so busy...didn't figure you needed the stress."

Quietly, Kaoru accepted his plate. "Please don't refrain from telling me... sometimes I need a reminder of the world outside of my own head."

The bassist glanced over, smiling slightly. "True but you managed to find your way out this time..." He picked up his burger and took a bite, letting out a pleased moan.

"... and into the stomach of a dazed man." Kaoru's slight smile told it was supposed to be a joke, despite the despondent way he delivered the line. He picked up his own burger and set to work demolishing it, determined to make fast work of devouring two of these burgers.

Toshiya looked over at Kaoru again then laughed around his mouthful. He shook his head then continued to eat, pausing between bites to sip his beer. 

A quiet happiness settled over him as they ate, a peace that he didn't know he was missing.

Kaoru worked his way through his meal, unable to stop himself from just continuing to stuff his face. Even if he'd wanted to, he was hungry, not having eaten lunch at all and only a meager helping of rice and a single fried egg for breakfast. And he'd been up well past twelve hours already. 

When he finished, he drained the rest of his beer and then shifted to settle forward, arms resting on the table as he leaned on them and yawned a little, watching Toshiya finish eating.

Toshiya wasn't shy about eating and quickly got through his first and second burger, finishing up shortly after Kaoru had. He followed suit in draining his beer then turned, peering at his obviously tired lover. "You work too hard, Kao..." 

He reached over and placed his hand on the back of the band leader's neck, massaging at the tense muscles there.

Kaoru let out a moan that he had zero control over the moment the other began massaging his neck. "Oh yeah... right there."

The slightest flash of heat sparked within Toshiya at Kaoru's moan. He bit his lip as he shifted closer, positioning both hands on the other's neck, digging his fingertips into the muscles. "Like that?"

Kaoru let out another pleased sound, flattening himself against the table and sighing as the tension was worked out of him through the bassist's magical fingers. "Just like that..."

Toshiya let out a soft laugh, continuing to massage Kaoru's neck and shoulders. He wasn't shy about using force, knowing from experience that it would feel better that way in the end.

Kaoru's head thumped on the table as he stretched out his arms, enjoying this far too much to not just exist in the moment. It felt damn good to his tense muscles and he refused to regret letting this happen.

Toshiya paused for a moment to move behind Kaoru, getting at a better angle. He kneaded and massaged his way down the other's spine then back up, focusing on his neck.

Kaoru grunted when Toshiya hit a certain spot just to the side of his neck on each side and tried his best to imply he wanted more focus there.

The bassist picked up on his lover's cues and shifted his hands back to the spot he'd just hit. He dug his fingers into the taut flesh there, working out the knots as well as he could.

As Kaoru relaxed from the tension he'd been carrying around, his mind drifted over dreams he'd been having the past few weeks that had tended to star his lover - and on occasion, another random person - but usually his lover. The ones where he'd been roughly fucking his mouth or having Toshiya bouncing on his dick for all he was worth while Kaoru sucked off another man's cock. All of those invaded his mind as Toshiya's fingers worked their magic... and beneath the warm table, his body began to react to it in a way that Kaoru was nearly instantly in disapproval of. For what seemed like the hundredth time, he'd been trying his best to behave himself for a night with his lover. But his body seemed insistent that he not manage that very well.

But he kept it to himself, grateful for the table on this one. Because, like it or not, he was going to win this battle tonight. They'd sleep together another night... but he just needed to prove to himself he was stronger than his libido.

Toshiya was unaware of Kaoru's struggle as he carried on the massage. He moved in closer, his body pressed against Kaoru's back as his hands slid down to his biceps, his touch more gentle here.

When Kaoru could take it no more, he righted himself from the tabletop and stretched, a few things popping in the process and then let out a sigh of relief. "That was amazing... thank you. I'll have to return it sometime when you least expect it."

Toshiya shifted back but didn't move, smiling as he slipped his arms around Kaoru's middle. "Mm, I'd like that...but I'm hardly ever as tense as you are."

"It's... an accomplishment to be as tense as I am." Kaoru reached to hold onto Toshiya's hands, hoping he wasn't going to migrate downwards and find out his dishonorable secret.

Toshiya tched and leaned in, nuzzling Kaoru's neck. He placed a few light kisses to the skin he could reach, his fingers spreading out to capture Kaoru's. "That's not really a goal you should work for, Kao....but I'm not going to lecture you about work. I know you know you work too much."

"Good choice, that one." Kaoru linked his fingers tighter with Toshiya's own, squeezing a little. "You keep me sane, so we're clear."

Toshiya smiled softly, squeezing Kaoru's fingers. "Good, though I hope sometimes I drive you insane." He chuckled at his own, silly joke, shaking his head.

"Depends on where the truck is going, doesn't it?" Kaoru released his lover's hands and then patted them lightly.

Toshiya snorted and pulled his hands back, stroking them up and down Kaoru's sides. "So, wanna watch a movie or something? Or just stay here at the kotatsu and canoodle?"

Kaoru gave a hard snort. "Did you just say canoodle?"

Toshiya grinned, letting out a loud laugh. "Yes, yes I did...."

"Oh good, I thought I was losing my hearing already." Kaoru smirked as he reached back to lightly pinch Toshiya's arm and then gestured. "Sit here and... watch a movie? We can see it from here."

Toshiya laughed again then nodded, shifting away from Kaoru to stand up and go to his movie cabinet. "What do you want to watch? Kyo loaned me a new horror film and I just picked up that new drama that came out last month."

"The loaner from Kyo. He's so particular about getting them back quickly, we might as well."

"True that," Toshiya agreed, moving to put the disc into the player then heading back to Kaoru. He repositioned himself by the guitarist and started the movie.

Kaoru settled closer to the table and while Toshiya had his back turned, he adjusted himself to at least make his half-stiffie a little less obvious.

Toshiya made himself at home against Kaoru's side, not being shy about cuddling up against him. He was pretty happy with how the evening was going, especially since he'd have otherwise spent it alone.

Kaoru slid his arm around Toshiya's waist, holding him close in a very loose manner as he peered at the screen, the previews scrolling past.

The bassist smiled, reaching out to grab the remote for his light, clicking it off and casting the room in all darkness save for the TV. The movie started, ominous music spilling from the surround sound, setting the atmosphere for the rest of the movie.

Kaoru made a fake little ghost noise and then chuckled. "Leave it to Kyo..."

Toshiya snorted and shook his head, his hand going to rest on Kaoru's thigh. "Definitely...I should have known this would be one of those type horror films." 

"You couldn't have guessed?" Kaoru nudged him a little and then yawned.

"Well, sometimes I like to think he won't give me the creepiest in his collection." He looked up at Kaoru's yawn, pursing his lips. "Would you rather nap? I wouldn't mind...."

"Wha- no!" Kaoru ducked his head a little and then shook his head. "I'm sorry."

Toshiya sat up and looked at the other, his lips pursed. "Don't apologize, Kao...it's okay. I _know_ you're tired and don't get much time to just be lazy..."

"But watching a movie is lazy..." he sighed. There was no winning; his body was just driven to betray him at every angle.

The bassist peered at Kaoru, sensing his frustration. He reached for the remote and paused the movie before turning the light back on. "Kaoru...listen...you stress way too damn much about everything. From work to how you feel and act around me...you've got to chill. I'm not going to be angry if you're tired, cranky, happy, horny, whatever. I just want to spend time with you...no matter what we're doing...or not doing."

Kaoru looked somehow stunned. After a few moments, he offered, "I just want to watch the movie, I really do. I am tired, but it's not that bad as to not want to watch it."

Toshiya looked at him for a few moments then finally nodded, grabbing the remote and flicking the movie back on. He shut off the light once more and focused his attention on the screen. He honestly just wanted Kaoru to do what he wanted without stressing about it, no matter what it was. He just wanted him to be happy.

It took a while, but Kaoru finally started to relax again, his body finally cooperating in every single way. He settled back against the table and focused only on the movie.

As the movie went on, Toshiya got comfortable against Kaoru once more. The flick was just creepy enough to have him slightly on edge and he ended up pressed close to Kaoru's side before it was half over.

After a short while, Kaoru found himself leaning toward Toshiya's neck, his eyelids drooping as he took in the scent of the other's body.

Toshiya felt Kaoru move and smiled, slipping his arm around the other's waist, pulling him in a bit closer.

It was a quick transition from him enjoying he movie to him enjoying his lover. He bit his lip and then nuzzled in, shifting so that Toshiya was between his legs.

Toshiya blinked a little at the change but smiled, shifting around then settling once more. He leaned against Kaoru, turning his head to press a quick kiss to his jaw.

The more and more they got cuddly, the more and more Kaoru's body started to let him know what he wanted. After a few moments, Kaoru finally just breathed into Toshiya's ear, "I dreamed about you a lot the past few weeks."

Toshiya's mind had begun wandering away from the movie and towards the closeness of his lover. His hand stroked over Kaoru's thigh as he nuzzled in more, his lip pulled between his teeth as flames of desires ignited within him. 

When the other spoke, he licked his lips and tilted his head towards him, eyebrows raised. "Oh? Good dreams...?"

"Really good dreams," Kaoru informed softly, his lips nearly touching Toshiya's neck.

Toshiya took in a slow breath, want evident in his gaze. "Tell me," he murmured.

Kaoru cleared his throat and then plunged onward. "I dreamed of fucking your mouth harshly... and I dreamed of us being all over one another in the middle of a bar and we got kicked out and fucked in an alleyway in the rain... and wow, that sounds really hilariously dumb now that it's said instead of thought."

Toshiya was expecting for Kaoru to tell him that his dream was that they'd made love somewhere or perhaps gotten frisky in public. The words that came out of his lover's mouth pulled a groan from his own that he couldn't hold back. 

He shifted to look into Kaoru's eyes, his cheeks faintly red from the confession. "Holy shit, Kaoru..." He leaned in and kissed the guitarist hard on the lips before pulling back. "I...uh...honestly wouldn't object to either of those..."

Kaoru honestly felt incredibly uncomfortable with having given away so much that way. He bit his lip and then just gave in, realizing that Toshiya actually meant what he'd said about not objecting. He ducked his head a little. "I'm not sure I could actually do it... but thinking about it got me really hot."

Toshiya smiled slightly, reaching up to push his fingers into Kaoru's hair, tugging his head back up. "Well, if the tent in my pants says anything, the idea gets me hot, too."

A voice inside of Kaoru's head told him to just go for it. His lover was obviously just as turned on as he was. He turned himself around and without saying a word, pushed Toshiya back onto the pillows and straddled him. Sucking up all of his uncomfortable feelings, he settled in his lap and then leaned over, watching Toshiya as he started to grind on him, nerves rushing through him at what he was doing.

Surprise filtered across Toshiya's features as he was pushed back. He hadn't really been expecting Kaoru to act but all it took was for Kaoru to start moving for him to forget his expectations. He groaned softly, his hands going to the other's hips as he bucked upward, seeking more contact. "Kao..."

"Touch me," Kaoru breathed out, his hips jerking quicker, grinding a bit on him.

Toshiya was quick to comply, his hand sliding to Kaoru's crotch, fingers forming around the bulge he found there. He squeezed and palmed Kaoru's cock through his pants, watching the other's face.

Kaoru groaned as Toshiya touched him like that, humping into his hand, determined to abandon all of his issues and just go for it.

Toshiya bit his lip, keeping one hand on Kaoru's cock and the other on his hip. He rubbed against Kaoru's bulge, pressing hard for a moment. "That's it...give in...," he murmured, sensing his lover's needs.

Kaoru gave a little moan and then sat back, grabbing his belt and starting to wrench it open. "Maybe..." he was trembling slightly, "I do want to have you suck me off."

The bassist watched Kaoru's unsteady hands before reaching up to help him with his belt. "And maybe...I want to suck you off." He licked his lips, leaning back and waiting for Kaoru to decide which position.

Shifting forward a little, Kaoru helped open his pants entirely, hesitating for a moment, feeling selfish that he was going first, that he wanted his dick sucked off before he did a thing to Toshiya. Swallowing, he just sat there for a second, biting his lip lightly.

Toshiya's gaze fell on Kaoru's now exposed dick, his tongue sliding over his lips again. He waited for a few seconds for Kaoru to move before glancing back up at his face. "Sweetheart..." He reached out and grasped Kaoru's hips, tugging him forward. "Stop thinking with your big brain for once..."

Kaoru breathed out a quiet laugh. "Would you rather I thought with my big cock instead?" It was cheesy, but he had been basically asking for it.

Toshiya's face split into a wide grin and a laugh bubbled out from his throat. "This time, yes, yes I would like you to think with your big, hard, delicious looking cock."

Shifting forward, Kaoru knelt over Toshiya's chest, reaching to hold onto the table and slowly lean over him, offering his dick to him without explanation. He didn't think he could bring himself to fuck into his mouth, but he definitely wanted to have it sucked off.

Toshiya easily shifted to take Kaoru's cock into his mouth. He wrapped his lips around the tip, swirling his tongue around, dipping it into the slit. After a moment, he pulled back, peering up at Kaoru. "Don't hold back on my account..." With that, he took Kaoru's cock halfway, starting to bob his head up with a groan.

Kaoru groaned, reaching to hold onto Toshiya's hair, holding his hair as the other continued to suck him off. After a few moments, he just couldn't stand it anymore. He moaned and slowly started to thrust into his mouth. It wasn't forceful, but it was turning him on immensely as he started to do it. 

Some part of him was really surprised that in all of his years with women, he'd still never done such a thing as face-fuck them.

Toshiya shifted for a more comfortable position then settled, one hand on Kaoru's hip, the other supporting him slightly. 

As his lover finally started moving, he moaned, doing his best to suck him off well, finding the experience incredibly arousing.

Wave after wave of arousal slid through him as he continued to move. Groaning, he grasped harder on the table and pushed a little deeper, though not any more forcefully or faster.

Kaoru's cock hit the back of his throat and Toshiya moaned despite the faint discomfort. He adjusted himself and kept on sucking, letting his teeth scraped along Kaoru's length once in a while.

Kaoru looked down at what he was doing and made a small whining sound, trembling slightly as he watched his cock push past Toshiya's lips over and over.

Toshiya looked up into Kaoru's eyes, tears prickling the corners of his own from the effort of what he was doing. He slid his hands around to grasp Kaoru's ass, squeezing his cheeks hard.

Kaoru's eyes flicked up to Toshiya's, catching the faint sheen there and realizing he was going at him a bit too hard. He shifted back to pull back to only half of his length in his mouth, thrusting slightly.

Toshiya relaxed a bit when Kaoru pulled back but continued to suck him for all he was worth.

Swallowing, Kaoru pulled back when he got close and then settled, trembling slightly from his desires. He wanted to fuck for all he was worth, but he also wanted to _be_ fucked.

As Kaoru's length left his mouth, Toshiya gave the head a few licks then lowered his back, relaxing his neck for a few moments. 

His hands moved the slide up under his lover's shirt, nails scraping over his sides. "Kaoru...Gods...got me so hard."

"I can't decide what I want," Kaoru breathed out.

Toshiya licked his lips and leaned back up to gaze up at Kaoru's face. "The night's still young, Kao...perhaps you don't have to decide...."

A hot flush graced his cheeks and he grinned a little before sliding off Toshiya's body and kneeling there next to him. "Where should we..." he gestured a little.

The bassist sat up and leaned in to kiss Kaoru soundly on the mouth before reaching to turn off the kotatsu and the tv. "The bedroom is much comfier and better supplied," he offered, standing up and holding out a hand.

Kaoru reached to take his hand and then stood up, wandering after Toshiya into the bedroom. "I... um..." at the risk of being horribly too up front and ruining the moment, he went with what he wanted to say. "I care about you a lot." There... mostly.

Toshiya paused in the doorway of his bedroom when Kaoru spoke. The words made him smile, his heart doing a pleasant flutter. Turning, he slid his arms around Kaoru, pulling the shorter man in for a tight hug. "I care about you a lot, too." 

After a moment, he released him and moved on into the bedroom, shucking his clothes off completely then going to sit on the edge of the bed.

Relief filtered through Kaoru's body once the other responded nicely to his confession. He followed him in and then shucked off the rest of his clothing.

Toshiya smiled and reached over, opening the bedside table drawer and retrieving a condom and some lube. "So, what would you like to do first, Leader-sama?"

Kaoru went to sit on the edge of the bed, biting his lip a little and then murmuring, "I want whichever you'd like first." Well, that was decisive, wasn't it?

Toshiya peered at Kaoru and debated for a moment. They were both worked up enough that the first option wasn't going to take long at all, no matter which direction they went. 

He finally picked up the lube and nodded towards the bed. "Get comfortable..."

"Direction?" Kaoru asked softly, biting his lower lip ever so slightly.

Toshiya held up the lube and grinned. "I'm going to fuck you until you cum."

Kaoru turned himself over and stretched out on his stomach, spreading his legs slightly so the other could straddle his rear and enter him... or at least he hoped he was doing the position right.

Toshiya watched Kaoru get into position then reached out, running his hand over his lover's ass before popping open the lube. After squirting some onto his fingers, he carefully ran the digits along Kaoru's crack.

Kaoru pushed his hips up a bit in response to the touch, doing his best not to sink back into a horribly embarrassed state of being over this.

Toshiya made another pass over the length of Kaoru's crack before finally stopping at his entrance and circling it with his finger. He pushed in and eased the digit inside Kaoru's body, his lip pulled between his teeth.

The guitarist barely responded, the touch nothing in comparison to what he'd been doing to himself. In fact, Toshiya might have been horrified to know what he'd done if he ever found out. But, as it was, he simply waited on more, his body accepting the digit easily

The lack of resistance to his finger had Toshiya's eyebrows shooting up. Kaoru's body was accepting penetration rather easily, indicating that his lover was going to need little prep. "Mmm, you're already ready for me....I like that." He added another finger, slowly fucking Kaoru with them, a shudder rippling through him.

Kaoru didn't say anything back, just pushed his rear a bit higher, trying to get more from the other in the meantime.

The bassist fucked Kaoru with his fingers a bit longer before finally pulling back. He wiped his hand off before positioning himself behind Kaoru, grasping his hips. Leaning forward, he flexed his dick then pushed into his lover, a long, low moan releasing from him

Kaoru remained on the bed, just the way he was, his legs together, glad he had gotten the position at least somewhat right. He waited and then moaned as Toshiya penetrated him in one smooth movement. His arousal surged and he shoved his face against the comforter, hands balling in the material.

Despite the attempt to control himself, Toshiya started picking up the pace quickly. He drew his leg up for leverage and pushed into Kaoru's body over and over, his fingers digging into the other's hips.

Kaoru's fingers trembled with the strength of his desire, his mind nearly as excited as his body over what was happening. Beneath him, trapped against the bed, his cock was heavy with his need, the sheets damp against his tip.

Pleasure had taken over Toshiya's mind. He thrust into Kaoru's body hard, one hand moving to rest in the middle of his lover's back, nails scratching into Kaoru's skin. "So...good..."

Kaoru's hips canted and settled every once in a while, giving his cock a little bit of friction. He whined in response to Toshiya's words, unable to keep the sound inside.

Toshiya smiled at Kaoru's sounds, leaning down to press his lips between the other's shoulder blades. He stopped his motions after a few moments, hand caressing Kaoru's hip. "Roll over for me, sweetheart. I want to see your face..."

For a moment, Kaoru froze, not really wanting to reveal how into it he was. And he didn't want to have to school himself into not expressing how good it felt. He'd never been like that with a woman, he'd always been vanilla, but unafraid to moan when he was going to cum or pound mercilessly until he found what he was looking for. But when it came to _being_ fucked, he was stuck in some strange land where he couldn't express himself how he wanted for all the fears that welled up when he did.

He pushed his face harder against the bed and sucked it up. This wasn't just about him and his needs. No, this was about Toshiya and his as well. He'd gotten part of it for himself and now it was time to give back.

"Move," he murmured, knowing that rolling over was going to require Toshiya to move off of him.

Toshiya sensed the hesitation and wondered about it, wondered if he should force the issue. He didn't move. Instead, he leaned down to nip the back of Kaoru's neck. "You don't have to..," he murmured, rolling his hips forward some.

Kaoru nearly wanted to sigh. He'd already changed modes from unreserved to calmer and more stoic and it wasn't an easy switch to turn when he was being fucked. Instead he murmured, "Just... let me."

Toshiya pursed his lips but eased back, slipping out of Kaoru's body. He reached down to give his cock a couple of strokes.

Kaoru rolled himself over and settled, spreading his legs and waiting, studying the other's face.

Toshiya shifted back then peered at Kaoru, taking in his face. He reached down to spread the other's legs, stroking up over his thighs. 

Finally, he shifted forward, slowly, gradually, pushing into Kaoru's body once more

Kaoru closed his eyes and just relaxed back, trying to keep his breathing regulated enough to not be panting desperately.

The bassist started thrusting into Kaoru, shifting his body forward and pushing his face against his neck. Pleasure coursed through him, despite the uncertain feeling that Kaoru was not a hundred percent happy.

Kaoru bit his lip slightly as he arched a little bit toward Toshiya's body. He licked his lips and then tilted his head back, letting Toshiya push into his neck.

Toshiya focused on rocking against Kaoru's body, his breath puffing out in in soft pants. He pressed his forehead against Kaoru's shoulder, groaning. "Kaoru..."

Kaoru slid his hand into Toshiya's hair and held him against him, allowing himself some amount of release again as he kept the other pressed against him.

Toshiya moaned softly, picking up the pace. He dipped his head in to nip at Kaoru's neck, his hips now snapping against the other's body.

Kaoru barely kept in the whimper he wanted to let out, a small squeak-like sound escaping instead, that he covered with a cough, turning his head away and shivering slightly. He was still embarrassed by the position, but he needed this and his body was definitely reacting to it.

The bassist licked up the column of Kaoru's neck, finding his earlobe and nipping at it. He moaned lowly as he moved, unable to stop the sounds as pleasure washed over him. "Kaoru...so good..."

The guitarist moved his legs closer to Toshiya's body, arching toward him and biting his lower lip, closing his eyes as he did his best to let go while still clinging to not making a fool of himself.

Toshiya lifted his head to peer at Kaoru's face, finding it one of the most gorgeous things he's ever seen. He shifted slightly before reaching between them to wrapping his fingers around the other's length, stroking him in contrast to his thrusts.

Another thin whine of a sound came out of Kaoru's mouth as he arched up toward him, panting to himself. He bit his lip harder, doing his best not to hump up against his hand, though, clinging to those stupid ideals in his head.

Toshiya could see the resistance on Kaoru's face, the unwillingness to truly let go. He groaned, biting back his own frustration as he shifted angles, his hand twisting as it came up over the head of the other's dick.

"Ah, ah!" Kaoru hissed out and then he was utterly lost in the sensation. He shuddered a little and started to cum without any preamble at all. He finally let out a loud moan, failing utterly at holding it back.

Toshiya bit his lip as Kaoru began cumming. He pushed harder into the other's body, continuing to stroke him.

Whimpering, Kaoru pushed his fist against his mouth and choked out another moan, finally losing himself in the moment and melting against the bed as Toshiya fucked him harder.

Toshiya finally released Kaoru's length and eased up. He rolled his hips slowly, breathing out a sigh of relief and pleasure. "Kaoru...."

Kaoru pushed up and then licked his lips a little. "Cum for me... come on," he breathed out softly.

Toshiya gazed down at between them, smirking as he found himself pushing hard. "Kao…so close..."

"Good," Kaoru breathed out, shivering slightly as the other pushed into him. "Come on... I... you... come on, darlin'."

Toshiya gave a shudder, pushing harder into Kaoru for a moment then finally crying out as he began to cum. His rhythm faltering as pleasure coursed through him. "Kaoru!~"

"Ah yeah," he breathed out quietly. "I- I- oh yeah, fuck!"

Toshiya finally stilled, staring at Kaoru's face, his own expressing everything he felt currently. "Fuck..."


	17. Chapter 17

Kaoru let out a soft snort and then jerked himself awake a second later. A rough shiver slid through him as he pushed his hips against the bed, realizing he was achingly hard. A little groan freed itself from his lips as he rubbed his face against the pillow. This was the first time in almost a month he'd been actually fully hard and he was simultaneously amazed and desperate to use it.

One hand creeped out to gently rub over Toshiya's arm as he pushed his hips forward again, hoping to keep himself hard for as long as possible.

Toshiya snuffled in his sleep when Kaoru groaned then finally cracked one eye open to peer at him as the other's hand rubbed over his arm. "Mmm...what time is it?," he mumbled sleepily, rolling over to press his face against Kaoru's neck.

Kaoru neglected the question, shifting himself onto his side and then pulling Toshiya toward him. Once their bodies connected, he ground himself harshly against the other. "Dick time?" he asked, a quiet laugh leaving him just after.

Toshiya shifted as Kaoru did then let out a stuttering moan when he felt his lover's cock grinding harshly against his crotch. Shuddering, he reached out to grasp Kaoru's hip, rocking his hips against him, his body responding quickly. "Oh...yes, indeed…"

Kaoru tugged him closer and then whispered out a soft, "Come on... on top of me," as he started to tug them both over so he was on his back, Toshiya astride him.

Toshiya eagerly complied, rolling atop Kaoru and grinding back against him, groaning faintly. "Gimme the lube...," he requested as he ran his hands over Kaoru's chest, plucking at his nipples.

Reaching toward the drawer on the bedside, Kaoru yanked it open and rooted around, finally coming up with a small tube of lubricant, shoving it toward the other. "Here..."

The bassist grabbed the lube and leaned up on his knees. He popped the tube open and squirted some on his fingers, dropping it and shoving two digits into himself with a groan. He didn't take his time with it, already relaxed from having just been asleep and quite eager to take advantage of Kaoru's arousal.

Kaoru watched him, just rubbing his hand lightly along his shaft, eager to stay hard for long enough to at least give Toshiya some use of his dick, even if things didn't quite go as he would have liked in the long run.

Toshiya soon deemed himself stretched enough and pulled his fingers free, wiping them on a corner of the blanket. He picked up the lube once more and poured some onto the tip of Kaoru's cock, licking his lips as he stroked his hand over his lover to smear it around. 

Wiping his hand again, he shifted back and positioned himself, starting to slowly sink down onto Kaoru's cock, moaning softly. "Oh God...s'been so long..."

Once the lube hit him, Kaoru moved his hand away and closed his eyes, breathing out a soft, pleased sigh. The instant the other started to seat himself on him, he bucked up, his hands grabbing the other's hips and clinging to him as he arched toward him.

As soon as Kaoru bucked up into him, Toshiya pushed the rest of the way down, groaning. He sat still for a moment then started rocking his hips, leaning over Kaoru with hands on either side of him.

Kaoru's fingers bit into his sides as he groaned, starting to thrust up into him, his back arching up off the bed. "Oh holy fucking hell," he breathed out.

Toshiya's hair hung down into his face as he leaned over Kaoru, moving with him. Quiet moans escaped him with each thrust, shudders rippling through him. "Hnng..."

The guitarist's eyes slid shut as he arched into the other's movements. "So much more sensitive," he breathed out.

Toshiya took a moment to lean down and kiss the guitarist's lips, tasting the sleep there and loving it. "Mmm… feels good," he murmured softly, one hand coming to push into Kaoru's tussled, curly hair as he pushed his hips down a little more desperately.

Kaoru let Toshiya ride him for quite a while, the ache building up inside him. But the instant he felt like he could maybe actually cum from their actions, he rolled them over and shoved Toshiya against the bed, thrusting in hard and fast, grunting as he moved, desperation seizing him.

Toshiya was content to ride his lover for as long as he'd let him but when he was flipped onto his back he was okay with that, too. He arched his back, reaching up to grip the pillow with one hand, the other going to splay out over Kaoru's back, nails scratching the skin lightly.

Kaoru labored over the other, tucking his head down against the other's shoulder as he went at him, pleasure gliding through him in a variety of ways.

The bassist shifted and wrapped one leg around Kaoru's waist, his hand sliding up into his hair once more. He released the pillow and slid the other hand between them, stroking over his cock with a moan as Kaoru pushed into his body.

By the time Kaoru actually felt like he was going to lose it, he was trembling from the effort, one hand fisted in the sheets by Toshiya's side, the other grasping Toshiya's side a bit roughly. Some part of him felt bad that he wasn't the one trying to get Toshiya off, but the other part of him was just desperate to cum... and right then, that one was winning out.

Toshiya didn't mind that he was the one to take himself in hand, just pleased to have Kaoru actually hard. He let out a groan, his hand going faster over his length as he bucked up against Kaoru. "Kaoru..."

Kaoru pressed his face harder against Toshiya's shoulder for a moment, his breath held. And then it was finally happening. He released a strained cry as his hips bucked hard and he started to cum.

The moment Kaoru began to cum was the moment Toshiya realized that Kaoru wasn't wearing a condom. He moaned and rolled his hips up, clenching around the other's cock, savoring the moment of feeling him cum inside him.

Kaoru couldn't bring himself to give any fucks about anything at all except the fact that he was finally cumming. His hips bucked a few more times and he finally stilled, a quiet sigh leaving his lips.

Toshiya wrapped his free arm around Kaoru's shoulders, clinging to him as he resumed stroking his cock. It wasn't another minute before he found his own release, shuddering as his cock spurted onto his belly between them. A soft moan escaped him as he buried his face against Kaoru's neck, panting out softly.

Kaoru's orgasm left him gasping for breath, a shiver ripping through him as Toshiya came. He pressed his lips against the other's cheek, just staying there as he did his best to catch his breath.

Toshiya stayed as he was for several minutes before finally turning and capturing Kaoru's lips in a soft kiss, his hand pushing through the other's hair. "Gods..."

Kaoru kissed him back briefly and then licked his lips as he stared down at him. "God... finally," he breathed out, letting out a soft laugh.

The bassist grinned up at his lover, nodding. "Finally, indeed..." He trailed his hand over Kaoru's chest, giving a soft sigh. "And it was amazing..."

Kaoru breathed out a soft sound and then pulled out and moved to the side. He lay on his side, smiling at the other. "It was... and I'm... god I'm so glad it... just... worked again."

Toshiya shivered as Kaoru pulled out, taking a moment to stretch his legs out before flipping onto his side. "Mm, me, too. For your sake more than mine."

Kaoru's fingers slid over the other's side, drawing idle patterns there. "I know I don't need to say this... but I'm sorry about how things go at times. Really, really sorry."

Toshiya licked his lips, reaching out to cup Kaoru's cheek. He gave the guitarist a sad smile and shook his head. "It's okay, Kao...moments like this tend to make up for it..."

The guitarist gave him a small quirk of his lips and then leaned in, pressing his lips to the others for a brief moment. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Toshiya slipped his arm around Kaoru's waist as they kissed, letting out a soft hum. The other's words caused a slight blush to tinge his cheeks and he laughed quietly. "So are you," he returned, smiling widely.

"Mmm…" Kaoru reached to rub his hand through the other's short hair, ruffling it and then smiling. "I like your hair like this."

Toshiya closed his eyes, bending his head slightly as the other played with his hair. "Yeah? I do, too. It's much easier maintenance when it's short."

"And it's fun to play with," Kaoru admitted softly, laughing softly and rolling onto his back with a smirk

Toshiya's hand swept over Kaoru's chest, rubbing in light circles, another laugh bubbling out past his lips. "You can play with it all you want, babe."

"Ooh pet names?" Kaoru smirked and then threw his hand over his face, chuckling faintly."Mmm... I think I'm okay with that."

Toshiya chuckled and lightly tickled Kaoru's stomach. "Good. I think I like the idea of calling you sweetie, honey, sugar pie honey bunch in front of everyone..." '

"Good lord... how about... in private?" Kaoru let out a laugh and then shook his head. "Yeah, I think Kyo might shit a brick if he heard that."

The bassist let out a laugh and leaned in, pecking Kaoru's lips. "Then perhaps in private is better, honey bear."

"Perhaps," Kaoru ruffled his hair again and then sniffed. "God I haven't felt so relaxed in a long time."

The bassist beamed at his lover, stroking his hand over his shoulder. "Mm, yeah...," he replied, hand stilling over Kaoru's heart, rubbing lightly.

Kaoru snuggled back down into the bed and then closed his eyes, rubbing his hand over Toshiya's side. "Let's finish sleeping, hmm?"

Toshiya hummed softly and leaned in, kissing Kaoru's shoulder. "Mmhmm, sounds like a plane to me, darling." He shifted around then settled, closing his eyes again.


End file.
